Tag: taylor swift

CNN’s Chris Cuomo All ‘Morning Joe? More Like Donald Trump’s Morning Hos!’

Oh no, our favorite media personalities are having a big fight!

Oh Great, Taylor Swift Is Literally Hitler Now

Some racists on the Internet think so, so you know it is true.

Ted Cruz’s Stupid Face Punchable Even When He’s Crying

Ted Cruz mimics human emotion. It doesn't go well.

Let’s Meet Obama’s Sexxxy Silver Fox SCOTUS Nominee, Merrick Garland!

Hooray, the president of America, Barack the Great, has made a nominee to replace Dead Antonin Scalia's rotting flesh 'n' bones on the Supreme Court! Don't you want to know everything about him? No? Well SUCKS TO BE YOU...

Looks Like Sony’s Dropping Kesha’s Rapey Producer: Your Wednesday Wonkette Dance Party

Greetings, Wonkers, it is time for your Wednesday Wonkette Dance Party, where we have the songs and the music and the dancing! And as per tradition (which started last week), we like to lead off with a story that's...
Take it off, sweetcheeks.

Nice Porno Company Will Pay Aaron Schock’s Legal Fees, And All He Has To Do Is Guys

Oh hey, Aaron Schock, long time, no see your perky, adorable Republican buttocks! Gosh, has it been a year since you were the most Millennial fashionista in Congress with the most elegant Downton Abbey office ever? It has! And...
Fame and fortune except the fortune part.

Wonkette’s Evan Hurst Is World-Famous In Memphis: A Story By Evan Hurst

Oh hi, do you know me? I am one of your Wonkettes, and I am the most famous person in the universe. I am taking a break from having brunch with Taylor Swift, saying "Oh no she di'int" about...
HISTORY FACT.

Dumb Millennials Don’t Even Believe Jesus Rode Dinosaurs

Millennials, they are THE WORST. They're always like "Mommy, can you write a note to my teacher in medical school to say he's being mean?" and "Hey Taylor Swift, why is this gross old lady Alanis Morissette on stage...

Christian Energy Drink Lady Turns Her Crazy On Demon-Sexer Katy Perry

Wonkers, do you remember Christine Weick? She is a nice Christian lady who has this funny habit of losing her mind like a common Starbucks Red Cup protester at run-of-the-mill things, and she makes videos that go viral, as long...
You know every word, do not lie.

Angry Feminist Angry Angry Feminist Isn’t Angry Feminist Enough

Okay, we are going to say DISCLAIMER ALERT and TRIGGER WARNING, because we are about to write about how a thing written by a person who has ALWAYS been personally very nice to us is Wrong About A Thing.*...
This is how I felt after I freed the slaves!

Congressmuffin Aaron Schock: I, Like Abe Lincoln, Am No Longer In Congress

The House Of Representatives is going into recess for two weeks, which means that ethically challenged CongressCheeks Aaron Schock had to do to his "So Long, Farewell" speech a few days early. Schock had previously promised to resign effective...
Last tango in Washington!

Congress-Model Aaron Schock Comes Out … Of Congress

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE! Aaron Schock, our beloved globetrotting Republican congressdarling from Illinois, the one what's had all the ethics violations doggie-styling him for the last couple of months, is resigning his seat to spend more time posting hawt pictures...

Spirit Animal Taylor Swift Sees Aaron Schock Through Not-Gay Office Crisis

Hello, it is Thursday, which makes this DAY THREE of me being your official Wonkette president of talking shit about Aaron Schock -- if my guidance counselor could only see me now! Okay, so you'll remember that Illinois's wingnut...

Kanye West Will Tell You About President Obama Hurting Fee-Fees Of Very Important Person Kanye West

As if our president, the Glorious Moon Sun and All the Stars in the Heavens Barack Obama, has not had enough political turmoil roiling his administration in recent weeks, now he has to deal with the approbation of the...

Matt Drudge Has Melancholy Breakup With America, Tweets Sad Poetry

Matt Drudge, long known as the man behind the homepage of the Internet for people who still think it's 1998, has recently taken to posting on Twitter. Because he is basically just a crazy, hyperemotional shill, it turns out that...

Daily Caller On Important Policy Question Of Our Day: Why Is Taylor Swift So Slutty?

You've heard of Taylor Swift, right? She's that young, pop-country musician who's made, like, 70 gagillion dollars singing simple songs about love and loss and the teardrops on her guitar. She's not breaking any new ground musically, sure, but...