Tag Archives: television

  sex machines

Levi Johnston Might Get His Own Show, Too!

It used to be that an ambitious, semiliterate Alaskan had just one route to fame: strike it big while pannin’ fer goald and be immortalized in a poem by Robert Service. But recent history shows that all you have to do is be willing to depart your beloved Meth Capital of Wasilla and either 1) pose for sexy pictures with Runner’s World or 2) pose for sexy pictures with Playgirl and 3) be somehow affiliated with John McCain’s humiliating 2008 presidential campaign, and you too can get your own reality show. Read more on Levi Johnston Might Get His Own Show, Too!…
  don't watch it in hd

Arizona Senator Makes 878,967,542-9th Teevee Appearances Of Year, Today

Judging from how hard television producers have already worked to book John McCain on their shows this year, to discuss topics he doesn’t give a flying fuck about, like health care or domestic policy in general or really anything non-deathbomby, he will now probably be on most television shows at all times for the next week or so to discuss his figurehead (Very Serious) role in determining Afghanistan strategy. He even has three programs left today — yeah, that’s right England, you have to put up with this shit too; he’s coming to bomb your “telly” at 19:00 Royal Queen’s Time. And don’t be surprised if he shows up on tomorrow’s episode of Friends, or whatever the top programs are these days. [John McCain via No More Mister Nice Guy/Balloon Juice] Read more on Arizona Senator Makes 878,967,542-9th Teevee Appearances Of Year, Today…
  do not trust these people

Tom DeLay’s Kid Begs People To Vote Eight Times For Her Dad

Something is very wrong with this Tom DeLay appearance on Dancing With The Stars, beyond the surreal fact that it’s even happening, in real life. Some folks have sent us an e-mail to the “Dancing With Delay” mailing list from DeLay’s daughter, Dani DeLay Ferro, who, like her father, does not exactly have a saint’s background. Ferro sends very explicit directions about how to vote for her father EIGHT TIMES, tonight. “Similar to the House of Representatives, the rules are a bit peculiar, so I’ve outlined them below,” she writes, irritatingly. What must these two crooks be plotting, by caring about this so much? Read more on Tom DeLay’s Kid Begs People To Vote Eight Times For Her Dad…
  daytime television's mayor

IMPORTANT 9/11- AND WHOOPI GOLDBERG-RELATED INFORMATION: Next up on Rudy Giuliani’s eight-year September 11th press junket: an appearance on The View, on 9/11! Never forget… to set your DVRs. [Ben Smith] Read more on …
  hippies

WHY DOES MICHELLE OBAMA HATE OUR NATION’S PROVIDERS OF TELEVISION ENTERTAINMENT? “She said that she had instituted what she called ‘Camp Obama’ at the White House, which means that the TV and computer stay off all day until after dinner and before bedtime, adding that bed time was early.” It is terribly unpatriotic to prevent one’s children from watching television 16 hours a day in the summer. How else are they going to learn English? [First Read] Read more on …
  hollywood liberals

Famous Marijuana Actor To Work In White House

Those of you that watch the television drama House noticed last night that famous actor Kal Penn’s character committed suicide. Oh yes, uh, SPOILER ALERT, a few words ago. Well guess what, he’s not dead in real life, yet! In fact the reason he committed suicide on the teevee is so he could go work in the Obama White House, as the character in the above clip. Get scared, Real America! WHEEE… Read more on Famous Marijuana Actor To Work In White House…
  fireballs on the potomac

Do Not Be Alarmed By Explosions Tomorrow

Hey, this is nifty! If you see a 20- to 30-foot fireball on the Potomac, fear not, it is just some special effects crew working on a teevee show about our exciting FBI. Filming is set for 9:30 AM till noon on Wednesday near the Key Bridge. Read more on Do Not Be Alarmed By Explosions Tomorrow…
  second acts

Hollywood Fred Thompson Shall Return To TV!

Boys and girls, it’s a Thanksgiving miracle — six days early! Our beloved Fred Thompson, the languid, pedicured Southern dandy who made a very sleepy run at the Presidency for about two weeks before returning to his cognacs and backgammon games and expensive Italian colognes, has surfaced again! Even better, he has surfaced to announce his retirement from awful dull vulgar politics. Read more on Hollywood Fred Thompson Shall Return To TV!…
  dignity

Obama Assaults Elderly Woman In New Commercial

Barack Obama has a new ad called “Dignity,” and it is all about what a candidate loses in the process of running for President. Ha ha, just kidding! But the part in the end where he strangles the old lady is pretty undignified. [YouTube] Read more on Obama Assaults Elderly Woman In New Commercial…
 

Relive The Magic Of Florida In 2000!

It is finally here, this frigging movie about the Florida recount, airing May 25 on HBO. We will stock up on ammo so that we can shoot the television with our left-handed Mauser. [YouTube via FilmDrunk] Read more on Relive The Magic Of Florida In 2000!…
 

YouTube: A Place For Liberals

Did you know that YouTube is actually a secret libtard plot to get people to, uhm, look at little videos of kittens, sports mishaps, inexplicable Japanese game show scenes and quickly removed clips of Angelina Jolie kissing other girls? This is why the “stalled conservative political movement” has finally started its own exciting website with video clips. Read more on YouTube: A Place For Liberals…
 

Dick Cheney’s Likes and Dislikes

If you’re like us, you’re annoyed that the Daily Show’s list of what Dick Cheney finds offensive and inoffensive, shown on last night’s show, flashed on the screen for about two seconds. Fortunately, we have a screen cap. Here it is: Read more on Dick Cheney’s Likes and Dislikes…
 

Emergency Alert System Actually Used!

Remember the emergency alert system? When your TV emits an annoying, high-pitched noise, shows you a rainbow-colored bar, and says “this is a test, this is only a test, of the emergency alert system”? Read more on Emergency Alert System Actually Used!…
 

Frances Townsend: Pretty In Pink

You guys are the greatest. We put out a little request, and you promptly comply: Current Threat Level: Code Pepto. Is this screen cap smokin’, or what? And that shade of pink is nothing short of audacious. Read more on Frances Townsend: Pretty In Pink…
 

The Skyrocketing Cost of Janet Jackson’s Right Breast

Fuck! We sure are glad we don’t work in radio or TV. Look at the latest shit they need to put up with, courtesy of the Broadcast Decency Enforcement Act, which is about to become law: Read more on The Skyrocketing Cost of Janet Jackson’s Right Breast…
 

Dereliction of Our Fran Townsend Duties

We try to report on all the comings and goings of homeland security hottie Frances Townsend — her Situation Room appearances, her bird flu briefings, etc. But sometimes things fall through the cracks. Last night we received this email: Read more on Dereliction of Our Fran Townsend Duties…