Tag Archives: teh ghey

  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments: This One’s About Vaccines And Vaginas!

Vacation plan: Clean apartment, finish reading that Twain biography. Vacation reality: Booze & MLP fanfic
Oh, Wonkers, we have some beautiful deletia for you this week! Looks to us like some people have really been working overtime in the Derp Mines to bring us this fine assortment of stupidity. For starters, we have this thought-provoking bit of turnabout from “John Smith” (Real name: “Bob Johnson”), who understands that Bobby Jindal just wants to protect Liberty from the homos. Just think about this — would you libs really be so hot on forcing Christians to provide services to gay people if it also meant that gay people would have to serve people with whom they have traditionally been at Culture War? Read more on Deleted Comments: This One’s About Vaccines And Vaginas!…
  Her Name Is Rios And She Derps Upon The Sand

AFA Lady Sandy Rios: Why Waste Time On Dumb Fake ‘Sex Trafficking’ When We Should Be Stomping Out The Gay?

Not the best font match, I'll admit
Sandy Rios, the American Patriarchy Association’s “governmental affairs director,” is not happy at all with the Republicans in the Senate this week, but not so much because they’re holding up the confirmation of Loretta Lynch for the sake of putting some anti-abortion language into a bill to help victims of sex trafficking. Rios actually couldn’t give a rip about Lynch — who is evil, because appointed by Obama — but she’s pretty cheesed that the Senate is wasting precious legislative time on a bill addressing sex trafficking, which Rios is fairly sure is hardly even a thing at all, especially when compared to the existential crisis our once-proud nation faces from The Gays. Read more on AFA Lady Sandy Rios: Why Waste Time On Dumb Fake ‘Sex Trafficking’ When We Should Be Stomping Out The Gay?…
  No Mention Of A Free Toaster Oven Either

Gays Admit To Recruiting Your Children, Say Adorably Gullible Rightwing Nutjobs

They want you! They want you!
Well, darn it, if you can’t believe the headline of an article at Bradlee Dean’s Refuge For WND Rejects, how can you trust anything you read on the interwebs? A March 12 piece by Tim Brown certainly sounds terrifying enough: “Open Sexual Deviant: I’ve Been Indoctrinating America’s Kids to Be Sodomites – I Lied about It & Am Not Sorry” OMG it’s true! The Gheys really ARE trying to recruit our children into their lifestyles of sin and depravity! And lord knows it certainly starts with a fine goulash of paranoid terror: Read more on Gays Admit To Recruiting Your Children, Say Adorably Gullible Rightwing Nutjobs…
  Teach A Man To Bloviate And He'll Eat For A Lifetime

Bryan Fischer Was Not Fired From Wingnut Central For Saying Any Of The Following

How can we miss you if you won't go away?
When we heard the news last night that Bryan Fischer was fired by the American Patriarchy Association, our first thought was that it couldn’t have happened to a nicer wingnut. Our second thought was that this could be really bad for Yr. Wonkette, as a casual search through the archives shows that Mr. Fischer is a near-endless source of stupid hilarity. And our third thought had something to do with beer, as per usual. Read more on Bryan Fischer Was Not Fired From Wingnut Central For Saying Any Of The Following…
  Everybody Say Ewwww

NYPD Union Seeks Advice On Racism From Terribly Sane Pastor Who Loves Segregation

Everyone in the photos behind me would slap me if they heard what I'm saying. Joke's on them -- theyr'e dead!
This ought to go well. Since the NYPD is still feeling most butthurt indeed that Mayor Bill de Blasio hasn’t yet fired his black son or burned his wife’s wardrobe, some of the city’s finest are looking to other sources for advice on building better relations with the black community. Or at least in the case of the Sergeants Benevolent Association, the NYPD sergeants’ union, they met last week in Washington DC with several “national African-American leaders,” including Alveda King, Martin Luther King’s rightwing niece, and E.W. Jackson, the former Virginia lieutenant-governor candidate who’s OK with segregation, believes that Planned Parenthood has been worse for the black community than the KKK, and that the 3/5 compromise was a pretty good thing since it at least gave slaves some political recognition. No, we did not make that up. Did we mention he’s a Republican? Read more on NYPD Union Seeks Advice On Racism From Terribly Sane Pastor Who Loves Segregation…
  Derp Overload

How Are Wingnuts Reacting To Paris Massacre? You’d Be Surprised! (No You Wouldn’t)

And Billo was one of the more restrained ones
While Parisians took to the streets with their “Je Suis Charlie” signs yesterday to quietly express solidarity with the murdered satirists and bystanders at the offices of Charlie Hebdo, the American Wingnut-Industrial Complex was in Full Panic Mode, explaining exactly why we all need to pay attention to this horrific terrorist act by three people that all Muslims bear responsibility for. Fox News’s Bill O’Reilly actually offered one of the tamer bits of stupid on the attack, complaining that when he condemned the murders, Barack Obama was actually downplaying the Muslim threat. The president had expressed confidence that France’s commitment to freedom of speech “is something that can’t be silenced by the senseless violence of the few.” Ah, but Mr. Obama has it all wrong, said O’Reilly: Read more on How Are Wingnuts Reacting To Paris Massacre? You’d Be Surprised! (No You Wouldn’t)…
  The Far Right Stuff

Incoming Nevada Speaker Ira Hansen Is Your New Favorite Wingnut

Listen: Nevada Republicans are not interested in your “bipartisanship” or your “getting along” or your “logic and facts.” As soon as they took over the state House, they chose as their new Speaker one Ira Hansen, a gentleman who, according to the Reno News & Review, “doesn’t like blacks, gays, Israel, many Republicans, and most Nevadans[.]” Mr. Hansen got a brief mention in Yr Wonkette earlier this year when he explained that the reason Republicans don’t do so well with younger voters is that the GOP needs to be more firmly conservative on traditional marriage, to catch the wave of anti-gay sentiment among young folks. Read more on Incoming Nevada Speaker Ira Hansen Is Your New Favorite Wingnut…
  Pot And Kettle Reach Bipartisan Agreement

Jimmy Swaggart’s Pastor Son Sad That Gays Are Beheading Jesus

OMG, too late!
Remember Jimmy Swaggart, the fire and brimstone televangelist who sort of semi-disappeared in disgrace in the early ’90s after news broke of his visits to prostitutes? He gave a big teary “I have sinned” speech, the prostitute told the squicky details of how they never actually did sex — as we recall, he wanked while watching the lady of negotiable affection strip, but at least he tipped well — then the Assemblies of God defrocked him, and he was forever banished to the wasteland of obscure religious cable channels. Read more on Jimmy Swaggart’s Pastor Son Sad That Gays Are Beheading Jesus…
  Nearly was An Also-Ran

What Happened To The ‘Gays Cause Autism’ Lady? Your Fringe Candidate Roundup!

There's always 2016...
We know what you’re thinking. “Did the bizarro Illinois lady who said that autism, dementia, and tornados are God’s punishment for abortions and ghey marriage actually get elected to Congress?” This being the kind of election year that brought Joni Ernst and James Lankford to the Senate, you’ve got to ask yourselves: “Do I even want to know?” Well, do ya, punks? Let’s just see what happened to some of the more… colorful candidates last week (mostly, the color is red with vein-bursting rage). Read more on What Happened To The ‘Gays Cause Autism’ Lady? Your Fringe Candidate Roundup!…
  The Five People You Meet In Heaven Are Queer As Folk

Steve King: Dogs May Go To Heaven, Gays Not So Much

Jesus
Iowa Congresscantaloupe Steve King has some thoughts on The Gheys, as well as on where you will find them in the afterlife and where you won’t. Sadly, according to King, the odds of Heaven having any really good discotheques are pretty slim, so people who have lived lives of great rectitude should just resign themselves to spending eternity in the equivalent of a Holiday Inn cocktail lounge. Read more on Steve King: Dogs May Go To Heaven, Gays Not So Much…
  Republican won't let gays get wet

Don’t Feed The Gays After Midnight

No self-respecting gay person would be caught dead driving one of these
Anthony Culler, the Republican running against James Clyburn for South Carolina’s 6th Congressional District, has a few problems as a candidate, according to The Hill. Culler “is not well-liked by the GOP establishment in South Carolina, and has no chance of defeating Clyburn this fall.” So Culler thought it was a pretty darn good idea to post a long dumb rant on Facebook explaining why the Gays and their fake “marriages” will be the ruination of us all, and almost offhandedly mentioning that The Gays are exactly like the critters from Joe Dante’s 1984 movie Gremlins: Read more on Don’t Feed The Gays After Midnight…
  Eat Bray Love

Rachel Maddow Brings You A Tale Of Polish Teabaggers Vs. Amorous Donkeys

Romance, my ass
From Thursday’s Rachel Maddow Show, a story of love, loss, and redemption from Poznan, Poland. In its farm animal exhibit, the Poznan Zoo has a pair of donkeys, Napoleon and Antosia, who really like each other. They’re inseparable. So inseparable that over the 10 years the zoo has had them, they’ve had six foals or whatever babby donkeys are called. And so inseparable that some Polish moral majority types complained about their children witnessing unbridled Donkey Lust to a local official, Lydia Dudziak, who then complained to the zoo, which separated the donkeys, placing them in pens separated by a chain-link fence. Read more on Rachel Maddow Brings You A Tale Of Polish Teabaggers Vs. Amorous Donkeys…
  Schism In Their Pants

Southern Baptists Unfriend California Congregation For Insufficient Gay-Hating

Bring the comfy chair, too!
The Southern Baptist Convention voted unanimously to expel a California church that was entirely too friendly to gay homosexuals, bringing order back to the cosmos and making clear that unlike other issues, such as divorce, there is no room for doctrinal disagreement on The Love That Refuses To Shut Up These Days. Read more on Southern Baptists Unfriend California Congregation For Insufficient Gay-Hating…
  Pants Off Hands Full Can't Lose

Catholic League Guy Worried The Gays Just Can’t Resist ‘Bating During St. Patrick’s Day Parade

Everybody get on the Fap Float
Catholic League President and sole known member Bill “I think more about gay sex than any gay person ever has” Donohue has some Very Serious Concerns about the propriety of allowing gay groups to participate in next year’s St. Patrick’s Day parade in New York City. You see, after 25 years, several of the most recent marked by intense eye-rolling and heavy sighs from people who aren’t raving haters, the parade is finally lifting its ban on openly gay marchers. But wait just a danged minute, says Donohue. In an interview with SiriusXM Progressive Radio’s Michelangelo Signorile, Donahue fretted that gays — you know how those gays are — might simply lose control of themselves and start masturbating furiously all over the parade route, as one does sometimes? Read more on Catholic League Guy Worried The Gays Just Can’t Resist ‘Bating During St. Patrick’s Day Parade…
  Towel Snapping Details To Follow

ESPN Has Serious Questions About Who Showers With Michael Sam (Who Is GAY)

George Bellows, 'The Shower Bath,' 1917
F’ball Season is almost upon us again, and so ESPN’s SportCenter sent reporter Josina Anderson to the Rams training camp — which unaccountably is not in Los Angeles! — to get the skinny on how Michael Sam (who is GAY) is adjusting to the pro game after college and how he’s getting along with his new teammates. Naturally enough, she spent virtually all of the report detailing his showering practice, because for Christ’s sake, we wouldn’t be doing a f’ball training camp story otherwise.* Read more on ESPN Has Serious Questions About Who Showers With Michael Sam (Who Is GAY)…
  And Yet Furries Still Fight For Recognition

WND Publisher Joseph Farah Just Wants Equal Rights For His People, The Hate-Gay-Marriageists

Admit it: You only read 'Nostromo' because it was the name of the ship In 'Alien'
WorldNetDaily publisher Joseph Farah is taking a break from his critical work on behalf of birthers and believers in various conspiracies to explain that laws preventing discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation are actually Very Discriminatory Indeed — not against a religion (fundamentalist Christianity), but against one of the very sexual orientations that such silly laws purport to protect! Because now, being against marriage equality is its very own sexual orientation. Read more on WND Publisher Joseph Farah Just Wants Equal Rights For His People, The Hate-Gay-Marriageists…
  Speaking of Boobs

Michele Bachmann Said One Stupid Thing, Didn’t Say Other Stupid Thing

When in doubt, use this picture
Here’s your Michele Bachmann CrazyTrain update: Yes, she really did say that Teh Gheys want to abolish age-of-consent laws so they can rape children without consequences, but no, she did not say that the USA needs to open “Americanization camps” to make immigrant children work while they learn English. The former story was widely reported because it’s yet another example of Michele Bachmann saying unhinged freaky shit, and the latter story was also widely reported because, although it was originally from the lame fake-news site that wasn’t even The Onion, it sounded enough like another example of Michele Bachmann saying unhinged freaky shit. Read more on Michele Bachmann Said One Stupid Thing, Didn’t Say Other Stupid Thing…
  sportsball

Couple Of Idiots Have Thoughts On Gay Sportsball Player Michael Sam

The organism will do as it damn well pleases
Rush Limbaugh had a supportive shout-out today for Superbowl-winning sportsball coach and NBC sportsball analyst Tony Dungy, who told the Tampa Tribune yesterday that he would never have drafted Michael Sam, who’s just too darn gay. Said Dungy, “I wouldn’t have taken him … Not because I don’t believe Michael Sam should have a chance to play, but I wouldn’t want to deal with all of it. “It’s not going to be totally smooth … things will happen.’’ Limbaugh applauded Dungy for his clearheaded concerns about “things,” noting that the St. Louis “Lambs” are “not a football team this season; they are a social experiment.” And god knows that social changes have always been terrible and disruptive for sportsball. Read more on Couple Of Idiots Have Thoughts On Gay Sportsball Player Michael Sam…