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Posts Tagged ‘ted stevens’

Monday, June 30th, 2008
  • GOOD-BYE, VOTERS, I’M GOING TO PRISON! Convicted bribe-taking Alaskan state Rep. Vic Kohring spent his last hours of freedom today standing on the roadside with a home-made “THANKS ALASKA” sign, waving at people driving past him. He got caught in some Ted Stevens’ scam, and now he’s off to a federal prison in the Mojave Desert for up to 3-1/2 years. [TPM Muckraker]

Ted Stevens Will Be Permanent President Of Alaska

Friday, February 22nd, 2008

Stevens now and forever!Alaska Senator Ted Stevens is as ancient and snowy white as the craggy glaciers his people farm in the Land of the Midnight Sun. And despite the fact that he is 1,000 years old and knows nothing about the Internet and is under investigation for graft, he has boldly decided to run for re-election, again. MORE »


Ted Stevens Wins Children’s Arts and Crafts Contest

Monday, February 18th, 2008

Sen. Ted Stevens of Alaska is the president of cereal! This weekend, he participated in Anchorage’s “third-annual Crafters Smackdown,” where raging hobos and salmon construct beautiful “Alaska cereal boxes” as bloodsport. Given the contest’s lax ethics rules, it is no surprise that the most corrupt senator in world history won. MORE »


Can’t Keep A Good Earmark Down

Friday, December 21st, 2007

At it again, naturallyCongressman Don Young and Senator Ted Stevens have faced more trials than Job this year, what with people insisting on investigating their alleged bribe-taking and use of their offices for personal gain and whatever. So mean! But, as a thank you for their years of dedicated service to the constituents and lobbyists that paid them enough, the House and Senate finally allowed them to get their “bridge to nowhere” in this year’s defense appropriations bill. And, by “nowhere” they mean Ketchikan (where Young’s son-in-law owns currently useless land) and by “bridge” they mean ferry to make the commute to Anchorage 15 minutes instead of 2 hours. Oh, ok, that makes it totally better this time! [Washington Post]


Any Excuse To Run A Picture of Sarah Palin

Monday, November 12th, 2007

sarah%20palin%20at%20ball.jpgBecause we can never resist an opportunity to run a picture of the hottest Governor in all 50 states (and my total girl crush), the Washington Post is reporting that Alaska Governor Sarah Palin called Alaskan legislators back to Juneau for a special session to re-vote on an oil tax bill — those legislators that haven’t been convicted of or charged with taking bribes to pass the bill, that is. Oh, those innocent days when the scandals were all about money and power. Come and relive the early days of a scandal that may end up taking down a sitting U.S. Senator, after the jump.

MORE »


Alaskan GOP Grapple Over GILF, Mean Old Man

Monday, October 22nd, 2007

Rudy Falls Victim to Boat Curse

Tuesday, September 25th, 2007

Politicians: they have bad luck on boats! Last Friday, Rudy Giuliani was happily riding a ferry of some kind in Michigan when he was set upon and attacked by a horde of vicious Ron Paul supporters demanding to know what he did with all the gold from the World Trade Centers and asking why he let Cheney do 9/11. According to a local GOP activist, the Paultards threatened to throw Rudy overboard. He eventually “took shelter in the ferry’s pilothouse for the 15-minute journey,” according to the Detroit Free Press. “It was awful,” says the activist, who has no sense of humor. But like we said a minute ago, boats are just bad news for politicians, as the New Yorker reveals in their October 1 issue. Examples include: MORE »


Ben Stevens’ New Dream Job

Thursday, August 16th, 2007

Now, he's married to the sea - WonketteNow that Ted Stevens’ son Ben is no longer a corrupt Alaskan state Senator, he needs to find some way to feed the kids he may or may not have. Thankfully, father Ted pulled some strings and got his wayward son a gig with the transportation company Lynden, who, coincidentally, have received $300 million in federal contracts over the last six years, thanks to Ted being a ranking member of the Senate Defense Appropriations committee. Now, how about this job? Cushy desk gig, no doubt? MORE »


Ha Ha, Ted Stevens Is So Screwed

Tuesday, July 31st, 2007

Prison is also a series of tubes. - WonketteNobody could find Ted Stevens at the Capitol today because he kept disappearing whenever they caught a glimpse of him, but CNN’s Dana Bash chased him down a stairwell or something and this is the hilarious transcript of the videotaped interview, which we’ll try to find for you later. Or just watch CNN; they’ll repeat it soon. MORE »


Ted Stevens’ Seussian House Raided by FBI, IRS

Tuesday, July 31st, 2007

As the longest-serving Republican Senator ever, Ted Stevens has obviously committed enough crime to make Dutch Schultz blush. He’s less ostentatious than your Duke Cunninghams and less perverted than all those under-70 whippersnappers who keep fucking whores and little boys, though, so we never thought we’d see him go down in our lifetime. Which means it’s a pleasant surprise to see the FBI and IRS raiding his huge ski resort home. MORE »


Monday, July 30th, 2007

Hey, the IRS and the FBI are raiding Ted Stevens’ house! [KTVA]


When, Not If

Wednesday, May 30th, 2007

* Democrats would make Tim Johnson get a brain transplant before letting Tom Daschle run again. [Election Central]
* Tom Tancredo loves guns so much he felt the need to mo-vlog about it. [Congress Blog]
* It’s an open secret among shitty journalists that Ron Paul will talk to anybody. [YouTube]
* Corrupt-as-shit Justice Department thinks Ted Stevens and his frankenhouse are too corrupt to listen to. [Think Progress]
* Bill O’Reilly: didja hear he’s conservative? [HuffPo]
* In Barry Hussein Obama’s America, everyone can get a new liver when they need it. [Scrappleface]
* Wonkette “West Coast Bureau Chief” Ken Layne talks shit about Our Leaders on “America’s Earliest Morning Show with Peter Tilden” every Thursday morning at maybe 3:20 a.m. Eastern time? ABC News & Talk Channel (SIRIUS-143 / XM-124). [KABC-AM]


The Masturbatory Fantasies of the Rich and Famous

Tuesday, May 29th, 2007

* What gets Rudy Giuliani to sleep at night? A little bit of Ambien and a whole lot of jerking off to his 9/11 scrapbook. [LGF]
* The “Sheehan-Reid-Obama-Clinton cult” is the really dangerous one, other cults just front. [The Corner]
* Justice Department under Clinton had a gulag for Republicans. [Washington Prowler (last Item)]
* Paul Wolfowitz for Mayor, of Baghdad. [The Blotter]
* Alaskan oil companies want Ted Stevens to have the biggest, baddest house on the block. [TPM Muckraker]
* A drawing by Barack Obama of some white people is apparently worth money. [eBay]


Gossip Roundup: Power Trip

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007

* Heard on the Hill: Power went out at Ritz-Carlton apartments, leaving Frank Lautenberg panicking in the darkness until he managed to stumble to a hotel. Harry Reid was fine, as he was aided in the darkness by mystical Mormon superpowers… Guilty-pleading former Ney aide Neil Volz was partying with journos earlier this month. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: ANGELINA JOLIE IS GOING TO JOIN THE COUNCIL ON FOREIGN RELATIONS WTF. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: The TSA made Riane Rehm spray perfume onto her contacts. Hospitalization ensued… Shaq, Pat Riley both loooove Bush. [Examiner]
* The Sleuth: John Kerry apparently sonned a Swift Boat donor during a Foreign Relations Committee hearing [WP]
* Shenanigans: Ted Stevens swings into action, unloads baggage from the carousel at the airport. [Politico]