Tag Archives: teevee

  science is a funny thing

Couch Potato Children Now Forced To Consider Possibility of Climate Change

It used to be that parents could just plop their fat little children in front of “Ren & Stimpy” for hours without having to worry a bit about the little ones being attacked by “knowledge” or “science.” But this is the age of Obama and librul media and Sharia law, etc., so naturally the days of a carefree slob childhood are all but over. Read more on Couch Potato Children Now Forced To Consider Possibility of Climate Change…
  dick moves

Unliked Pundit Mark Halperin Is Suspended From TV, World Happy Now

Mark Halperin is that guy nobody likes who writes/jabbers about politics and Washington. In this way, he is also every pundit jabbering about Washington and politics on the cable news, but he is also especially awful. So the world rejoiced a few minutes ago when MSNBC suspended Halperin for calling Barack Obama a “dick.” This is what Halperin said, on live television: “I thought he was kind of a dick yesterday.” Well sure, everybody thinks Obama is kind of a dick, or totally a dick, but in every case “a dick,” but one cannot say this on the teevee, so good-bye forever, Mark! Video? Yes, we have video. Read more on Unliked Pundit Mark Halperin Is Suspended From TV, World Happy Now…
  left tilt

Chris Christie Makes Fox News Tilt Left

Icon of personal responsibility Chris Christie paid a visit to the fiends at Fox News yesterday, and as this screenshot shows, he nearly caused the entire right-wing cable news channel to tilt left and vanish into the ether. But, sources say, the other side of the couch was secured with special ropes made from the tears of scared old white people. Read more on Chris Christie Makes Fox News Tilt Left…
  kochsuckers

Watch ‘The Koch Brothers: Behind the Music’ Tuesday On Bloomberg

We aren’t much for promoting television programs, because all televisions and the people who make television programs should be used to plug the radiation leaks at Fukushima. But, whatever, you probably always watch the teevee anyway, might as well learn something that might make you ANGRY enough to revolt: Read more on Watch ‘The Koch Brothers: Behind the Music’ Tuesday On Bloomberg…
  fake-campaign fake promises

Donald Trump Lied About Making Campaign Announcement On TeeVee Show

Surprise! “The show this weekend [part one of the finale] was taped back in November, and next week’s episode is also taped,” [NBC publicist Sharon] Pannozzo said. “So there will be no opportunity for him to do something like that.” Read more on Donald Trump Lied About Making Campaign Announcement On TeeVee Show…
  going postal

Mailman Poops On America

Haha, the guy thought the mailman “had a bunch of packages for us.” Well, the mailman did have a bunch of packages — packages of poop! (Unwrapped.) Read more on Mailman Poops On America…
  it's morning in america

Glenn Beck Plots Media Empire, Restores Honor

Glenn Beck’s contract with Fox News expires in December, and you know what that means: George Soros is a scheming Puppet Master and/or Jew. Wait, no! It means Glenn Beck’s teevee chalkboard lessons and Cash4Gold infomercials will probably be canceled, since only the cream of the crazy milk watches his show anymore. But people familiar with Glenn Beck’s darkest thoughts say that he is plotting his own teevee network — something resembling The History Channel, except more Nazi UFO documentaries. Beck already has a media company — Mercury Radio Arts, named after Orson Welles’ Mercury Theatre, geezus — but that’s only for radio and the Internets and his traveling circus shows. Here is how America’s leading “liberal” pay-per-view newspaper ends its muckraking piece of journalism: “Mr. Beck is ‘not Oprah yet.'” Haunting words. [NYT] Read more on Glenn Beck Plots Media Empire, Restores Honor… Read more on Glenn Beck Plots Media Empire, Restores Honor…
  Machiavellian Maneuvers

Hillary Clinton Quitting As Secretary of State (In 2012)

Scheming frenemy Hillary Clinton tells the CNN people that she won’t be Obama’s secretary of state in his next term, assuming he wins, so this frees him up to nominate Sarah Palin or George Will or somebody. Really, Hillary’s jumping off the rat-ship … that’s what she told Wolf Blitzer, anyway. She’s a Clinton, so you could literally throw her farther than you could trust her, but Hillz says a big “No” when asked by the CNN muppet if she would serve again as Secretary of State. Then, according to the transcript, she barks off “No,” “No,” and “No” when asked if she wants to be vice president, defense secretary or Actual President. Great, we guess? Read more on Hillary Clinton Quitting As Secretary of State (In 2012)…
  uh are you ready for some football

Incompetent D.C. Government Crooked (Also: PBR)

It’s been a while since we’ve explored the backwards world that is D.C. politics, so here goes: Some five months ago, when bike lanes and education were still the rage, Adrian Fenty, champion of white-people causes, was Mayor of D.C. But one can only get so far when backed by the PBR lobby, and so he was replaced by Vincent Gray who, it turns out, (allegedly) paid another man to try to undermine Fenty’s campaign in return for a job. Whoops! In some circles this is illegal/ generally not a good idea. But let’s focus on the more important things. D.C. has a new PBR dispensary: Touchdown on U Street. Read more on Incompetent D.C. Government Crooked (Also: PBR)…
  centennial birfdays

The Super Bowl Is THE Time To Celebrate Our Best President’s Birfday

This year’s Super Bowl may not include Tim Tebow lecturing America about nearly-aborted fetuses, but it has something even better: Lord Ronald Reagan! Some soulless libtards planned the Super Bowl to be on Reagan’s 100th birthday, so to make up for this, the event will now include a pre-game circle jerk tribute to this dead president. (Haha, most American’s will probably be too drunk/too busy with their chicken wings and sex slaves by kick-off to even notice it’s happening.) Why is football no longer just a safe space for pole dancing, strippers, and the occasional concussion? Here’s where to catch the big game in D.C. Read more on The Super Bowl Is THE Time To Celebrate Our Best President’s Birfday…
  hey dictator i'm on teevee@

America’s TeeVee Journalists Being Swallowed By Angry Egyptians

Don’t these Egyptians realize they’re supposed to provide a nice backdrop for these newscasts and stop moving around so much? Ignore the Americans in their safari shirts. Sure, you should kill each other in the back of the shot. That’s great. But stay a safe distance away. Read more on America’s TeeVee Journalists Being Swallowed By Angry Egyptians…
  vain mormons in the news

Mitt Romney Jokes About How Handsome and Smelly He Is, On TeeVee

The #1 most important world news story right now is: whatever is happening in Egypt Charlie Sheen no jobs Mitt Romney visited David Letterman’s talk show last night and recited his very own monologue, “Things You Don’t Know About Mitt Romney”! Here is an example of one of these Things you don’t know about him: “Do I smell as good as I look? No!” Did Mittens just admit to the entire world that he smells like taint? And what does this mean, for Democracy in Egypt? Read more on Mitt Romney Jokes About How Handsome and Smelly He Is, On TeeVee…
  friday news dump

Keith Olbermann Fired By MSNBC Or Something?

Keith Olbermann did his last MSNBC teevee show! It was a big deal, probably! Was he fired? Were there contract squabbles? How much of his thirty million dollars does he get to keep? Will it be enough, for whatever? All across America tonight (in New York and Washington and Los Angeles, mostly), people who carry dumb electronic mobile media devices “for work” have been looking down as little pop-up things and beeps and alerts tell of the exciting news: Keith Olbermann will no longer do a teevee show he has done for a while now, for this one cable station. Read more on Keith Olbermann Fired By MSNBC Or Something?…
  but she's president now!

Sarah Palin Loses 40% of Her TeeVee Audience In One Week

It’s fun to watch a train wreck once. Deadline Hollywood reports on Palin’s huge collapse in ratings since her dumb show premiered on basic cable: Sarah Palin lost almost half of her premiere audience in the second airing of her TLC reality series Sarah Palin’s Alaska. On Sunday, the series executive produced by Mark Burnett, drew 3 million viewers. That is down 40% from the 5 million who tuned in for the debut last Sunday. Read more on Sarah Palin Loses 40% of Her TeeVee Audience In One Week…
  it's morning in america

Sarah Palin: The Presidential TeeVee Candidate America Deserves

Sarah Palin took a five minute break from her pre-scripted reality teevee existence to go on a different teevee show, so that she could tell Barbara Walters that it would be so easy for her to “defeat Barack Obama.” And then Barbara Walters probably had to ask, “Really? In a presidential election? I’m not talking about teevee ratings, you fucking idiot.” (Barbara Walters is old and doesn’t realize how similar “teevee ratings” and “running for president” actually are.) Everybody is so surprised that Sarah Palin would consider quitting her Alaskan teevee show to run for president, because “quitting” is not a word Sarah Palin uses, on Twitter. Perhaps even more surprising is that Sarah Palin would abandon her simple, snowbilly lifestyle so that she could drag her family around the United States and smile and wave at mobs of flag-waving, scooter-powered vegetables. Read more on Sarah Palin: The Presidential TeeVee Candidate America Deserves… Read more on Sarah Palin: The Presidential TeeVee Candidate America Deserves…