Tag Archives: taxes

  The Democratic Wing Of The Democratic Party Is Back

Democrats Trying To Tax Wall Street, Sounding Suspiciously Like Actual Democrats

But why would they work if they can't buy that second Maybach for weekends?
Looks like it’s time for another of those post-election reinvention crazes that political parties are so big on. A bunch of top Democrats, perhaps noticing the rave reviews that Elizabeth Warren has been getting from The Base — that’s why they made her Queen of the Democrats — are mulling over the possibility of rebranding the party with a more overt We Luv Middle Class And Wall Street Sux message. Tell us more, WaPo’s Lori Montgomery and Paul Kane: Read more on Democrats Trying To Tax Wall Street, Sounding Suspiciously Like Actual Democrats…
  thanks obama!

Evil Obama Forces Eviler Billionaire CEO To Give Raises To Everyone Instead Of Firing Them, Huh

He shall let them eat cake maybe
We all remember evil CEO and King of Versailles: Florida Edition Dave Siegel, right? He’s the nutbag billionaire founder of Westgate Resorts who threatened his employees in 2012 with a most excellent plagiarized chainmail, sent from his CrazyUncle@aol.com account, that if they voted for President Obama, he’d probably have to fire all of them on account of how the president was totally going to destroy the American economy even harder, with socialism and taxes and socialist taxes. While the economy was safe for now, he’d copy-pasted at the time, that would all change if the employees of Westgate Resorts dared to exercise their small-d democratic right to vote for, like, any candidate of their choosing: Read more on Evil Obama Forces Eviler Billionaire CEO To Give Raises To Everyone Instead Of Firing Them, Huh…
  You Didn't Bill-O That

Bill O’Reilly: Elizabeth Warren Will Seize The Means Of Production And Execute The Kulaks

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com Bill O’Reilly was in fine form Tuesday night, addressing the horrors that might result if Elizabeth Warren somehow became President of the United States. You see, if the mildly progressive centrist Barack Obama is a flaming socialist, which he is, then Elizabeth Warren is obviously some kind of super-extra-socialist, so much farther to the left than Karl Marx himself that she may actually exist only in the infra-red portion of the spectrum. O’Reilly laid out the problem with Warren for the Real American People, or as he explained, the threat of Read more on Bill O’Reilly: Elizabeth Warren Will Seize The Means Of Production And Execute The Kulaks…
  Taxed To Death (Plus Some Asphyxiation)

Rand Paul Explains How Taxes Murdered Eric Garner

He's got nothin' ... yet
As we’ve noted before about Rand Paul, he’s a big-picture guy. He doesn’t get bogged down too much in nuances when he can instead find the Important Libertarian Principle in any situation. He approaches every possible topic as if it were a late-night debate in a dorm room, which is how he can equate “not deporting people” with “putting people in internment camps” with a straight face, because both are examples of “executive overreach.” Read more on Rand Paul Explains How Taxes Murdered Eric Garner…
  The Elephants Are Kindly But They're Dumb

Homeschool Mom Finds Liberal Bias At A Zoo. Also A Country Named ‘Zambibia.’

Megan Fox and reptilian overlord
Fresh off her brilliant destruction of evolution at Chicago’s Field Museum — accomplished by calling science “stupid” and noting that nobody saw what happened 450 million years ago, so shut up — homeschooling mom and amateur conservative skeptic Megan Fox has trained her keen analytical eye on the Brookfield Zoo. She conducts an “audit” — it sounds so professional! — of the exhibits to expose “the Left’s propaganda, lies, and evidence of the cult of Scientism at work.” We hate to disappoint you, kids, but her very limited success as a YouTube phenomenon has already spoiled Megan Fox. After the brilliant science-bashing idiocy of her visit to the Field Museum, her exposé of the zoo is a classic case of sophomore slump. The crazy eyes and manic stupidity are still there, but the magic? The magic is gone. Read more on Homeschool Mom Finds Liberal Bias At A Zoo. Also A Country Named ‘Zambibia.’…
  it's like that elevator in the Shining

Kansas Voters Ready Guillotine For Kansas Republicans

  We are running out of adjectives to describe this year’s midterm election in Kansas. Shocking and crazy have been maxed out and fail to capture the shocking craziness that a state Mittens Romnington won by more than 20 points in 2012 could be about to throw three of its biggest-deal conservatives out of office. These visionaries, through sheer laziness, incompetence, and partisan zeal, might be on the verge of achieving the impossible: sucking enough to lose in Kansas as a Republican. Read more on Kansas Voters Ready Guillotine For Kansas Republicans…
  2016 training wheels

Mary Burke Just Might Kill Gov. Scott Walker’s Dreams of Losing GOP Presidential Primary

o hai
Scott Walker’s job security as King of Wisconsin and Union-Buster in Chief appears increasingly precarious, even as he is road tripping to push for a promotion to that oval-shaped office in Washington. Marquette Law School just released a third consecutive poll showing the 2016 presidential hopeful in a dead heat for re-election with his Democratic challenger, former state commerce secretary and Trek Bicycle executive Mary Burke. Read more on Mary Burke Just Might Kill Gov. Scott Walker’s Dreams of Losing GOP Presidential Primary…
  Taxes are so un-American

Burger King Tries To Buy A Canadian Coffee Store For Fun And Profit

YOUR ANGUS IS NOT EVEN REMOTELY PEPPERED, CANADA.
This weekend, Burger King announced that it was negotiating to buy Canadian coffee-and-donut shop Tim Horton’s. Tim Horton’s says it wants to merge because of the “potential to leverage Burger King’s worldwide footprint,” while Burger King says it wants to merge so more Canadians can suffer from explosive diarrhea. Read more on Burger King Tries To Buy A Canadian Coffee Store For Fun And Profit…
  You're Going To Have To Answer To The Coca-Cola Company

Allen West All Het Up About The Preverts

Listen: Allen West is worried about perverts. It’s right there in the headline of his latest blog post: “Our government is populated by perverts.” And yet, for a change, he’s not freaked out about teh gheys — it turns out that he thinks that the government has been “perverting the meaning of words and the word of law to suit its own aims,” so it is perfectly legitimate to call them “perverts” in a headline, and not a perversion of the noun “pervert.” Read more on Allen West All Het Up About The Preverts…
  i'd like to buy a law

Montana Cable Company Getting Some Idiots To Pay Its Taxes For It, For Freedom

We progressive types have been complaining since the Reagan years about corporate lobbyists writing laws; now a Montana telecom company is leaving that old-fashioned strategy behind and going directly to The People to buy some big taxpayer handouts. Our pals at Cowgirl Blog bring us the story of Charter Communications, which despite being delinquent in paying its 2013 state taxes, is behind an effort to buy a ballot measure that will reduce its taxes and increase its profits. And it’s brought in paid petition-gatherers to tell people that the initiative will “lower your cable bill.” You have to admit it’s a lot more efficient than trying to convince a legislator to sponsor a bill in the legislature, which could just get amended into something the company doesn’t like. Read more on Montana Cable Company Getting Some Idiots To Pay Its Taxes For It, For Freedom…
  six of one half dozen of a mother

Rick Santorum Wants To Socialize Your Slut Pills

We hope you’re sitting down, because we are about to agree with Rick Santorum. But only partly. (You may resume breathing now.) Santorum came up with his brilliant idea during a Q & A session while he was flogging his frothy new book, and here is that thing that he came up with: instead of mandating that contraception be covered by private health insurance, how about we just have the government pay for contraception for everyone? We could actually get behind that, especially if to sweeten the pot, we could take it a bit farther and add a single-payer health insurance system as well (it was worth a try). Read more on Rick Santorum Wants To Socialize Your Slut Pills…
  the boors you will always have with you

Bryan Fischer Revises Christian Teaching On Wealth, Explains Poors Should ‘Kiss The Ground’ Where 1% Walk

Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth. Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!” –Mark 10:21-23 And lo, the prophet Bryan, Fischer of Men, did speak to the people Tuesday through their radios, and he did say, “Now just wait a darn minute… have you thought this through? The rich pay for everything, so just you knock off your class warfare, Jesus.” Read more on Bryan Fischer Revises Christian Teaching On Wealth, Explains Poors Should ‘Kiss The Ground’ Where 1% Walk…
  God's Dollar

Barack Obama Hates God, Gives Money To Charities Instead Of Church

This past Friday the President released his tax returns for 2013. Little ink was spilled over this momentous occasion, because it was boring. Mind-numbingly boring. Like pretty much everyone else’s tax returns. In fact, the most interesting thing about the Obamas’ taxes is that they aren’t interesting: the majority of Bamz income comes from his Presidential salary. His books made a nice chunk of change, but a lot less than they did in 2012, which probably explains why they only gave 12 percent of their income to charity instead of last year’s 25. (Joe Biden, God Love Him, managed to increase his frankly terrible charitable giving to about 5 percent.) So that’s all, right? What, are you new here? Of course that’s not all. Enter The Blaze. Did you know the President hates God? That’s right. The President only gave $1500 to St. John’s Church, thereby illustrating THE PROBLEM WITH AMERICA. The Obamas did give away $59,000, or about 12 percent, to totally God-hating causes like the Lymphoma and Leukemia Society and the Red Cross. But they don’t count because that isn’t “tithing.” Read more on Barack Obama Hates God, Gives Money To Charities Instead Of Church…
  mo money mo...oh just shut up

Josh Romney And Donald Rumsfeld Have Thoughts On Tax Day (They Are Giant Dicks About It)

Imagine you are Josh Romney. A couple of years ago your daddy ran for a big job, and that job was President of the United States. In the course of running for this job, quite a few people said mean things about Josh’s daddy, because that’s how political campaigns work. One of those people was Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, who snickered and sneered that Josh’s daddy hadn’t paid a dime in taxes in ten years. So many people were stricken with the vapors over this brutal assault on Josh’s daddy’s integrity, which he could have easily cleared up by releasing those tax returns, as presidential candidates traditionally do. But he didn’t, because he had already released two years of returns, which should have been more than enough for you people. Then he went out on Election Day and got stomped like the Serengeti grasslands in an elephant stampede. Poor Josh’s daddy, left alone with just his wife and his five kids and his dozens of grandchildren and his multiple homes with elevators to carry his cars up and down and his hundreds of millions of dollars. That Harry Reid, he sure fights dirty! Being a boxer, he’ll throw a punch. Yesterday Josh Romney, having nursed his grievances for a year and a half, punched back. Read more on Josh Romney And Donald Rumsfeld Have Thoughts On Tax Day (They Are Giant Dicks About It)…
  wonksplainer

Oh Look, Paul Ryan Lied About Something

Are you done yet? Did you read all eight gazillion pages of the Ryan Budget, or did you stop after the first few lines and pleasure yourself thinking about his dreamy biceps? Well, we didn’t read it all either because we were distracted by whiskey. And his biceps. But luckily other people read it and managed to find (SPOILER ALERT) some big ol lies in it, especially as they relate to Social Security and the Olds. Haha, that’s not a spoiler alert — of course there were lies in his budget. Let’s get our wonksplanation on and figure out how Paul Ryan is trying to screw the Olds, and the rest of us.  Read more on Oh Look, Paul Ryan Lied About Something…
  and the grifters shall inherit the earth

This Fake TV ‘Church’ Owns All The Money In The World, For Jesus

We all know the rich are being attacked by TAXES. But for every problem there is a solution. Just put your faith in Jesus, and He will shield your money from the IRS, just like Linus told Charlie Brown was the true meaning of Christmas. Hell, you don’t even need to establish a brick-and-mortar church, per NPR: Based in a studio complex between Dallas and Fort Worth, Texas, and broadcasting to a potential audience of 2 billion people around the globe, Daystar calls itself the fastest growing Christian television network in the world. The Internal Revenue Service considers Daystar something else: a church. Yeah, buddy! Daystar has $233 MILLION in assets, rakes in $35 million from viewers every year, don’t have a church building, and they are totally UNTOUCHABLE. Fuck this blog shit – we are gonna launch Wonkette Worldwide Church TV, coming to your hungover eyeballs soon. Read more on This Fake TV ‘Church’ Owns All The Money In The World, For Jesus…