Tag: tea party

All that lust wasted on two dipshits

Michigan’s Favorite Fornicating Former Lawmakers Headed For The Big House, Maybe

After a torrid -- or at least torpid -- affair that led to the stupidest cover-up ever, it looks like the firm hand of Lady Justice is coming for Todd Courser and Cindy Gamrat, the outlaw lovers and Christian wingnut...
President Ted Cruz (R-Not Really)

Ted Cruz Finally Made A Friend In The Senate, Sort Of

We've been having a rollicking good time pointing and laughing at friendless foreigner Ted Cruz, whose guts are hated by every single Republican, especially the U.S. Senate kind, past AND present. Or so we thought.  But check it out! Here is one Republican...
Considering that's an 1861 flag, maybe we should let the little Timelord stay

True Americans Suing All Foreign Anchor Babies So They Don’t Steal The Presidency

It's happening! After a solid week of Donald Trump suggesting, with all the subtlety of a hydraulic jackhammer, that it sure would be a shame if someone (anyone, please!) were to sue Canadian-born Ted Cruz, some crazy old coot in...
Looks like he needs a straw, almost...

Meet Sen. Tom Cotton (R-Tehran), Your Legislative Sh*tmuffin For 2015

The weighty task of selecting the 2015 recipient of Wonkette's coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year Award was not easy, mostly because our perennial winner, Ted Cruz, was too busy running for president to do too much damage in...

Florida Patriots Issue Fatwa Against Sheriff For Hiring Muslim Deputy

// So here's a charming story from Florida: a group of anti-Islam wingnuts is attempting to get a Broward County sheriff's deputy fired because he's (gasp!) Muslim. Deputy Nezar Hamze hasn't actually done anything more questionable than practice his...
Love, America

Congress Reaches New Levels of Suckitude With Funding Bill: A Wonksplainer

A few years ago, Congress got rid of earmarks because of corruption. In Jurassic Park, we learned that nature will find a way. In the same vein, our GOP overlords in Congress are teaching us that corruption will find...
The Platonic Ideal Of Cheesy Thanksgiving Photos

No, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Is Not A Celebration Of Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism

It's Thanksgiving Day, so as we gather together with (or hide from) our families, however functional or dysfunctional they may be, let us remember the true meaning of any American holiday: It's an opportunity to pound home a political...

Meet Kentucky’s New Cock-Fightin’ Teabaggin’ Gov. Matt Bevin!

Kentucky's a hell of a drug. Extra-crispy wingnut Matt Bevin was too crazy even for Republican primary voters to send him to the Senate in place of RINO Majority Leader Mitch McConnell in 2014, so the whole state decided Bevin...
Was there any other picture we could have used?

Why Dumbass Republicans Want To Impeach IRS For Doing Nothing Wrong: A Wonksplainer

Remember how we reported that the Department of Justice determined the IRS DID NOT harass teabagging morans, despite the lies of Darrell Issa & Co? We’ve known this has been a non-scandal for YEARS (proof here and here), but...

Why Republicans And CNBC Can F*ck Themselves Right In the Free Market

On Wednesday, Americans watched the third Republican presidential debate. Well, some Americans, anyway. The ones who could afford it. Because, in case you needed reminding, freedom isn't free. And neither was access to a debate among contenders to be the next leader of...
A power bottom for your gay love, and also your dollars.

Master Debater Ted Cruz Brilliantly Recites Pre-Written Tantrum

Ted Cruz, the Ivy League-educated Great Debater, has to be feeling pretty chuffed about his big "I paid for this microphone!" moment during Wednesday's terrible CNBC debate, which everyone except Jim Cramer agrees sucked, though why it sucked is...

Congress Gives Paul Ryan Speaker’s Gavel, To Choke On

What a long strange stumble down the stairway to hell for Wisconsin Rep. Paul Ryan. Sorry, Paul "D, as in Dingleberry Double Douche Didn't Want The Job Anyway" Ryan. The boy wonder policy wonk who crafted a "budget" his beloved...
They're gonna need their teddies, their blankies and a nap.

Justice Department Won’t Throw Obama In Jail For Doing IRS-Ghazi To Teabaggers

In another stunning defeat for the Republican Party, President Obama's jackbooted thugs at the Department of Justice announced BREAKING NEWS that they have finished their two-year investigation into the sad tea-flavored tears of conservatives accusing the IRS of doing war crimes to the tea...

Paul Ryan Grabs His Ankles For GOP Wingnuts, Will Be Speaker Until They Kill Him Too

A super SEXCITING thing happened on Capitol Hill on Thursday. Yes, Hillary Clinton became president during the Benghazi hearing, doy, but we're talking about the other sexciting thing: the end of Rep. Paul Ryan's political future! Ryan had reluctantly agreed to run for speaker of...

House Wingnuts Will Let Paul Ryan Be Speaker, But Only If He Wears ‘Kick Me’ Sign

Previously, on "As The House GOP Burns": Wonky Wisconsin Wunderkind Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Stairway To Heaven) had reluctantly agreed to swoop in and save the damsels in distress. The damsels in distress being, of course, the Republicans who have eated...
lying liar who lies

Paul Ryan Agrees To Be Next GOP Speaker To Resign In Disgrace

T'was mere weeks ago that we said Wisconsin Rep. Paul Ryan was not quite idiot enough to agree to be the next speaker of the House. Well, fool us twice and can't get fooled again. After weeks of pathetic...