Tag Archives: tea party

  Rest In Peace

Chuck C. Johnson Decries Lack of Deathbed Apology From Rose Cochran

Thad Cochran, dwarfed by his own hands, celebrates his primary win
Rose Cochran, the wife of Mississippi Republican Sen. Thad Cochran, died at a hospice facility in Ridgeland, Mississippi, Friday at the age of 73. She had been at the center of one of the most bizarre episodes of the 2014 elections, although she was blessedly unaware of it. Read more on Chuck C. Johnson Decries Lack of Deathbed Apology From Rose Cochran…
  And What About All Those Red Indians?

No, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Has Never Been A Celebration Of The Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism

The Platonic Ideal Of Cheesy Thanksgiving Photos
It’s Thanksgiving Day, so as we gather together with (or hide from) our families, however functional or dysfunctional they may be, let us remember the true meaning of any American holiday: It’s an opportunity to pound home a political lesson about why We Are Good and They Are Bad. It’s a revered grim tradition: You serve Susan Stamberg’s socialist NPR cranberry relish, and your Teabagger brother-in-law recites how the settlers of Plymouth Plantation nearly starved because they had socialism forced upon them, but finally prospered after they became capitalists. Here’s a fairly typical version of the story that was emailed to our Wonkette tip line in 2012; the story was also a favorite of Rep. Todd “Shut that down” Akin, and in 2013, Rush Limbaugh wrote a best-selling children’s book promoting the same fantasy. Read more on No, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Has Never Been A Celebration Of The Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism…
  cruz control

McConnell, Cruz Prepare For Epic Dick-Measuring Contest

“Come now, be reasonable.” On the Fateful November Tuesday That Shall Not Be Named (the one in 2014, not 2010), Calgary’s own Ted Cruz sat down with Wolf Blitzer and was asked if he’d support Mitch McConnell as the next Senate majority leader. Cruz declined to say, as he’s done since August, mostly because Ted Cruz is pretty sure you don’t even need a majority if you’ve already got the smartest, bestest Sen. Ted Cruz on the market. Read more on McConnell, Cruz Prepare For Epic Dick-Measuring Contest…
  Dumb and dumber

Ann Coulter Still Getting On TV Somehow

S-M-R-T
You almost (relax, we said almost) have to pity Ann Coulter, the once semi-relevant “author” and “columnist” whose brand was being The Hot Conservative Chick, with the long blonde hair and little black dresses — oh, and the obnoxious things she’s always willing to say to get her name in the paper. She used to have slightly more pull on the Wingnut Welfare Circuit, before the greatest lady grifter of all time snowdrifted down to the lower 48 to seize The Hot Conservative Chick crown with her Neiman Marcus wardrobe and her starburst-inspiring winking, pretty much permanently putting baby Ann in a corner. (Coulter’s various dalliances with voter fraud — actual voter fraud — certainly didn’t help her reputation.) Read more on Ann Coulter Still Getting On TV Somehow…
  Listicles Are Still A Thing Right?

Nine Easy Halloween Costume Ideas That Won’t Get You Laid And May Kill You

We want your brains
This is you: “I want to dress up for Halloween but I’m lazy and have bad ideas. Can you help?” Probably not, but let’s take a crack at it anyway. Here are nine “easy” costume ideas for you to briefly consider before you just give up and go as whatever you were last year again (a loser with a bad costume). DISCLAIMER: Please do not actually attempt any of the following costumes, especially the ones involving bodily harm. Read more on Nine Easy Halloween Costume Ideas That Won’t Get You Laid And May Kill You…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Home-Cooked, Hand-Clubbed Fish Dinner

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
Touch of context for those who are new to this series: a Wonkette commenter named Fartknocker ponied up the cash for us to get a subscription to Sarah Palin’s Internet Teevee Channel. The aim of this series is to allow the Wonketariat to snicker at Palin’s new thingy without ever exposing yrselves to the harmful gamma radiation emitted by the Sarah Palin Channel. You are welcome. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Home-Cooked, Hand-Clubbed Fish Dinner…
  Darrell Issa Sucks

More Proof That IRSgate Was F***ing Stupid

It’s Throwback Thursday Friday here at Wonkette, so let’s check in on one of our favorite scandal-not-scandals of last year, IRSgate. In the latest news, it turns out that the special inspector guy in charge of investigating the IRS, the guy whose report started this whole media circus, is a TOTAL PARTISAN HACK WHAT SUCKS AT HIS JERB: Read more on More Proof That IRSgate Was F***ing Stupid…
  Greed Is Good

Wall Street’s Newest Tool: Eric Cantor

Like the bastard child of gordon gekko and scrooge mcduck.
Hey, what’s former Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Hahaha) doing with all his free time now that he is no longer an esteemed member of Congress? If we had to guess, it would be gently sobbing while beating off to a montage of Ronald Reagan YouTube videos, barely visible through the shame-tears. Are we right, Wall Street Journal? Read more on Wall Street’s Newest Tool: Eric Cantor…
  bring the family

Clip And Save: Your Patriot Bingo Card!

  ATTENTION, LOVERS OF FREEDOM! We assume we’ll be seeing all of you Real Americans Saturday at noon. What’s that? You have plans to spend your Labor Day weekend eating warm potato salad by the lake, maybe burning some lawn clippings in defiance of local ordinances? To that we say NO. We do not give one good goddamn about your pre-marinated grillin’ steaks or your non-refundable cabin rental. Your presence is required elsewhere. Read more on Clip And Save: Your Patriot Bingo Card!…
  Literally Unbelievable

Louisiana Tea Party Pretty Sure Common Core Makes Kids Gay, Since Fake News Site Said So

There's nothing about Common Core hre, but we like the picture
The Tea Party of Louisiana does not like Common Core, not one darn bit! And on Monday, it issued a deeply disappointed and angry denunciation of Sen. David Vitter for supporting the standards, since the tea partiers had “always thought of Senator Vitter as a friend of Liberty,” but his support for Common Core gives them a sad. All pretty standard Tea Party stuff, until you get to their list of links at the end, so you could educate yourself on just how terrible this Common Core stuff is. The first item on the list is now gone from the Tea Party website, but happily, RightWingWatch grabbed a screenshot: Read more on Louisiana Tea Party Pretty Sure Common Core Makes Kids Gay, Since Fake News Site Said So…
  Thugghazi

Laura Ingraham Explains That Thugs Gonna Thug

Think tank is so thinky
In times of civil unrest and racial tension and cops killing unarmed black teenagers, the number one expert you want to explain it to you is wingnut radio gum-flapper Laura Ingraham. That’s just obvious, at least if you are a Fox & Friends bobblehead: Read more on Laura Ingraham Explains That Thugs Gonna Thug…
  This will hurt us more than it will hurt you

Rep. Ted Yoho Awful Sad Obama Keeps Impeaching Himself

He's crying on the inside
Because it has been at least 24 whole hours since some Republican doofus insisted that Republicans do NOT want to talk about impeaching the president, no seriously, they do NOT want to talk about it, sheesh, stop making them talk about it all the time, no one ever said the “I-word,” and really, it is Obama who wants to talk about it all the time, like he wants to be impeached or something, here’s our hero Ted Yoho, a large-animal veterinarian turned Florida congressman, to not talk about that some more: Read more on Rep. Ted Yoho Awful Sad Obama Keeps Impeaching Himself…
  Keep Your Friends Close And Your Enemies Dead

GOP Rep. Justin Amash Beheads Opponents, Poos Down Their Necks In Awesome Bloodthirsty Victory Speech

Might want to think twice about primarying Rep. Justin Amash (R – Iron Isles), as he will stride to the podium for his victory speech and call you, your mother, everyone you ever met, and Pete Hoekstra a disgusting un-American piece of shit. Read more on GOP Rep. Justin Amash Beheads Opponents, Poos Down Their Necks In Awesome Bloodthirsty Victory Speech…
  shame shame

Fine, Let’s Talk About This Awful Scammy ‘Charity,’ ‘Pretend To Help The Troops’

You guys, did you see this ginormous article investigative report dealio about Move America Forward, the “support the troops” group that scammed everyone, including your angry uncle, into giving them a kazillion dollars for care packages that were going to go to the troops but actually went fuck if we know where? Yes, yes, we know the article appeared yesterday, but that thing was like one million words long and also too we had to keep starting over because we were laughing so hard. Read more on Fine, Let’s Talk About This Awful Scammy ‘Charity,’ ‘Pretend To Help The Troops’…
  I want a Senate seat NOW!!!!

Sore Loserman Chris McDaniel Demands Mississippi GOP Give Him Senate Seat, Because

Actual picture of Chris McDaniel
Remember that time waaaaay back in June when Mississippi Republicans had a Senate primary race, and the teabagger favorite, state Sen. Chris McDaniel — who sure is an interesting fella with really nice, totally-not-racist supporters — lost to sitting Sen. Thad Cochran, and everyone said, “Yup, that’s what we thought would happen,” and moved on with their lives? Read more on Sore Loserman Chris McDaniel Demands Mississippi GOP Give Him Senate Seat, Because…
  House Of the Rising Dumb

Newest Version Of GOP Immigration Harsher But Still Doesn’t Deport Obama, Passage Iffy

Caillou never gets in trouble like this.
House Republicans have ironed out an immigration bill that just might be cruel enough to appease the Tea Party, which is all that matters, because it would give House members the ability to go home on vacation and say that they at least voted to solve the border mess. It doesn’t mean that anything will actually be solved if it does pass today, since in adding more Mean to make the bill palatable to wingnuts, the House has made the thing utterly toxic to the Senate. But the main thing is that the House will (maybe) be able to say it Did Something, so shut up, Obama. Read more on Newest Version Of GOP Immigration Harsher But Still Doesn’t Deport Obama, Passage Iffy…
  one woman army

God-Appointed Sheriff Lady Will Bring Down This Government Her Own Self

one woman army
Remember Operation American Spring? Back in May a couple hundred of them arrived in Washington, vowing to maintain a daily protest until Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Mitch McConnell, John Boehner, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi were forced to abandon their offices. They were mighty, even if they didn’t quite make the 10 million to 30 million attendance mark they’d predicted. But they did at least get Obama to resign, didn’t they? Read more on God-Appointed Sheriff Lady Will Bring Down This Government Her Own Self…
  the badgering state

Wisconsin Police Chief Takes Trolling Of Local Tea Party Leader To New, Harassy Levels

We’ve said it before: there’s no politics dirtier than small-town politics. More massively evil, more expensive, sure, but for pure spite and awfulness it’s pretty hard to beat small-town fights, at least outside of a university English department. Which brings us to the saga of Police Chief Timothy Kelemen of the town of Campbell, Wisconsin, who was charged Thursday with creating fake online accounts for Obamacare and gay porn in the name of a local Tea Party leader he’d been feuding with since last August. Needless to say, this was very, very bad and we would never ever recommend such behavior AT ALL, not ever. Read more on Wisconsin Police Chief Takes Trolling Of Local Tea Party Leader To New, Harassy Levels…
  tears of the clowns

Chris McDaniel Pretty Sure Zombie Ronald Reagan Doesn’t Think Thad Cochran Won

We stayed up late last night just to make sure we could maximize our intake of sweet Tea Party tears over Chris McDaniel losing the GOP primary to incumbent Mississippi Senator Thad Cochran. McDaniel had proved to be a reliable source of ridiculous, but even with that we will not be sorry to see him go, especially because this entire thing made us feel like we had to defend Thad Cochran, which made us feel like we needed to take a Silkwood shower. We know that Cochran’s victory means that he cruises to victory in November, but right now we’re just going to laugh ourselves silly listening to all the half-angry/half-sad trombone noises coming from the Tea Party friends of McDaniel. Read more on Chris McDaniel Pretty Sure Zombie Ronald Reagan Doesn’t Think Thad Cochran Won…
  he started it!

Idaho GOP Convention Pretty Much A Glorified Slap Fight, Really

So we guess the Idaho state GOP convention was held last weekend, and we are SO PISSED that Dok Zoom didn’t go there on a fact-finding mission, because the entire thing sounds like an amazeballs shitshow. Near as we can figure, nothing got done, and no one got elected, there may or may not actually be any delegates left, and regular old Republicans and Tea Party Republicans are perhaps going to light each other on fire. Congrats at being the very best at sucking at participatory democracy, Idaho GOP! Read more on Idaho GOP Convention Pretty Much A Glorified Slap Fight, Really…
  oklahoma not OK

Here Is Your Fun New Oklahoma GOP Candidate Who Would Like To Murder The Gays With Rocks

Have you guys heard about our new favorite — and by “favorite” we mean WHAT THE HELL, DUDE — state legislature candidate? Meet Scott Esk, a Republican running for office in Oklahoma. Scott would be just your run-of-the-mill semi-ginger who is hella mad about his receding hairline except for this one little standout fact: he’s pretty cool with stoning the gays. As in literally stoning the gays. As in to death. How is Scott Esk even possible? Read more on Here Is Your Fun New Oklahoma GOP Candidate Who Would Like To Murder The Gays With Rocks…
  can't....breathe

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor Lost His Primary And We Are Dead From Laughter

We’ve been putting off writing about this all night, not because we don’t know what to say, but because we wanted to let the anticipation build, to feel a thrill up our leg, to see starbursts, and savor that first perfect moment when we type these words: HOUSE MAJORITY LEADER ERIC CANTOR LOST HIS FUCKING PRIMARY TO A TEA PARTIER OH MY GOD YOU GUYS. Read more on House Majority Leader Eric Cantor Lost His Primary And We Are Dead From Laughter…