Wonkette

• The only thing Hillary has going for her is tears, huh? [Wizbang Politics]
• Huck likes to call people up and share his opinions with them! [TPM]
• Here’s a whole bunch of silly things about Barack Obama that aren’t true, but did you know that he’s Kenyan? [Carpetbagger Report]
• Mom and Dad want to talk to George about his allowance. [Swamp Politics]
• White people can’t help but say silly racist things. [Left Coaster]
• John McCain is an illegal immigrant. [Redstate]
• The government wants to control the temperature of you’re house. [WorldNet Daily]
• Dana Carvey still does impressions. [IMAO]

• Muzlums are taking over the Pentagon. [Hot Air]
• There is nothing more appropriate for a soldier’s death in combat than a track from the Team America soundtrack. [IMAO]
• Hey, turns out nobody’s dying in Iraq! [Redstate]
• Huckabee to Limbaugh: I’m as crazy as you are. [WorldNet Daily]
• An oatmeal salesman will now try to sell people something else they don’t want: John McCain. [Swamp Politics]
• Populism, another name for terrorism, Muslimism and Mexicanism, will destroy America. [Think Progress]
• Don’t vote for Obama until you know exactly what he’s going to do in his first 100 days ok??? [Reality-Based Community]

• Barry Hussein isn’t fooling anybody in Nevada with all his dumb lies. [Las Vegas Review Journal]
• Tell the feds to keep their laws of our emissions. [Los Angeles Times]
• Oh, hey, Rudy is still running. [Politico]
• But what does Iowa mean for Al Gore? [Headline Junky]
• Huckabee, I don’t mind telling you, is a Jew. [IMAO]
• Michelle Malkin loves pee cock. [Michelle Malkin]
• And my oh my that Mittens sure is handsome! [Redstate]
• Funny picture. [Deadline Hollywood]

Every day when I sit down to do this blogging thing, I thank the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth. Those lying shitsacks may have stuck us with an additional four years of George Bush, but without them I probably wouldn’t have a job. They’re back! Hooray! They smashed the credibility of the 11-year-old spokesboy for sick children earlier this year but that was just a pre-election year warm up. They have all kinds of more fun up their bile-spewing sleeves, including the ability to give all kinds money to a candidate they’ve bought: the engineer of the Straight Talk Express, John “WALNUTS!” McCain! MORE »

• “Days of Rage” sounds like it would have been a sweet Patrick Swayze movie. [New York Times]
• Democrats promise change and Republicans promise an end to Mexicans. [Washington Post, Washington Post]
• Listen, the Iraqis are pretty sharp people, we’re sure they’ll be able to figure out how to fight and whatever without us. [New York Times]
• Sudden Jihad Syndrome is a thing that some people want us to think is real. [Washington Times]
• Conservative courts? Bush Legacy? You don’t say. [Los Angeles Times]

One thing we can say about Obama is that he’s a real class act. [Politico]

• Huck sets money on fire because he don’t give a fuck. [Wonkette]

So. That horrific press conference where Mike Huckabee denounced negativity by being negative, which makes for a double negative, which means no presidencies4you? Didn’t get a lot of play in local Iowa newspapers yesterday. And since the Internet hasn’t made it to Iowa yet, the print newspaper remains king of the land! So it may or may not be a major HOWARD DEAN MOMENT, but either way, Huck’s last minute reversal may have cost the campaign around $150,000. And yes, that’s Joe Scarborough partying with Huck in the photo. I ask for the 40th time: Who the fuck is this crazy man from Arkansas? [Politico]

• Though he is “of a tender age,” Benazir Bhutto’s teenage son is now the head of her party. Democracy lives! Yay! [BBC, New York Times, Washington Post]
• On the anniversary of the day his head popped off, Iraqis remember their bro Saddam Hussein. [Los Angeles Times]
• Geez, we wish these two would just fuck and get it over with already. [New York Times, New York Times]
• John McCain is back, very much like Jesus Christ. [Washington Post]
• Wyoming is upstaged by Iowa and New Hampshire probably because it’s Wyoming. [Washington Times]
• Hillary is relying on Bill? Really? [Politico]

• Ads in Iowa, this shit is almost over except there’s another week. [Horse Race]
• A million little Zapruder films! [Hot Air]
• Looks like Mittens is soft on criminals after all. [Michelle Malkin]
• Joe Lieberman is still a major douche sack! [[Carpetbagger]
• Do you like paying for gas? Then we have great news! [Raw Story]
• Fred Thompson may not agree, but we like to see Huck apologizing for the deaths of world leaders and should keep doing it. [Political Radar]
• They both like shooting reporters, however. [Redstate]
• It’s going to take a major toolbox to fill Trent Lott’s shoes but Haley Barbour has our full confidence. [Election Central]

When Mike Huckabee went hunting in Iowa Wednesday to prove that he had a penis or something, he bagged him a pheasant or two, but he was really hoping to kill reporters. At least that’s the account of one reporter there, who notes that, “At one point, Huckabee’s party turned toward a cluster of reporters and cameramen and, when they kicked up a pheasant, fired shotgun blasts over the group’s heads.” Huck, you crazy wombat! The press has been so nice to you recently, by like, not bringing up your hatred of gay people and all that other crazy Jesusery at all. MORE »

If there’s one absolutely, totally clear thing that has emerged from the assassination of Benazir Bhutto yesterday it is that Pakistanis coming into the US need closer monitoring. So, we’re thrilled to hear that Mike Huckabee has finally said what someone besides Tancredo needed to say. Some might wonder what monitoring immigrants just because they’re Pakistani has to do with anything and, even though we don’t really have answer to that question, we know that such people are not serious about securing America. MORE »

Politico reports this morning that Mike Huckabee accepted $52,000 in speaking fees from research centers that perform all kinds of anti-Jesusery, like embryonic stem cell research and birth control. Now that’s an outrage! I thought he was only supposed to speak to those with whom he agreed. It’s almost like, if he became president, he’d allow citizens who use birth control to be part of the country! [Politico]

Despite his blossoming presidential bid, it looks like the Huckster’s still earning money by working the speaking circuit, Politico reported yesterday. This morning, CNN pretended it was their story and reported it all over again, but they didn’t get to talk to the charming Mr. Huck on this second go-round. MORE »

• Christmas was ruined for so many this year by taser-wielding, Jesus-hating maniacs. Or, at least it happened in this one case. [WorldNet Daily]
• We’re pretty sure Tom Tancredo’s endorsement wasn’t a “stinging setback” for anybody but sometimes it’s nice to pretend. [Hot Air]
• Crazy Michelle Bauchmann wants you to know that Iraq is almost healed! They passed a pension bill, and that’s more than we’ve got. [Right Wing News]
• Malkin stays awake all night, just waiting for someone to write something about Al Sharpton. Then, finally, at 5 in the morning, she caught a big one! Congrats, Michelle! [Michelle Malkin]
• Huck hates the Pope and we’re not sure how well that’s going to play in Iowa. [Fresh Intelligence]
• Obama is the only person running for something who objects to Bush’s FEC nominee and therefore conspiracy! [Redstate]

• There’s nothing more compelling than an idea whose time has come. [New York Times]
• Someone may have mentioned to the President that there was an issue with the security contractors. Maybe more than once. [Washington Post]
• Hey, listen, better luck next time Rudy. [New York Times]
• Campaigns have people trolling the comments pages of political sites? We havent fucking noticed. [Wall Street Journal]
• Hey, Huck, we knew you didn’t like taxes but we didn’t know that you’re retarded. [Los Angeles Times]
• Hillary Clinton would like to draw your attention to her vagina. [Washington Post]
• Oh, so it turns out God is dead. [Washington Times]
• But when it comes to telling the Senate just how they’re spending they’re money, Churches answer to a higher power. [New York Times]