Tag Archives: taxes

  eve of distraction

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Books For A Not-So-Great Society

“Hey, Hey, LBJ! How much Taxpayer Money did you waste on social engineering today?” chanted no one ever. And yet both of our Christian-oriented textbooks for homeschoolers might leave the modern student thinking that the most controversial thing about the 36th president was all that spending he did. Today, we will learn how Lyndon Johnson made America poorer and less moral, and made hippies happen by not letting Our Troops win in Vietnam (we’ll get to the Vietnam war itself next week, though). Go ahead and put some flowers in your hair, for all the good it’ll do you. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Books For A Not-So-Great Society…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dredge Of Drips, Dreck, And Drudge

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we bring you stories that didn’t quite merit a post of their own, but that were too stupid to ignore altogether. As always, you may want to fortify yourself with whatever you believe necessary to get through the experience — we suggest a couple of pan-galactic gargleblasters. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dredge Of Drips, Dreck, And Drudge…
  ask not what your textbook can do for you

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks With The Right Dynamic For the New Frontier

We told you last week that we were finished with the 1950s and moving into the ’60s, and we are — but by a quirk of editing, both of our history textbooks for the Christian school market have shoehorned the Kennedy administration into the very end of their chapters on the Fifties, the better to emphasize what they see as the chaos and degeneracy of nearly everything that happened after November 22, 1963. We can see the thematic logic of that, so keep in mind that as we talk about Kennedy this week, both of our textbooks treat him as a kind of footnote to Eisenhower, a nice-looking fellow who died under unfortunate circumstances and who liberals pay far too much attention to. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks With The Right Dynamic For the New Frontier…
  the effluent society

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Homeschoolers Whose Father Knows Best

Let’s all hop into the Chrono-Tron for a dynamic trip to the Populuxe world of the 1950s, courtesy of a couple of rightwing Christian textbooks for the homeschool market. Along the way, we’ll learn that small government and pious people of faith created prosperity, and the decade’s high tax rates on the wealthy never have to be mentioned because that would be really inconvenient. Our 8th-grade textbook America: Land I Love (A Beka, 2006) is pretty sure that the economic boom of the ’50s had little to do with anything the government did; rather, the bestest thing about the ’50s is that it was a time when “the moral values of Biblical Christianity provided a just standard of law, order, and mutual respect, which in turn increased material prosperity.” The book’s chapter on the ’50s leads off with a section on “Moral Strength,” and subsections attribute the decade’s good times to “Respect for Christianity,” “Strong families, little crime,” and to the “Sanctity of life” — just in case students need three main paragraphs for their 5-paragraph essays. We learn that even though church attendance was, sadly, not universal, most people respected the Biblical teachings of law, order, and moral decency. Local governments often required stores to close on Sundays, and community activities were planned in many areas not to interfere with church services. School days often began with prayer and Bible reading, and parent—teacher meetings and civic organizations usually opened with prayer. In other words, it was as close to paradise as America got in the 20th century. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Homeschoolers Whose Father Knows Best…
  won't anybody think of the rich and powerful?

Poor Persecuted Bazillionaire Tom Perkins Proves Critics Wrong: He *Can* Be A Bigger Dick

So you all remember Tom Perkins, right? He is the bazillionaire who is afraid that all the little people will go full-Nazi and holocaust all the rich people, because it was his turn to make the “just like Hitler” reference of the day. While he has since said that maybe, perhaps, the holocaust analogy went just a smidge over the line, he still feels that the rich are constantly getting dicked over by all the little people. In order to hammer home the point, he decided to go full-47%, a la Mitt Romney, and take aim at the takers: Tom Perkins suggested Thursday that only taxpayers should have the right to vote — and that wealthy Americans who pay more in taxes should get more votes. Clearly, Perkins is unimpressed with the current GOP efforts to block poor people from voting. Let’s explore the merits of One Dollar, One Vote, shall we?  Read more on Poor Persecuted Bazillionaire Tom Perkins Proves Critics Wrong: He *Can* Be A Bigger Dick…
  the wages of sin

Mean New York Lady Judge Tells Strip Club Lap Dances Are Taxable

Sorry, New York City strip club aficionados, but you are probably going to be shelling out a bit more coin to naked ladies who pretend to like you for a few moments, because the New York State Division of Tax Appeals recently ruled that lap dances are not artistic performances and are therefore taxable. Read more on Mean New York Lady Judge Tells Strip Club Lap Dances Are Taxable…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Allows Commie Mayor Bill De Blasio To Talk Like A Screaming Socialist

On Monday’s The Daily Show, Jon Stewart welcomes notorious communist New York Mayor Bill de Blasio, who calmly and politely lays out his terrifying socialist agenda for the city: equal justice and opportunity, in the form of an end to stop-and-frisk and a tax on the rich to pay for universal preschool and expanded after-school programs. The Mayor insists that a progressive city government will not actually lead to chaos, arguing that “rampant, growing inequality” is a far greater threat to the city than a tax increase on people making over half a million dollars: Read more on Jon Stewart Allows Commie Mayor Bill De Blasio To Talk Like A Screaming Socialist…
  equality means everyone's private jet is taxed the same

Mike Lee’s Tea Party SOTU Response Explains How Government Created Inequality With Taxes, Abortions

By all reasonable measures, Utah Sen. Mike Lee’s response to the State of the Union address was a huge success: He knew where the camera was, he didn’t go lunging off to the side to grab a water bottle, and he boldly articulated the innovative idea that government is the source of all our problems. Hey, he even had a repeated metaphor about “the road from Boston to Philadelphia,” noting that the original Tea Party was all about protest but then the Founders got organized and wrote the Constitution, so he gets a couple of points from this rhetoric teacher. And he only made up one completely nonexistent word, talking about Washington’s atmosphere of “cronyous privilege.” No, that’s not really an olde-timey Colonyous American word. Still he makes a compelling case for supporting General Washington, and as Charlie Pierce says, the speech might just be the thing to “break the logjam and get the Articles of Confederation passed.” Kind of a bummer that everything else was the same old libertarian crap about how the only thing Americans need to all become rich and happy is for the mean old government to get out of the way and let the profits happen. Read more on Mike Lee’s Tea Party SOTU Response Explains How Government Created Inequality With Taxes, Abortions…
  all he needs is this chair and paddle game

Sean Hannity Leaving New York Because Mean Gov. Cuomo Doesn’t Love ‘Extreme Conservatives’ Enough

Sean Hannity has announced that he will be leaving his home state of New York forever because Gov. Andrew Cuomo said very mean things last week about how conservatives are simply not welcome in the state. Of course, Cuomo didn’t exactly say that, and Hannity will have to take a little time to pack, but this is it, he’s definitely had it, and is going to move somewhere that appreciates him, like Texas or Florida or maybe Paraguay in the 1970s. Read more on Sean Hannity Leaving New York Because Mean Gov. Cuomo Doesn’t Love ‘Extreme Conservatives’ Enough…
  how do you say 'bootstraps' in spanish?

New Hampshire Senator Kelly Ayotte Bravely Calls For Higher Taxes… On Poor Immigrants

Buenos dias, wonkeros and wonkiritas. Are you tired of reading/hearing/tweeting about #BRIDGEGHAZI yet? Isn’t there some other outrageous news from petulant rightwing asshats that we can carp about for a while? Well, glad you asked! New Hampshire Senator and Tea Party favorite Kelly Ayotte has set her sights on screwing immigrants across the country. No, not in a ‘Kelly Does Manchester’ sort of way, but in the economic sucker-punch sort of way. Because that whole ‘the GOP needs to outreach to people who aren’t rich, old, and white’ thing is for suckers. To help offset the costs for extending unemployment benefits for 1.3 million people, Ayotte wants to RAISE TAXES! But not on everyone – just on immigrant families “that earn an average of $21,000 a year.” Seriously, we really have no idea why Romney won only 27% of the Latino vote in 2012…  Read more on New Hampshire Senator Kelly Ayotte Bravely Calls For Higher Taxes… On Poor Immigrants…
  still illegal in virginia

The Thirteen Greatest Achievements In Throat Cramming Of 2013

Like most years when there’s a Democrat in the White House, 2013 was a year of things getting rammed, crammed, jammed, shoved, and/or forced down our (America’s) throats. How big were the things? So big. Were they hard to swallow? Oh yes. But somehow, freedom will endure, we guess. Here is a list of 13 tyrannies that made patriots gag in 2013: Read more on The Thirteen Greatest Achievements In Throat Cramming Of 2013…
  christmas miracles

How Will Congress’s New Budget Murder You And Your Children? A Wonksplainer!

Hey Congress, watcha doing? Making laws and working hard, ahahahhaha, yeah right, pardon us and our humor. The House has already skipped town to go home and await the arrival of White Santa, and the Senate just finished voting on the two-year compromise budget resolution, which passed 57-33. A COMPROMISE?!?! Yep, it seems that Sen. Patty Murray (D-Sneakers) and Rep. Paul Ryan (R-P90X) came together on a very small budget deal that will maybe possibly prevent a government shutdown. Congress has been fellating itself all week because that’s what you do when you accomplish ONE GODDAM THING. We bet you want to know what is in this budget, don’t ya? Let’s wonksplore.  Read more on How Will Congress’s New Budget Murder You And Your Children? A Wonksplainer!…
  the time of purification is at hand

Deleted Comments of the Day: Didn’t You Guys Notice Martin Bashir Is An Ay-Rab?

Gosh, seems like it’s been forever since we’ve done one of these! Thanks, Rebecca, for keeping up with the genius auditions while we were on “vacation” last week. And let’s see what’s squirming around on the underside of the comment queue today… First up, our story on Martin Bashir’s culinary suggestion for Sarah Palin drew this brilliance from “RichieM232″: Martin Bashir is a disgrace. Misogynistic scumbag. Should be kicked out of MSNBC. Considering his cultural background he probably still believes in stoning women. But it has no place in TV news in a civilized soceity. And if anyone knows what a “civilized soceity” [sic] is, it’s a guy who assumes that anyone named “Bashir” has to be a lady-stonin’ Mahomettan savage, amirite? Tell us something of “his cultural background,” will you, O Source Of Much Knowledge? “Bashir was born in Wandsworth, South London, to parents of Pakistani Christian origin … He identifies himself as a committed Christian” Well, hell, your hidden Muslims all claim they’re Christians. Just like the Gettysburg-denier preznit. On the other hand, we do think it’s worth mentioning that “Martin Bashir” anagrams to “harms Britain.” Read more on Deleted Comments of the Day: Didn’t You Guys Notice Martin Bashir Is An Ay-Rab?…
  derp and taxes

Missouri Wingnut Wants To Impeach Governor Over Gay Tax Returns: No Taxation Without Procreation

In the never-ending quest to protect the sanctity of marriage, and more importantly, the rule of law, Missouri state Rep. Nick Marshall is fixin’ to impeach Governor Jay Nixon for the high crime of signing an executive order that will let same-sex married people file joint state tax returns. Missouri doesn’t allow gay marriage, of course, but since the Supreme Court threw out DOMA, Missouri couples married in other states will now be able to file a joint Federal 1040. Since Missouri law requires anyone filing a joint Federal return to file jointly on their state taxes, Nixon directed the Department of Revenue last week to allow the change, saying that “accepting the jointly-filed state tax returns of all legally-married couples who file Federal returns is the only appropriate course of action, given Missouri statutes and the ruling by the U.S. Department of Treasury.”* Not so fast with all this sodomy-based paperwork, says Rep. Marshall! For heaven’s sake, if teh gheys can file a joint return, what’s to stop joint filings from a man and a velociraptor, huh? Also, INPEACH! Read more on Missouri Wingnut Wants To Impeach Governor Over Gay Tax Returns: No Taxation Without Procreation…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dose of Dumbth

Hi, Wonkaloonies! Yr Doktor Zoom really enjoyed “sleeping in” this week! But we are back from vacation now, and ready for another Derp Roundup, our weekly Sloppy Joe of news trimmings that were too stoopid to ignore altogether but not quite enough to make a full post out of. We have to use ‘em before they start to turn. Verily, this is the Arby-Q of Wonket posts. We’ll start off with the tale of Petr Pavlensky, a Russian “conceptual artist” who won’t be conceiving anything for a little while now, since he went and nailed his nutsack to the cobbles of Red Square to protest…um… well, we thought it was to protest the imprisonment of Pussy Riot, but no, for that, he sewed his mouth shut. This time he sat down in front of Lenin’s Mausoleum and pounded a large nail through his scrotum into the pavement. Pavlensky explained in a post-arrest statement that the nut-nailing “can be seen as a metaphor for the apathy, political indifference and fatalism of contemporary Russian society.” It’s nice when you’re able to combine your hobbies with your activism. Gawker notes that police used “a claw hammer” to bring the protest to an abrupt end (yes, we just felt several hundred of you wince). Efficient, but wouldn’t poetic justice have been better served with a ball peen hammer? Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dose of Dumbth…
  reconstruction time again

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Unreconstructed Homeschoolers

Now that we’ve got the Civil War out of the way, our Christian-school textbooks almost seem to settle down and relax for a bit. They had a lot of ideological axe-grinding to do in discussing the causes of the Civil War, and there’s certainly a fair bit of that left over for Reconstruction, but for the most part, their coverage of the era seems fairly conventional. Needless to say, we’ll focus on the weird stuff. And as usual, our 8th-grade textbook, America: Land I Love (A Beka 1994), is happy to provide some weird. Both Land I Love and our 11th/12th-grade text form Bob Jones University Press, United States History for Christian Schools, portray Abraham Lincoln as wanting a more conciliatory policy toward the former Confederate states than the Radical Republicans in Congress, who largely wanted punitive policies. But Land I Love goes a step further and decides this would be a great opportunity to recast Lincoln as a kind of proto Ronald Reagan — discussing the postwar Freedmen’ Bureau, the book insists: Lincoln believed that government should do only what people cannot do for themselves. Local churches, businessmen, and farmers knew what was best for their own communities. Having been a part of township and county government, President Lincoln wanted most decisions to be made at the local level. We should perhaps be grateful that the authors don’t also have Lincoln announcing, “Government is not the solution to our problem; government IS the problem.” Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Unreconstructed Homeschoolers…
  another confederacy of dunces

Kentucky Tea Party Will Murder Public Libraries, For Freedom

Score another WIN for Liberty! Residents of several Kentucky counties have been rescued from the tyranny of public libraries — or more specifically, from the tyranny of library boards being able to levy incremental increases in property taxes without an election being called every year or two. The details are buried in the boring particulars of a state law governing the funding of library districts, but the final score is: Homeowners will save a whopping average of $50 a year in property taxes, for FREEDOM. Oh, and the libraries will have their budgets slashed between 55 and 70 percent, effectively gutting them. But hey, LIBERTY!!!!! Read more on Kentucky Tea Party Will Murder Public Libraries, For Freedom…
  a chicken in every pot to piss in

Washington D.C. Poors Who Somehow Managed To Purchase Homes Still Getting Royally Boned

Imagine you’ve been asked to come up with a process to collect unpaid property taxes, and because you’re a terrible person you’ve decided that your process will be as painful as possible for the property owners while remaining at least tenuously legal. Do you think you could do better than Washington, D.C., where private investors who buy liens are permitted to inflate the amount property owners owe by tacking on thousands of dollars in legal fees and interest, then moving to foreclose and take sole possession of the property as soon as the statutory six month payment window is closed? We bet you could not! One retired widower Marine’s $134 property tax delinquency became $4,999 after it was purchased by a private investor and larded up with fees. He lost his home. The whole thing. That was worth $197,000. If you need us, we’ll be at the barricades. Read more on Washington D.C. Poors Who Somehow Managed To Purchase Homes Still Getting Royally Boned…
  now watch this drive

Millionaire Golfer Phil Mickelson Feels The Pain Of The Underclass: The Poor, Poor CEOs

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy Let us begin our long, long week of snark and <headdesking> by crying a big ol’ bucket of crocodile tears for golfing sports-man Phil Mickelson, a person who has made a fortune hitting a little white ball, then walking after it, and then hitting it again and again until it drops into a little hole. Phil made headlines a few months ago when he mused that he might retire from playing a sport that earned him $67 million in 2012 because the gol’dang gubmint wanted its tithe, and a man like Phil can’t possibly be expected to subsist on the mere $25 million or so he cleared after taxes. That was in January, and Phil took some heat for his comments. You would think that in the ensuing months he might have used some of his wealth to hire a publicist to teach him to shut the hell up if this issue ever once again reared its head. And yet there was Phil on Friday, talking to Maria Bartiromo on CNBC and stepping on his dick once again. Read more on Millionaire Golfer Phil Mickelson Feels The Pain Of The Underclass: The Poor, Poor CEOs…
  isn't it ironic don't you think

GOP: ‘I Broke It, I Won’t Fix It, But I Will Complain About It Being Broken To Get Re-Elected To Break It Some More’

As August settles in on Washington, D.C., like a warm, wet Satanic fart, Congresscritters are hightailing it out of town. For the ENTIRE MONTH. During this recess, they plan on talking at and “listening” to their constituents. How will the GOP convince people that they want to come back to Washington, D.C. year after year? The House GOP has a plan, according to Roll Call: When House Republicans retreat to their districts for the August recess, they will each be armed with a detailed guide — an exceptionally detailed guide — on how to assure their already convinced constituents that Washington is broken. The best way to stay in Washington appears to be to deride Washington, and Republican leadership isn’t going to deviate from that familiar formula. That’s right, sheeple. With a straight face, the House GOP, which has done more to break Washington that any other Congress in history, will go home and whine about how broken Washington is, and then beg to be sent back to Washington so they can continue to break it even more, so that they can then return home and rail about how broken Washington is. Sweet sweet logic. If you are experiencing low blood pressure, please join us as we dissect this plan after the jump.  Read more on GOP: ‘I Broke It, I Won’t Fix It, But I Will Complain About It Being Broken To Get Re-Elected To Break It Some More’…
  derp and texas

Rick Perry: Texas Is Spread Wide Open, Eagerly Awaits Your Throbbing Business

Texas drug-eater Rick Perry denies that he is gay, but Texas? Gay as the dickens — FOR YOUR BUSINESS! That is the message of the “Texas Wide Open for Business” campaign that Gov. Perry is flogging in New York, California, and various other places where it is not torturously hot, humid, and buggy all the goddamn time like it is in Texas, and where people do not have an unearned sense of accomplishment just because they live in a certain place. Wait, scratch that last one, because we just said New York and California (we are New Yorkers and we love California, but srsly.) Another goal is to entice Connecticut gun manufacturers to skirt new state regulations by relocating to Texas. Good, maybe once that happens, Texas can finally secede and then we can legally embargo all their bullshit. Problem solved! Read more on Rick Perry: Texas Is Spread Wide Open, Eagerly Awaits Your Throbbing Business…
  Ire Are Us

Oh, Hey, Looks Like IRS Didn’t Scrutinize Only Conservative Groups. Imagine That!

As we all know, the mean old IRS targeted tea party groups in the Worst Scandal Since Watergate (May 2013 edition), and then America was Over for the 768,926th time since January 2009. But here is a thing! Turns out that the IRS also targeted a whole bunch of other groups trying to get a tax subsidy for being political, too! And a whole bunch of the groups that got a close look were, you know, political in ways that really warranted a closer look! Could someone please hand Captain Renault his winnings now? Read more on Oh, Hey, Looks Like IRS Didn’t Scrutinize Only Conservative Groups. Imagine That!…