Tag Archives: tea party

  the beast that ascendeth out of the bottomless pit

Happy Birthday, Tea Party! Now Die In A Fire

Happy sixth birthday to the Tea Party! Okay we’re a little late here, as the big day was in the middle of last week. We have just been so busy writing about all the insane horseshit you teabaggers have unleashed on our politics that we forgot to stop for a minute and appreciate the six years of joy you have brought us, with your whining and hollering and dressing up in leftover costumes from our first-grade play about the Founding Fathers. Read more on Happy Birthday, Tea Party! Now Die In A Fire…
  Nice time though not for Republicans

Magic Ladyparts Expert Todd Akin Would Like To Try For Senator Again, Yesssssss!

Please come back and keep talking!
Todd Akin — the former Missouri representative, failed senatorial candidate, and expert on how ladies have magic vaginas than can detect and deflect “legitimate rape” sperm to prevent pregnancy (right, THAT guy) — is not going away. Sorry, Republicans, we know how you wish he’d just delete his account and shut up forever and stop making you SOOO embarrassed, but nope, not gonna happen: Read more on Magic Ladyparts Expert Todd Akin Would Like To Try For Senator Again, Yesssssss!…
  Unconstitutional is such an ugly word

West Virginia Bill Will Put Obamacare IN JAIL

You have the right to remain stupid
Another day, another gem of innovative legislation from Republicans in West Virginia: In another salvo against the federal Affordable Care Act, some Republicans in West Virginia’s House of Delegates want to make it a crime for state and federal officials to enforce the health-care law. Read more on West Virginia Bill Will Put Obamacare IN JAIL…
  the halls of injustice

Michigan Teabagger Cites Magna Carta, Eternal Rights Of Man In Epic Fight Over Seating Chart

taken before the day everything changed...
Do you sometimes feel like the standard tea party characters are growing a little stale? Are you tired of the Crowders? The Kincannons? The Paranoid Ginger Wooly Willies? I mean, don’t get me wrong. Those guys are great, especially if you’re looking for racist murder fetish material. But will they have a seat at the table when it’s time to effect true change? Who will LEAD? Read more on Michigan Teabagger Cites Magna Carta, Eternal Rights Of Man In Epic Fight Over Seating Chart…
  May Lunge Off-Camera For Meth

Florida Man To Give Tea Party SOTU Response. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

You know what our very favorite part of SOTU night is? No, not when Obummer crams his hot, thick, black socialism down our nubile, slightly agape throats. Not even when pig farmer Sen. Joni Ernst castrates an Obama doll with her bare hands on live national television, for freedom. No, our very favorite part of this bizarre annual spectacle of American governance comes after all that, in the cry for attention known as the Tea Party Express’ State of the Union rebuttal. Read more on Florida Man To Give Tea Party SOTU Response. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?…
  Buy One Get One Free At Last Free At Last

Martin Luther King Dreamed That One Day All Rightwingers Would Claim Him As Their Own

Just cut that out, will you?
It’s Martin Luther King Day (his actual birthday was last Thursday), which means it’s time for that weird annual ritual where people who oppose almost everything he stood for in life claim that King is absolutely, positively one of their greatest heroes, and that were he here today, he’d surely support their libertarian, small-government, guns-everywhere, fuck-the-poor, end affirmative action, America for Americans, pass Voter ID, and Freedom For All God’s Corporate Children agendas. After all, Martin Luther King once gave a speech at the Lincoln Memorial, which consisted of a single line about how he dreamed that one day people would be judged not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character, and then he sat down, having said all there was to say on the matter. Read more on Martin Luther King Dreamed That One Day All Rightwingers Would Claim Him As Their Own…
  How will they 'save' the Constitution next?

Hero Conservatives Will Fix Stupid Framers’ Dumb Constitution

Trivia question from the first week of the 114th Congress: What percentage of proposed changes to the United States Constitution were filed by members of the Constitution-waving, original intent-spouting, Founding Father-worshiping Republican Party? Read more on Hero Conservatives Will Fix Stupid Framers’ Dumb Constitution…
  With Protectors Like This...

Obama ‘Petulant Child’ For Depriving Secret Service Of Old French Whores

'Hey there, petulant child.' 'Hey there, failed congressional candidate.'
Image from “The Secret Service Agent Workout Routine,” Muscle & Fitness Magazine Hey, you know how Obama completely destroyed American credibility by not flying to Paris for that not-quite-a-march “March of Unity” of world leaders earlier this week? Never mind that if he had gone, we’d be hearing nothing but “How dare he waste all our taxpayer moneys gallivanting around with cheese-eaters who weren’t even in the actual march!” Read more on Obama ‘Petulant Child’ For Depriving Secret Service Of Old French Whores…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Rachel Watches The Joe Biden Senate Show, Because We Forgot To

There were too many 'manic Rachel' images to choose from today
Congress is back in session, and Rachel Maddow couldn’t be more delighted with the first-day weirdness. There’s Joe Biden being the most Joe Biden he ever gets, greeting the new Senate and swearing everybody in. While there was no Ted Cruz’s Jerk Baby this term, Joe did say some completely incomprehensible stuff, and also accidentally spat out the remnants of a mint while talking. Everyone was just adorable. Read more on Morning Maddow: Rachel Watches The Joe Biden Senate Show, Because We Forgot To…
  #ReadyForLouie

New House Speaker Louie Gohmert Will Fix America, Depose Dumb Drunk RINO John Boehner

Image via Daily Show video Texas congressman and casual House-floor snacker Louie Gohmert delivered blessed news to the nation on the first Sunday of the new year: he will finally rise to be the savior America needs by defeating John Boehner to become the new Speaker of the House. Read more on New House Speaker Louie Gohmert Will Fix America, Depose Dumb Drunk RINO John Boehner…
  Whip S-M-R-T

Maybe Steve Scalise Had Excellent Reasons For Talking To A Hate Group, You Never Know

Bobby Jindal offers his exorcism skills
We’re still passing the popcorn around while we watch House Majority Whip Steve Scalise’s political career implode over the news that he spoke to a white supremacist group run by David Duke in 2002. We’re still at that early stage of the Scandal Process where it looks like he’s doomed, but damage control may still be possible, so let’s see who’s spinning what. Can this turd be polished? Read more on Maybe Steve Scalise Had Excellent Reasons For Talking To A Hate Group, You Never Know…
  Look Back In Angerbear

WND Spills Blood, Tears, Jizz In Exit Interview With Michele Bachmann

When in doubt, use this picture
Now that Michele Bachmann has said a God-filled farewell to the House of Representatives, she’s also doing a valedictory tour of rightwing media, or at least WorldNetDaily. It is titled — we swear we are not making this up — “GOP Legend Quits Congress With Message For America,” which is pretty loose usage if you ask us. Myth, yes, legend, not hardly. Read more on WND Spills Blood, Tears, Jizz In Exit Interview With Michele Bachmann…
  It’s like they think they’re black or something

Racist Obamas Try To Start Race War On Whitey By Talking About Being Black

always talking about race all the time
Ugh, the so-called “first family” is trying to start a race war — again! Like it’s not bad enough that President Obama is always injecting race into statements about how if he had a black son, his son would be black, which serves no purpose other than inciting White Man’s Fury on Fox News. Or how Michelle Obama has been injecting race into trying to keep our fat-ass kids from dropping dead from their strict diets of soda and cheesy poofs — by being black. Read more on Racist Obamas Try To Start Race War On Whitey By Talking About Being Black…
  Rest In Peace

Chuck C. Johnson Decries Lack of Deathbed Apology From Rose Cochran

Thad Cochran, dwarfed by his own hands, celebrates his primary win
Rose Cochran, the wife of Mississippi Republican Sen. Thad Cochran, died at a hospice facility in Ridgeland, Mississippi, Friday at the age of 73. She had been at the center of one of the most bizarre episodes of the 2014 elections, although she was blessedly unaware of it. Read more on Chuck C. Johnson Decries Lack of Deathbed Apology From Rose Cochran…