Brave Senate Saves Massive Gov’t Spending Bill
Wednesday, October 1st, 2008
There were many frayed nerves Monday — about 777 frayed nerves, or more than $1 trillion in soiled panties — when the loopy House of Representatives voted against a giant government spending bill to help homeless Wall Street executives buy one of John McCain’s unwanted mansions. But everybody with money can rejoice again, because the Senate voted tonight, 74-25, to approve an even bigger spending bill that includes not only the original $700 billion blank check for Hank Paulson, but also a lot of those “earmarks.” John McCain voted YES, obviously. MORE »
There were many frayed nerves Monday — about 777 frayed nerves, or more than $1 trillion in soiled panties — when the loopy House of Representatives voted against a giant government spending bill to help homeless Wall Street executives buy one of John McCain’s unwanted mansions. But everybody with money can rejoice again, because the Senate voted tonight, 74-25, to approve an even bigger spending bill that includes not only the original $700 billion blank check for Hank Paulson, but also a lot of those “earmarks.” John McCain voted YES, obviously. MORE »
Senator Orrin Hatch is an old conservative Republican from Utah, the most conservative Republican state in the country: so it’s no surprise that in a moment of weakness the 
Talk about guilt by association! Mouse over the name of a convicted child rapist and what pops up? The photo of America’s favorite drunken uncle, Ted Kennedy, who was never once convicted of such a crime. FOR SHAME, YAHOO, HE HAS CANCER AND EVERYTHING. Thanks to Wonkette Mouseover Outrage Operative “Bobby” for bringing this grave injustice to our attention. [
Edward Kennedy is reportedly still alive after more than three hours of brain surgery today at Duke University. The 76-year-old senator will still need all kinds of chemo and radiation and god knows what else, but it is 
Doctors have determined that Ted Kennedy, who was 
Way back in the Fifth Century, Eliot Spitzer took a “white slave” to Ireland. After many years of imprisonment, 
Indeed, Christopher: Watch out for that girl-killing bite of TEDDEEEE KENNEDDEEE… boogity boogity… boo.
Bill Richardson has held most important government jobs, but America just wasn’t ready for a Mexican citizen to be its president. We’ll get there, with Hope. He still could be a vice presidential selection, however, and now the non-loser candidates are 
Al Gore is the only big establishment Democrat of any import to withhold his endorsement at this point. That’s because he’s not a big establishment Democrat, actually — he is a veritable Jesus, and he’s above this “Politics.” How many Nobels has “Politics” won? Exactly. Some thought the Kennedys’ 
The oldest and most important man — the “dean,” or “stern grampa,” might we say? — of the Democratic party, the Liberal who is somehow brothers with various political legends who died 900 years ago, TED KENNEDY, gave his big endorsement speech for Barry today at Washington’s American University. Caroline Kennedy, whose father was some sort of neat, pretty president in the 1960s — the one obsessed with putting humans on the moon by a certain time — joined Uncle Teddy to give a Hope speech as well. Congrats, Barry: you have officially become a Kennedy today. It would be wise to beef up your security.
Kinda sucks to be Hillary Clinton right now. Ted Kennedy — one of the last two major Democratic endorsers along with Al Gore, who seems to be keeping silent — has endorsed Barry Obama, last night’s big winner. The old fatso’s endorsement has been in the works for a few days, it turns out, so it’s not like he’s ‘tarding out just because of that delightful speech last night. Instead, insiders suggest that it was Kennedy’s history of killing young white bitches in his car that made him feel closer to “the black candidate.” [
