teh ghey
Vatican Advisor Says True Thing
We here at Wonkette mostly luuuuurve our new pope, New Pope. He is a communist (communism!)! He saved and returned all his newspaper rubber bands every month (loves the environment!)! He went to the slums and did Mass for hookers (like Bizarro American Jesus!)! He did his own cooking and lived in a little apartment [...]
New Children’s Book Explains Why Heather’s Two Mommies Will Burn Forever In Hell
OK, so much for that “nice time” crap. Here’s a happy little children’s book to “sensitively” explain to children, “with love and compassion,” why God gets really, really worked up about whose genitals are allowed to touch, and why such limited touching must only happen inside a heterosexual marriage. It must be an excellent book, [...]
Bryan Fischer: Teh Gheys Can’t Be Scouts Because Scout Oath Says No Weaklings
Sorry, Homosexual America, but Bryan Fischer is thinking about You People again. By golly, it’s almost as if Bryan Fischer can’t think of many things other than gay people. This time, the mouthpiece for the American Patriarchy Association is having kittens over the possibility that the Boy Scouts of America may vote to allow sodomites [...]
Unsuccessful Dallas City Council Candidate Informs Insufficiently Homophobic Reporter Of His Ball-lessness, Resemblance To Lady Bits
As a woman what has been in the media for eeep, more than 22 years (?!), your editrix is not unfamiliar with voicemails of the angrier kind. Over the decades, she has been called a cunt and a Nazi and cunt Nazi, whose attitude could only be adjusted by a proper, good-old-fashioned raping. She has [...]
But What About Gay Messicans?
DDM back to help splain some Congressional nitty-gritty-ness. There have been lots of happy nice times about our GLBTQMORELETTERS friends lately, because people around the country are finally looking around and saying, hey, these gay folks ain’t that bad! In fact, they seem almost like actual human beings, so maybe we could, you know, give them [...]
James Dobson So Glad Feminism Is Over and Women Want to Be Mommies Again
Hello Americans! Focus on the Family founder James Dobson would like you to know that, despite an advanced state of fossilization, he has not “retired to a quiet farm somewhere,” and is still just as much a patriarchal asshat as ever! In a rambling Mother’s Day message, Dobson takes some comfort that, in the midst [...]
Niall Ferguson Mansplains Why He Is Sorry About Being Right For Bashing Gays
Last week, Niall Ferguson (an “economic historian” at Harvard) provided a controversial analysis of Keynesian economic policies, arguing that John Maynard Keynes was just too GAY to be a good economist because of something having to do with too much buttseks and no babymaking (no, seriously, this was pretty much exactly what he said.) But [...]
Politifact: Why Is Martina Navratilova Lying By Saying All These True Things?
So you probably heard about Jason Collins, the sportsball man who said he was gay last week? And almost everyone said, Oh, that’s nice, sure, except for the usual crowd of jerks? And of course we all know that Collins was not really the first gay sportsball man, or even the first gay sportsballer or [...]
Super-Rich Republicans Have Become Totally Selfless And Enlightened About The Whole Gay Marriage Deal
If you’re as old as we are, and have had as much exposure to Reg’lar ‘Murica as we have, you are probably still a bit dizzied at the pace at which the majority of Americans went from “Ew! Gheys!” to “Ah, ain’t that a cute lesbian couple!” We close our eyes, breathe deeply and meditate [...]
Dumb Gays Now Ruining Immigration Bill Too
First the lesby-friends singlehandedly poison-pilled the Violence Against Women Act, by asking if pretty please they could be included in legislation to Stop Beating Your Wife. Now they and their Proud Mary male gay counterparts are ruining Republicans’ chances of ever getting to vote for an immigration bill — because if they don’t it is [...]
Your Tuesday Nice Time: DC Imam Marries Gay Couples, For Creeping Sharia
So it turns out there is this super rad Islamic cleric in Washington, DC, who marries gay couples because, like decent people of all faiths, Imam Daayiee Abdullah just ignores the crazy medieval stuff and focuses on the let’s just love each other part of his faith. “I think we’re at the start of a movement: a [...]
Hero GOP Senator’s Office Tells Gays To Go Grow Their Own Food and Gasoline
Washington state Senator Mike Hewitt is cosponsoring an awesome and superconstitutional antidiscrimination bill, SB 5927. It says you can’t discriminate against people based on their race, country of origin, sexual orientation, etc., unless you really really want to. Cool bill! Very awesome! You may not refuse to do commerce or real estate with someone who [...]
Serious Scientist Man Explains That Gay Marriage Will Kill You Worser Than Smoking
We received an important press release from Dr. Paul Cameron, who is a Very Important Scientist with a Ph.D. and everything. Somehow, we had never heard of him until he, acting as his own PR flack, emailed our benevolent Editrix, but he really is quite a piece of work — there aren’t a lot of [...]
Your Morning Nice Time: Watch New Zealand Burst Into Maori Love Song After Gay Marriage Is Legalized
Our video begins with a person saying something about crocs and biscuits and lorries and WC’s and hobbits and whatnot, we do not know, we do not speak New Zealand. We are just kidding, of course we speak New Zealand, he is asking the people in the gallery not to interrupt. Do they listen to [...]
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