Tag Archives: televangelists

  duh

You’re Off The Hook, China. Pat Robertson Says Stock Markets Crashing Because Of Abortion

God's financial analyst.
God’s financial analyst. Just like all U.S. Americans, Pat Robertson woke up Monday morning to news that the stock market is kinda batshit right now. It’s plunging! Then rallying, kind of! Then dipping again! By the time you read this, only Jesus knows what it’ll be doing, which is why Grandpa Pat takes comfort in What A Friend He Has In Jesus. Now, you might have gotten on the internet and Googled, “Why the hell is the stock market being bad?” And you might have found articles like this here thingamajig explainer in Slate, which says China’s stock market and currency are tanking and taking the rest of the world with them. And if you’re a common godless liberal, you believe it, like A Idiot. Read more on You’re Off The Hook, China. Pat Robertson Says Stock Markets Crashing Because Of Abortion…
  Bird is the Word

Caption Contest: What Is TBN Loon Paul Crouch Up To In Jerusalem?

So here is what is purportedly an undoctored photo of televangelist Paul “No, My Wife Jan is a Different Person From Tammy Faye Bakker” Crouch of Trinity Broadcast Network, giving the finger for some reason to his camera crew while he is on camera in Jerusalem. Or at least, that is what reliable reporter Gustavo Arellano of the OC Weekly says we are looking at here. Why is this news? It isn’t really, but there is never a reason NOT to run a hilarious photo of a Man O’ God flipping the bird, is there? Read more on Caption Contest: What Is TBN Loon Paul Crouch Up To In Jerusalem?…
  Just Corporate Criminals Playin' with Tanks

Televangelist Explains How His Jebus Books Brought Down The Berlin Wall

You may have thought that the Berlin Wall was brought down by the economic and political bankruptcy of the East German government in 1989, or maybe because of the impromptu actions of enthusiastic Berliners who just kind of spontaneously went all nutty and freedomy and sledge-hammery, or perhaps even as a result of delayed echoes from a 1987 sonic attack by Ronald Reagan, but last week we learned that all of these hypotheses were incorrect! What really did it, according to televangelist Kenneth Copeland, was a handful of East German fundamentalists who were “talking to [the Wall] in the name of Jesus,” and telling it to fall down for years and years, and “just suddenly one day, thpppppppt, down it went.” Read more on Televangelist Explains How His Jebus Books Brought Down The Berlin Wall…
  men of christ behaving badly

Televangelists Jan and Paul Crouch Live Like Jesus With $100,000 Motorhome For Their Dogs

Oh whoops, Trinity Broadcasting Network and superduper good Christians Jan and Paul Crouch are getting sued (again) and this time it involves a whistleblower who noticed things like their $50 million jet, the $100,000 motorhome for their dogs, and a whole bunch of fraudulent loans maybe? And then the whistleblower got fired from handling their books. And then the Crouches tried to claim the whistleblower was an embezzler, but haha the judge dismissed that, due to how it was probably total lies. Read more on Televangelists Jan and Paul Crouch Live Like Jesus With $100,000 Motorhome For Their Dogs…
  the bird agenda

Weirdo God Kills Birds To Show Disapproval of DADT Repeal

We haven’t spent a lot of time on this “birds dropping out of the sky” (landing?)/general death of animals thing; but it’s ok, because this televangelist woman has done the work for us, and has come up with the obvious reason for it: the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Why does God have to be so weird and obscure about how he sends messages? Even a Teabagger knows how to make a protest sign. Read more on Weirdo God Kills Birds To Show Disapproval of DADT Repeal…