Sometimes when we open up the ol’ comment queue, that limbo where new would-be Wonketteers must first prove they are neither spam nor complete teabagging idiots, we feel like the Medieval Marxist’s wife: “Oooh, Dennis! There’s some lovely filth down ‘ere!” And so it was with two messages from “JustinHuman,” who just wanted us to […]

Move over Wonket dreamboat Rosa DeLauro, because we have a new favorite politician who is punk as fuck. No, sillies. NOT that sad Romney face tattoo guy, he is sad and NOT AWESOME. No, this Czech artist/dramaturge/lawyer/professor OF RADNESS, Vladimir Franz, who is running for Czech president. Mssr. Franz, for the love of art and […]

Dumb California hippies are at it again, trying to nationalize your muneez from your hardworking hands and use it for cosmetic surgery for lowlifes! First they took all the tax dollars in the world and gave it to (former) gang members, just so (former) gang members could their gang tattoos removed and get jerbs. And […]

The empty Saturnalia of Christmas has come and gone again, so it’s time for pollsters to ask depressed Americans if religion is still important. About half say, “I guess, to me, a little.” But 70% admit that their sad devotion to that ancient religion doesn’t really matter, as the actual influence of traditional religion on […]

Glenn Beck’s potluck BBQ/Glenn Beck fan-fest on the National Mall this Saturday is going to be historical and life-changing and the turning point for America, according to Glenn Beck. Also, there will be miracles from Heaven — “Literally, expect to see miracles. Great, powerful miracles are coming.” But the miracles of the so-called “God” are […]

Meghan McCain wants to commemorate her one-week anniversary (NEW RELEASE DATE: AUGUST 31! Update your calendars!) upcoming book release by branding her upper ass-wedge with the Chinese symbol for Lindsey Graham, who is her spirit animal. Mrs. McCain will throw her feces everywhere if Meghan actually goes through with it, or so we are led […]

Wonkette operative “Kris” wants you to have nightmares forever and ever, until you jump out of your (first floor) window and, uh, sprain your ankle. So she flipped over our gross picture of Sarah Palin’s tattooed-on lipstick, and, well …. Enjoy it!

LOSERS  10:13 pm November 2, 2008

We Told You Tattoos Aren’t Cool

by Ken Layne

The history of American Tattoos: 1) Poor greasers and sailors and bikers and gang-bangers get tattoos. 2) “Edgy” fad spreads to various musical subcultures, mostly rockabilly and punk. 3) 1990s grunge era seduces even elitist college kids into getting inked. 4) Trickle-down tattoo economics means every single white-trash person now has several ugly tattoos on […]

America’s most unemployed blogger, Meghan McCain, has made a pledge to the independent white northern trash of New Hampshire: if her father, the illustrious “John,” wins the presidency and carries New Hampshire in the process, she will get a fithy “Live Free or Die” tattoo inked into her. WTF is she even talking about? If […]

Oh dudes here is a SCURRILOUS RUMOR we just received, possibly from somebody in America’s Meth/Tattoo Capital of Wasilla, Alaska. The email is, uh, difficult to follow. But the central claim is this: Sarah Palin doesn’t even put that lipstick on her mouth, because it’s a TATTOO. Oh jesus christ, she is so gross, especially […]

John McCain’s people had about 24 hours to get Levi “Fuckin’ Redneck” Johnston a haircut, a shave, a tailored Italian wool suit, and some invisible duct tape to cover his mouth so that he could NEVER SAY A WORD. Somewhere along the line, however, he skipped out to the one store in Wasilla — a […]

Our favorite Washington Post old crab Richard Cohen has put together another gem today, following his recent coot-ish rambles about tattoos, his eyesight and, of course, uppity Negroes. Today’s topic: books! He is in Boulder in a bookstore, with the books that the children don’t give a hoot about anymore! They are buying them on […]

You know how the New York Times turned down John McCain’s editorial because it was boring or whatever? We think we found it — it’s running in the Washington Post today, cleverly disguised under the pseudonym “Richard Cohen,” and it’s a full-on Andy Rooney-style rant about the youngsters and their awful tattoos (pictured, left). Today’s […]

Hey people, if you are in the Fort Wayne, Indiana area, you might stop by Studio 13 Creative Skin Design and ask Ryan Hadley for one of these sweet Barack Obama tattoos. Now GO GO GO, FIND US PHOTOS OF HILLARY CLINTON TATS POST HASTE or else you are all Sexists. [Photo from Studio 13 […]