teh gheys

In lieu of a Derp Roundup this week, we bring you a special weekend edition of Dear Shitferbrains, leading off with this very important observation from “bmmg39″ in response to our Clipbait piece about Sarah Palin’s appearance in a sketch on The Tonight Show. We’d said that it wasn’t terrible, that she had one good […]

Oklahomans insist on electing something called a Sally Kern, a human-shaped object whose sole and all-consuming function is to fret about the gays and hate the gays, including asserting that the gays are the worstest terrorists alive, worse even than Muslims, along with the more garden variety leads to pedophilia bestiality yadda yadda yadda we’ve […]

Ready for some afternoon nice time, starring some homosexxicans and beer? Of course you are, because you probably started drinking circa 11 a.m. today anyway because you are a goddamn hero. So, you’ll recall that as the venerable vomit-fest that is the South Boston Saint Patrick’s Day Parade approacheth, there remains a wee bit of […]

Of course today’s NYT leads with all Ukraine all the time, as well they should. However, you know that geopolitical conflict isn’t really how we do here, given that our official policy on Syria is ?????? Oh wait we forgot we totally want to talk about Syria for a minute you guys, because now thanks […]

Jason Collins, our current favorite gay pro sportsball player because Michael Sam is not yet pro, rocks jersey number 98 in honor of slain gay college student Matthew Shepard (who was killed that year) and did even before he came out. Now, his jersey is the best selling jersey in the NBA right now, so […]

Earlier this month, New York mayor Bill de Blasio said he was going to skip the drunkest parade ever, the NYC St. Patrick’s Day Parade, because that parade will let the gays be marchers as long as they don’t in any fashion say that they are gay, because ewwwww. Both Rudy Giuliani and Michael Bloomberg […]

Maybe you missed that there’s a sporting competition/clash of nations going on, so the NYT will make sure you have one million Olympics words to read. You think you don’t need to read those words because you already saw everything on TV, but you misunderestimate the NYT for their ability to run quirky pieces that […]

Did you watch Super Sportsball Spectacular yesterday? Were you rooting for the Broncos? If so, you are probably not reading this because you committed ritual suicide after that game. Those of you who remain are still watching wingnut heads explode over the goddamn gall of Coca-Cola to have a commercial that had many different languages. […]

Getting hyped for the Olympics? Of course you are! Hoping you can just watch luge or curling or the biathlon or whatever strikes your fantasy without having to worry about Russia’s depressingly backwards thoughts and feels about the gays? Did you figure that maybe when Bamz sent a pile of homosexuals as the US delegation […]

OK, we know we promise nice time but then give you things like Evander Holyfield being a ridiculous bigot about teh gheys. But sometimes we can deliver actual no-strings-attached happy nice time, like letting you know that Lily Tomlin and Jane Wagner got married on New Year’s Eve after being together 42 years. Some of […]

And the drumbeat march of teh gheys oppressing straight conservatives everywhere goes on. Since Friday, when a federal district court judge in Utah invalidated that state’s same-sex marriage ban, hundreds of gay people have gotten married, which means, of course, that hundreds of straight marriages have been destroyed because that’s always a 1:1 ratio, duh. […]

Was your Christmas wish for a whole bunch of teh gheys to get married and then you were super happy because Utah got you just what you wanted and your twitter feed was chock full o’ joyful joyful o come o come emmanuel gays getting hitched? But then Utah’s Attorney General said “naw mang, we […]

Handling the fallout from a celebrity kerfuffle is supposed to be sort of predictable. A sportsball player has an affair or announces he’s in favor of death camps, and all the product licensing deals vanish overnight. That’s how the script is supposed to go. But the poor corporate overlords at Cracker Barrel badly misjudged just […]

BLAM. You hear that? That’s both the sound of a liebrul activist judge dropping a big old gay gavel and the sound of one million wingnut heads asplodin’. Yes, a federal district court judge in Utah — WE SAID UTAH, PEOPLE — has struck down that state’s same-sex marriage ban, even though it was well-loved […]

People, it is HARD out there for a bigot these days. Even attention whore Anthony Kennedy called you out on your shit in his I Love The Gays court decision, and now you have no country for old haters. Fortunately, Phyllis Schlafly, who is remarkably STILL ALIVE, has got your back and will be spokeshater […]