Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius made Barack Obama’s short list for vice presidential candidates when it was thought he needed some ladies up in there, ladies besides the future Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. And boom just like that, “Kathleen Sebelius” was a household name! And then she spoke at the Democratic National Convention and everyone said, What a pleasant person, thank goodness she is not running for Veep as she is rather a dull public speaker. Then Obama nominated her to be the new Tom Daschle after the old Tom Daschle was revealed to be a tax cheat, and guess what? MORE »

Earlier today, while no one was caring, the Republican House leadership unveiled “The Republican Road To Recovery,” which is more or less the budget plan they pretend to support, even though they know it is 100% comical and will be rejected in full by Obama, thereby reinforcing his Communist public image just in time for the GOP to lose the next elections miserably, again. MORE »

Apparently there is a new political party organized around the insane rantings of the Prophet Rick Santelli, a non-bald Chicago floor-trading version of Joe the Plumber. The New American Tea Party may fill in the civic vacuum created by the collapse of the Paultard movement, as it combines a concern with fiscal responsibility, Liberty, and earnestly organizing demonstrations in DC. Are you free tomorrow around noon? MORE »

Aaugh, David Brooks, cruel temptor! He writes these laughable columns that say “maybe the President should take a cautious, incrementalist approach to address the SWEEPING TSUNAMI OF FINANCIAL RUIN that threatens to cripple America for a generation,” but then he talks such hilarious smack about Bobby Jindal. So for today, Brooks is an alright guy. He is giddy at the downfall of his own party. [NewsHour via Ben Smith]

Oh dang there goes yet another candidate for President Obama’s cabinet, felled by a cloud of money-scandal! Sarah Palin would have made a wonderful Commerce Secretary — after all, she’s a Republican, and knows all about international trade after her clothes-buying tour of the People’s Republic of Manhattan. However, her prospects have been dashed on account of her owing TAXES TAXES TAXES on the per diem meal-and-incidental stipend she charged the state of Alaska while living in her Wasilla trash palace instead of the governor’s mansion in Juneau. MORE »

Aaargh NUMBERS ARE CONFUSING. This morning we have two (2) bits of information regarding what will happen to America’s fabulously wealthy Wall Street executives if and when the stimulus bill becomes a law. But it is sort of complicated, and who knows, these provisions seem to change by the hour, so do not be shocked if the stimulus bill comes out of committee with a brand-new stipulation that bank CEOs get a $15,000 tax credit for their first dozen concubines as long as those concubines are returned in original condition by December 31. Otherwise, everyone gets executed by Dick Cheney. MORE »

Here’s our main man, “Bob” Gibbs, responding to the lady’s question about Tom Daschle’s *sudden* withdrawal. Gibbs is hilariously evil, usually — you can tell sometimes that he wants to find a nosy reporter’s children, throw them over a cliff, and then chuck firecrackers at their bodies — but he just doesn’t seem to enjoy this job very much. Who can blame him! “Are there other nominees with tax problems?” these people ask! Jesus. Besides, the problem ultimately wasn’t that Daschle had forgotten to pay $128,000 in taxes; it was more that his life was so vulgar that he had to pay $128,000 in taxes for a private driver. [YouTube, Washington Post]

• CHUCK TODD, MODERN NOSTRADAMUS: Your editor often braves the terrifying hell-beasts at the top of MSNBC’s First Read because its authors really do have a way of putting a narrative frame around the news of the day. Yesterday we found an intriguing set of bullet points about Tom Daschle, concluding with this prediction: “The Rule of Three will now kick in: No other Obama appointee who has a tax problem will survive, period.” And today, wallah! Obama’s nominee for Chief Performance Officer has to withdraw her name from consideration. No news yet on the whys but it seems safe to assume this has something to do with “a tax lien placed on her house by the D.C government because of a failure to pay unemployment taxes on household help.” The authors of First Read are secretly Rahm Emanuel, David Axelrod, and Valerie Jarrett. [Washington Post]

Yikes! Barack Obama might still like this guy for Health and Human Services, but somebody is out to get poor Tom Daschle, an innocent and honorable man who accidentally underpaid his taxes by a hundred thousand dollars and change. Two Democratic turncoats have been whispering in the ears of Politico reporters, to whom we link because one of the reporters is our beloved Ben Smith, who is “friendly.” The point is, these Democratic sources totally ratted out Daschle, which means they are being disloyal to the president, which means they will be executed. MORE »

Anybody who saw the Senate Minority Leader lose his seat in 2004 and then magically reappear in 2008 with a pair of snappy red glasses knows that Tom Daschle is a bit of a jackass. But little did we know he was a tax cheat who would blame his current woes on his accountant. MORE »

Financial wizard Timothy Geithner is thisclose to becoming our next President of Money, but two things stand in his way: he failed to file payroll taxes for a few years, and he hired a housekeeper who was a temporary space alien. One can’t do anything about his monster-changeling maid, as this is a common affliction of people who apply for fancy cabinet positions, but the tax thing obviously cannot stand. However, Senator Chuck Grassley — a veritable Republican, and thus a hater of all things tax-related — tried to help him out in a hearing today. MORE »