Wonkette

What do poor, stupid Americans love more than anything? Sitting on the couch and eating buckets of fried chicken while watching televised wrasslin’, that’s what! Here’s Hillary promising to “stick it up your ass” if you don’t vote for her, and Barack threatening to “send you to white concentration camps” for being so fat and dumb, and John McCain being used as a folding chair to comically knock the teeth out of a wrestler called “WAL-NUTZ Da Destroya.” [YouTube]

George W. Bush will be on the game show Deal or No Deal tonight. [Yahoo]

A teevee critic for the Los Angeles Times is very evil and terroristic and probably also gives AIDS to small children with her “Liberal STD Gun” because look what she wrote in a review of HBO’s John Adams series: “George Washington (David Morse) so quickly tired of the infighting among his Cabinet and vagaries of public opinion that he stepped down from the presidency after a single term.” Blasphemy, you modern-day Benedict Arnold from France! MORE »

A comical idiot girl on the teevee show The Hills has endorsed John McCain, according to TMZ and US Weekly. This pretty much ensures that Old Man Walnuts will become president. Let’s explore the cultural/political significance of Heidi Montag, who apparently goes around in public in a whimsical prostitute nightgown, after the jump.

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A long time ago in the 1990s there was this teevee program called The X-Files — a creepy mix of Nixon-era political conspiracy, the occult, fake terror attacks, FEMA killing everybody, and Space Demons. It seemed completely fantastic until 2001, when Dick Cheney and George W. Bush began their reign of horror. And finally, after years of silence, the creators of the X-Files are talking about how this administration stole all their ideas, even 9/11! MORE »

TEEVEE MCCAIN FUN: Our old friend Matt Welch — author of the only true book about how John McCain is a total corrupt nut — will be on the Fox News Red Eye program in a few minutes, or actually at 3 a.m. Eastern. If you’re riding out that last bit of meth, please tune in! [Reason/DailyGut]

HILLARY TO APPEAR ON TEEVEE’S DAILY SHOW TONIGHT: Hillary appeared on Saturday Night Live over the weekend, and she will continue her “Hillary Appears On Comedic Television Shows That The Youth May Enjoy Tour 2008″ with tonight’s episode of the Daily Show. It will be funny when Hillary sits down expecting some softballs, and Jon Stewart asks her why she hasn’t released her tax returns yet, and then [CACKLE]. [Daily Show]

Here’s the thing: Hillary is funny here, on Saturday Night Live. She is funny without bringing undue shame upon her campaign. We’ll see how this plays in Vermont, Rhode Island, Ohio and Texas.

Clinton plays cameo role on ‘Saturday Night Live’ [AP/Boston Herald]

So your editor had to get the satellite teevee because he just moved his entire family including small children and a dog to the Mojave Desert far from your evil civilization. And check it out: The Direct TV has this “News Mix” channel which is what you see pictured. All the news channels! You can just move through them with the little buttons on your remote, and get the audio off whichever you need/have to hear at that moment. This is some kind of techmologies revolution! [NewsMix]

When did these late-night talk shows start featuring politicians? Does this have something to do with that Writer’s Strike? Whatever the case, now you can waste six minutes of your life watching Hillary Clinton be “with it” or “down on that” or “looser than a nun on prom night.” Happy Super Duper Tuesday, everyone! Let’s pray god it’s our last.