Everyone very politely say “hello” to John King, who will be taking over journalism now that Lou Dobbs is no longer with us. King’s current gig is hosting State of the Union, which exists. According to Michael Calderone, one of “the good ones” at POLITICO: “The move reflects the network’s stated ambitions to be viewed as non-partisan in the evenings, as opposed to MSNBC and Fox, which boasts more outspoken commentators on the left and right.” However, Lou Dobbs will secretly stay on as Legitimate John King. [Michael Calderone]

Watch combative, raisin-shaped philosopher-king Rupert Murdoch beg for attention: “[the following was said in an Australian accent, which, according to the Chicago Manual of Style, should be indicated using the 'underline' option]: mumble mumble aye oy yes Glenn Beck was riiiight to call Obama a raycist b’cause sum of the comments Obama mayde were raycist mumble blacks and whites and reds and yellows even though he sayd he wasn’t a raycist.” Yeah it does sound a bit Irish—Wordpress! Anyway the White House will continue to ignore this because there is negative zero reason to do otherwise. [Media Matters]

Oh look: Michael Steele went on Lawrence O’Donnell’s Try To Make Everyone Laugh Using Just Your Clothing show. Lawrence O’Donnell’s like, “Michael Steele, on a scale from total failure to total failure, how would you rate your involvement in the NY-23 race?” Michael Steele, gloating and beaming as if his mouth has never met the words coming out of it, basically responds that it’s not like winning political races is a skill you can just study and perfect. But ho ho, sure Mr. Guy, you just yell if it makes you feel better about your own insecurities, an offering which Lawrence O’Donnell readily accepts. [TPM]

‘MAGICAL ELVES’ ARE SHOOTING A D.C. REALITY SHOW, TOO: Yet another dumb new show about young rich sociopaths obsessed with power and clothes: “From the Emmy award-winning producers of Project Runway and Top Chef comes a new documentary series about the chic up and comers in our nation’s capital. If you are a Washington, D.C., society insider, recent college graduate or future political powerhouse, please e-mail us atcasting@magicalelves.com. You must be 21 or over and currently live in D.C. or be planning to move there in the next couple of months.” DON’T BELIEVE THEM! Magical elves (e.g. Mitt Romney) are known succubi. [Ezra Klein]

What you are seeing here is Arianna Huffington, Stephen Baldwin, Jim Norton and—as required by law—Meghan McCain talk about crucial politics things with Jay Leno, who is apparently living out some nascent Bill Maher fantasy, what with the newsy roundtable. It is a disaster, especially the zeitgesity David Letterman part. Arianna talks about having affairs with married people, and then our Meg says something about how her dad is John McCain, and how awkward this makes sex!!, or something. There are about 90 elephants in the room… which reminds your Wonkette Editor: NEW ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY for comments of a certain strain about young Meg’s physical appearance. She is an impressionable young brilliant Republican strategist! [video at HuffPost]

Oh… god. Apparently someone taught Glenn Beck a metaphor, and already, there has been one known death. You see, Obama, he’s like throwing frogs in a pot of boiling water. This part of the metaphor stands in for Health Care. You dig? But John McCain, a completely random human who actually has had very little to do with the public health care debate, would never do something so gay, ever, as to force America to eat some pondwater consommé. John McCain HATES the French delicacy of Gay Soup. No, he would put the frog in regular water and slowly bring it to a boil. This part of the metaphor also represents Health Care. Ha, it is confusing! Let’s actually boil something alive, for clarity. MORE »

Something is very wrong with this Tom DeLay appearance on Dancing With The Stars, beyond the surreal fact that it’s even happening, in real life. Some folks have sent us an e-mail to the “Dancing With Delay” mailing list from DeLay’s daughter, Dani DeLay Ferro, who, like her father, does not exactly have a saint’s background. Ferro sends very explicit directions about how to vote for her father EIGHT TIMES, tonight. “Similar to the House of Representatives, the rules are a bit peculiar, so I’ve outlined them below,” she writes, irritatingly. What must these two crooks be plotting, by caring about this so much? MORE »

Hooray, it’s time to indoctrinate the school children at the government-run anti-choice public school-prisons. But how will we best teach these weak lumps of young shit how to be Nazi-Socialists for the Black Panthers? WITH THE TEEVEE, obvs. And that’s why the no-good Hawaiian-Chicago street hustler, Barry Nobama, will speak to the childrens on the closed circuit today, old school, and of course oh good gravy there are some WHITE folks who heard about this, and they are not so happy about a common African Slave telling kids to “stay in school.” Look what happens when black kids stay in school and go to Harvard and all that …. BLAM, black dude is president. Not good. MORE »

The Summer of Celebrity/News Death continues! Don Hewitt, the guy who created famous old-people program 60 Minutes, is dead at 86. He, like all people who died this summer and got obits in the NYT, is/was a legend. Legend of what, you ask? TeeVee! Before this guy, we hear, there was no such thing as the TeeVee News Magazine. We don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing — well, on second thought, it was probably a bad thing. The television news killed the important newspaper industry, remember? And now look where we are! [CBS News]

You know who used to be American, when he killed fucking foreigners in “World War II or Korea or one of these places,” while wearing the proper green “Army duds,” before liberal Hollywood turned him into a cocksucking cross-dresser? GI JOE THAT IS WHO, come on. MORE »

In a story that’s not quite true but makes for a catchy angle that we’re happy to run with, a madcap old lady in Carroll County, Iowa, is selling her television machines, which now only have one channel, Obama Channel. Deloris Nissen, 78, clicks the damn clicker on these machines to try and find her Tuesday night programs, but all she sees is that same Obama in his golden halls or hamburger restaurants, doing god knows what. Enough! Sell them. MORE »