Tag Archives: teenage girls

  in my arms she was always lolita

Court To Cook County Attorney: No More Creeping On Teenagers, Please

It just isn’t a good time to be a public figure in the Chicago area if you’re into the teen girl thing. First everyone threw up in their mouths a little when Mel Reynolds announced he would run for Illinois’ 2nd Congressional District. Now, teen-romance man/Cook County* Attorney Tim Scannell has himself a Harassment Restraining Order for using too many cliches in his tortured love poems to minors. Read more on Court To Cook County Attorney: No More Creeping On Teenagers, Please…
  blowvember

Chicago’s Favorite Underage-Sexytime Congressman Wants Jesse Jackson Jr.’s Job Please

Yr. Wonkette was recently distressed to hear we’d be losing Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. because of first world brain problems (and maybe also because of that federal investigation?), but it’s time to relax and breath a huge sigh of relief. Guys, Mel Reynolds is running to fill Jackson Jr’s empty seat! Perhaps you don’t remember Mel Reynolds? Allow us to fill you in. During the 1990s, when everyone wore awful pants and angst rose rapidly alongside the economy, Reynolds defeated Rep. Gus Savage for Chicago’s 2nd Congressional seat, the same spot he hopes to fill in Jackson Jr’s wake. He had lost two previous elections against Savage, but by 1992 allegations had arisen that Savage had done that thing politicians can’t help but do — he engaged in sexual misconduct, forcing himself on a Peace Corps volunteer in Zaire. Two years after this election, Reynolds was himself accused of engaging in a sexual relationship with a 16 year old campaign intern. Since Chicago is Chicago, Reynolds was elected to office for a 2nd term without opposition, and continued to serve until his conviction for the offense mentioned above, as well as obstruction of justice and solicitation of child pornography. Oh, Mel. Read more on Chicago’s Favorite Underage-Sexytime Congressman Wants Jesse Jackson Jr.’s Job Please…
 

Today’s Florida Republican Sex Criminal Actually Offed Himself

Nobody is mourning the suicide of St. Petersburg City Council Chairman John Bryan — “a staunch Republican and former finance chairman for U.S. Sen. Connie Mack” — who sucked a tailpipe Friday afternoon after the story broke that he had sexually molested his adopted daughters and another little girl. Read more on Today’s Florida Republican Sex Criminal Actually Offed Himself…
 

Teenage Lobbyists Gone Wild

Hey, at least one House employee listened to our demand that you send us vulgarisms while yer supposed to be working: Subject: overheard in Longworth Cafeteria at just about 12:40pm today: Read more on Teenage Lobbyists Gone Wild…