teevee
Was Loser Congressman Thad McCotter House Of Cardsed By Evil Staffer? Sure Why Not
So remember Thad McCotter? The nobody Congressman who ran for president of the Iowa Straw Poll and lost, and then failed to gather enough real petition signatures to run for reelection, and then quit Congress in a blaze of glory and banal Dylan lyrics as his former staffers were about to be indicted for petition [...]
Happy Fun Gingrich Offers To Be Human Sacrifice On Donald Trump’s Dumb Teevee Show
Here is a fun marketing fact: Yr. Doktor Zoom lives in Boise, Idaho, which is among the top locations for test-marketing new products in our great nation. Apparently, we have certain demographic characterisitics (doughy, gun-fondling, dog-owning) that are useful predictors of how a new product might sell. It’s sometimes pretty obvious, when for three weeks [...]
Michelle Obama Jumps Rope To Amusement of Obese Kelly Ripa Fans
Why hello, FLOTUS fans. Have you been wondering what your First Lady Michelle Antoinette Obama has been up to the past few weeks? Anything particularly scandalous aside from hanging out on Pinterest looking at pictures of smoothies and going around, giving advice to hopelessly unemployed college graduates? Oh, here is something to freak out about: [...]
Michelle Obama Spends More Time on Television Than Actual Actors, According to Vague Statement
We have been following Michelle Obama’s television escapades – most recently, an appearance on The Biggest Loser and Colbert – and we are not the only ones. Fox News would like you to know that Michelle Obama is now the “most televised” First Lady. When she’s not secretly plotting the Obama administration’s next move in [...]
Tagg Romney Simply Does Not Care For ‘Mad Men’ Trash-Talking His Dead Grandpa
Fifty-First President of the United States Tagg Romney is hopping mad at the liberal media! This is what he perceives the hit AMC period piece Mad Man to be. On last night’s episode — THIS IS NOT A PLOT SPOILER, JUST A CUTESY ASIDE — Betty’s Republican operative husband, working for then-New York Mayor John [...]
Chuck Grassley Learns Devastating Truth About The History Channel
Oh, dear. Grampa Cornpants is experiencing the senior’s equivalent of discovering there’s no Santa Claus: Learning that the History Channel is just a bunch of alien Nazi sweepstakes porn that instantly lobotomizes the viewer. Oh god, now Grassley’s communications guy is going to holler at us for breaking the Santa Claus news to the Senator… [...]
Wingnuts Furious About … Fox News Going Liberal
What are America’s old white racist exurban cretins on Medicare and Social Security upset about today? Oh, the usual: Obama, liberals, gays, sex, black people, youth, hippies, the poor, the rich, Mexicans, “the hip hop,” Iran, exercise, unemployment, unemployment benefits, vegetables, a talented black woman with addiction problems such as Whitney Houston, organic farms, birth [...]
Joe the ‘Plumber’ & Kirk Cameron Plot Moral Crimes At CPAC
What are these two future co-presidents of Walmerica talking about, high above the commoners at CPAC? Nothing that makes any sense, that is for sure! Also is there some sort of Behind the Music style sob story to explain why 1980s teen teevee heartthrob Kirk Cameron is now reduced to hanging out with a spoiled [...]
Karl Rove ‘Offended’ By Dull Ad Promoting Major U.S. Company
Tucked amid the Stupor Bowl teevee commercials for naked chocolate candies, cheesy salt chips, war pornography, and the latest domestic water-beers was this one featuring old Clint Eastwood, the next Bat-Man, scouring stadium catacombs for the The Joker or maybe the Taco Bell. “It’s halftime in America and our second half’s about to begin,” he [...]
Parody Human Donald Trump Drops Out of His Own Dumb GOP Debate
Donald Trump, America’s leading advertisement for burning all rich people to death in vats of poison waste oil, has bravely decided to follow all the GOP candidates for president by dropping out of the clown-show Republican debate he was scheduled to host. This is an unmitigated tragedy for political comedy and the “post-Xmas doldrums,” but [...]
Supreme Court Obamacare Hearing To Enrich Lobbyists, Ruin Our Lives
In finally deciding to consider the constitutional merits of Obamacare, our black-robed Supreme Court overlords have gone and turned a deaf ear to our collective entreaties to PLEASE DON’T! as though we were some kind of publicly defended death-row inmate or something. Now the Divine Nine will get to run their stubby fingers through the [...]
Tea Party People Bilked of $19 Million With Phony Wingnut TV Scheme
A group of Tennessee conservatives say they were easily bilked out of $19 million because some guy said, “Hey give me all your money and I will make a Tea Party TeeVee Network, all about your favorite subject: yourselves.” And then the guy allegedly took the money and ran, and now the Tennessee teabaggers are [...]
Are We Done With TV of Black People Charged With Misdemeanors Now?
Are those syndicated shows like “C.O.P.S.” still a thing, with the haw-haw video of poor people committing minor property crimes or trying to take some drugs to dull the misery of existing in a rotten society? There’s still such a feature in the Bay Area, in the shitty KRON-TV local news. Let’s all have laffs [...]
‘Dancing With the Stars’ Releases Chilling Image of Satan (Nancy Grace)
Monstrous trash-cable crime-porn death-beast Nancy Grace is joining the noxious reality-celeb ritual gyration glitter program Dancing With the Stars. This is Living Proof that Satan is real and amongst us, today. Americans watch THIRTY-SIX HOURS OF TEEVEE per week, every week, on their slow Rascal-assisted journey to the Medicare Crematorium, so it’s very likely that [...]
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