ted cruz

Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas is not a smart man. Oh, I know, I know. There’s a conservative fairy tale that Cruz is REALLY smart (Democrats, beware!) because he went to Princeton and Harvard Law School and was super good at debating, and Harvard Professor Alan Dershowitz called him “off-the-charts brilliant.” But given his complete […]

Reince Priebus tweeted out an invitation today to go “Pick who you want to be the next president,” via the RNC’s excellent new survey toy. And what a broad selection of fine candidates there is, even though no one’s announced yet, even at this late date. The choices include people who will almost definitely run […]

Here’s your exciting House Republican Conference video of the day, and boy oh boy are we looking forward to seeing the results of THIS contest: the House GOP is doing its annual Social Media Contest, pitting members against each other in using the Twittosphere, Faceplacegram, and InstaTubes. The winner will be whoever gets the highest […]

Smirking asshat Ted Cruz brought his inimitable gravitas to the Mississippi Senate primary (on the day that the vote was certified by the state’s Republican party, naturally), agreeing with losing loser Chris McDaniel that there’s no way Thad Cochran really won the Republican primary, because a lot of “liberal Democrats” voted for Cochran in the […]

We’re all still reeling over the awful Hobby Lobby decision today, but thank heavens, some of our great thinkers have already weighed in. For instance, Rick Santorum is positively frothy over the decision, even to the point of losing his prepositions: SCOTUS restored a vital piece our Constitution today [sic]. It’s a great day for […]

Stephen Colbert is very happy that Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Alberta) has finally renounced his Canadian citizenship, but has serious doots aboot whether Cruz has actually managed to truly shed all the vestiges of his Canadianness. And so he generously offers to complete the Senator’s de-programming, to help him finally be a true American and stop […]

You see that there fancy-looking piece of paper with fancy French writing alongside English, the language George Washington and Jesus spoke? That there is Ted Cruz’s official renunciation of his Canadian citizenship, which was a stain on this great nation. What kind of fancy-pants wuss traitor needs dual citizenship anyway? Seems like something only commies […]

Over the weekend, you may have heard, the United States secured the release of its only POW from the ridiculously long war in Afghanistan. Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl, who had been held by the Taliban since he apparently wandered away from his base in June of 2009, was swapped for five senior Taliban commanders at Guantanamo […]

As it damn well should, the Times leads with the horrific shooting in California Friday night, but nothing about the Times’s dispassionate reporting style can capture the godawful misogyny that is at the core of Eliot Rodger’s murderous rampage in Santa Barbara. To its credit (?), the Times does link to Rodger’s full manifesto, which […]

Don’t throw out those tricorn hats quite yet, people. The Tea Party is on the comeback trail. This is good news for America, as our strategic snark reserve might otherwise have fallen to historic lows this campaign cycle. In what is either a sign of a conservative wave this fall or an indication that Republican […]

Sen. Ted Cruz, the Canadian anchor baby the state of Texas in its infinite wisdom saw fit to represent it in what was once un-ironically called The World’s Greatest Deliberative Body, has decided that not only should he listen to the shortwave radio transmissions his fillings pick up, but also that he should transcribe the […]

Oh man, guys, this Cliven Bundy thing is getting out of control. Despite his blatant racism and strong desire for the government to keep their hands off his welfare cattle, Cliven Bundy STILL has supporters. And not only do they support Bundy being a total moocher, they HATE Harry Reid. And now, these ‘domestic terrorists’ […]

Remember James Lankford, from that story Editrix just wrote? Well he is locked in a race for the Republican nomination to succeed Senator Tom Coburn (R-SpackleBrainedDickWeasel), with T.W. Shannon (R-Some of Tea Partiers’ Best Friends Are Black), a former Oklahoma Speaker of the House, a member of the Chickasaw Nation, and also a member of another […]

As political satirical fun time bloggers, we applaud the new ease with which any candidate anywhere can make themselves a YouTube and spit out a campaign ad, because that really has been comedy gold for us over the past few years. Even the big folks have used YouTube to get weird, like Ted Cruz with […]