Tag: ted stevens

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Will Sue Obama For Stealing The Internet

The real story of this week's Fartknocker Report (Presented By Fartknocker) is about Sarah Palin being super lazy all the way to the bank. We'll get to that in a minute. But first, let's watch a video in which...
Just being a good Christian

Your 2014 Legislative Sh*tmuffin (National Division): Oh Right It’s Ted Cruz For A Change

2014 was the year when Senator Ted Cruz (R-Alberta) officially renounced his Canadian citizenship and became a true American. It was also the year when Cruz made his first successful title defense of Wonkette's coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the...
Don't show him your tits

A Serious Critique Of Net Neutrality By Serious Donald Trump, Who Is Serious

Ever since President Obama announced that he was going to socialize the interwebs -- or as actual grown-ups call it, asking the FCC to reclassify broadband as a utility, thus ensuring net neutrality -- the response from the right...
Can we get a Drudge Siren for this?

Let’s All Point And Laugh At Ancient Congressman Saying Sexting

Aren't olds so the funniest, with their not understanding kids these days doing fancy things on their iStuff? Ha ha HA, let's guffaw so hard at them and how they do not keep up with the latest thing that is...

Rick Santorum Is a Giant Pork Spender, As It Turns Out

Ah, Rick Santorum. Rick, Rick, Rick. After winning the support of 100 evangelical leaders this weekend, the conservative candidate solidified himself as a seriousish contender in the Republican race, which is exciting only because it means the New York...

Delightful Airport Restroom Graffiti Proves You’re In Alaska

Our men's room correspondent in Anchorage sent this wonderful picture of the bathroom wall at Ted Stevens International Airport. We guess this is what they call "publicly funded art" in Alaska, as everyone up there gets those "oil welfare"...

Is This The End Of Walnuts? Eh, Probably Not

What are the fun primaries Americans are going to be forced to vote in, today? In Arizona, Walnuts McCain, having dispensed with his few remaining principles, will almost certainly obliterate huckster infomercial man J.D. Hayworth. In Alaska, the...

Seattle Times Defiles Memory Of Ted Stevens, Sarah Palin’s Best Friend

Here is a scan from the Seattle Times from, uh, sometime after Ted Stevens died in a plane crash, we guess, sent to us by a tipster known only as "foog," who may or may not be the person...

NH State House Candidate Somehow Not Congratulated For Wishing Death On Sarah Palin

Our New Hampshire colony is reeling today with the break of a major Facebook controversy: State House candidate Keith Halloran commented on an article about Ted Stevens' plane crash that somebody posted on Facebook, saying, "Just wish Sarah and...

TED STEVENS DEAD (Update: Or Not, Who Knows)

America's greatest senator has perished in the usual terrible way of politicians in planes over Alaska, according to the local teevee news in Anchorage. Sarah Palin has pledged to stop Muslims from building a mosque at the site of...

YOUR UPDATE ON THE HEALTH OF OLD REPUBLICAN FORMER OFFICE HOLDERS: Former Senator Ted Stevens, his son, and ex-NASA head and current military-industrial complex shill Sean O'Keefe were on a small plane in Alaska that crashed earlier today. ...

Dick Wadhams Hovers Over Colorado Primary

Primaries today in Colorado and other, less amusing states, like Georgia and whatever. In addition to the nonstop comedy Colorado has already provided us, there is an exciting new scandal: a big ol' story in the New York...

Sarah Palin Denies Calling On Begich To Step Down, Which She Did, Earlier

Sarah Palin's in the news, everyone! For, let's see here, lying. While most of her recent lies have been about covering up how that young man, Levi, this one is about how she told the media that she thought...

Alaska Republicans Want Special Election, For Ted Stevens

Ha ha wasn't it funny how Ted Stevens probably could have won back his Senate seat in Alaska if he hadn't been found guilty in his corruption trial, but then he was found guilty, and he lost, and then...

TED STEVENS IS FREE: Everyone's favorite white-guilt-inducer, Attorney General Eric Holder, has decided to drop all charges against mean old Ted Stevens, because why not. The Justice Department prosecution team apparently didn't present all the evidence it had, and...

Who Will George Bush Pardon Today?

The clock is ticking! George Bush has just a few short hours to issue blanket retroactive/pre-emptive pardons for all of the criminal leather queens and torture fetishists in his administration. But what about the other crooks who would also...