Get Your Hot Fresh Electoral Primary Derp!

we left out utah and no one will notice

Thanks to Snipy staying up late so we could post the results of the one election yesterday that ...

Be A Fashion Do With This Sexy Stylish Ayn Randian Teabag-Wear From Sears!

fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion

Wonket operative “Chris” sends us this super-sexxxy Teabagwear from Sears, which is funny ...

Mississippi Teabagger Candidate’s Aide Had Excellent Reason For Getting Locked In Courthouse With Ballots, We Bet

muddy runoff

Let’s be absolutely clear about this: there is NO REASON to think that the three people who got ...

Mississippi Republicans Choose Between Thad Cochran Or The Other A**hole

mississippi churning

It’s Primary Day in Mississippi, time to see whether the Republican candidate for Senate will ...

‘American Spring’ Coup Huge Success, Obama To Resign Any Minute Now, Probably

american idiots

America, your long national nightmare is almost over! As predicted, tens of millions of protesters ...

Operation American Spring Will Bring 10-30 Million Patriots To DC Friday, If You Include Imaginary Friends

the marching morons

There’s a new billion-moron march in town, if by “new” you mean ...

Florida Congressnut Ted Yoho: Let’s Not Rush To Judgment On Constitutionality Of 50-Year-Old Civil Rights Act

what is 'legal'?

Now look, maybe you commie hippies think that the Civil Rights Act was a pretty good idea. It was was ...

Wisconsin Republicans Will Vote On The State Maybe Seceding, Because They Love America

the secret of my secession

Wisconsin tabaggers don’t want to alarm anyone, they just believe in being prepared, is all, ...

Arizona Tea Party Lady Shocked By Parallels Between Bundy Ranch, Tiananmen Square

law and ordure

Today’s winner of the “At Least You Didn’t Say Hitler” award goes to Arizona ...

Kentucky Senate Candidate Matt Bevin Accidentally Thinks Chicken Boxing Is Awesome States’ Rights Issue

gamecockblocked

Look, don’t go getting any funny ideas about Mitch McConnell’s teabagging primary ...

Colorado Town Votes To Not Issue Drone-Hunting Licenses; Freedom May Survive Anyway

bang-bang she shot me down

Last July, we told you about the fun idea proposed by the town of Deer Trail, Colorado, (population ...

Lending Credence To ‘Back On Meds’ Hypothesis, Jan Brewer Announces She Won’t Seek Illegal Reelection

happy trails -- no not in *that* sense

Jan Brewer announced Wednesday that she will not seek another term as Arizona governor, a move that ...

Mitch McConnell Will Crush His Tea Party Enemies, Grind Their Bones Into Dust

he will drink their blood

Once upon a time, Republicans looooooooved the Tea Party. No, it’s true. The Tea Party was this ...

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Grab-Bag Of Grotesqueries

all the derp that's fit to herp

Welcome, kids, to Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we give our browser tabs a Silkwood shower, ...

The Debt Ceiling: Is Michele Bachmann Taking Jan Brewer’s Meds?

crazy eyes wide shut

Could it be that Michele Bachmann has been visiting Jan Brewer’s medicine cabinet? As we noted ...

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Index Of Idjits

all the derp that's fit to herp

Hi-diddly-ho, Wonkerinos, and welcome to another installment of Derp Roundup, the feature where we ...

Sorry, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Has Never Been A Celebration Of The Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism

And What About All Those Red Indians?

It’s Thanksgiving Day, so as we gather together with (or hide from) our families, however ...

Marco Rubio Fights To End Tea Party Migration To Other 2016 Candidates

marco can't dance

Faced with a massive wave of Tea Partiers fleeing from his 2016 presidential hopes because of his ...

Texas Lt Gov Candidate Rejects Secession. Instead, Let’s Kick Out All The Liberal States.

The Purple Prose of Texas

You have to admire the creative thinking of Texas candidate for Lieutenant Governor Jerry Patterson. ...

New Jersey Senate Loser Steve Lonegan Would Have Won If It Weren’t For That Darn Government Shutdown

pity party of personal responsibility

There’s a very simple explanation for why Steve Lonegan lost last week’s special election ...

Texas Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst Finds Campaign Issue, Calls For Obama Impeachment

Derp In The Heart of Texas

At a Tea Party meeting Monday night at a Lutheran church in Fort Worth, Texas Lt. Gov. David ...

States Paying To Re-Open National Parks Wish Feds Would Bring All That Oppressive Money Back

trolling through the park one day

As we mentioned yesterday, the cognitive dissonance around the defunding of government has been ...

Organizers Of ‘Million’ Vet March On DC Memorial Shocked — Shocked! — It Turned ‘Political’

the usual suspects

For some darn reason, the organizers of the “Million Vet March on the Memorials” are ...

After Awesome Rally, Teabaggers Winning Shutdown Showdown, Say Teabaggers

and a patriot riding a hoverround shall lead them

Let us kick off this long week of resisting the urge to cock-punch every conservative within a ...

Deleted Comments of The Day: How Many Stereotypes Can You Fit Into One Paragraph?

get your teabagger bingo cards ready

Sometimes when we open up the ol’ comment queue, that limbo where new would-be Wonketteers must ...