Hate TV Wrestling? Then You’ll Also Hate Hillary, McCain & Obama
Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008
What do poor, stupid Americans love more than anything? Sitting on the couch and eating buckets of fried chicken while watching televised wrasslin’, that’s what! Here’s Hillary promising to “stick it up your ass” if you don’t vote for her, and Barack threatening to “send you to white concentration camps” for being so fat and dumb, and John McCain being used as a folding chair to comically knock the teeth out of a wrestler called “WAL-NUTZ Da Destroya.” [YouTube]
What do poor, stupid Americans love more than anything? Sitting on the couch and eating buckets of fried chicken while watching televised wrasslin’, that’s what! Here’s Hillary promising to “stick it up your ass” if you don’t vote for her, and Barack threatening to “send you to white concentration camps” for being so fat and dumb, and John McCain being used as a folding chair to comically knock the teeth out of a wrestler called “WAL-NUTZ Da Destroya.” [YouTube]
A teevee critic for the Los Angeles Times is very evil and terroristic and probably also gives AIDS to small children with her “Liberal STD Gun” because look what she wrote in a review of HBO’s John Adams series: “George Washington (David Morse) so quickly tired of the infighting among his Cabinet and vagaries of public opinion that he stepped down from the presidency after a single term.” Blasphemy, you modern-day Benedict Arnold from France! 
A comical idiot girl on the teevee show The Hills has endorsed John McCain, according to TMZ and US Weekly. This pretty much ensures that Old Man Walnuts will become president. Let’s explore the cultural/political significance of Heidi Montag, who apparently goes around in public in a whimsical prostitute nightgown, after the jump.
A long time ago in the 1990s there was this teevee program called The X-Files — a creepy mix of Nixon-era political conspiracy, the occult, fake terror attacks, FEMA killing everybody, and Space Demons. It seemed completely fantastic until 2001, when Dick Cheney and George W. Bush began their reign of horror. And finally, after years of silence, the creators of the X-Files are talking about how this administration stole all their ideas, even 9/11! 
TEEVEE MCCAIN FUN: Our old friend 
HILLARY TO APPEAR ON TEEVEE’S DAILY SHOW TONIGHT: Hillary 
Last night there was some episode of the popular teevee show Law & Order that may or may not have been about Larry Craig. It also may or may not have been about Barack Obama, Norman Hsu, and the murder of Vince Foster by Hillary Clinton! DID YOU SEE IT? I sure didn’t, but Intern Elise “Gossip Roundup” Rosen — who’s from L.A., just like the movie stars — for some reason did. She summarized the plot and “allegories” of the episode in a very formal G-chat conversation last night, despite my best attempts to make things incoherent. Read at your own risk, after the jump. 
OMG RUDY IS LEAVING US! Turn on your teevee and cry 911 tears, because Rudy’s going on live right now to say good-bye to us, forever, and to endorse crazy old weirdo John McCain.
Oprah Winfrey’s endorsement of Barack Obama was supposed to create a permanent coalition between white women who watch daytime teevee and half-Kenyan Harvard Law Review editors. Instead, Oprah’s nutty fans have switched from the television to the Internet, where they’re all leaving terrible messages on Oprah’s own official website message board.