Tag Archives: teachers

  The kids are all right

Catholic High School Teachers In Gay Trouble

Good way to get out of that Calculus exam.
The kids of Dowling Catholic High School in Des Moines seem pretty cool, for stinky teenagers. They have a substitute teacher they really like, Tyler McCubbin, who is engaged to be married to his boyfriend, in a gay way. Which is legal to do in Iowa. McCubbin was in line for a full-time position at the school, but was rejected because his big gay life, according to the Diocese, “was at odds with Church teaching.” This pissed the students off, so instead of taking it lying down, they decided to stage a walkout: Read more on Catholic High School Teachers In Gay Trouble…
  Killing in the Name of Dumb

Texas Republican Knows Teachers Need To Do A Little Killing Sometimes, For The Kids

Texas by way of Nevada.
Texas state Rep. Dan Flynn (R-No duh) has introduced the illiterately named Teacher’s [sic] Protection Act, though no word yet on who that single teacher is exactly. The bill would authorize teachers — who, unless you forgot, are already authorized to carry loaded guns in Texas classrooms — to use “force or deadly force on school property, on a school bus, or at a school-sponsored event in defense of the educator’s person or in defense of students of the school that employs the educator.” Read more on Texas Republican Knows Teachers Need To Do A Little Killing Sometimes, For The Kids…
  Founding Fodder

Colorado Students Ditch Class, Refuse To Love America

George Washington crossing the Red River
Students at several Denver-area high schools walked out of classes Monday and Tuesday to protest a proposal by conservative school board members to make the district’s Advanced Placement U.S. History classes more patriotic and America-loving. The board, sharing widespread concerns that revisions to the AP US History framework will be nothing but liberal propaganda, recently proposed a committee that would make sure school curricula only taught Goodthink: Read more on Colorado Students Ditch Class, Refuse To Love America…
  crisis averted

Middle School Workbook Gets 2nd Amendment Wrong, Wingnuts Outraged

The nation’s clutching salts, fainting necklaces, and smelling couches were nearly overwhelmed this week by the news that an inaccurate summary of the Second Amendment was distributed to innocent seventh-graders at Grant Middle School in Springfield, Illinois. At issue was this description of the Most Holy of Holy Constitutional rights: “This amendment states that people have the right to certain weapons, providing that they register them and have not been in prison. The founding fathers included the amendment to prevent the United States from acting like the British who had tried to take weapons away from the colonists.” As of press time, the teacher is still employed by the school, which has not yet been burned to the ground, which has not yet opened up to swallow everyone who has come into contact with the abomination. But the workbook will be revised or discontinued, thanks to unending phone calls and emails from defenders of the Word. Read more on Middle School Workbook Gets 2nd Amendment Wrong, Wingnuts Outraged…
  what could possibly go wrong?

Kansas Will Make Sure Teachers Can Be Arrested If They Talk About Sex Or Art Or Anything Really

Dear Kansas: just last week your Supreme Court did a good thing and told your terrible legislature that they needed to actually spend some coin on poor schoolchildren because of how it was unconstitutional not to, but your legislators responded by explaining that they probably weren’t going to do that, because freedom. Your legislators are also the sadistic weirdos who want to make it super way easy for a teacher to spank a student. Now it appears that you STILL can’t control your legislators in regards to schools, because they’ve come up with a dumb idea to prosecute teachers for handing out materials parents don’t like. The Kansas Senate may consider a bill that would make it easier to prosecute teachers, librarians or school principals for exposing students to offensive materials. Senate Bill 401, approved by the Senate Judiciary Committee this week, was drafted in response to a January incident at a Shawnee Mission middle school in which a poster used in sex education classes was put on a classroom door. Supporters of the legislation say a clause in the current law protects materials that are part of “an approved course or program of instruction.” They say that lets schools ignore community standards for what might be considered “harmful to minors.” Read more on Kansas Will Make Sure Teachers Can Be Arrested If They Talk About Sex Or Art Or Anything Really…
  they're tryin' to wash us away

Hey, New Orleans, You Probably Shouldn’t Have Fired Those 7000 Teachers After Katrina. #Payup

So it turns out that Louisiana’s attempt to “remake” public education after Katrina — which mostly consisted of opening up the state’s coffers to grifty charter schools and handing out vouchers for religious schools, regardless of their quality — has run into just a teensy bit of a problem: in their zeal to screw teachers’ unions, they also fired over 7000 teachers without due process, and a court in the teachers’ class-action suit has found that the teachers are entitled to damages. Not the full 5 years’ back pay and benefits the teachers sought, but 2-3 years’ pay, plus benefits for those who were enrolled in them before being fired: Read more on Hey, New Orleans, You Probably Shouldn’t Have Fired Those 7000 Teachers After Katrina. #Payup…
  yeah yeah yeah hot for teacher

Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller Simply Does Not Care For All These Whorish ‘Teachers’ Whoring It Up

Every day, when we wake up, we like to ask ourselves: Are teachers somewhere doing sex for money? Will today be the day that some website says they are? Please please pretty please G_d, let today be the day we can call teachers whores! Believe it when The Daily Caller tells you: If you find any fault with public school teachers, you will definitely hear about how very hard they work, and how they care so much about making the world a better place. The Daily Caller now has evidence that the many spirited defenders of the old profession of teaching are right in many exciting, stimulating ways. Hahaha, oh we get it! Teachers do not work hard or care about making the world a better place! (Only reporters at the Daily Caller do that.) Can you guess why? We bet you cannot guess why. We will just tell you. IT IS BECAUSE ALL TEACHERS ARE WHORES!!!1! Read more on Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller Simply Does Not Care For All These Whorish ‘Teachers’ Whoring It Up…
  is our children learning?

How Are We Beating Up On Teachers Today?

Oh good, we had become very worried about what has appeared to be a brief lull in teacher-bashing but now that everyone is bored with bashing gays and saying ignorant things about buttseks, we can all go back to bashing teachers now, hooray. Anyway, turns out that too many teachers are too good. We know this because an old ratings system rated over 90% as “satisfactory.” The solution to this was to give everyone raises and Hawaiian shirt Fridays as a reward. Just kidding, no it wasn’t, the solution to this was to invent a new ratings system wherein teachers would be more likely to be unsatisfactory. Read more on How Are We Beating Up On Teachers Today?…
  Save the males

Glenn Reynolds Will Rescue The Lost Boys From The Tyranny Of MILF Island

Glenn “Instapundit” Reynolds, who splits his time between peddling survival equipment on his blog and stroking what can in no way be interpreted as a giant black phallus, is also a rather notable country lawyer with access to the USA Today. So what did Reynolds choose to publish this week in America’s preferred paper for cleaning up vomit in a hotel room? Was it another in-depth episode of “Glenn Reynolds: Body Language Detective?” No, instead, readers were treated to another episode in Glenn’s never ending series of “bitches be ruining everything” in the hopes that Glenn can finally avenge his loss to a girl in the 1969 election for class president of the 4th grade. Read more on Glenn Reynolds Will Rescue The Lost Boys From The Tyranny Of MILF Island…
  it was a pleasure to burn

Ohio English Teacher Suspended For … Wait For It … Writing Novel

The North Canton City School District takes seriously the shitty, snippy bromide “those who can’t do teach” — so seriously, in fact, that they have suspended a high school English teacher because she wrote a novel. An English teacher writing a novel? Now we have heard everything! But you can kind of see their point: Carol Ann Eastman, writing under the pseudonym Deena Bright, produced a novel where a teacher has sex with people! People who are other teachers, and former students! (Not current students. That would not be legal.) This has led to lots of parents saying “and?” and some other parents screeching their bizarre little faces right off! Parents complained to the district when they found out about the subject matter of Eastman’s book, and many local parents feel Eastman shouldn’t teach high school English if she also publishes bawdy fiction. “That’s inappropriate,” opined Sharon Turkall, for example, according to WEWS-TV. “I don’t think I’d write about that whether it was fiction or truth.” Well, if Sharon Turkall wouldn’t write that about, then it just makes sense that no other people in the entire world should be allowed to write about that either. Read more on Ohio English Teacher Suspended For … Wait For It … Writing Novel…
  in your heart you know she's wrong

Ann Romney Still Horrible

Ann Romney, who campaign officials claim is the kinder, warmer, more approachable half of the nation’s premier battery-powered couple, recently revealed to Good Housekeeping magazine that the issue “closest to her heart” is “bringing real change to our educational system,” a system with which Ann first became familiar while serving as, in her words, “First Lady of a State” (sounds fancy) at the tender age of 52, after her children were safely out of reach of the evil public school teachers’ covens/unions. Long story short, guys, Ann is now basically a Ph.D. in “what happens to people’s lives if they don’t get a proper education” like she and everyone she marries, raises, or sponsors in the Olympics did! Read more on Ann Romney Still Horrible…
  snooki probably

Chris Christie Now Getting Into Random Bum Fights With Jersey Shore Passersby

Nope, not kidding. The shouty New Jersey Governor is now yelling at any constituents strolling the scenic Jersey Shore who might happen to take issue with his stance on screaming at teachers (i.e., that he is for it). TMZ has the exciting footage of what looks to be the corpulent mister preparing to chest bump the man who dared to attack him with the harsh words “Nah, just take care of the teachers!” Read more on Chris Christie Now Getting Into Random Bum Fights With Jersey Shore Passersby…
  it's not a gaffe

Mitt Romney Likes Being Able to Fire People Who Provide Teaching To You

Hello, fellow taxpayers! You will be ecstatic to know that Mitt Romney has thought very carefully about the Wisconsin recall election, and drawn some conclusions about what you, the taxpayer, want and how it coincidentally is exactly the same as what he wants!  Basically, the recall means that you, the taxpayer, are content to live in a lawless post-capitalist dystopia, free from the burdens of education and ready to turn over the processes of law and order to surveillance cameras and domestic drones, both of which can be used to fight fires, which is a great value! So Romney surrogate John Sununu went on the TeeVee and explained that there was “wisdom” in Romney’s comments about teachers being simply old-hat, fellows, because we will actually BENEFIT from larger class sizes and less police officers, because of the population and also something about technology. Read more on Mitt Romney Likes Being Able to Fire People Who Provide Teaching To You…
  flying too close to the molten pits of hell

Tennessee Lege Can’t Wait to Vote for Bill Exiling Immigrant Teachers

Tennessee! Tennessee’s latest contribution to the world is a bill by a group that invokes the soaring noble bird hero of America, the eagle, in order to keep things nice and white and Christian around here. This time, because unfortunately there have been previous times, this awful group wants to limit the number of foreign-born teachers that the state can employ, as well as the number of textbooks that the heinous organization “sees as favorable to Islam.” The heinous organization is called THE TENNESSEE EAGLE FORUM. These eagle people know what is best for us all, with their big proverbial wings and deadly beaks and great eyesight. And so no one, not even any Democrats, it seems, is that worried about this bill, which is being discussed this week. Read more on Tennessee Lege Can’t Wait to Vote for Bill Exiling Immigrant Teachers…
  big love

Utah Lege’s New Sex Ed Rules: Don’t Say Sex

Proving just how good sweet, sweet censorship can be, Utah’s Legislature has passed new statewide sex-ed rules that ban teachers from discussing contraception, premarital sex, and teh Ghey, even when directly asked by “the children.” Perhaps Utah, “The Land of the Saints,” is emulating the smashing success of the “Don’t Say Gay” rules in Michele Bachmann’s home school district, Anoka-Hennepin, as evidenced by the veritable Minnesota tsunami of suicides by bullied gay teens; the “Don’t Say Gay” rules worked so well that the district finally overturned them last month after a federal lawsuit from grieving and angry families. (Might not want to read Rolling Stone’s original, excellent expose of the district’s handiwork unless you’re in an enviably calm — zen, even — state of mind.) Read more on Utah Lege’s New Sex Ed Rules: Don’t Say Sex…
  teach them well

Atlanta Teachers Save Newspaper Industry With Valiant Cheating Effort

The daily life of American children in 2011 is, at best, a tragedy. They are obese from inhaling Pop’em donuts in front of the teevee, knocked up from having slumber parties in the wilderness, and they are also only mildly literate. The obesity thing is Michelle Obama’s problem, but when it comes to education, the brave teachers and school administrators of Atlanta, Georgia will do whatever it takes to put their students on the road to success. Of course, actually teaching children is extremely difficult, especially when kids are poor (and obese, probably) so the next reasonable alternative is for teachers to hang out at each other’s houses, drinking boxed wine and scribbling out their students’ incorrect answers on all the important tests. Read more on Atlanta Teachers Save Newspaper Industry With Valiant Cheating Effort…
  shoot the apple grubbers!

Michigan GOP Looking To Revoke All Teachers’ Licenses If They Strike

Michigan Republicans came in a little late to Wisconsin’s union-arson party, but they’re uncovering innovative new ways to wage war on their state’s working population. Today’s weapon: a plan to revoke the teaching license of the state’s educators if their unions go on strike at any time. Under existing law, teachers aren’t even legally allowed to go on strike, but it’s rarely enforced. Not because there’s anything wrong with a state putting its citizens on trial because they protested something; because it’s costly to hold hearings for each individual teacher. But under the new legislation, Michigan could ban its entire workforce of teachers from the profession if they all decide to strike over Governor Rick Snyder’s proposed cuts. Yeah, that will teach those evil teachers a lesson about trying to hurt the education of our children! Now nobody will be able to teach the kids of Michigan! Oh, wait. Read more on Michigan GOP Looking To Revoke All Teachers’ Licenses If They Strike…
  it's morning in america

Wisconsin Assembly Votes To End Collective Bargaining

After three straight days of debate, the Republican-controlled Wisconsin Assembly passed Scott Walker’s erotic union-busting fantasy earlier this morning, “before sleep-deprived Democrats realized what was happening.” The bill now heads to the Senate, where it will probably stay for quite some time, since Senate Democrats are still eloping in Illinois. Anyway, here is what happened, according to the Associated Press: “Debate had gone on for 60 hours and 15 Democrats were still waiting to speak when the vote started around 1 a.m. Friday. Speaker Pro Tem Bill Kramer, R-Waukesha, opened the roll and closed it within seconds. Democrats looked around, bewildered. Only 13 of the 38 Democratic members managed to vote in time. Republicans immediately marched out of the chamber in single file. The Democrats rushed at them, pumping their fists and shouting ‘Shame!’ and ‘Cowards!'” (Please consider donating to our friends at the Wisconsin-Madison Teaching Assistants’ Association, so that demonstrators can continue to “eat food” and enjoy other communist entitlements.) [AP] Read more on Wisconsin Assembly Votes To End Collective Bargaining… Read more on Wisconsin Assembly Votes To End Collective Bargaining…
  real solutions to fake problems

Pedobear Offers To Help Scott Walker By Teaching Wisconsin’s Kids

As union protests rage on and state legislatures are at a standstill, one figure has emerged on the side of Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker who can solve all of this: Pedobear. If Walker doesn’t value the teachers of his state enough to let them have worker rights, Pedobear is a perfectly good alternative. He loves children and is ready to teach them new things. Here’s your Wisconsin/Indiana crisis update. Read more on Pedobear Offers To Help Scott Walker By Teaching Wisconsin’s Kids…
  intergenerational relationships

Chris Christie Endorses James ‘Rape Prank’ O’Keefe’s Latest Video

Conservative activist James O’Keefe released a video titled ‘Teachers unions gone wild’ claiming to show undercover footage from a New Jersey Education Association leadership conference bashing Gov. Chris Christie and discussing how hard it is for a teacher to get fired. At a town-hall style talk in Monmouth Junction on Tuesday Christie said that he has seen the video and finds it both ‘enlightening and enraging.’ Read more on Chris Christie Endorses James ‘Rape Prank’ O’Keefe’s Latest Video…
  barry can you hear me?

The Imaginarium of Doctor Chaudhary

You know, I originally pitched this weekly column to Tiger Beat, and they obviously jumped at it. But then I realized that the best place in the world for my devotion to Our Pantymelter in Chief was this reactionary liberal blog for overeducated elitist assholes, which is why Wonkette and I are happy to bring you another edition of “Barry Can You Hear Me?” Read more on The Imaginarium of Doctor Chaudhary…
  an education

UHHH… “The Secret Service investigated an Alabama high school teacher for using the example of shooting President Obama while teaching a geometry lesson.” Is there any other way to teach geometry? “He was talking about angles and said, ‘If you’re in this building, you would need to take this angle to shoot the president.'” Oh dear god. And not that it matters, but what’s he thinking here, secant? cotangent? Corresponding Parts of Congruent Triangles are Congruent (CPCTC)? Just kidding, it does matter. [TPM] Read more on …