tea party
Everything Turning Up Horse Poop for Michele Bachmann
Beloved nut Michele Bachmann, whom we mostly picture these days as a wee Roomba whirring around on the carpet of her House offices sucking up dropped pain pills, is having some legal problems lately. Have you heard? The chief justice of the Iowa Supreme Court will name an independent investigator to look at claims she [...]
Alaska Teabaggers Find Exciting Fresh New Face For U.S. Senate (It Is Sarah Palin)
The Tea Party Leadership Fund — wait, what? teabaggers are still a thing? apparently, yes, all both of ‘em — has an AWESOME new plan to save ‘Merica from Harry Reid and the Dumbocrats, and it’s so simple, it can’t fail. It goes like this: 1) Make a website. 2) Use it to encourage other [...]
Teabaggers Boycotting Lefty Socialist Fox News Until It Stops Covering Up Unheard Story Of Place Called ‘Benghazi’
Oh, fair-and-balanced-and-not-in-any-way-propagandist Fox News, why hast thou forsaken the tea party, aka the most powerful and important movement IN THE WORLD, by going soft and not covering BENGHAZIIIIII!!!!!! 27 hours a day? That is what a number of Tea Party activists are saying and they are organizing a boycott to protest the conservative station’s coverage, [...]
House Conservatives Offer Up New Budget Full Of Really Great Ideas That Everyone Loves
Oh good, we had grown tired of making fun of Paul Ryan and his “budget,” so it’s nice that the Republican Study Committee (RSC), chaired by Chairman Rep. Steve Scalise (R-LA, of COURSE), has released its own budget for us to make fun of. Highlights include: turning Medicare into a voucher system, raising the retirement [...]
Frederick Douglass Republicans Wrong About Frederick Douglass, Everything Else
On Friday we were all fascinated by the tale of a Tea Party-sponsored minority outreach panel at CPAC gone horribly wrong. The head of a group we had never heard of, the Frederick Douglass Republicans, led the panel and had a very nice discussion with a young man who is in no way racist just [...]
Paul Ryan Unveils Budget, Makes ‘White Rabbit’ Our New National Anthem
It is budget season again in Washington, D.C., which means it is time for the villagers in our nation’s capital to pretend that a plan written by Congressman Paul Ryan, who was last seen on election night icing down his tuchus after being spanked hard by Barry Bamz and Old Handsome Joe Biden, is not [...]
Bitter Defeated Ex-Congressman Joe Walsh Explains At Americans That They Are Stupid Losers
Have you missed Joe Walsh (R-Nothing)? No, of course you haven’t, because he is kind of an asshole. But JUST IN CASE someone misses him he has started a group called the “Freedom Movement” and invited people to a townhall meeting so they could watch him wave his arms around and talk about Freedom for [...]
Rand Paul Offers Common Sense Solution of Ruining Schools to Save Education
Hey Rand Paul, what are you ranting and raving about today? Oh nothing, just wanking off about the best way to destroy public education (or what’s left of it) no big deal. Will his latest proposal go anywhere? We hope not, but probably the point isn’t to actually DO something about education and poverty; the [...]
Rand Paul Has Smartest Economic Idea Since 9-9-9
So, here is Rand Paul’s Teatacular response to the State of the Union address which we did not actually manage to livebloog yesterday because we were streaming the wrong thing on CSPAN or something, we don’t really know. We will spare you the awfulness of a blow-by blow response, or even say much about the [...]
Unemployed Loser Ex-Congressman Joe Walsh Goes Back To What He’s Best At: Not Feeding His Kids
In the case of one dumb, defeated ex-congressman, Joe Walsh, being booted out of office after one term surprisingly did not provoke him into carefully reevaluating his beliefs and approach towards life. Instead, he quadrupled down on what he is best at: being a deadbeat motherfuckin’ dad. Now that he has no job, the former [...]
Hateful Jerks Demand Hateful Jerk Be Fired For Calling Another Hateful Jerk A Hater
Oh, dear, it looks like our pals in Wingnut America are going all internecine on each other once more. See if you can decide which group of loathsome fucktoads to root for in this one! (The answer is, of course, “None of them, Katie.”) The Daily Caller reports that a group of prominent conservatives — [...]
Super-Excited Conserva-Texans Give ‘Democrat’ Happy Ending
Hey conservative blogosphere, whatcha talking about these days? The birthday party Andy Breitbart missed ’cause he was, um, interred? Joining the totally gonna get sued Tea Party Facebook? COPYRIGHTS ARE NOT IN THE CONSTITUTION!!!!11!! Oh, and what’s this? A “committed Democrat” got a standing-O from a “room full of Texas conservatives”?? Wha? How can this [...]
Who Will Be Elected As New House Speaker Once John Boehner Is Torn Apart And Boiled In Oil?
It seems clear that sad sot Speaker of the House John “Whiskeydick” Boehner has not had a firm grip on his “caucus” in the two years since Sarah Palin screeching about death panels sent a pack of wild tarded dogs to Congress. No matter how hard Boehner has tried to tack “crazy,” his barely leashed [...]
PSA: Get Your Own Patriotic Protection Apparatus, Courtesy of the Asheville Tea Party
In the wake of the massacre of children at Sandy Hook Elementary (as well as the alarming violent trend in its aftermath), you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Hey, I really need a gun.” Or you already exercise your rights to the fullest, and you’re thinking, “Hey, I really need more guns.” Either way, you’re sick [...]
Investigation Looks for ‘Muslim Bias’ in Texas Schools, Finds Christian Bias Instead (So It’s Not Biased, Of Course)
Anyone who thinks that school districts aren’t responsive to community concerns should talk to district and school board members of the Irving, Texas, Independent School District. When they received a clearly insane chain email claiming that a curriculum used in the schools was “INDOCTRINATING ISLAM,” they didn’t just delete it and go back to looking [...]
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