technology
Drunk Text The President As The World Ends
Today, technology can make our lives better — even if our world as we know it is being destroyed! Oh, well, at least there’s a new episode of Game of — oh, crap. You can now donate to the presidential campaigns through text! No word on whether the presidential candidates would text back. How much [...]
George Allen Again Victimized by Functioning Video Camera (VIDEO)
Past and future failed Senate candidate George Allen held a Facebook town-hall with Virginia shut-ins and others who could not click the “X” button in time. Okay, wait. Were we not explicitly promised that the 2006 clip of Allen calling a rival campaign staffer “macaca” was THE END of his political career, which at one [...]
Newt Gingrich Is President of Internet Chat Rooms
And now it is time to check in with marshmallow human Newt Gingrich for the latest in high tech interactive multimedia. Oh hey look, Newt has discovered hip new social networking thing Google “plus,” which is just Facebook without Farmville or Sarah Palin and all her turd followers on it, which means it is still [...]
Washington OKs New Wireless System To Cripple GPS, Cell Phones & Jets
Good news on the U.S. infrastructure front: The FCC has approved a weird new national wireless system that will maybe create some new jobs! The bad news, according to USA Today, is that the powerful new cell towers “will create vast zones where motorists can’t find GPS directions, smart phones will lose functionality, and 911 [...]
Giffords Graduates From iPhone to iPad, Is Trying To Speak
Gabrielle Giffords is still recovering quickly, and today she has made what is surely the best sign of progress yet, moving from playing with an iPhone to playing with an iPad. “Doctors said she had scrolled through the iPad and picked out a stuffed animal. ‘That’s how we know she’s aware,’ said Michael Lemole, the [...]
Stephen Breyer Admits Supreme Court Has No Idea How Internet Works
The U.S. Supreme Court is and will continue to be very important in deciding cases that will determine the future of the technology and the Internet, i.e., the future itself. But 72-year-old Justice Stephen Breyer readily admits that he and his colleagues have no idea how this “Digital Surfing Board” works or why people use [...]
Where Have All the Payphones Gone?
The other night I was on a very important call with my broker — “Immediately sell all shares in Laughable Olbermann Smugness!” — when my piece of shit cellphone died. I do not own an iPhone or a Blackberry because I like to sometimes look up at the world, but I still feel just as [...]
GOP House Rep Wins ‘Internet Prom’
A big hearty CONGRATULATIONS goes out to Rep. John Fleming of Oily-siana, who has won the House Republicans’ “March Madness style contest … to see who could gain the most new Facebook friends, Twitter followers and YouTube subscribers” during a six-week period. The spirit of competition is alive and well in America! What exciting prize [...]
Sarah Palin Has Developed Flying Twitters Enriched With Uranium
Ahh, T minus ten days until human TwitterBerry Sarah Palin stops holding back and starts GETTING REAL 4 REAL. However! This presents an ontological problem of sorts, as everything that is “politically incorrect” is also therefore a “joke about Trig.” [via Daily Intel]
blog advertising is good for you
