ted cruz
Harry Reid Tells Canadian Anchor Babby Ted Cruz to STFU, GTFO, DIAF
Canadian anchor babby Ted Cruz has only been in office a short while, but already he has become a great favorite of yr Wonkette. Is this because typing the words “Canadian anchor babby” never fails to make us giggle? Yes, that is one reason. Is it because Ted Cruz always has that smug know-it-all expression [...]
Ted Cruz Would Like To President Us Even Though He Was Born In Socialist Canada (Which is Not America)
Once upon a time, real America-loving Americans understood that you have to be borned in America — real America, not that bogus semi-American Kenyan state of Hawaii — if you want to be president. (This obviously does not apply to John McCain, because he is A HeroTM who bravely and maverickly crashed many planes to [...]
The Week in Guns: Please Proceed With Your Mansplaining, Jerks
What a week for gun news to wrap our cold dead hands around. We have already told you about the dust-up in the Senate Judiciary Committee when Canadian anchor baby Ted Cruz (R-Pew! Pew!) mansplained the Constitution to Dianne Feinstein and DiFi told him to STFU and DIAF. Readers who know something about DiFi’s history [...]
Dianne Feinstein Goes To Ted Cruz’s Work, Slaps Tea Party Dick From His Mouth Hole
Ho ho, Ted Cruz, you impetuous scamp! Since today is a day of the week, you must have pissed off someone with some sassy backtalk. Who had the “Dianne Feinstein” square for today’s game of “Ted Cruz Mansplains Until _____ Wants to Punch Him in His Cock” bingo? “Let me just make a couple of [...]
Texas Senator And Know-Nothing Ted Cruz Has Exciting New Reason To Repeal Obamacare
Anchor-baby Ted Cruz is kicking up a fuss again, because that is what he does. Cruz-fussing is the most awful boring fussing of all, both because we have to look at his sleepy-eyed no-chin face the whole time and because all he ever does is whine about Obamacare, and how since it is a whole [...]
Where Is Orly Taitz When We Need Her Most?
It is late afternoon, so you’ve already probably spent about 4-5 hours fapping to copies of Ted Cruz’ resume, right? Yes, he’s the lawyer-cum-senator who is the youngest, longest, bestest at oral…arguments…ever. So! Your masturbation fantasies likely already encompass the possibility that Ted Cruz might someday, if you are very lucky, run for president. YES [...]
Texas Dingbat Ted Cruz Will Explain At You That Harvard Law Is Full of Government-Overthrowing Communists
Have you met Ted Cruz yet? He is the new face of crazy for the Republican party, and boy does he have it all — the smug countenance of Paul Ryan! The poise of Joe McCarthy! And the batshit crazy of Rand Paul, or Ron Paul, whatever — either way, he is THAT CRAZY! Did you [...]
A Children’s Treasury of Contrarian Republican Commentary on Hurricane Isaac
What is Hurricane Isaac to certain more outspoken member of the Republican party? A disaster, perhaps, that could destroy the northern Gulf Coast yet again? Maybe it’s an Obama Commerce Department conspiracy. Or a welcome opening of the skies that keeps Joe Biden away. Or maybe it’s nothing, and no one should give a shit, [...]
Here Is Your 2011 Demon Sheep Ad, This Time With Chupacabras
There is that saying, about imitation and flattery and whatever, but all we know is that here is another insane campaign commercial starring a bunch of demon creatures, not unlike the beloved Demon Sheep of Carly Fiorina, circa 2010. This strange video does not really come close to being that terrifying, but it is still [...]
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