Wonkette

Oh dudes here is a SCURRILOUS RUMOR we just received, possibly from somebody in America’s Meth/Tattoo Capital of Wasilla, Alaska. The email is, uh, difficult to follow. But the central claim is this: Sarah Palin doesn’t even put that lipstick on her mouth, because it’s a TATTOO. Oh jesus christ, she is so gross, especially if this is true. MORE »

John McCain’s people had about 24 hours to get Levi “Fuckin’ Redneck” Johnston a haircut, a shave, a tailored Italian wool suit, and some invisible duct tape to cover his mouth so that he could NEVER SAY A WORD. Somewhere along the line, however, he skipped out to the one store in Wasilla — a tattoo parlor — to get “Bristol” inked into the skin of his ring finger. Richard Cohen must be furious. [HuffPo]

Our favorite Washington Post old crab Richard Cohen has put together another gem today, following his recent coot-ish rambles about tattoos, his eyesight and, of course, uppity Negroes. Today’s topic: books! He is in Boulder in a bookstore, with the books that the children don’t give a hoot about anymore! They are buying them on this “Amazon” internet page, or not at all, because they are terrible, bwah bwah bwah. MORE »

You know how the New York Times turned down John McCain’s editorial because it was boring or whatever? We think we found it — it’s running in the Washington Post today, cleverly disguised under the pseudonym “Richard Cohen,” and it’s a full-on Andy Rooney-style rant about the youngsters and their awful tattoos (pictured, left). Today’s horrible tattoos are symptomatic of our decadent moral decline, whereas the horrible tattoos of yesteryear actually stood for something … or so says one angry, drunken geezer. MORE »

Hey people, if you are in the Fort Wayne, Indiana area, you might stop by Studio 13 Creative Skin Design and ask Ryan Hadley for one of these sweet Barack Obama tattoos. Now GO GO GO, FIND US PHOTOS OF HILLARY CLINTON TATS POST HASTE or else you are all Sexists. [Photo from Studio 13 via Wonkette Flesh Ornamentation Operative Donocaster.]

UPDATE: Oh right! How could we forget this horror?

Barack Obama is going to win in Oregon as big as Hillary won in West Virginia, but it will count for twice as many delegates. Also, he won the nomination. Still, he has to keep campaigning because Hillary will never ever quit the race, so he had to do this depressing Q&A with one of the “alt-weekly” papers in Portland. If you thought alt-weeklies were the last refuge of aging grunge losers, this interview really isn’t going to change your view. MORE »

Want to know who harbors the deepest, most disturbing love for Ron Paul, the mild-mannered Texas obstetrician who ran for President that one time? Look no farther than the flesh of these bizarre individuals with Ron Paul tattoos. MORE »

Roger Stone — former CREEP dirty trickster, occasional Fox contributor, Al Gore fan — is trying to avoid blame for having called and abused Eliot Spitzer’s dad. He was forced to abandon his original alibi after it turned out there were no performances of Frost/Nixon that night. So, instead, he claims he was in Venice Beach, CA getting a tattoo of Richard Nixon’s face. Look, you can kind of see it in the mirror there. But don’t look too close! Your eyes will melt!

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* Jim Jeffords stole Walnuts! maverick thunder in 2001 and never gave it back. [QandO]
* Diane Feinstein: so many fuckups to distance herself from, so little time. [World Net Daily]
* Army happy to accept freshly-inked killers the Marines have rejected. [Vodka Pundit]
* James Inhofe hates U2 as much as you do. [C&L]
* Rudy took down Judy the first night. [Hotline on Call]
* Predictable Iowa voters go for the whitest candidate with a cock. [MoJo]
* New jib-jab cartoon that debuted at last night’s radio/teevee dinner. [jibjab]
* Howard Dean is less of a prick than before. Hazzzzzzzzzzah! [Roll Call]

Desperate times call for desperate measures. The dashing Mark Mazzetti — in his swan song for the L.A. Times, before decamping for the New York Times — brings us this report, about the Army casting a wider net in its recruiting:

The Army has a message for the growing legions of flamboyantly tattooed American teens: Uncle Sam even wants you. Facing one of the worst recruiting climates in the allvolunteer military’s history, the Army has decided to relax standards that dictate which parts of a soldier can be festooned with body art. Specifically, the service will accept recruits with tattoos on their neck and hands.

The service long had prohibited soldiers from having tattoos on places not covered by a dress uniform. But after missing Army recruiting goals last year, commanders are looking for every way possible to expand the pool of candidates.

But don’t think that they’ll let just anyone in. True, the Army has started to admit recruits “who score poorly on mental aptitude tests and who don’t have high school diplomas,” as well as “candidates with criminal records and histories of drug abuse.” With respect to body art, however, the Army still has some standards:

The directive still prohibits any tattoos that are “extremist, indecent, sexist or racist.” And, in true Army fashion, there are strict guidelines about where on the neck the tattoo may be located. Neck tattoos are allowed only on the back of the neck, defined by the Army as the area “under the ear lobe and across the back of the head.”

With the tattoo ban lifted, maybe now they’ll let Rep. Bill Thomas enlist!

For the curious among you, additional Army guidance about what tattoos pass muster appears after the jump.

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Representative Bill Thomas (R-CA) is, we assume, a cultured man-of-the-world type, so there’s no reason to be too surprised that he’s taken a few lobbyist-funded trips hither and thither. As we see on PoliticalMoneyLine, he gets around. Keep in mind, of course, that the gentleman is the head of the Ways and Means committee — and, due to Republican committee term limits, he has decided to retire from office so that he won’t have to suffer the indignity of a seat in the House with slightly less power and influence. From his trip disclosure info, a couple things stand out.

The first is the cost of his all-expenses paid trip to Colorado for an AEI forum:

(Note: Screenshot edited for size and clarity)

Uh, Bill… you’re gonna have to do a better job of hiding that kind of stuff. Spread it out or something! But hey, that’s just par-for-the-course corruption. Mostly harmless. You know, you see one big lobbyist cash gift, you seen ‘em all. It was in Bill’s trip to Scotland where we got a little more interested. The results of our investigation, after the jump.

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