Tag Archives: teabaggers

  When In the Courser Of Human Events

Teabagger Fornicator Writes Million Words About Jesus, No Words About Resigning

We don't really think Rep. Gamrat is a 1940s Messican lady
Clarification: We don’t really think Rep. Gamrat is a 1940s Messican lady Hey, guys, just in case you spent your whole weekend worrying whether Michigan state Rep. Todd Courser — the teabagger who had an affair with fellow teabagging legislator Cindy Gamrat and then plotted to cover it up with a fake smear campaign against himself that he did gay sex stuff with a gay hooker — had said anything new and dumb, guess what. You’re in luck! Saturday, he posted an insufferably long Facebook post to explain that while he is in fact a despicable sinner, so are we all, and he wants to make it absolutely clear that his sin does not reflect badly on God or Jesus, for those who thought he’d made God look bad by association. Read more on Teabagger Fornicator Writes Million Words About Jesus, No Words About Resigning…
  Winning The Publicity War By Not Sounding Crazy

Christian Teabagger Lady Rep. Only Banged Her Crazy Colleague, Never Broke Any Laws

Classic pulp covers just don't account for women as equal participants in legislative diddling
Classic pulp covers just don’t account for women as equal participants in legislative diddling Michigan state Rep. Cindy Gamrat, who did adulterous sex things with certifiable loon and fellow state House member Todd Courser, made her first public statement on the scandal Friday, apologizing for her conduct but insisting that she didn’t break any laws or House rules. Unlike her paranoid paramour Courser, she didn’t say anything about a vast conspiracy trying to destroy her, nor did she comment on Courser’s claim that mysterious blackmailers forced Courser to concoct a bizarre scheme to smear himself as a way of covering up the affair. It would appear that, however much they may have enjoyed pushing a rightwing Christianist political agenda and fucking each other’s brains out, the wackaloon amateur ratfucking was more Todd’s hobby than hers. Read more on Christian Teabagger Lady Rep. Only Banged Her Crazy Colleague, Never Broke Any Laws…
  Lord Of The Whinge

Michigan Teabagging Fornicator Still Making Up Super Amazing Sh*t

Those blackmailers have some pretty hot stuff!
The incredibly stupid saga of Michigan state Rep. Todd Courser continues to unfold, with former allies in the Tea Party urging him to resign, and Courser stating even more adamantly that he’s not going to knuckle under to the Powers That Be. Most recently, Courser has released a bunch of screenshots of the “blackmail threats” that he says forced him to concoct a fake story of a gay-hooker scandal so that no one would believe the real, far more mundane scandal involving his affair with another legislator, state Rep. Cindy Gamrat. And he’s also promising to prove, yes absolutely prove, that these threatening blackmail texts are true, because, he says, “another person” also received them, which means he is the real victim and therefore he wins the scandal Olympics. Read more on Michigan Teabagging Fornicator Still Making Up Super Amazing Sh*t…
  Courser And Coarser

Michigan Teabagger Fornicator Also Accused Himself Of Child Molestation, For Jesus

As you might have expected, the twisted stupid saga of Todd Courser, the Michigan state representative who faked a gay-hooker scandal to cover up his genuine heterosex affair with another legislator, state Rep. Cindy Gamrat, and then claimed that he was being blackmailed, has taken another weird turn. A Michigan political blogger says this isn’t Courser’s first attempt at Nixonian ratfucking: Last year, during an extremely close Republican primary for the 82nd state House district, Courser allegedly faked a smear campaign against himself, claiming that some unknown enemy had distributed fliers accusing him of being a child molester. We’re sure Courser, a raving rightwing Tea Party loony who can’t go five minutes without invoking his Christian values, should have a heck of a compelling explanation for this accusation too, like maybe a high-level plot against him by the enemies of Jesus. Read more on Michigan Teabagger Fornicator Also Accused Himself Of Child Molestation, For Jesus…
  When In Doubt Say You're The Real Victim

Nice Christian Fornicator ‘Blackmailed’ Into Spreading Fake Gay Sex Scandal

We are through the rabbit's looking glass, people!
You HAD to know, given that the two state legislators in this stupid Michigan sex scandal are rightwing teabagger Christians, that things would get even weirder and dumber. Friday, we told you how state Rep. Todd Courser came up with a Most Cunning Plan to cover up his affair with state Rep. Cindy Gamrat: He’d have an aide email the media a fake accusation that he was paying for gay hookers and addicted to porn, so that when the truth about his adulterous-but-hetero-affair with Gamrat came out, it would seem mild by comparison. Genius! And now, here’s another shoe: Courser claims the only reason he made up that gay sex story was that he was being blackmailed, and he was going to use the fraudulent story to flush out the blackmailer. That’s the ticket! Read more on Nice Christian Fornicator ‘Blackmailed’ Into Spreading Fake Gay Sex Scandal…
  busted

Christian Teabagger Reps Have Terrific Plan To Hide Real Affair, With Pretend Gay Hooker Scandal

Not so secret anymore
Not so secret anymore It’s a well-known fact that Republican sex scandals are the very best kind. For normal people who want to engage in consensual no-no sex, that’s their own private no-no sex bidness, to work out with the marriage counselors and divorce lawyers. But for those whose careers are built on regurgitating bumper stickers from “the Bible,” telling their fellow Americans which sex sticks should go in which sex holes, and how and when and in what position and for what purpose, well, that’s a whole nother thing entirely. Like, say, if you’re impeaching the president for getting some extramarital knob-polishing, while you are doing the very exact same thing. Or if you are writing amicus love notes to federal courts demanding the preservation of traditional boy-on-girl marriage, while you are sexting a college intern who is not your wife. Or if you give speeches about how consenting adults who love each other are a danger to children, but you have a history of finger-banging your own very young sisters. Or if a thousand other examples we could easily provide for you, but you’re smart enough to get the point. Read more on Christian Teabagger Reps Have Terrific Plan To Hide Real Affair, With Pretend Gay Hooker Scandal…
  Show us on the doll where Obama touched Lady Liberty

Wingnuts: Sure, Josh Duggar Molested Kids, But Barack Obama Molested America Way Worse

Pollsters are hilarious sometimes. Talking Points Memo has the results of a new poll from Public Policy Polling, asking people which do they like better:  The Duggar family, kid-touching and all, or Barack Obama? You will be so shocked to find out that a full 67% of folks who voted for Mitt Romney in 2012 still like the Duggars better than Obama, whereas 87% of Obama voters think Obama is better than kid-touchers and the people who cover for them. THERE’S YOUR PARTISAN DIVIDE, AMERICA. Read more on Wingnuts: Sure, Josh Duggar Molested Kids, But Barack Obama Molested America Way Worse…
  Oh That's Real Mature

Wingnut Rep. Cussin’ Folks Out For Mocking Her Bill To Kick Feds Out Of Nevada

How can she lose when she's so patriotic?
    Well, heck, liberty-lovers, guess it’s time to pour one out for Freedom in America, as the last best hope for state sovereignty went down to a big defeat in the Nevada legislature, despite the efforts of our new favorite one-L wingnut, Assemblywoman Michele Fiore, who tried so hard to help Great American welfare rancher Cliven Bundy achieve his dream of a Nevada where the federal government can’t own land. And to top it off, Fiore, who sponsored the bill to kick the federal government out of Nevada, had herself a first-rate meltdown on the floor of the Assembly when fellow Republican Chris Edwards had the temerity to suggest, during debate of the bill, that even if it passed, it would be the subject of expensive lawsuits that taxpayers would have to pay to defend, and then Fiore would be a laughingstock. We mean more of a laughingstock. Read more on Wingnut Rep. Cussin’ Folks Out For Mocking Her Bill To Kick Feds Out Of Nevada…
  Teabagger Nice Time

Even This Cuddly Teabagger Dude Might Vote For Hillary, So He Can Keep His Beloved Obamacare

Obamacare yay, gay sprinkles in mah coffee BOO.
Tyrant Obama sure did set a mighty fine trap for the Republican Party, with their constant efforts to repeal Obamacare! With the full benefits of the Affordable Care Act starting to come to fruition in 2014, and even more this year, people around the country — even those who don tri-cornered hats and hold Gadsden Flags at Koch Bros.-funded tea party rallies — are starting to realize, well, goddamn, look at my general healthcare situation getting better! Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers learned this the hard way when her FaceSpace call for “Obamacare horror stories” was met with a whole lot of “my healthcare is cheaper!” and “my grandmother didn’t die!” and “these are my slut pills now!” Read more on Even This Cuddly Teabagger Dude Might Vote For Hillary, So He Can Keep His Beloved Obamacare…
  Another great waste of time

House GOP Will Reverse Immigration Order With Obama Sucks Act Of 2014

Here have a crumb
Poor John Boehner. Sure, he’s technically the speaker of the House, but the teabagger wing of the Republican Party sure never lets him forget that he is not the boss of them. They’re always like, “Shut down the government!” and “Impeach Obama!” and “Let’s vote to repeal Obamacare again!” And he’s always like, “That would be bad for us, you idiots,” and “That would be really bad for us, you idiots, but how about a lawsuit?” and “Yup, sounds good, let’s have the billionth vote on that!” Read more on House GOP Will Reverse Immigration Order With Obama Sucks Act Of 2014…
  And What About All Those Red Indians?

No, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Has Never Been A Celebration Of The Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism

The Platonic Ideal Of Cheesy Thanksgiving Photos
It’s Thanksgiving Day, so as we gather together with (or hide from) our families, however functional or dysfunctional they may be, let us remember the true meaning of any American holiday: It’s an opportunity to pound home a political lesson about why We Are Good and They Are Bad. It’s a revered grim tradition: You serve Susan Stamberg’s socialist NPR cranberry relish, and your Teabagger brother-in-law recites how the settlers of Plymouth Plantation nearly starved because they had socialism forced upon them, but finally prospered after they became capitalists. Here’s a fairly typical version of the story that was emailed to our Wonkette tip line in 2012; the story was also a favorite of Rep. Todd “Shut that down” Akin, and in 2013, Rush Limbaugh wrote a best-selling children’s book promoting the same fantasy. Read more on No, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Has Never Been A Celebration Of The Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism…
  Greed Is Good

Wall Street’s Newest Tool: Eric Cantor

Like the bastard child of gordon gekko and scrooge mcduck.
Hey, what’s former Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Hahaha) doing with all his free time now that he is no longer an esteemed member of Congress? If we had to guess, it would be gently sobbing while beating off to a montage of Ronald Reagan YouTube videos, barely visible through the shame-tears. Are we right, Wall Street Journal? Read more on Wall Street’s Newest Tool: Eric Cantor…
  bring the family

Clip And Save: Your Patriot Bingo Card!

  ATTENTION, LOVERS OF FREEDOM! We assume we’ll be seeing all of you Real Americans Saturday at noon. What’s that? You have plans to spend your Labor Day weekend eating warm potato salad by the lake, maybe burning some lawn clippings in defiance of local ordinances? To that we say NO. We do not give one good goddamn about your pre-marinated grillin’ steaks or your non-refundable cabin rental. Your presence is required elsewhere. Read more on Clip And Save: Your Patriot Bingo Card!…
  This will hurt us more than it will hurt you

Rep. Ted Yoho Awful Sad Obama Keeps Impeaching Himself

He's crying on the inside
Because it has been at least 24 whole hours since some Republican doofus insisted that Republicans do NOT want to talk about impeaching the president, no seriously, they do NOT want to talk about it, sheesh, stop making them talk about it all the time, no one ever said the “I-word,” and really, it is Obama who wants to talk about it all the time, like he wants to be impeached or something, here’s our hero Ted Yoho, a large-animal veterinarian turned Florida congressman, to not talk about that some more: Read more on Rep. Ted Yoho Awful Sad Obama Keeps Impeaching Himself…
  I want a Senate seat NOW!!!!

Sore Loserman Chris McDaniel Demands Mississippi GOP Give Him Senate Seat, Because

Actual picture of Chris McDaniel
Remember that time waaaaay back in June when Mississippi Republicans had a Senate primary race, and the teabagger favorite, state Sen. Chris McDaniel — who sure is an interesting fella with really nice, totally-not-racist supporters — lost to sitting Sen. Thad Cochran, and everyone said, “Yup, that’s what we thought would happen,” and moved on with their lives? Read more on Sore Loserman Chris McDaniel Demands Mississippi GOP Give Him Senate Seat, Because…
  we left out utah and no one will notice

Get Your Hot Fresh Electoral Primary Derp!

Thanks to Snipy staying up late so we could post the results of the one election yesterday that everyone was following (Mississippi: the Old Guy won, the other asshole lost), we are left with tidying up the electoral crumbs from around our great nation. Of course, Chris McDaniel is still making grumpy whining noises about recounts and “the integrity of the vote” and such, so he hasn’t exactly conceded to the critter-fiddler. Or to reality. Now, on to the other primaries of note! Read more on Get Your Hot Fresh Electoral Primary Derp!…