Something is very wrong with this Tom DeLay appearance on Dancing With The Stars, beyond the surreal fact that it’s even happening, in real life. Some folks have sent us an e-mail to the “Dancing With Delay” mailing list from DeLay’s daughter, Dani DeLay Ferro, who, like her father, does not exactly have a saint’s background. Ferro sends very explicit directions about how to vote for her father EIGHT TIMES, tonight. “Similar to the House of Representatives, the rules are a bit peculiar, so I’ve outlined them below,” she writes, irritatingly. What must these two crooks be plotting, by caring about this so much? MORE »

IMPORTANT 9/11- AND WHOOPI GOLDBERG-RELATED INFORMATION: Next up on Rudy Giuliani’s eight-year September 11th press junket: an appearance on The View, on 9/11! Never forget… to set your DVRs. [Ben Smith]

WHY DOES MICHELLE OBAMA HATE OUR NATION’S PROVIDERS OF TELEVISION ENTERTAINMENT? “She said that she had instituted what she called ‘Camp Obama’ at the White House, which means that the TV and computer stay off all day until after dinner and before bedtime, adding that bed time was early.” It is terribly unpatriotic to prevent one’s children from watching television 16 hours a day in the summer. How else are they going to learn English? [First Read]

Those of you that watch the television drama House noticed last night that famous actor Kal Penn’s character committed suicide. Oh yes, uh, SPOILER ALERT, a few words ago. Well guess what, he’s not dead in real life, yet! In fact the reason he committed suicide on the teevee is so he could go work in the Obama White House, as the character in the above clip. Get scared, Real America! WHEEE… MORE »

Hey, this is nifty! If you see a 20- to 30-foot fireball on the Potomac, fear not, it is just some special effects crew working on a teevee show about our exciting FBI. Filming is set for 9:30 AM till noon on Wednesday near the Key Bridge. MORE »

Boys and girls, it’s a Thanksgiving miracle — six days early! Our beloved Fred Thompson, the languid, pedicured Southern dandy who made a very sleepy run at the Presidency for about two weeks before returning to his cognacs and backgammon games and expensive Italian colognes, has surfaced again! Even better, he has surfaced to announce his retirement from awful dull vulgar politics. MORE »

Barack Obama has a new ad called “Dignity,” and it is all about what a candidate loses in the process of running for President. Ha ha, just kidding! But the part in the end where he strangles the old lady is pretty undignified. [YouTube]

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Did you know that YouTube is actually a secret libtard plot to get people to, uhm, look at little videos of kittens, sports mishaps, inexplicable Japanese game show scenes and quickly removed clips of Angelina Jolie kissing other girls? This is why the “stalled conservative political movement” has finally started its own exciting website with video clips. MORE »

If you’re like us, you’re annoyed that the Daily Show’s list of what Dick Cheney finds offensive and inoffensive, shown on last night’s show, flashed on the screen for about two seconds. Fortunately, we have a screen cap. Here it is: MORE »

Remember the emergency alert system? When your TV emits an annoying, high-pitched noise, shows you a rainbow-colored bar, and says “this is a test, this is only a test, of the emergency alert system”? MORE »