Tag Archives: television

  Ominican-Day Epublic-Ray

Rush Limbaugh Mad Teenage Boys Don’t Put Out Like They Used To

HERE IS SOME SEX ADVICE, YOU GUYS.
Yesterday, Grandma Kaili told you Wonkers about a new CDC study that says Kids These Days are real fuckin’ boring, in that they don’t go under the bleachers at school and play sex games on each other, and they don’t smoke drugs, because they are all dorks who spend all day in the math lounge saying math jokes to each other, about math. Of course many people think that this is good, as if somehow access to better sex education (not through abstinence sex ed, but through their iPhones, about STDs and stuff, you dumb wingnut twats) and kids waiting until they’re ready, and not having all the babies and abortions when they’re 14 is some kind of good thing. Read more on Rush Limbaugh Mad Teenage Boys Don’t Put Out Like They Used To…
  Reality Czech

Lighthearted Reality Show Sends Czech Family To Nazi Summer Camp

Image via Ceska Televize American reality television is having a rough summer reputation-wise, what with the failed Bachelor pairings and the creepy wifely subservience and the repellent allegations of sexual abuse of children. Maybe our camera crews should try for a wholesome reboot and set up shop in a nice spot in the country with a full complement of Nazis. Read more on Lighthearted Reality Show Sends Czech Family To Nazi Summer Camp…
  He Lived Long And Prospered

Leonard Nimoy, 1931-2015: We Have Been, And Always Shall Be, Your Fan

Just a couple of pioneers
Leonard Nimoy died today at the age of 83. I was one of those kids who were just a little too young to watch Star Trek during its prime-time run, but the afternoon reruns in the ’70s were my introduction to science fiction (and you could still buy those nifty “phaser” disc shooter guns, too, even though they looked like nothing from the show). And the animated series came along just before I aged out of Saturday morning cartoons. In high school, Trek was a nerd bonding ritual, at least until Dungeons and Dragons came along. And of course, there’s still the adult fun of enjoying every campy moment of Shatner’s scenery-chewing and the studio’s time-travel excuses to dig out props and scenery so the Enterprise crew could play at being gangsters or Nazis or cowboys. Read more on Leonard Nimoy, 1931-2015: We Have Been, And Always Shall Be, Your Fan…
 

Marry, F*ck, Kill Your Television

Hey y’all! You been continuing to visit our sweet little sister site, HappyNiceTimePeople.com, after we murdered it with a hammer in its cute little kitten head, we mean “sold it so some sap”? No. No you have not. Let’s see what this nice fellow “Rick” has wrought this week! Read more on Marry, F*ck, Kill Your Television…
  a rube with 'the view'

Sarah Palin Is Your New Barbara Walters, Why Not, Sure

So here’s the feel-good story of the day: Sarah Palin thinks that maybe it would be a heck of a lot of fun to host The View, not that she’s going to do that any more than she’s going to run for President. On the occasion of her dumb third-rate cable show getting picked up for a second season, she had a long chat with Hollywood Reporter, and in response to a question about whether she’d like to do a political talk show, said that she might, maybe, but only if the political stuff were “interspersed with a whole lot of fun and real life and inspiration showcasing American work ethic, because those topics are all pretty much the antithesis of today’s politics, which I find incorrigibly disastrous!” Crikey, how did we get to such an awful pass? Must have been that lazy — he said it himself — community organizer, huh? Read more on Sarah Palin Is Your New Barbara Walters, Why Not, Sure…
  inventing situations - putting them on t.v.

Supreme Emperor Barack Obama Demands Advance Copies Of ‘Game Of Thrones,’ ‘True Detective’

Oh, those high-living Obamas are up to their early-viewing tyranny again. In 2012 Michelle stoled all the Downton Abbeys, and now Barack Obama has muscled the CEO of HBO into giving him advance copies of the new season of Game of Thrones and the last three episodes of True Detective. Oh it is so very outrageous. So very, very outrageous. And, uh, arrogant, too, we guess. Frankly, we’re not even sure the Usual Wingnuts are even bothering to get upset over this. See, for instance, Taylor Bigler at Tucker Carlson’s House O’ Spleen, who seems to be parodying rightwing outrage more than actually trying to stir it up: Who exactly does President Barack HUSSEIN Obama think he is, anyway? The King of England? Obama tried to leverage his position as Commander in Chief to curry favor from HBO honcho Richard Plepler at the recent state dinner for the French president … If Obama did receive the episodes early — and he may have — he would have spent 16 hours in front of the television instead of focusing on governing our great nation. Yeah, that’s just trolling, isn’t it? She managed to get a “playing golf all day” in there, too. Beats us, but that all-caps HUSSEIN strikes us as the tip-off that we’re reading a parody here. (But Poe’s Law applies, as ever.) Well-played, Ms. Bigler! Read more on Supreme Emperor Barack Obama Demands Advance Copies Of ‘Game Of Thrones,’ ‘True Detective’…
  must not see tv

At Long Last, You Get To See Paula Deen On Your Television Again

Remember how your very own Wonkette broke the Paula Deen lawsuit story about how she was super discriminate-y and awful, and everyone was like meh until she admitted she liked antebellum South things because duh? We were on top of that and you have not given us our proper due. Oh well. Have you guys been missing racist tub of butter Paula Deen since the Food Network came to its senses and made her go away? Probably not! That really doesn’t matter to your teevee, though, which will be bringing Paula Deen into your home at 10 p.m. Eastern tonight, because apparently you’ve been very bad. Read more on At Long Last, You Get To See Paula Deen On Your Television Again…
  never go with a hippie to a second location

Cancel All Your Friday Nights: MSNBC To Present ‘Scream At Stews With Alec Baldwin’

Ahem: Mediaite has learned from a senior source in the cable news industry with knowledge of MSNBC’s programming that actor Alec Baldwin is getting his own weekly show in MSNBC’s primetime lineup. According to our source, the so far untitled show will air Fridays at 10 p.m. ET and will feature a large dose of Baldwin’s outspoken liberal politics. Read more on Cancel All Your Friday Nights: MSNBC To Present ‘Scream At Stews With Alec Baldwin’…
  pilot season

Thad McCotter Interrupts Tragicomic Midlife Crisis To Conquer Hollywood With Terrible Teevee Pilot

Thad McCotter’s downward spiral from Congressman/vanity presidential candidate to publicly humiliated wretch of a man continues. Unable to purchase even 50 votes at the Iowa Straw Poll or collect enough (valid) petition signatures to run for re-election, McCotter has been reduced to writing a script for a faux-variety show based on Martin Mull’s 1977 “Fernwood Tonight” that’s so popular with the kids today. Read more on Thad McCotter Interrupts Tragicomic Midlife Crisis To Conquer Hollywood With Terrible Teevee Pilot…
  flotus files

Michelle Obama Jumps Rope To Amusement of Obese Kelly Ripa Fans

Why hello, FLOTUS fans. Have you been wondering what your First Lady Michelle Antoinette Obama has been up to the past few weeks? Anything particularly scandalous aside from hanging out on Pinterest looking at pictures of smoothies and going around, giving advice to hopelessly unemployed college graduates? Oh, here is something to freak out about: our FLOTUS went on “Live! With Kelly!” on Monday to show off how completely not-obese she is, which is very elitist of her. She was wearing “palazzo pants,” because again, she thinks she is too good for jorts and a two-for-one pack of tee-shirts from Walmart! That’s the thing about our Michelle. One minute she is renting out a Spanish palace mosque for herself and her closest girlfriends, and the next minute she’s jumping rope, like poor children do in after-school specials about diversity. Read more on Michelle Obama Jumps Rope To Amusement of Obese Kelly Ripa Fans…
  meritocracy 2.0

To Which Television Job Is This Latest Vapid Political Daughter Entitled?

Abby Huntsman is the 26-year-old daughter of Utah owner and 94th-place finisher in the 2012 Republican primaries, Jon Huntsman. She made a couple of wacky YouTubes with her two sisters (“hehe, look at how funny we are, we’re so crazy, aren’t we precious?”) before her father lost, in shame. And now, what’s this, she wants to parlay this experience into a job at a major media network, as is her birthright? Well hell, let’s crown her as owner of Viacom and editor of the New York Motherfucking Times and bow our heads in prayer. Read more on To Which Television Job Is This Latest Vapid Political Daughter Entitled?…
  giant baby steps

Gingrich Accuses Romney Campaign of Being a Campaign

Giant toddler Newt Gingrich is in full crybaby force today, effectively doing a number on himself while attempting to do a number on vague front-runner Mitt Romney. On the CBS Early Show this morning, Gingrich sort of called Mitt Romney a LIAR. This followed some other not-nice-to-Mitt comments he made on last night’s Piers Morgan show on CNN. But it took CBS anchor Norah O’Donnell to spoon-feed the actual word “liar” into Gingrich’s mouth. And Newt Gingrich had no problem with that. Read more on Gingrich Accuses Romney Campaign of Being a Campaign…
  the saddest thing

‘Hungry Child’ Sesame Street Muppet To Entertain Actual Hungry Children

Because so many millions of American children are plopped in front of the teevee to watch Sesame Street instead of getting any breakfast, what with 45 million people on food stamps and tens of millions with no jobs and other economic unpleasantness, the folks at the Children’s Television Workshop will introduce a sad new muppet character, “Lily,” who does not have enough food to eat and so is wasting away as the other characters sort of uncomfortably go about their already weirdly doomed lives. Read more on ‘Hungry Child’ Sesame Street Muppet To Entertain Actual Hungry Children…
  tune in to glenn beck at five!

Glenn Beck TV Is Just Video Of Him Doing His Radio Show

Professional whiner nutcase Glenn Beck announced that he will charge a monthly five-dollar subscription fee for viewers to log in to his latest online vanity project, GBTV.com. Does anyone even have five dollars anymore? Maybe some quarters in the couch cushions. What will a Glenn Beck fan get in exchange for putting off the trip to the laundromat for another week? It is probably the most brilliant idea in the history of television: video feed of Glenn Beck delivering his (free, syndicated) radio show. Worth every penny. Read more on Glenn Beck TV Is Just Video Of Him Doing His Radio Show…
  investimagative journamalism

WaPo: This Terrorist Investigation Is Just Like ’24’! BUT DIFFERENT, TOO?

Your Wonkette just went to the Washington Post website to see if it had anything about a supposed Dodd-Shelby financial reform deal. Maybe it does! But this was higher-up and a “must-click”: “Parallels to ’24′: N.Y. police commissioner measures country’s success against Jack Bauer’s fictional heroics on FOX drama.” Ha ha, no he doesn’t though! He made a light joke while congratulating the team. The Washington Post, they are the ones measuring “the country’s success against Jack Bauer’s fictional heroics on Fox drama.” Or something like that? Can anyone tell? It’s a weird article, let’s make fun of it. Read more on WaPo: This Terrorist Investigation Is Just Like ’24’! BUT DIFFERENT, TOO?…