By the Comics Curmudgeon
Hey, everybody, did you hear about the Health Care? Health Care is a very important issue facing us all today, and Obama has promised to Do Something about the Health Care? There is one slight problem with this: Health Care is very, very complicated, and any configuration of it is pretty much terrifying, so nobody really understands what the deal is with the proposed Health Care Reforms (or, really, what the deal is with the current un-Reformed Health Care that we have now). How, then, are America’s great communicators, the political cartoonists, supposed to explain Health Care to you, the mouth-breathing masses? Well, if the following cartoons are any indication, they will do so with murder, hideous mutants, and anal sex. OH MY GOD IS THIS WHAT WONKETTE HAS DONE TO AMERICAN DISCOURSE? DAVID DENBY WAS RIGHT! MORE »

Sorry, Denby, but your boyfriend Ted Kennedy has written the most awful piece of proposed legislation since Mitch McConnell suggested ending state funding for robotic goat-dildoes back in the Gingrich Revolution. What is so terrible about Kennedy’s healthcare proposal? The Congressional Budget Office NO LIKEY. MORE »

Hooray! (PSST HOW AMBIGUOUS IS THE TERM “REMISSION”??): “Sen. Edward Kennedy’s brain cancer is in remission and the Massachusetts Democrat is expected back in the Senate after the Memorial Day recess, according to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. Sen. Reid (D-Nev.) said Tuesday that he spoke with Kennedy’s wife and was told the 77-year-old lawmaker will return to work full time during the first week of June.” Just in time for Socialized Health Care! But what if Harry Reid is lying? [The Hill]

Everyone remembers Dallas, Georgia’s mayor, Boyd Austin, whose wacky friends are always fiddlin’ with his Facebook status and posting confusing jokes that are just comprehensible enough to be considered in poor taste. Boyd: be warned that there is this uneducated boomer film critic in New York who will probably write a book about you when he sees this. [Creative Loafing]

So here’s The Dog. It is a Portuguese Water Dog, six months old, and a gift from Ted Kennedy and his wife Mrs. Kennedy. Denby must be furious at Obama, taking the cancer man’s dog like this. [White House photo/Pete Souza, NYT]

Oh boy we better not make a funny about this or fuckface porn addict David Denby may be compelled to shit out another $15.95 pamphlet about how the Internet has ruined his dinner with Michael Kinsley. So, here is “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” star Ted Kennedy just cold bein’ alive and outside and throwing a baseball, which is an American Tradition. UPDATE: Oh Red Lasso can go to HELL. Much better/insane YouTube version now in place.

David Denby, noted fruit-sack, has forever tarnished the name of Ted Kennedy. Once, we all knew Kennedy as a lovable, happy-go-lucky boozebag and a very capable senator. But now when you hear “Ted Kennedy,” you think of a tragically emasculated old invalid suffering the endless indignity of blogger insults. Why did David Denby have to go and do that to Ted Kennedy? MORE »

Alright, so we caved. We were at Borders and noticed New Yorker film critic David Denby’s new book, Snark, about how he hates bloggers, Sarah Palin, Maureen Dowd, Tom Wolfe and others for the exact same undefined reason. We actually bought the book (YOU’RE WELCOME DENBY) and were planning to skim for the Wonkette part, giggle, and then give the slender volume away to the nearest hobo. So, OH MAN. First he references one of your male associate editor’s posts about Chelsea Clinton and suggests that the “young women” who wrote it must have some catty jealousy issues, with their vaginas. Then he writes that we made fun of Ted Kennedy on the day of his brain tumor surgery, citing a post about something else entirely that was written seven months before Kennedy even got cancer. Damn those bloggers, always trying to ruin other peoples’ reputations with false information! MORE »

Jesus Christ, Caroline Kennedy: next time you think about running for any office (/harassing blind people for Senate jobs), just ignore it and throw a fundraiser for poor illiterate kids or whatever instead? Her surprise dropout yesterday, once she realized that she was out of her element and/or NOT THE PICK, has taken yet another hilarious and tragic twist that probably could have been avoided: Ted Kennedy is mad at some of her people for blaming her exit on Ted’s “declining health,” as in, Caroline had no idea just how bad her uncle’s RAREST AND MOST DEADLIEST POSSIBLE FORM OF BRAIN CANCER was until he started floppin’ around at that luncheon Tuesday. Ted and his people obviously want to be kept out of this terrible failure’s failure, and also don’t want her screwing up his work in the Senate, which he attends once every six months for a “victory lap.” MORE »

• OH NO TED KENNEDY: He was cold lunchin’ with the bigwigs in the Capitol’s Statuary Hall when he collapsed. It was apparently a seizure, and he got taken to the hospital. Also, for those Robert Byrd fans who freak out any time they hear about an old person falling over, fear not, Senator Byrd is fine. [CNN]

Rod Blagojevich couldn’t make it himself to today’s Senate swearing-in ceremony — why would he, right? He’s not even a Senator!! — but his Taint, his grimy grimy taint, was omnipresent in the chamber, and it reeked. After thoroughgoing racist Harry “Bull Connor” Reid made a black person leave Capitol Hill due to the color of his skin this morning, the black spectre of Non-Racial Transcendence swept the chamber with Misery, casting a blood red aura of Sin throughout the ancient lair of our bicameral legislature’s more exclusive wing. The Racists went on with their ceremony, which required a blood oath to Dick Cheney. Senator Joe Biden took the oath. Crippled lion Ted Kennedy took the oath. John McCain had a sad. MORE »