Guys, we’re really sorry we haven’t gotten around to announcing the big tote-bag winners of our most recent photoshop and caption contests; we really will get to those soon, and you should believe us, because we are professional bloggers. But in the meantime, we have a REAL challenge for you: Can you find a point […]

Fans of the Uncanny Valley will be delighted to know that roboticists in Japan have taken another giant leap toward creeping us right the fuck out, with two new female-appearing androids that will be interacting with guests at the National Museum of Emerging Science and Innovation in Tokyo. They look pretty darn lifelike in still […]

Guns. Hot damn, if we all don’t want bigger, badder, better guns! Pew! Pew! Pew! America, Fuck Yeah, Second Amendment, NRA, freedoms, and all that jazz! Am I right! And if we occasionally need to feed the Tree Of Liberty with the blood of dozens of schoolchildren, then so be it, because GUNS ARE TEH […]

Fox News professional psychiatrist-like person Keith Ablow is just full of fascinating insights about human behavior, such as how America elected Newt Gingrich President because he’s a virile adulterer and Barack Obama hates guns because of his daddy issues. And in fact, people with guns are almost never fully responsible for their actions, because there […]

Oh, golly, Old Handsome Joe… You know, we get you, but not everybody gets you. You understand we literally love you to death, but sometimes, you sort of literally put your foot in your mouth? Like during this meeting with five women at Japanese internet concern DeNA, where you asked the three married gals, “Do […]

In what has to be the Greatest Development in Teevee News since holographic Jessica Yellin asked Wolf Blitzer “What is thy bidding?” on election night 2008, here is Shepard Smith giving a tour of Fox’s brand-new “News Deck,” a wowie-zowie news set just dripping with ludicrously gigantoid “55-inch touchscreen displays” where Fox’s “information specialists” will […]

We’re going to skip a couple of chapters in our American history books for homeschoolers this week — sorry, Andrew Jackson fanboys! (Quick recap: Gold Standard good but Bank of the United States bad; Trail of Tears sad but inevitable.) Instead, let’s look at our textbooks’ chapters on advances (always advances, you know) in technology […]

Apparently the UK noticed a while ago that the US was doing piddly little spying on its own citizens, and chuckled gracefully into their afternoon tea at the upstart colonists’ antics. Because back in 2009, they apparently decided to up the ante and straight up spy on world leaders who gathered London for the G20 […]

Today, technology can make our lives better — even if our world as we know it is being destroyed! Oh, well, at least there’s a new episode of Game of — oh, crap. You can now donate to the presidential campaigns through text! No word on whether the presidential candidates would text back. How much […]

Past and future failed Senate candidate George Allen held a Facebook town-hall with Virginia shut-ins and others who could not click the “X” button in time. Okay, wait. Were we not explicitly promised that the 2006 clip of Allen calling a rival campaign staffer “macaca” was THE END of his political career, which at one […]

This is “politics news” insofar as we know that 126.9% of you Wonketteers would not even be reading this post right now without some kind of Apple device that also enables you to continue the grueling daily process of existing, so let us all take a moment to say goodbye to Apple founder Steve Jobs, […]

And now it is time to check in with marshmallow human Newt Gingrich for the latest in high tech interactive multimedia. Oh hey look, Newt has discovered hip new social networking thing Google “plus,” which is just Facebook without Farmville or Sarah Palin and all her turd followers on it, which means it is still […]

Good news on the U.S. infrastructure front: The FCC has approved a weird new national wireless system that will maybe create some new jobs! The bad news, according to USA Today, is that the powerful new cell towers “will create vast zones where motorists can’t find GPS directions, smart phones will lose functionality, and 911 […]

Gabrielle Giffords is still recovering quickly, and today she has made what is surely the best sign of progress yet, moving from playing with an iPhone to playing with an iPad. “Doctors said she had scrolled through the iPad and picked out a stuffed animal. ‘That’s how we know she’s aware,’ said Michael Lemole, the […]

BREAKING WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: Rick Sanchez has gotten up from the couch, brushed off the Cheeto dust, and duct-taped his laptop to his teevee. This changes everything. [Twitter]