Tag Archives: tax returns

  He made it the old fashioned way

Jeb Bush Tax Returns Reveal He’s F*cking Rich

Only in America
There’s one thing Jeb Bush learned real good from Mitt Romney, besides how to flip flop around like a dying fish on even the simplest of questions, and that is: don’t try to hide how rich you are. You are rich, and everyone knows it, so don’t be all mysterious and defensive because you’ll be asked about it for the rest of your life. (We’re still waiting for Mitt to let us see his tax returns so we can calculate approximately how much of his cash is stashed in the Cayman Islands.) Read more on Jeb Bush Tax Returns Reveal He’s F*cking Rich…
  Is saying "freely gave away" twice in 146 words enough?

Weekly Standard: Filthy Rich Romney Gave Far More To ‘Charity’ Than Did Merely Wealthy Joe Biden

Hey, everyone, just stop being so mean to Mitt Romney, right now, OK? Jeffrey Anderson of the Weekly Standard has done some math that conclusively proves that Mitt Romney is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being we’ve ever known in our life, especially when compared to that pipsqueak not-even-a-millionaire Joe Biden, who is not nearly rich enough to do anyone any good, and probably stomps on the iddle-widdle toes of adorable baby kittens for fun. Read more on Weekly Standard: Filthy Rich Romney Gave Far More To ‘Charity’ Than Did Merely Wealthy Joe Biden…
  sit n spin

Mitt Romney Won’t Release Tax Returns Because He Doesn’t Want To Brag About His Charity

Is this the most masterful bit of spin in world history? Does it beat, say, explaining why how you dropped 20 points in three days means your opponent should get out of the race? YES. IT DOES. Here is His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney explaining that he wants to keep his tithing between him and God, and that’s why you can’t see his tax returns: In an interview with Parade Magazine that will be published Sunday, Romney explains that the Church keeps those records private. His and Ann Romney’s donations are “a very personal thing between ourselves and our commitment to our God and to our church.” One of the downsides of releasing one’s financial information is that this is now all public, but we had never intended to our contributions to be known. Read more on Mitt Romney Won’t Release Tax Returns Because He Doesn’t Want To Brag About His Charity…
  s'all good

Mitt Romney Went Back And Looked at His Tax Returns For Us!

Finally, a little class in American politics. Instead of merely releasing the past ten years of his income tax returns to the public, Mitt Romney took it upon himself to go back and examine the returns for us. He has great news to deliver! “Every year I’ve paid at least 13 percent,” Romney said in South Carolina today, “and if you add in addition the amount that goes to charity, why the number gets well above 20 percent.” Read more on Mitt Romney Went Back And Looked at His Tax Returns For Us!…
  opinionatin'

Fred Thompson Explains How Tax Returns Work: Let’s Say There’s a Guy Watching Pornography…

Dadgum bumblebee-belchin’ hoopdy bumbler mcdoo Fred Thompson, the former Senator who was convinced to “run for president” in 2008 because he drove a pick-up truck, has finally weighed in on the issue of Mitt Romney’s undisclosed tax returns. Writing at National Review, which is trying to reestablish its cred after publishing that editorial a few weeks ago telling Romney to release his returns, the ol’ derper says, shucks, well I says, I says don’t release those taxy money-papers to the presscritters — just ignore those dumblydoodlies; they don’t deserve nothin’ so much in the way of informinatin’ and such like. The whole media sitchee-ation’s a lot like pornography, what with the watchin’, and the frownin’, and the no-goodin’. (Fred Thompson has written a poor column.) Read more on Fred Thompson Explains How Tax Returns Work: Let’s Say There’s a Guy Watching Pornography……
  journamalism

Washington Post Writer Richard Cohen Disappointed In Journalism Practiced By Harry Reid, Washington Post

Richard Cohen is a man who writes for the Washington Post. His job, from his past body of work, seems to be to express concern about things, but mainly things that make no sense to be concerned about. You sound smarter that way. Today, Richard Cohen is concerned that Harry Reid has forever taken politics into the gutter by not being Richard Cohen. Reid is where he loves to be: the center of controversy. He has accused Mitt Romney of paying no taxes for 10 years. Romney denies the accusation and challenged Reid to put up or shut up. In an apparent response, Reid repeated the charges on the Senate floor. Countless aides have echoed their boss. They and he attribute their information to a source they will not name. Whether such a source exists, really, is beside the point. It could be that someone did indeed tell Reid that Romney paid no taxes for 10 years. Journalists get that sort of tip all the time, and their responsibility is (1) to check it out and (2) identify the source. Reid has not done the latter and apparently has not done the former, either. The truth is that Reid doesn’t really care if the charge is true or not. He would prefer the former, but he’ll settle for the latter. HAHAHAHA, no, you dumb. Reporters just write down things people say, then get quotes from other people in response to whatever was said. You don’t identify anyone,  you just give them adjectives like “senior” or “inside” or “throbbing.” Read more on Washington Post Writer Richard Cohen Disappointed In Journalism Practiced By Harry Reid, Washington Post…
  better sourced than the daily caller

Harry Reid Is Pretty Much A Blogger Now

In a Huffington Post interview, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid revealed that he has approximately the same standard of sourcing as a third-rate political blog.* Reid revealed that he is in possession of unprovable assertions from an unidentified person who seems unlikely to be in a position to know something very shocking! And that shocking thing is this: An unnamed investor with Bain Capital called Harry Reid with very damaging information about Mitt Romney: “Harry, he didn’t pay any taxes for 10 years,” Reid gleefully recounted the person as saying. Why would the unnamed investor have any knowledge whatsoever of Mitt Romney’s personal finances? Well, we will go with ‘why not?’ Read more on Harry Reid Is Pretty Much A Blogger Now…
  duh

Tea Party Nation President: Obama Is Obviously A Gay Black Crack Addict

What are two things that are exactly the same? Are they “Arab witch-hunts” and “questions about Mitt Romney’s tax returns”? No. Those two things are not the same, as we proved with our persuasive logic yesterday. But here are two things that are exactly the same: “Mitt Romney opening his tax returns” and “Barack Obama proving he isn’t smoking crack or doing sex in men’s bottoms.” Yup. Those will work! Thanks, Judson Phillips, president of Tea Party Nation! Read more on Tea Party Nation President: Obama Is Obviously A Gay Black Crack Addict…
  our nation's greatest insiders

Lanny Davis, On The Cutting Edge of Centrist False Equivalency

Here’s a fun little Twitter theory from our good friend Lanny Davis, the hot-shot DC lawyer, Democratic party insider, Clinton campaign interference-runner, and lobbyist type to most of the world’s worst people. What is he even talking about? Did you know that if you’ve been suspicious about what’s inside Mitt Romney’s unreleased tax returns — suspicious, again, because he’d prefer to take withering criticism from across the political spectrum instead of simply showing what he’s got — then you are the same thing as Michele Bachmann hallucinating about Muslim infiltration? We thought Cory Booker’s famous “Bain attacks = Jeremiah Wright attacks” pairing was pretty unbeatable, but, well, “Wondering what the thing Mitt Romney is obviously hiding in his tax returns is = Michele Bachmann arbitrarily accusing people of terrorism” is a step above. Holy potatoes, you guys. Read more on Lanny Davis, On The Cutting Edge of Centrist False Equivalency…
  with friends like these

John McCain Rides To Romney’s Rescue: Sarah Palin Was ‘Better Candidate’

Hey Walnuts, would you perhaps like to ride to the rescue of your party’s current standardbearer, who is at the moment in a spot of bother, by explaining that it was not his unseemly wealth or that he perhaps did not even pay any taxes sometimes (who can ever know? It would be irresponsible not to speculate!) that kept you from choosing His Lord High Hairgel Mittens Romney to be your running mate in your 2008 presidential bid? That instead, it was just because he sucked? You would? Swell! Let us get to it! Read more on John McCain Rides To Romney’s Rescue: Sarah Palin Was ‘Better Candidate’…
  take the hit

Romney’s Tax Man Cometh

Poor, poor Mitt. He and his dancing horse have been having a tough go of it lately. Turns out he may (or may not!) have lied to the SEC about the good times he had at Bain capital between 1999 and 2002, presiding over the disposal of dead fetuses unborn babies before retroactively retiring. Then a bunch of conservatives went on the teevee and demanded that he release more than two years’ of tax returns, except for the Governor of Alabama, who had just said that he thought that PEOPLE, not ROMNEY in particular, just PEOPLE should release their tax returns because of transparency. Even our favorite sexist morning show host Joe Scarborough (no offense to our second favorite sexist morning show host, Steve Doocy!) thinks Romney might have not paid any taxes for a couple years, but that he should just release them anyway and “take the hit.” But this tax returns business is just SILLINESS, because no matter how many tax returns he releases, “it won’t be enough!” It will just give the Obama people more fodder for their lies and distortions. And also, Teresa Kerry (who wasn’t running for president) didn’t release hers and “this wasn’t an issue” (except it was) so why should he, Mitt Romney, lord of the Free Market, master of time, and possessor of a record that is all about winning the future, have to release his? Read more on Romney’s Tax Man Cometh…
  all of them katie

Regular Guy Scott Brown Has Twice As Many Houses As Mitt Romney

Massachusetts Sen. Scott Brown is just a regular guy — a virile human bear rug of a man, ridin’ in his pickup and bein’ a Joe. He also has six houses, which is so many houses it is almost as many as John McCain’s (which were so many he couldn’t remember) and twice as many as Mitt Romney has. (Three.) Read more on Regular Guy Scott Brown Has Twice As Many Houses As Mitt Romney…
  the wasp elite

The Obamas Made 800+ Trillion Dollars Last Year (Per Day)

Presidential tax returns for the Obamas and Bidens have been posted online, oh boy. Let’s see, did they make above the median income… yes they did, so: BOO! Jerks. Let’s steal their nice clothes and give them to kitties. Read more on The Obamas Made 800+ Trillion Dollars Last Year (Per Day)…
  just as soon as obama stops beating his wife

Romney Will Release His Tax Returns When Obama Stops Being A Russian Iranian North Korean Mole

Hey, remember yesterday, when your Wonkette had that story about poor Mitt Romney boohooing because his $100 million retirement account would be taxed at the same tax rate your sister pays on her unemployment check? Yeah, we do too! So now Obammerz’ peeps are all hey mittens, how about you tell us more about that? And then Mittens’ people are all “We will release them when Obama stops being a Russian spy.” Obvs. Read more on Romney Will Release His Tax Returns When Obama Stops Being A Russian Iranian North Korean Mole…
  no peeking

Oh, Look, Romney Attacked Kennedy’s Blind Trust During 1994 Senate Race

Mitt Romney, who was slightly more humanoid in 1994 than he is today, also thought blind trusts, of which he has one, and which he passionately defended during Thursday night’s Jacksonville debate, were terrible, devious things. How exactly did he put it? Oh yes, a blind trust is an “age-old ruse.” Read more on Oh, Look, Romney Attacked Kennedy’s Blind Trust During 1994 Senate Race…
  cannot compute will not compute

Romney Short-Circuits Over Debate’s Tax Return Questions

In Thursday’s debate in South Carolina, the one where Gingrich soared, Romney stuttered, Paul sniggered and Santorum … was also there … moderator John King prodded the gentlemen with questions on tax returns, a segment that greatly overshadowed any attempt to remind people that Gingrich isn’t good at monogamy. King’s express interest was in trying to get Romney to either a) be bold, like his father, and release a decade or so of tax returns, b) self-destruct, or c) somehow get carried to safety by the little flapping wings of supportive South Carolinian audience members. The fun part was the contrasts that ended up getting drawn between Romney the barely-taxpayer and everybody else who pays taxes. Ron Paul said the main reason he wasn’t releasing his returns is because he’d be “embarrassed” by how little income he makes. “No one’s challenging me because I have no conflict of interest,” Paul said. Touuuuuché. Read more on Romney Short-Circuits Over Debate’s Tax Return Questions…
  posers

Zillionaire Mitt Romney Tells Obama To Stop Acting So Rich All the Time

Ol’ moneybags Mitt Romney is estimated to be worth over $250 million, a rather grotesque embarrassment of riches and presumably the reason why Mittens refuses to release his tax returns, in hope of avoiding a couple of news cycles’ worth of “How many thousands of struggling homeowners could Mitt Romney’s wealth instantly save from foreclosure, right now?” types of stories. Releasing them would also undermine his favorite bizarre rhetorical strategy, trying to speak Poor. He’s unemployed! He’s underpaid! And now, he’s shivering in the gutter: “[Obama is] in Hawaii right now,” he said. “We’re in the cold, in the rain, in the wind because we care about America.” What the hell is he talking about? Read more on Zillionaire Mitt Romney Tells Obama To Stop Acting So Rich All the Time…
  oh noes!

Nikki Haley Can Never Get Around To Doing Her Taxes

South Carolina gubernatorial nominee Nikki Haley is best known for being a Republican MINORITY and being accused of having sex with people. But also: “Haley, a fiscal conservative and tea party favorite, cites her experience as an accountant on the campaign trail.” So it is funny that she never does her taxes on time. She and her husband have been fined nearly $4,500 for this over the years, and somehow her 2005 and 2006 returns were filed over 14 months late. Of course, this will only boost her campaign, like those sexy allegations did, because conservative South Carolinians know the IRS is evil, which is as good a reason as any to secede again. Read more on Nikki Haley Can Never Get Around To Doing Her Taxes…
  fancypants mcmoney over here

Barack And Michelle Obama Are Rich As The Dickens

Barack and Michelle Obama have posted their 2009 tax return online, just to brag about how they live at “1600 Pennsylvania Avenue,” where they count their $5,505,409 in adjusted gross income all day long, cackling. Read more on Barack And Michelle Obama Are Rich As The Dickens…
  america's worst non-senator

Harold Ford Junior Will Only Do Candidate Things When He Is A Candidate Again

Harold Ford Junior is being awful again, this time on the website Blogspot.com, a popular day-trading lunch diner. He is upset that Kirsten Gillibrand will not release her tax returns, only because Kirsten Gillibrand demanded he release his tax returns, which are terrifying and not in the State of New York. Harold’s Logic: Maybe if I ever run for office in New York then I will, you evil tobacco lady from Poopland. Read more on Harold Ford Junior Will Only Do Candidate Things When He Is A Candidate Again…
 

Cindy McCain: You’ll Never Get My Money, Losers!

Cindy “Cougar” McCain said on this morning’s Today show that she will “never” release her tax returns, because she is “not the candidate.” No, but she has all of John McCain’s assets (and some more, hummina hummina hummina), and she lets him use her private jet all the time, and she has a very public position, and she steals pills from children which is a felony. [YouTube] Read more on Cindy McCain: You’ll Never Get My Money, Losers!…
 

McCain Releases Dumb Tax Returns, Cindy’s Fortune Kept Secret!

John McCain is now transparent, huzzah! Today he released his 2006-07 tax returns, and the poor Blue Collar couldn’t even top seven figures. He made about $419,000 in 2007, of which approximately $259,000 was taxable (the rest was hidden in Secret Offshore accounts knows as “charity”). Well how Common of him, not makin’ the big bucks like the elitist liberals. But wait, isn’t his trollop wife Cindy a superbillionaire corporate beer heiress? Read more on McCain Releases Dumb Tax Returns, Cindy’s Fortune Kept Secret!…