Tag Archives: technology

  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Jeb Bush’s Website Violates Everybody’s Privacy, Oops (Video)

Oh, those fabulous Bushes
Rachel Maddow loves the Bush family almost as much as we do. Especially their talent for putting their foot in it, as President George H.W. Bush did when he seemed amazed by a supermarket scanner during his 1992 reelection campaign. Supposedly, he was amazed not by the scanner itself, but by its advanced features, like being able to read torn labels, but mostly, she says, it just looked like he was unfamiliar with the “fundamental basics of peasant life, like how you pay for stuff at the store.” Read more on Morning Maddow: Jeb Bush’s Website Violates Everybody’s Privacy, Oops (Video)…
  Bill Nye Vs. Stupid Part XLVIII

Bill Nye Weeps For Your Stupid Homeschooled Children

Bill Nye (right) talks to A Idiot (left)
We sure like us some Bill Nye. Following up on his February “debate” at the Creation museum, in which he handily took apart the bad science behind that institution, Nye has a book out, Undeniable: Evolution and the Science of Creation. Which is why he braved the dungeon of derp that is Newsmax TV to explain why creationism is simply not good for kids. What it mostly comes down to, of course, is that creationism is bad science — or not science at all, which is the worst science — and that pushing it on kids for the sake of keeping fundamentalist parents happy will have long-term consequences for kids’ ability to function in a world where reality is valued. Read more on Bill Nye Weeps For Your Stupid Homeschooled Children…
  persons attempting to find a moral will be banished

Maureen Dowd Is Meh About A Thing

Guys, we’re really sorry we haven’t gotten around to announcing the big tote-bag winners of our most recent photoshop and caption contests; we really will get to those soon, and you should believe us, because we are professional bloggers. But in the meantime, we have a REAL challenge for you: Can you find a point in Maureen Dowd’s Tuesday column about Barack Obama and technology? At least we think that’s what it was about. Maybe it was about him being feckless or something. All we could tell is that it was quite a few column inches of Maureen Dowd being vaguely displeased with how this president does things, but with no real criticism beyond the hazy sense that stage-managed presidential media appearances are insincere, and so maybe it would be better if Barack Obama had a holodeck. We think. Read more on Maureen Dowd Is Meh About A Thing…
  uncanny valley of the dolls

New Japanese Robot Ladies Still Fall Short Of Anime Fantasy, May Nonetheless Kill Us All

Fans of the Uncanny Valley will be delighted to know that roboticists in Japan have taken another giant leap toward creeping us right the fuck out, with two new female-appearing androids that will be interacting with guests at the National Museum of Emerging Science and Innovation in Tokyo. They look pretty darn lifelike in still photos, and considerably less so in video. The goal for these bots is to simulate some human movements smoothly, especially facial expressions; hand and arm movements still look considerably more machine-driven. For now, hu-mons. For now. Read more on New Japanese Robot Ladies Still Fall Short Of Anime Fantasy, May Nonetheless Kill Us All…
  take your 'smart' and shove it

Gun Enthusiasts Defend Freedom By Yelling At Lady Who Invented Gun-Safety Thing

Guns. Hot damn, if we all don’t want bigger, badder, better guns! Pew! Pew! Pew! America, Fuck Yeah, Second Amendment, NRA, freedoms, and all that jazz! Am I right! And if we occasionally need to feed the Tree Of Liberty with the blood of dozens of schoolchildren, then so be it, because GUNS ARE TEH BEST. We don’t care if they are big guns or small guns, so long as they are dick-shaped and can help us overcome masculine insecurities, we’ll take whatever you are offering. Can I get an ‘amen’ from the gun enthusiasts? RawStory has the amen: Belinda Padilla, president and CEO of the U.S. division of firearm manufacturer Armatix, says she was stalked and threatened by “gun enthusiasts” after she tried to bring a safer handgun to market. Oh right. We love guns, except for better, safer guns. Because even the option of a safer gun somewhere is an affront to freedom everywhere, just like that Martin Luther King Jr. guy said, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere,” except with guns and safety being a threat to freedom. Un-ironic self-five for MLK reference!  Read more on Gun Enthusiasts Defend Freedom By Yelling At Lady Who Invented Gun-Safety Thing…
  our world confuses and frightens him

Fox News Shrink Keith Ablow Suggests Guy Texting At Movie Needed To Be Shot, Maybe, Why Not

Fox News professional psychiatrist-like person Keith Ablow is just full of fascinating insights about human behavior, such as how America elected Newt Gingrich President because he’s a virile adulterer and Barack Obama hates guns because of his daddy issues. And in fact, people with guns are almost never fully responsible for their actions, because there are other factors like abortion and facebook causing the murdering. He is especially worried about the pernicious effects of the Facebook and the Texting, and just last week was telling Bill O’Reilly all about how the smart phones are every bit as addictive as marijuana, and maybe even worse. So it’s hardly surprising that Ablow would also proclaim that, in order to truly understand Monday’s awful movie-theater shooting in Florida, we have to consider the possibility that it was motivated by “Data Rage,” which is a very real thing and not just something that Keith Ablow pulled out of his shiny metal ass: We have to look at something I’ll call “data rage,” just like “road rage.” We know that when people interact with machines, that sometimes they feel emboldened to do things that they never would; that it could be tremendously frustrating; and that people who could be vulnerable — by the way, they may impulsive to begin with, they may be explosive — add in technology or a machine and things could go over-the-top and become very violent. We suppose it’s not impossible that the telegraph or radio were blamed for driving people into a killing rage, too, so sure, why not. As we all know from Aristotle, things started going downhill once we developed literacy anyway and we no longer had to develop the mental discipline to memorize heroic epics. And so sometimes people like Chad Oulson who use the new information technology will just pay the price, like getting shot to death while texting their daughter’s daycare. Read more on Fox News Shrink Keith Ablow Suggests Guy Texting At Movie Needed To Be Shot, Maybe, Why Not…
  articulate and bright and clean

Old Handsome Joe Biden Asks If Japanese Ladies’ Husbands Gave Them Permission To Get Jerbs

Oh, golly, Old Handsome Joe… You know, we get you, but not everybody gets you. You understand we literally love you to death, but sometimes, you sort of literally put your foot in your mouth? Like during this meeting with five women at Japanese internet concern DeNA, where you asked the three married gals, “Do your husbands like you working full time?” We get what you meant, of course — the White House pool report said that the point of the visit was to emphasize “the need to integrate more women in the workforce,” and so the question was aimed at showing that family and work aren’t incompatible, but that’s not how it came out, exactly. Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden Asks If Japanese Ladies’ Husbands Gave Them Permission To Get Jerbs…
  into the future at derp factor eleven

Shep Smith Steps On His Own Deck

In what has to be the Greatest Development in Teevee News since holographic Jessica Yellin asked Wolf Blitzer “What is thy bidding?” on election night 2008, here is Shepard Smith giving a tour of Fox’s brand-new “News Deck,” a wowie-zowie news set just dripping with ludicrously gigantoid “55-inch touchscreen displays” where Fox’s “information specialists” will sift through all sorts of breaking social-media thingies to find the real truth about what other reporters are tweeting about the latest YouTube video of a screencap from Fox News, ensuring that You The Viewer will spend most of the newscast trying to see if anybody in the background is watching porn. Read more on Shep Smith Steps On His Own Deck…
  doing science and we're still alive

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Happy Factory Urchins

We’re going to skip a couple of chapters in our American history books for homeschoolers this week — sorry, Andrew Jackson fanboys! (Quick recap: Gold Standard good but Bank of the United States bad; Trail of Tears sad but inevitable.) Instead, let’s look at our textbooks’ chapters on advances (always advances, you know) in technology and culture in the first half of the 19th century. As usual, the 8th-grade text from A Beka Book, America: Land I Love, is far more emphatic in letting us know where our sympathies should lie; its chapter “The Blessings Of Technology” almost sounds like the editors are looking for investors: America witnessed many wonderful advances in transportation, communication, and industry in the 1800s. New inventions such as railroads, steamboats, telegraphs, and farm machinery transformed life for many American families. United States History for Christian Schools, the more restrained 11th/12th-grade text from Bob Jones University Press — a description we keep finding ourselves astonished to be typing — elects to illustrate the pace of change by noting that while the 1815 Battle of New Orleans was fought two weeks after the Treaty of Ghent was signed, the trans-Atlantic cable in 1858 made international communication a matter of minutes, not weeks or months. (Also, please Tweet this article to all your Facebook friends.) All of which is to say, we’ll once again mostly focus on Land I Love, because that’s the richer vein of triumphalist crazy. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Happy Factory Urchins…
  spy vs. spy

British Spy On World Leaders, Earn Title of World’s Worst Hosts

Apparently the UK noticed a while ago that the US was doing piddly little spying on its own citizens, and chuckled gracefully into their afternoon tea at the upstart colonists’ antics. Because back in 2009, they apparently decided to up the ante and straight up spy on world leaders who gathered London for the G20 summit. In the latest leak from traitor/hero/missing contractor Edward Snowden to The Guardian: Foreign politicians and officials who took part in two G20 summit meetings in London in 2009 had their computers monitored and their phone calls intercepted on the instructions of their British government hosts, according to documents seen by the Guardian. What terrible hosts, those British! You step into the loo and all of a sudden they are bugging your phone. No wonder we dumped their goddam tea into the harbor. Read more on British Spy On World Leaders, Earn Title of World’s Worst Hosts…
  camera set me up!

George Allen Again Victimized by Functioning Video Camera (VIDEO)

Past and future failed Senate candidate George Allen held a Facebook town-hall with Virginia shut-ins and others who could not click the “X” button in time. Okay, wait. Were we not explicitly promised that the 2006 clip of Allen calling a rival campaign staffer “macaca” was THE END of his political career, which at one time included even some aroused grunting in the direction of the Presidency? Maybe not, because Allen’s still running for Senate. And, wouldn’t you know it, the camera set him up again! Read more on George Allen Again Victimized by Functioning Video Camera (VIDEO)…
  maybe this is why our internet has not been working today?

Inventor of Pretty Much Everything Steve Jobs Dies At 56

This is “politics news” insofar as we know that 126.9% of you Wonketteers would not even be reading this post right now without some kind of Apple device that also enables you to continue the grueling daily process of existing, so let us all take a moment to say goodbye to Apple founder Steve Jobs, who passed away today at the age of 56. Oh ha ha, does everyone remember that time that Obama tried to bribe America to love him with free iPads? None of this could have happened, without Steve Jobs. Read more on Inventor of Pretty Much Everything Steve Jobs Dies At 56…
  elitism

Newt Gingrich Is President of Internet Chat Rooms

And now it is time to check in with marshmallow human Newt Gingrich for the latest in high tech interactive multimedia. Oh hey look, Newt has discovered hip new social networking thing Google “plus,” which is just Facebook without Farmville or Sarah Palin and all her turd followers on it, which means it is still cool. So…yeah, Newt will get in on that, sure. It’s free, you said, right? Read more on Newt Gingrich Is President of Internet Chat Rooms…
  winning the future

Washington OKs New Wireless System To Cripple GPS, Cell Phones & Jets

Good news on the U.S. infrastructure front: The FCC has approved a weird new national wireless system that will maybe create some new jobs! The bad news, according to USA Today, is that the powerful new cell towers “will create vast zones where motorists can’t find GPS directions, smart phones will lose functionality, and 911 emergency systems will be confounded.” And jetliners will fall out of the sky once they run out of fuel, as pilots will lose their GPS bearings while trying to land. Maybe we should just stop trying. Read more on Washington OKs New Wireless System To Cripple GPS, Cell Phones & Jets…
  superheroes

Giffords Graduates From iPhone to iPad, Is Trying To Speak

Gabrielle Giffords is still recovering quickly, and today she has made what is surely the best sign of progress yet, moving from playing with an iPhone to playing with an iPad. “Doctors said she had scrolled through the iPad and picked out a stuffed animal. ‘That’s how we know she’s aware,’ said Michael Lemole, the neurosurgeon who’s been overseeing her care.” No, you know she’s aware because she’s using an Apple product and not a PC or Kindle. Internet fight! Also, was the stuffed animal organic? Let’s hope so. That indicates a higher level of thinking as well. Oh, and she’s trying to talk, but that’s irrelevant because the iPad probably won’t have FaceTime until the next generation comes out. Read more on Giffords Graduates From iPhone to iPad, Is Trying To Speak…
  dial-up

Stephen Breyer Admits Supreme Court Has No Idea How Internet Works

The U.S. Supreme Court is and will continue to be very important in deciding cases that will determine the future of the technology and the Internet, i.e., the future itself. But 72-year-old Justice Stephen Breyer readily admits that he and his colleagues have no idea how this “Digital Surfing Board” works or why people use it. “‘If I’m applying the First Amendment, I have to apply it to a world where there’s an Internet, and there’s Facebook, and there are movies like … The Social Network, which I couldn’t even understand,’ he said.” So the Internet is like a picture box that earns Harvard students lots of money? Does it grant wishes with genie magic? Do you plug your brain into it so it knows what kind of pornography you like? These are the kinds of questions Supreme Court justices are asking each other about this odd thing they could suddenly make illegal if they wanted to. Read more on Stephen Breyer Admits Supreme Court Has No Idea How Internet Works…
  district of cord

Where Have All the Payphones Gone?

The other night I was on a very important call with my broker — “Immediately sell all shares in Laughable Olbermann Smugness!” — when my piece of shit cellphone died. I do not own an iPhone or a Blackberry because I like to sometimes look up at the world, but I still feel just as helpless as any other modern sap when my chintzy Nokia talkbox stops working. “Bummer,” I said, which is about as emotional as I can get anymore, because of the Internet. Read more on Where Have All the Payphones Gone?…
  republicans in the news

GOP House Rep Wins ‘Internet Prom’

A big hearty CONGRATULATIONS goes out to Rep. John Fleming of Oily-siana, who has won the House Republicans’ “March Madness style contest … to see who could gain the most new Facebook friends, Twitter followers and YouTube subscribers” during a six-week period. The spirit of competition is alive and well in America! What exciting prize did Fleming receive for becoming the “new media” prom king? Read more on GOP House Rep Wins ‘Internet Prom’…
  'facebook wall meme'

Barack Obama Thinks People Should Die Because They Cannot Afford Health Care

Oh my god, you tool! But how could he have been encouraged by something he clearly never read? The crucial step — “If you agree, please post this as your status for the rest of the day” — goes ignored. IT WAS NEVER HIS STATUS. He clearly supports the mullahs in Iran over the students in Iran or whatever. Unless this thing is his “status”? Or is this just the “wall”? Was this a “Facebook Wall Meme” all along and no one reported it? Your editor signed up for this DAMN THING in early 2004, and it was just like, “click this button to be ‘friends’ with whatever idiot,” and nothing else, and it was only available to a few colleges, and now what?, Obama writes PORN on it about how weird he is. [Facebook] Read more on Barack Obama Thinks People Should Die Because They Cannot Afford Health Care…