Wonkette

Talk about guilt by association! Mouse over the name of a convicted child rapist and what pops up? The photo of America’s favorite drunken uncle, Ted Kennedy, who was never once convicted of such a crime. FOR SHAME, YAHOO, HE HAS CANCER AND EVERYTHING. Thanks to Wonkette Mouseover Outrage Operative “Bobby” for bringing this grave injustice to our attention. [AP via Yahoo]

Edward Kennedy is reportedly still alive after more than three hours of brain surgery today at Duke University. The 76-year-old senator will still need all kinds of chemo and radiation and god knows what else, but it is pretty much impossible to kill Ted Kennedy. MORE »

Well dagnabbit, this Ted Kennedy-cancer news is a whole lot of No Fun. Looks like they can’t take the tumor out because it’s too close to “sensitive” parts of the brain, and 14 to 15 months seems to be the average survival period. The tumor is worse — more aggressive — for old folks, too. Even old racist Robert Byrd cried on the Senate floor today. Bummer on all levels, for everyone. But we have searched YouTube for the latest Ted Kennedy tribute videos, and here’s a new one that shows Teddy “through the years.” The background tunage is mighty catchy. And we can say this because it’s unrelated to his cancer: Ted Kennedy looked like such a preppy douchebag for most of his life. But he did shit for poor people so it all balances out. [YouTube]

Doctors have determined that Ted Kennedy, who was hospitalized after a seizure over the weekend, has a malignant brain tumor. They’re going to do some more tests to determine a course of action, but average survival appears to be anywhere between less than a year to five years. Too sad. Get well soon, Teddy! We will honor you by linking to your massive, awe-inspiring legislative accomplishments section on Wikipedia, as you watch the Red Sox in the hospital. [AP/MSNBC]

Senator Ted Kennedy was hospitalized this morning after having some kind of seizure, and then taken to another hospital because it was apparently pretty serious, but the 76-year-old famous liberal is now talking and joking, according to the Kennedy Clan. This is Edward Kennedy, the Keith Richards of politics, and the Kennedys. He can survive anything. MORE »

Way back in the Fifth Century, Eliot Spitzer took a “white slave” to Ireland. After many years of imprisonment, Little Saint Patrick escaped back to England, which was part of Rome at the time, and he remembered his Irish slavery so fondly that he vowed to return and destroy Paganism. It only took another 1,500 years for Ted Kennedy to drunkenly crash his car off a tiny bridge and drown his girlfriend. Learn more about St. Patrick’s Day, after the jump. MORE »

On one hand, an endorsement from a Kennedy is a pretty big political prize, even in 2008. On the other hand, it’s an endorsement from Ted Kennedy …. [Breitbart]

Indeed, Christopher: Watch out for that girl-killing bite of TEDDEEEE KENNEDDEEE… boogity boogity… boo.

Bill Richardson has held most important government jobs, but America just wasn’t ready for a Mexican citizen to be its president. We’ll get there, with Hope. He still could be a vice presidential selection, however, and now the non-loser candidates are aggressively courting his endorsement. Barack, Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Ted Kennedy, perhaps even Franklin Delano Roosevelt somehow — they have all been jamming Richardson’s phone line, most likely offering “back room deals.” Indeed, it’s springtime for Bill Richardson — that career of resume-workshopping has finally gotten him some bites. Well, more like “nibbles.” [The Trail]

Al Gore is the only big establishment Democrat of any import to withhold his endorsement at this point. That’s because he’s not a big establishment Democrat, actually — he is a veritable Jesus, and he’s above this “Politics.” How many Nobels has “Politics” won? Exactly. Some thought the Kennedys’ adoption of Barry Obama would give Gore what he needed to endorse him as well, but his advisers say he genuinely does not care about endorsing anyone. Oh, Al, what do you have to lose? That early endorsement of Howard Dean in 2004 wasn’t embarrassing at all. [Marc Ambinder]