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Posts Tagged ‘technology’

'FACEBOOK WALL MEME'

Barack Obama Thinks People Should Die Because They Cannot Afford Health Care

Friday, September 4th, 2009

Oh my god, you tool! But how could he have been encouraged by something he clearly never read? The crucial step — “If you agree, please post this as your status for the rest of the day” — goes ignored. IT WAS NEVER HIS STATUS. He clearly supports the mullahs in Iran over the students in Iran or whatever. Unless this thing is his “status”? Or is this just the “wall”? Was this a “Facebook Wall Meme” all along and no one reported it? Your editor signed up for this DAMN THING in early 2004, and it was just like, “click this button to be ‘friends’ with whatever idiot,” and nothing else, and it was only available to a few colleges, and now what?, Obama writes PORN on it about how weird he is. [Facebook]


BEGINNINGS OF ENDS

Sarah Palin Has Developed Flying Twitters Enriched With Uranium

Saturday, July 18th, 2009

Ahh, T minus ten days until human TwitterBerry Sarah Palin stops holding back and starts GETTING REAL 4 REAL.  However! This presents an ontological problem of sorts, as everything that is “politically incorrect” is also therefore a “joke about Trig.” [via Daily Intel]


WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT?

Bennett Says Obama Is ‘Pusillanimous,’ Calls For Distribution Of ‘Duplication Machines’

Monday, June 22nd, 2009

Who does Bill Bennett think he is, Bill Safire? He went on John King’s show yesterday and threw around a bunch of ten-dollar words but did not have the decency to wear a necktie, or even a collar. This pudgy slob who could not get seated for brunch at a decent restaurant is very disappointed that our president has not ordered an airlift to shower the Iranian people with phone cards and “duplication machines” to help with their revolution. [CNN]


NERD PATROL

America Will Still Be Converted To Gmail

Wednesday, March 18th, 2009

Must kill Sarah ... Palin.Vivek Kundra, the nerd hired by Barack Obama to replace the United States with millions of murderous Flying Terminators called “cloud computing,” had to step aside for a week because, whoops, his former office in Washington was raided by the Feds. Why? Because it’s a D.C. government office, silly, so various staffers were involved in the usual D.C. government activities (graft). But Vivek, he had nothing to do with it — which is why the Washington Times was forced to dig up something bad about this fellow. MORE »


ZOMG

Meghan McCain: None Of Daddy’s Friends Liked My Blog!

Thursday, February 19th, 2009

Senatorial daughter and children’s propaganda author Meghan McCain still appears to be getting paychecks from The Daily Beast for her random thoughts about her dad’s campaign, which most Americans have already forgotten. In today’s blog article, Meghan chimes in on the recent chatter about Republicans trying to carve out their own Internets — be it on Republican Twitter, which will soon replace the entire Main Stream Media, or Michael Steele’s upcoming “off-the-hook” black & Mexican hip-hop torrent hub. Meghan writes that UMM HELLO she *tried* to get these old slobs online during the campaign with her shoe blog, but UMM HELLO they all like hated it?? MORE »


THEY CAN HAVE IT

Republicans ‘Winning’ Against Democrats, On Twitter

Tuesday, February 17th, 2009

The Washington Times writes with great exuberance today about how congressional Republicans are “winning” when it comes to Twitter, the terrible Internet thing. “Republicans finally get it,” the Times ominously opens, “and have jumped on Internet technology in hopes of dominating it in the same way they used talk radio in the early 1990s to build a following.” Hmm, it’s just not the same if you can’t hear the host’s spittle fly into the mic. MORE »


MEAN RUSSIAN MEN

Putin Makes Rude Remark At Davos

Thursday, January 29th, 2009

Verbal judo.So a bunch of fancy world leaders gathered at Davos to discuss the “world economy,” such as it is, and generally be lame together this year. The “headliners” were such sexy globe-trotting humanitarian starlets as Vladimir Putin and Wen Jiabao. Putin said something mean to Michael Dell, because that is something Putin loves doing: publicly humiliating dopey Americans. MORE »


ROBOT SPIES

CNN Sends Very Important Press Release At 11:37 AM On Inauguration Day

Tuesday, January 20th, 2009

Soviet spybots are watching you masturbate.Hey so like half an hour before our very first black president EVER was sworn in, which is to say, when there wasn’t a whole lot going on, anywhere, CNN decided to notify various press outlets that they had released a rush transcript of Wolf Blitzer explaining the techmologies behind their new space alien spybot in the sky. It was very informative! Press release after the jump. MORE »


MECHANICAL SEXYTIME

Amoral War Robots May Make Better Soldiers

Tuesday, November 25th, 2008

nullEvery six months or so you will read something in the paper about a kooky new DARPA project where military scientists have outfitted wasps with nuclear warheads, or invented some kind of mind-reading goo or Cloak of Invisibility or whatever. Your semi-annual installment of freaky War Science News has researchers debating the utility of autonomous robots that could maybe avoid torturing people and bombing cemeteries. MORE »


TECHMOLOGIES

Palin E-mail Hacker Reveals How He Got In: By Having A Working Brain

Thursday, September 18th, 2008

The FBI and Secret Service have launched a Special Investigation into the important matter of some “hacker” breaking into Sarah Palin’s Yahoo! e-mail and taking a few benign screen shots. Michelle Malkin, Bill O’Reilly et al. have been lambasting our friends at Gawker for posting the screen shots; O’Reilly even said that Gawker owner Nick Denton should be thrown in jail forever. (Maybe? But not for this.) In the meantime, the supposed hacker has released an account of his complicated crime. We should warn you that only advanced computer science-trained minds will be able to understand this, but here goes: the hacker correctly guessed Palin’s simple “Forgot Your Password?” question. Crafty! MORE »


THE MORE YOU KNOW

John McCain Invented The BlackBerry!

Tuesday, September 16th, 2008

Better than Newton and Liebniz combined!Yes, a McCain advisor said that John McCain “helped create” the motherfucking BlackBerry, which is an insult to John McCain, who lost his ability to type or invent small digital devices that have tiny little keys when he was in Vietnam for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, ALAN. MORE »