Tag Archives: teh ghey

  Teach A Man To Bloviate And He'll Eat For A Lifetime

Bryan Fischer Was Not Fired From Wingnut Central For Saying Any Of The Following

How can we miss you if you won't go away?
When we heard the news last night that Bryan Fischer was fired by the American Patriarchy Association, our first thought was that it couldn’t have happened to a nicer wingnut. Our second thought was that this could be really bad for Yr. Wonkette, as a casual search through the archives shows that Mr. Fischer is a near-endless source of stupid hilarity. And our third thought had something to do with beer, as per usual. Read more on Bryan Fischer Was Not Fired From Wingnut Central For Saying Any Of The Following…
  Everybody Say Ewwww

NYPD Union Seeks Advice On Racism From Terribly Sane Pastor Who Loves Segregation

Everyone in the photos behind me would slap me if they heard what I'm saying. Joke's on them -- theyr'e dead!
This ought to go well. Since the NYPD is still feeling most butthurt indeed that Mayor Bill de Blasio hasn’t yet fired his black son or burned his wife’s wardrobe, some of the city’s finest are looking to other sources for advice on building better relations with the black community. Or at least in the case of the Sergeants Benevolent Association, the NYPD sergeants’ union, they met last week in Washington DC with several “national African-American leaders,” including Alveda King, Martin Luther King’s rightwing niece, and E.W. Jackson, the former Virginia lieutenant-governor candidate who’s OK with segregation, believes that Planned Parenthood has been worse for the black community than the KKK, and that the 3/5 compromise was a pretty good thing since it at least gave slaves some political recognition. No, we did not make that up. Did we mention he’s a Republican? Read more on NYPD Union Seeks Advice On Racism From Terribly Sane Pastor Who Loves Segregation…
  Derp Overload

How Are Wingnuts Reacting To Paris Massacre? You’d Be Surprised! (No You Wouldn’t)

And Billo was one of the more restrained ones
While Parisians took to the streets with their “Je Suis Charlie” signs yesterday to quietly express solidarity with the murdered satirists and bystanders at the offices of Charlie Hebdo, the American Wingnut-Industrial Complex was in Full Panic Mode, explaining exactly why we all need to pay attention to this horrific terrorist act by three people that all Muslims bear responsibility for. Fox News’s Bill O’Reilly actually offered one of the tamer bits of stupid on the attack, complaining that when he condemned the murders, Barack Obama was actually downplaying the Muslim threat. The president had expressed confidence that France’s commitment to freedom of speech “is something that can’t be silenced by the senseless violence of the few.” Ah, but Mr. Obama has it all wrong, said O’Reilly: Read more on How Are Wingnuts Reacting To Paris Massacre? You’d Be Surprised! (No You Wouldn’t)…
  The Far Right Stuff

Incoming Nevada Speaker Ira Hansen Is Your New Favorite Wingnut

Listen: Nevada Republicans are not interested in your “bipartisanship” or your “getting along” or your “logic and facts.” As soon as they took over the state House, they chose as their new Speaker one Ira Hansen, a gentleman who, according to the Reno News & Review, “doesn’t like blacks, gays, Israel, many Republicans, and most Nevadans[.]” Mr. Hansen got a brief mention in Yr Wonkette earlier this year when he explained that the reason Republicans don’t do so well with younger voters is that the GOP needs to be more firmly conservative on traditional marriage, to catch the wave of anti-gay sentiment among young folks. Read more on Incoming Nevada Speaker Ira Hansen Is Your New Favorite Wingnut…
  Pot And Kettle Reach Bipartisan Agreement

Jimmy Swaggart’s Pastor Son Sad That Gays Are Beheading Jesus

OMG, too late!
Remember Jimmy Swaggart, the fire and brimstone televangelist who sort of semi-disappeared in disgrace in the early ’90s after news broke of his visits to prostitutes? He gave a big teary “I have sinned” speech, the prostitute told the squicky details of how they never actually did sex — as we recall, he wanked while watching the lady of negotiable affection strip, but at least he tipped well — then the Assemblies of God defrocked him, and he was forever banished to the wasteland of obscure religious cable channels. Read more on Jimmy Swaggart’s Pastor Son Sad That Gays Are Beheading Jesus…
  Nearly was An Also-Ran

What Happened To The ‘Gays Cause Autism’ Lady? Your Fringe Candidate Roundup!

There's always 2016...
We know what you’re thinking. “Did the bizarro Illinois lady who said that autism, dementia, and tornados are God’s punishment for abortions and ghey marriage actually get elected to Congress?” This being the kind of election year that brought Joni Ernst and James Lankford to the Senate, you’ve got to ask yourselves: “Do I even want to know?” Well, do ya, punks? Let’s just see what happened to some of the more… colorful candidates last week (mostly, the color is red with vein-bursting rage). Read more on What Happened To The ‘Gays Cause Autism’ Lady? Your Fringe Candidate Roundup!…
  The Five People You Meet In Heaven Are Queer As Folk

Steve King: Dogs May Go To Heaven, Gays Not So Much

The Afterlife Decider
Iowa Congresscantaloupe Steve King has some thoughts on The Gheys, as well as on where you will find them in the afterlife and where you won’t. Sadly, according to King, the odds of Heaven having any really good discotheques are pretty slim, so people who have lived lives of great rectitude should just resign themselves to spending eternity in the equivalent of a Holiday Inn cocktail lounge. Read more on Steve King: Dogs May Go To Heaven, Gays Not So Much…
  Republican won't let gays get wet

Don’t Feed The Gays After Midnight

No self-respecting gay person would be caught dead driving one of these
Anthony Culler, the Republican running against James Clyburn for South Carolina’s 6th Congressional District, has a few problems as a candidate, according to The Hill. Culler “is not well-liked by the GOP establishment in South Carolina, and has no chance of defeating Clyburn this fall.” So Culler thought it was a pretty darn good idea to post a long dumb rant on Facebook explaining why the Gays and their fake “marriages” will be the ruination of us all, and almost offhandedly mentioning that The Gays are exactly like the critters from Joe Dante’s 1984 movie Gremlins: Read more on Don’t Feed The Gays After Midnight…
  Eat Bray Love

Rachel Maddow Brings You A Tale Of Polish Teabaggers Vs. Amorous Donkeys

Romance, my ass
From Thursday’s Rachel Maddow Show, a story of love, loss, and redemption from Poznan, Poland. In its farm animal exhibit, the Poznan Zoo has a pair of donkeys, Napoleon and Antosia, who really like each other. They’re inseparable. So inseparable that over the 10 years the zoo has had them, they’ve had six foals or whatever babby donkeys are called. And so inseparable that some Polish moral majority types complained about their children witnessing unbridled Donkey Lust to a local official, Lydia Dudziak, who then complained to the zoo, which separated the donkeys, placing them in pens separated by a chain-link fence. Read more on Rachel Maddow Brings You A Tale Of Polish Teabaggers Vs. Amorous Donkeys…
  Schism In Their Pants

Southern Baptists Unfriend California Congregation For Insufficient Gay-Hating

Bring the comfy chair, too!
The Southern Baptist Convention voted unanimously to expel a California church that was entirely too friendly to gay homosexuals, bringing order back to the cosmos and making clear that unlike other issues, such as divorce, there is no room for doctrinal disagreement on The Love That Refuses To Shut Up These Days. Read more on Southern Baptists Unfriend California Congregation For Insufficient Gay-Hating…
  Pants Off Hands Full Can't Lose

Catholic League Guy Worried The Gays Just Can’t Resist ‘Bating During St. Patrick’s Day Parade

Everybody get on the Fap Float
Catholic League President and sole known member Bill “I think more about gay sex than any gay person ever has” Donohue has some Very Serious Concerns about the propriety of allowing gay groups to participate in next year’s St. Patrick’s Day parade in New York City. You see, after 25 years, several of the most recent marked by intense eye-rolling and heavy sighs from people who aren’t raving haters, the parade is finally lifting its ban on openly gay marchers. But wait just a danged minute, says Donohue. In an interview with SiriusXM Progressive Radio’s Michelangelo Signorile, Donahue fretted that gays — you know how those gays are — might simply lose control of themselves and start masturbating furiously all over the parade route, as one does sometimes? Read more on Catholic League Guy Worried The Gays Just Can’t Resist ‘Bating During St. Patrick’s Day Parade…
  Towel Snapping Details To Follow

ESPN Has Serious Questions About Who Showers With Michael Sam (Who Is GAY)

George Bellows, 'The Shower Bath,' 1917
F’ball Season is almost upon us again, and so ESPN’s SportCenter sent reporter Josina Anderson to the Rams training camp — which unaccountably is not in Los Angeles! — to get the skinny on how Michael Sam (who is GAY) is adjusting to the pro game after college and how he’s getting along with his new teammates. Naturally enough, she spent virtually all of the report detailing his showering practice, because for Christ’s sake, we wouldn’t be doing a f’ball training camp story otherwise.* Read more on ESPN Has Serious Questions About Who Showers With Michael Sam (Who Is GAY)…
  And Yet Furries Still Fight For Recognition

WND Publisher Joseph Farah Just Wants Equal Rights For His People, The Hate-Gay-Marriageists

Admit it: You only read 'Nostromo' because it was the name of the ship In 'Alien'
WorldNetDaily publisher Joseph Farah is taking a break from his critical work on behalf of birthers and believers in various conspiracies to explain that laws preventing discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation are actually Very Discriminatory Indeed — not against a religion (fundamentalist Christianity), but against one of the very sexual orientations that such silly laws purport to protect! Because now, being against marriage equality is its very own sexual orientation. Read more on WND Publisher Joseph Farah Just Wants Equal Rights For His People, The Hate-Gay-Marriageists…
  Speaking of Boobs

Michele Bachmann Said One Stupid Thing, Didn’t Say Other Stupid Thing

When in doubt, use this picture
Here’s your Michele Bachmann CrazyTrain update: Yes, she really did say that Teh Gheys want to abolish age-of-consent laws so they can rape children without consequences, but no, she did not say that the USA needs to open “Americanization camps” to make immigrant children work while they learn English. The former story was widely reported because it’s yet another example of Michele Bachmann saying unhinged freaky shit, and the latter story was also widely reported because, although it was originally from the lame fake-news site that wasn’t even The Onion, it sounded enough like another example of Michele Bachmann saying unhinged freaky shit. Read more on Michele Bachmann Said One Stupid Thing, Didn’t Say Other Stupid Thing…
  sportsball

Couple Of Idiots Have Thoughts On Gay Sportsball Player Michael Sam

The organism will do as it damn well pleases
Rush Limbaugh had a supportive shout-out today for Superbowl-winning sportsball coach and NBC sportsball analyst Tony Dungy, who told the Tampa Tribune yesterday that he would never have drafted Michael Sam, who’s just too darn gay. Said Dungy, “I wouldn’t have taken him … Not because I don’t believe Michael Sam should have a chance to play, but I wouldn’t want to deal with all of it. “It’s not going to be totally smooth … things will happen.’’ Limbaugh applauded Dungy for his clearheaded concerns about “things,” noting that the St. Louis “Lambs” are “not a football team this season; they are a social experiment.” And god knows that social changes have always been terrible and disruptive for sportsball. Read more on Couple Of Idiots Have Thoughts On Gay Sportsball Player Michael Sam…
  freedom's just another word for no one left to hate

Tyrant Obama Crushes Sacred Right To Discriminate Against Gay Homosexuals

Dogs and cats living together
So here’s some Monday Nice Time for you, Wonkers: President Barry Bamz has gone and signed an executive order banning discrimination against LGBT people by companies getting federal contracts, and the order does not include an exemption for companies or even religious charities with deeply held corporate religious beliefs that require them to fire gay workers. Too bad, so sad, religious haterz! Read more on Tyrant Obama Crushes Sacred Right To Discriminate Against Gay Homosexuals…
  verbs are gay too

Bristol Palin Knows Who Is Classy And It Is Not The Dumb Gay President

Hey kids! It is time once again for Bristol Palin to smear some Thoughts at us! What is our topic for today? It is how the “president” had a gay sex fist bump, per Ben Shapiro, or “five short paragraphs from the National Review Online followed by two sentences ‘by’ Bristol Palin, neither of which has a verb because verbs are for LOSERS.” Read more on Bristol Palin Knows Who Is Classy And It Is Not The Dumb Gay President…
  clipbait

Richard Nixon Didn’t Think Girls Should Cuss Like Common Jews, Rachel Maddow Is On It (Video)

It is no secret that we are totally gay for Rachel Maddow, who thinks that Yr. Wonkette is “profane and wonderful.” And Thursday she was in Full Nerdgirl mode, geeking out over newly-discovered audiotapes from Richard Nixon’s infamous Oval Office recording trove. But in these 1971 recordings, Nixon’s not plotting to cover up Watergate or fulminating about his enemies. Instead, these tapes captured the President having a philosophical chat with Henry Kissinger and H.R. Haldeman about “the gay thing” Nixon insists he’s very tolerant, understands that “They’re born that way,” and then goes on to explain, Read more on Richard Nixon Didn’t Think Girls Should Cuss Like Common Jews, Rachel Maddow Is On It (Video)…
  we are shocked

God-Botherers Just Want Federal Contracts And The Right To Not Hire Icky Gays, Is That So Wrong?

Looks like today is “Who’d ‘a Thunk It?” Day at Yr. Wonkette. First we learned that guns everywhere can lead to armed misunderstandings, and that the Supremes’ Hobby Lobby decision was a teensy bit broader than it looked at first blush. And now, you could just knock us over with a feather boa after we learned that a group of religious leaders is asking that there be a faith exemption from an upcoming executive order protecting LGBT people from employment discrimination, because otherwise Religious Liberty in America is dead (and the Nazis will come back). Color us astonished! Read more on God-Botherers Just Want Federal Contracts And The Right To Not Hire Icky Gays, Is That So Wrong?…