Tag: tea party

Meet Kentucky’s New Cock-Fightin’ Teabaggin’ Gov. Matt Bevin!

Kentucky's a hell of a drug. Extra-crispy wingnut Matt Bevin was too crazy even for Republican primary voters to send him to the Senate in place of RINO Majority Leader Mitch McConnell in 2014, so the whole state decided Bevin...
Was there any other picture we could have used?

Why Dumbass Republicans Want To Impeach IRS For Doing Nothing Wrong: A Wonksplainer

Remember how we reported that the Department of Justice determined the IRS DID NOT harass teabagging morans, despite the lies of Darrell Issa & Co? We’ve known this has been a non-scandal for YEARS (proof here and here), but...

Why Republicans And CNBC Can F*ck Themselves Right In the Free Market

On Wednesday, Americans watched the third Republican presidential debate. Well, some Americans, anyway. The ones who could afford it. Because, in case you needed reminding, freedom isn't free. And neither was access to a debate among contenders to be the next leader of...
A power bottom for your gay love, and also your dollars.

Master Debater Ted Cruz Brilliantly Recites Pre-Written Tantrum

Ted Cruz, the Ivy League-educated Great Debater, has to be feeling pretty chuffed about his big "I paid for this microphone!" moment during Wednesday's terrible CNBC debate, which everyone except Jim Cramer agrees sucked, though why it sucked is...

Congress Gives Paul Ryan Speaker’s Gavel, To Choke On

What a long strange stumble down the stairway to hell for Wisconsin Rep. Paul Ryan. Sorry, Paul "D, as in Dingleberry Double Douche Didn't Want The Job Anyway" Ryan. The boy wonder policy wonk who crafted a "budget" his beloved...
They're gonna need their teddies, their blankies and a nap.

Justice Department Won’t Throw Obama In Jail For Doing IRS-Ghazi To Teabaggers

In another stunning defeat for the Republican Party, President Obama's jackbooted thugs at the Department of Justice announced BREAKING NEWS that they have finished their two-year investigation into the sad tea-flavored tears of conservatives accusing the IRS of doing war crimes to the tea...

Paul Ryan Grabs His Ankles For GOP Wingnuts, Will Be Speaker Until They Kill Him Too

A super SEXCITING thing happened on Capitol Hill on Thursday. Yes, Hillary Clinton became president during the Benghazi hearing, doy, but we're talking about the other sexciting thing: the end of Rep. Paul Ryan's political future! Ryan had reluctantly agreed to run for speaker of...

House Wingnuts Will Let Paul Ryan Be Speaker, But Only If He Wears ‘Kick Me’ Sign

Previously, on "As The House GOP Burns": Wonky Wisconsin Wunderkind Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Stairway To Heaven) had reluctantly agreed to swoop in and save the damsels in distress. The damsels in distress being, of course, the Republicans who have eated...
lying liar who lies

Paul Ryan Agrees To Be Next GOP Speaker To Resign In Disgrace

T'was mere weeks ago that we said Wisconsin Rep. Paul Ryan was not quite idiot enough to agree to be the next speaker of the House. Well, fool us twice and can't get fooled again. After weeks of pathetic...

Arizona Tea Party Hero Rep. Thinks All This Congressional Chaos Is A Blast!

With the Republican Party in COMPLETE DISARRAY, it's nice to know that at least one guy is having himself a ball! Arizona Rep. David Schweikert sponsored that whackadoodle Secret Science Reform Act of 2014, to allow tinfoil hat-wearing internet trolls their constitutional...

Benghazi Congressjerk Never Quitting, Will Investigate Hillary’s Yoga Emails Forever

Almost exciting news, everyone! For a whole half of a second, we were trying to scrape our shocked jaws off the floor after reading the BREAKING!!! news that Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-Benghazi), a tea party darling wingnut conspiracy theorist extraordinaire...
You need these right now

Another F*cking Government Shutdown? Seriously?

  Pope Frank was in town to basically tell Congress to get its shit together. In response, Congress is flinging poo in every direction but "together," because it is full of insolent assclowns and juvenile numbnuts. With government funding running...
Look at this bunch of . . .

Let’s Meet The Biggest Loser Candidate In America. His Name Is Carl!

Peel your eyes off the Republican presidential primary train wreck for a moment, because all 140 seats in the Virginia General Assembly are up for election this fall. Most of the districts are gerrymandered to shit, but one of...

Congress Sucks Harder Than Your Mom: The Debt Ceiling, Wonksplained

It’s that time of year again, kids! The leaves are turning, students are back in school, and Congress is threatening to drive our national car right over the fiscal cliff. Buckle up, because Republicans are already costing us millions...
Oh, no, Ms. Gamrat, you couldn't quietly fade away. You had to keep us searching for more pulp novel covers, didn't you?

Horny Teabagger Lady Pretty Sure Michigan Legislature Only Kicked Her Out By Mistake

For your "gluttons for punishment" files, we present the latest dispatch concerning former Michigan state Rep. Cindy Gamrat, who was expelled from the state House less than a week ago and has now filed to run in the special...
Something something tongue-punch your fartbox

Horny Family Values Teabaggers Tossed From Michigan Legislature, Oh How Sad

Our long national nightmare/jokefest is at last over. Michigan state Reps. Todd Courser and Cindy Gamrat have lost their jobs. Courser resigned, and Gamrat was expelled by her peers in the state House. The two family-values conservatives, both of whom were...