Tag: teenagers

Tennessee right now.

Know What’s Just Like ISIS? Gay Tennessee Teenagers, That’s What.

  What did wingnut conservative types even do before they discovered the greatest insult in the whole world, which is to call anything you don't like "Just Like ISIS"? Easy question! They called things "al Qaeda" and "Hillary Clinton" and...
Check THIS out, kids!

Cure Your Crotch Weasels The Christian Way: Put A Ring On It!

There comes a time in every Christian youngster's life when he or she has a burning case of the crotch weasels and doesn't know what to do. Go to the doctor? Meh, that's for liberals. Go to church? Now you're...

Kansas Teacher Does The Gay Agenda To Kids, Refuses To Resign In Shame

Welcome to Kansas, where the deer and the antelope play, the cows had voting rights before the women, and you're not supposed to be nice to the homosexuals. So there's a middle school social studies teacher in Conway Springs, Kansas,...
Cucumbers are vicious lovers.

Hooker Dude Wants To Make Sure Teenagers Don’t Do Sex Things To Cucumbers

Once in a while, there is a straight news story that already has a Wonkette headline. This is one of those stories. OH DOES HE? So here is what is happening. There is a Republican state representative in Michigan called...
What squares!

Kids These Days Good At Math, Bad At F*cking

Hello, American teenage teens, quick question for you: Why are you so goddamned boring? Do you not know how to be teenagers and do stupid rebellious teenage things, and get yourselves into trouble and be reckless and irresponsible and...
DO NOT DO THAT, KIDS, IT IS A JOKE.

Kids These Days So Lame They Don’t Even Get Potted Up On Legal Weed

We've been hearing the arguments for years from the Reefer Madness crowd: If you legalize drugs, then EVERYBODY will get potted up on weed, because removing the "forbidden fruit" aspect from things always makes them more appealing. Well it turns...

Here Is Rick Santorum Spreading Leadership To High Schoolers In Totally Non-Political Way

So remember that dumb thing about Rick Santorum speaking/not speaking to some high school students about “leadership?” Well, he did speak Wednesday at Grosse Pointe South High School and got paid $18,000 for it. That means Santorum made in...

Matt Drudge Has Melancholy Breakup With America, Tweets Sad Poetry

Matt Drudge, long known as the man behind the homepage of the Internet for people who still think it's 1998, has recently taken to posting on Twitter. Because he is basically just a crazy, hyperemotional shill, it turns out that...

Levi’s Sister Says Bristol Palin Was Part of Teen Sex Tent Party, With Levi

Are we still talking about the sex lives of former teenagers in Alaska during the Sexy Summer of '08? Well then, Levi Johnston's sister, Mercede Johnston, has a hot new blog review of Bristol's teen vampire fiction, Not Afraid...

Tea Party Hero Takes ‘Pro-Bullying’ Stance Toward Gay Teens

There are only a handful of fairly uncontroversial statements you can make these days, stuff like, "the image of Al Gore making out with someone is gross" and "cancer should have a cure" and "the cruel treatment of children...

Rep. DeFazio: Emo Obama Says Not Passing Tax Deal Could End Presidency

Emo Obama is back, according to Obama-Republican tax-cut opponent Peter DeFazio, who said last night that the president is "making phone calls saying this is the end of his presidency if he doesn't get" his deal passed. Oh, is...

Gresham Barrett Is a False Prophet, Amen

A policeman punched a teen-aged girl directly in the face -- something new for your police brutality YouTube Playlist. Nikki Haley overflows with the spirit of Jesus. Then there is evil Gresham Barrett, who is the anti-Christ and moonlights...

Every Teenager Everywhere Is Pregnant

Oh BLAST YOU, Center for Disease Control! You issue these fancy figures about rising teen birth rates, knowing full well that the only thing Americans find more interesting than celebrities getting buried alive in coffins of cow eyeballs is...