Tag Archives: teh ghey

  Towel Snapping Details To Follow

ESPN Has Serious Questions About Who Showers With Michael Sam (Who Is GAY)

George Bellows, 'The Shower Bath,' 1917
F’ball Season is almost upon us again, and so ESPN’s SportCenter sent reporter Josina Anderson to the Rams training camp — which unaccountably is not in Los Angeles! — to get the skinny on how Michael Sam (who is GAY) is adjusting to the pro game after college and how he’s getting along with his new teammates. Naturally enough, she spent virtually all of the report detailing his showering practice, because for Christ’s sake, we wouldn’t be doing a f’ball training camp story otherwise.* Read more on ESPN Has Serious Questions About Who Showers With Michael Sam (Who Is GAY)…
  And Yet Furries Still Fight For Recognition

WND Publisher Joseph Farah Just Wants Equal Rights For His People, The Hate-Gay-Marriageists

Admit it: You only read 'Nostromo' because it was the name of the ship In 'Alien'
WorldNetDaily publisher Joseph Farah is taking a break from his critical work on behalf of birthers and believers in various conspiracies to explain that laws preventing discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation are actually Very Discriminatory Indeed — not against a religion (fundamentalist Christianity), but against one of the very sexual orientations that such silly laws purport to protect! Because now, being against marriage equality is its very own sexual orientation. Read more on WND Publisher Joseph Farah Just Wants Equal Rights For His People, The Hate-Gay-Marriageists…
  Speaking of Boobs

Michele Bachmann Said One Stupid Thing, Didn’t Say Other Stupid Thing

When in doubt, use this picture
Here’s your Michele Bachmann CrazyTrain update: Yes, she really did say that Teh Gheys want to abolish age-of-consent laws so they can rape children without consequences, but no, she did not say that the USA needs to open “Americanization camps” to make immigrant children work while they learn English. The former story was widely reported because it’s yet another example of Michele Bachmann saying unhinged freaky shit, and the latter story was also widely reported because, although it was originally from the lame fake-news site that wasn’t even The Onion, it sounded enough like another example of Michele Bachmann saying unhinged freaky shit. Read more on Michele Bachmann Said One Stupid Thing, Didn’t Say Other Stupid Thing…
  sportsball

Couple Of Idiots Have Thoughts On Gay Sportsball Player Michael Sam

The organism will do as it damn well pleases
Rush Limbaugh had a supportive shout-out today for Superbowl-winning sportsball coach and NBC sportsball analyst Tony Dungy, who told the Tampa Tribune yesterday that he would never have drafted Michael Sam, who’s just too darn gay. Said Dungy, “I wouldn’t have taken him … Not because I don’t believe Michael Sam should have a chance to play, but I wouldn’t want to deal with all of it. “It’s not going to be totally smooth … things will happen.’’ Limbaugh applauded Dungy for his clearheaded concerns about “things,” noting that the St. Louis “Lambs” are “not a football team this season; they are a social experiment.” And god knows that social changes have always been terrible and disruptive for sportsball. Read more on Couple Of Idiots Have Thoughts On Gay Sportsball Player Michael Sam…
  freedom's just another word for no one left to hate

Tyrant Obama Crushes Sacred Right To Discriminate Against Gay Homosexuals

Dogs and cats living together
So here’s some Monday Nice Time for you, Wonkers: President Barry Bamz has gone and signed an executive order banning discrimination against LGBT people by companies getting federal contracts, and the order does not include an exemption for companies or even religious charities with deeply held corporate religious beliefs that require them to fire gay workers. Too bad, so sad, religious haterz! Read more on Tyrant Obama Crushes Sacred Right To Discriminate Against Gay Homosexuals…
  verbs are gay too

Bristol Palin Knows Who Is Classy And It Is Not The Dumb Gay President

Hey kids! It is time once again for Bristol Palin to smear some Thoughts at us! What is our topic for today? It is how the “president” had a gay sex fist bump, per Ben Shapiro, or “five short paragraphs from the National Review Online followed by two sentences ‘by’ Bristol Palin, neither of which has a verb because verbs are for LOSERS.” Read more on Bristol Palin Knows Who Is Classy And It Is Not The Dumb Gay President…
  clipbait

Richard Nixon Didn’t Think Girls Should Cuss Like Common Jews, Rachel Maddow Is On It (Video)

It is no secret that we are totally gay for Rachel Maddow, who thinks that Yr. Wonkette is “profane and wonderful.” And Thursday she was in Full Nerdgirl mode, geeking out over newly-discovered audiotapes from Richard Nixon’s infamous Oval Office recording trove. But in these 1971 recordings, Nixon’s not plotting to cover up Watergate or fulminating about his enemies. Instead, these tapes captured the President having a philosophical chat with Henry Kissinger and H.R. Haldeman about “the gay thing” Nixon insists he’s very tolerant, understands that “They’re born that way,” and then goes on to explain, Read more on Richard Nixon Didn’t Think Girls Should Cuss Like Common Jews, Rachel Maddow Is On It (Video)…
  we are shocked

God-Botherers Just Want Federal Contracts And The Right To Not Hire Icky Gays, Is That So Wrong?

Looks like today is “Who’d ‘a Thunk It?” Day at Yr. Wonkette. First we learned that guns everywhere can lead to armed misunderstandings, and that the Supremes’ Hobby Lobby decision was a teensy bit broader than it looked at first blush. And now, you could just knock us over with a feather boa after we learned that a group of religious leaders is asking that there be a faith exemption from an upcoming executive order protecting LGBT people from employment discrimination, because otherwise Religious Liberty in America is dead (and the Nazis will come back). Color us astonished! Read more on God-Botherers Just Want Federal Contracts And The Right To Not Hire Icky Gays, Is That So Wrong?…
  best thing to come from kentucky since hunter s. thompson

With Kentucky Decision, Nation Running Dangerously Low On States Without Marriage Equality

If it’s Tuesday, this must be another post about a federal judge throwing out a state law banning same-sex marriage. The lucky winner this time around is Kentucky, where U.S. District Judge John G. Heyburn II overturned the state’s 2004 constitutional amendment against gay unions, writing another of those decisions (PDF link) that aim for a memorable turn of phrase: In America, even sincere and long-hold religious beliefs do not trump the constitutional rights of those who happen to have been out-voted. Yep, that’s pretty good. But is there more? There is more. Read more on With Kentucky Decision, Nation Running Dangerously Low On States Without Marriage Equality…
  new south is best south

Nice Time Update: SC Town Reinstates Lesbian Police Chief Fired By Jerkwad Mayor

We sure do like the occasional story where people Do the Right Thing and there’s actually a win for the little guy. And here’s one right now: You might remember our April story about Crystal Moore, the former police chief of the town of Latta, South Carolina. She was fired by the town’s doodyhead mayor, Earl Bullard, as part of a good-old-boy vendetta because — he said — she went beyond her authority in questioning the appropriateness of Bullard’s decision to hire a Parks and Rec director whose qualifications were iffy. Not because she’s openly gay, no, not at all. And never mind the recording of Bullard saying he’d rather have a dead drunk watch his children than a gay person (the police chief job, incidentally, does not include providing babysitting services). As often happens with small-town politics, things got nasty, fast, and Moore was quickly fired, without following normal procedures. And now we get to the nice-time part. After a special election to change the city’s form of government from a “weak council” to a “strong council,” the town council, which can now overrule the mayor, is planning to hire Chief Moore back. The moral arc of the universe is long, and points away from power-mad jerk babies. Read more on Nice Time Update: SC Town Reinstates Lesbian Police Chief Fired By Jerkwad Mayor…
  has gila bend frozen over?

With No Reelection Worries, Jan Brewer May Be Going Full Goldwater

Folks, we have been pretty impressed with Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer, who has been acting uncharacteristically sanelike lately. Maybe she was actually sane all along, and then she drank some Tea Party Wacky Juice? In any case, she keeps doing reasonable stuff, like vetoing that horrible Please Discriminate Against Gays bill back in February, and recognizing that it would be a real stretch of the state constitution to try to seek another term. And now, she’s actually sounding a bit like late-career Barry Goldwater, who famously said he didn’t care whether people were gay, and told the Moral Majority it could go get stuffed, and all sorts of fun stuff, because goddammit, there’s getting reelected and there’s being right. And so, in an interview with the Arizona Capitol Times Tuesday, Brewer said that it might darn well be time to think about extending Arizona’s civil rights protections to everybody, even, yes, gay people. Read more on With No Reelection Worries, Jan Brewer May Be Going Full Goldwater… Read more on With No Reelection Worries, Jan Brewer May Be Going Full Goldwater…
  oops

Rick Perry: ‘I Am A Huge Alcoholic. Therefore, Gays.’

Rick Perry is so smart now with his supersexxxy Clark Kent glasses. (Shut up, yes he is!) He is very intelligent now, and the reason you know he is all intellectual-like is he made an an-al-ogy about how homos puttin’ their wangs in each other’s no-no’s is just like bein’ a alcoholic. Like him! Rick Perry! “I may have the genetic coding that I’m inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire not to do that, and I look at the homosexual issue the same way.” Read more on Rick Perry: ‘I Am A Huge Alcoholic. Therefore, Gays.’…
  society is to blame: arrest them

A Children’s Treasury Of Stupid Bloviating About The Isla Vista Murders

We’ve now entered the exciting “place blame on people you don’t like” phase of the coverage of the shootings in Isla Vista last Friday, where bloggers, teevee news panelists, and other luminaries present their instant diagnoses of the culture-war issues truly to blame for the actions of a disturbed person with a several guns and a carload of ammunition. Here are just a few of the stupidest explanations of What It All Means (and yes, we have a feeling this will be Part One of many). Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Stupid Bloviating About The Isla Vista Murders…
  in my day they just used toaster ovens to recruit

Florida State Legislator: Common Core Will Gay Your Kids Up So Bad

We think the Common Core educational standards are just about the greatest thing to come along in years. Not because we’re especially in love with them as a set of education standards, but because of the way they’ve become the biggest Monster Under the Bed for paranoid wingnuts since Obamacare. Common Core makes for an even better target upon which to project Culture War fears, since almost anything can be billed as a dire threat to Our Precious Children. Case study for today: Florida State Rep. Charles Van Zant, who warned that Common Core is nothing less than an insidious plot to turn your children gay and probably make them major in Art History, too. Read more on Florida State Legislator: Common Core Will Gay Your Kids Up So Bad…
  stop sensoring me!

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Let A Wingnut Explain Free Speach To You Leftists

Here’s a heck of a thing: our comments queue overfloweth! We have been blessed with any number of very important comments from very serious people who are going to set us straight on a few things. For instance, there’s “fedupw_libs,” who took issue with our recent piece about how HGTV sent the anti-gay Benham brothers straight (ha!) to the FEMA camp and wouldn’t give them the reality show that Abraham Lincoln promised them in the Constitution. Fedupw_libs wants us to know we don’t know the first thing about Liberty or Free Speach, and even quoted our own words back at us to prove that we’re big old hypocrites, because of gay wedding cakes, probably: “Because they are a totally private business and not the fucking US government, they then made a business decision” So following this thought process and the whole “gays watch HGTV”, a person running a bakery can refuse service to a gay couple because they’re service demographic is straight evangelical couples? Free speach is free speach dumb ass. Your intolerance of someone’s right to speak what they believe (they never refused someone based on their sexual orientation) is amazing. It’s only acceptable free speach when it fits your narrative. You are the opitomy of a dumb ass. We guess we are the opitomy of a dumb ass, because we make this silly distinction between speach and action — err, axion, we guess. Which is to say, discrimination against a class of customers is actually not speech, because selling stuff to the public is not the same as saying stuff. Is that really so difficult? Also, too, we are definitely going to have to look into getting some “You are the opitomy of a dumb ass” coffee mugs in the Wonket store. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Let A Wingnut Explain Free Speach To You Leftists…
  everybody loves the garbage man

S.D. Representative Does Not Care For You Lesbians Putting Weiners In Your ‘Garbage Alley’

Buttsechs. Some people like to do it in their butts, while other people like to pay their rent owning mommyblogs that for some weird reason unknown to G_d or man (COUGH ANA MARIE COUGH) have become synonymous with anal loving. Still other people like to be elected representatives of the people of South Dakota and post long long SO LONG letters about how butts are “garbage alleys” and lesbians should not have weiners in their butts onto their Faceplace pages when the Argus Leader determines their letters to the editor to be a little much for your morning Grape Nuts. In his masterpiece, “A One Way Alley for the Garbage Truck,” state Rep. Steve Hickey proclaims a great many common-sense things. We shall explore them, together. Read more on S.D. Representative Does Not Care For You Lesbians Putting Weiners In Your ‘Garbage Alley’…
  come out wherever you are -- even arizona?

Arizona Legislature Has One More Gay To Discriminate Against

How’s about a round of applause for Arizona state Sen. Steve Gallardo, who was moved by the recent excitement over the state’s discrimination-is-awesome bill to come out as gay today. “I am gay, I am Latino and I’m a state senator,” Gallardo said, explaining that the fight over SB 1062 had been a “game-changer” in deciding to come out. A slightly cynical person might also note that since he announced last week that he was running for the U.S. congressional seat being vacated by retiring Rep. Ed Pastor, Gallardo probably decided it was far better to come out himself than let an opposition researcher leak the news, but we are nowhere near that jaded, we really are not. Now pass us that postcard of Dorothy Parker playing whist with H.L. Mencken, please. Read more on Arizona Legislature Has One More Gay To Discriminate Against…
  if only people knew!

Wingnut Preacher Has A Sad When Good Church People Won’t Let Him Talk Endlessly About Buttsex

Minor-league wingnut preacher Rick Scarborough*, who dreams of suing the gays away, is very disappointed to report that not everyone in Christian America is quite so het up about the gays as he is. In a “Tea Party Unity” webcast last week, Scarborough lamented to Don Feder of the “World Congress of Families” (where do they get these names?) that it’s bad enough that liberals are always trying to intimidate Christians from telling the truth about the threat of gays gaying up America with their gayness, but it really hurts when fellow Christians don’t want to let speech be free either. It seems that Scarborough was visiting a number of churches recently, and at one service, the following unbelievable experience happened to him: I mentioned the word ‘anal sex’ illustrating what homosexuality actually is. And I know that that’s a repulsive expression, I know that nobody likes to think about it, but Christians need to understand what we’re talking about. This is not a gay activity, it’s a perversion. And it does carry consequences because of the nature of the act. And for some reason, people in that church did not want to hear analsex analsex analsex analsex in church. We don’t get it either! Read more on Wingnut Preacher Has A Sad When Good Church People Won’t Let Him Talk Endlessly About Buttsex…
  will nobody think of wonkette's children?

Jan Brewer Being Uncrazy Again, Some More (Video)

This is TOTALLY FUCKED, guys. Not only is Jan Brewer, Arizona governatrix, continuing to take her meds, but she apparently has inspired her state’s senators, Herrs McCain and Flake, to pick up some Lithium as well. And now she has come out, looking good, and explaining that she has vetoed SB 1062, the desperately needed bill to protect Arizonans from mean gays suing the fuck out of them if they discriminate in their public accommodations (that means, like, “business”), which has caused fucking idiots like Ben Shapiro to be fucking idiots, again, and whine about the big mean government making them bake gay cakes. (Hint: Harvard Law grad Ben Shapiro is bad at law.) Read more on Jan Brewer Being Uncrazy Again, Some More (Video)…
  oh no! they've ve killed princess sparkle pony!

What If You Could Count Your Brain Cells As They Die While Reading Something By Ben Shapiro?

It’s kind of a trick question, because of course you won’t be able to ever actually count your brain cells as they wither and pass while you read something by Ben Shapiro. Nobody can count that high! But you sure can FEEL them dying! Most people would interpret this sensation as being bored or ow, I rolled my eyes too hard, but make no mistake: those brain cells are gone and they’re never coming back. It’s too late for me, because I’ve already read – twice! – this thing by Shapiro (warning: Breitbart) about that sportsball player, the football one who said he loves the cock, and it is a doozy. Turns out it’s all a big media hoax/conspiracy, and worse, a trap! It’s tempting to call Ben Shapiro’s argument circular, but it’s more like a Möbius strip, never-ending and one-sided. Click “read more” to see more of my thoughts ‘n’ stuff on this amazing piece of writing before my cranial neurons finally give up the ghost and surrender forever. Read more on What If You Could Count Your Brain Cells As They Die While Reading Something By Ben Shapiro?…
  authentic cunty fried steaks

Charming Oklahoma Restaurant Takes You Back To Pre-1960s Birmingham (Video)

Well! Here’s a charming little local business in Enid, Oklahoma, run by a “real character”: Gary’s Chicaros restaurant and bar, run by one Gary James, who doesn’t deny that he throws out any patrons he doesn’t like the looks of. His official restaurant T-shirts say so, with a clever promise of an “n-word-free zone.” (The shirts do not say “n-word.” But you guessed that already.) But he’s not racist, he says, because he denies service to way more whites than blacks, you see, especially if they’re trashy: Read more on Charming Oklahoma Restaurant Takes You Back To Pre-1960s Birmingham (Video)…
  just sing about jesus & drink wine all day

Gun Guy Larry Pratt Wonders Why Our Blacks Can’t Just Sing And Be Happy Like The African Ones

Larry Pratt, the descriptively named executive director of Gun Owners of America, has figured out how to improve The Blacks in America: In a recent radio interview, he explained that American blacks would have a much better time of it if they could just be more like “the African from Africa.” You know, that one guy. Pratt, who has previously warned about the private army of blacks that Obama is building to foment race war in the USA, spoke last month with Selwyn Duke on the “Gun Owners News Hour” — proving again that every rightwinger has a podcast — and they went over the usual news, like how Obama is converting the U.S. military into “a martial law ready” force by promoting minorities above whites, and then they got to the more arcane stuff about how American blacks could really learn a lot about good attitudes from Africans from the Africa: “Generally, the African from Africa is a very pro-American person, a very happy person,” Pratt said. “I know several, and they’re always happy with a joke, a pleasant smile on their face, and they clearly don’t identify with the surliness that’s all too frequently the attitude of their fellow African Americans here.” And Larry Pratt sure could learn a lot from trying to emulate human beings, now couldn’t he? Read more on Gun Guy Larry Pratt Wonders Why Our Blacks Can’t Just Sing And Be Happy Like The African Ones…