Tag: tattoos

Everybody wants prosthetic foreheads on their real heads

Bill O’Reilly Doubles Down On All Those Blacks With Their Tattooed Foreheads

Here is an important thing about Bill O'Reilly: He is never wrong. Oh, sure, he may get some facts a little bit off, like bragging about Inside Edition having won a Peabody award when it actually won a Polk...

Pennsylvania Democrats Have Hot 3-Way In Race To Take On Pat Toomey (R-Yawn)

a href="http://wonkette.com/600294/maryland-has-two-awesome-democrats-running-for-senate-can-we-have-both"Welcome back to our newish feature, our weekly countdown of U.S. Senate races, yes, even the ones where there's no real contest. But not this week! Last time, we looked at Maryland's primary between two ridiculously well-qualified Democrats;...

Bill O’Reilly Doubts Even Donald Trump Can Find Jobs For Dumb Tattooed Blacks

Who says conservative media outlets never ask Donald Trump the tough questions? On Fox's The O'Reilly Factor Monday night, host Bill O'Reilly interrupted Donald Trump's fantasy about solving all of America's race issues by "bringing jobs back from China"...
Good For Your Business

Whole Foods’ Gamble: Will In-Store Tattoo Parlors Attract Enough Insufferable Millennials?

Another week and another chance to celebrate the accomplishments and examine the needless suffering of our favorite Corporate Persons. Thanks for fighting our stupid wars, millennials. Here's another tattoo parlor Are you interested in a tattoo like some common Rock and...
Ready for her close-up

Rachel Dolezal Quits NAACP, Will Continue Fight For Her People, Whoever They Are

Rachel Dolezal, the head of the Spokane, Washington, chapter of the NAACP, has resigned her post after her parents said late last week that she is not so much a black woman as she is White Like They. The...

Deleted Comments of The Day: How Many Stereotypes Can You Fit Into One Paragraph?

Sometimes when we open up the ol' comment queue, that limbo where new would-be Wonketteers must first prove they are neither spam nor complete teabagging idiots, we feel like the Medieval Marxist's wife: "Oooh, Dennis! There's some lovely filth...

Tattooed Face Guy For King Of Universe, Please

Move over Wonket dreamboat Rosa DeLauro, because we have a new favorite politician who is punk as fuck. No, sillies. NOT that sad Romney face tattoo guy, he is sad and NOT AWESOME. No, this Czech artist/dramaturge/lawyer/professor OF RADNESS,...

Why Is California Trying To Make It Easier For Prostitutes To Break Away From Their Rightful Owners?

Dumb California hippies are at it again, trying to nationalize your muneez from your hardworking hands and use it for cosmetic surgery for lowlifes! First they took all the tax dollars in the world and gave it to (former)...

Americans Admit Their Religion Is Fading Away

The empty Saturnalia of Christmas has come and gone again, so it's time for pollsters to ask depressed Americans if religion is still important. About half say, "I guess, to me, a little." But 70% admit that their sad...

Glenn Beck Promises To Brand All Children At His DC Rally

Glenn Beck's potluck BBQ/Glenn Beck fan-fest on the National Mall this Saturday is going to be historical and life-changing and the turning point for America, according to Glenn Beck. Also, there will be miracles from Heaven -- "Literally, expect...

Meghan McCain Will Maybe Honor Her New Book With a Celebratory Tramp Stamp

Meghan McCain wants to commemorate her one-week anniversary (NEW RELEASE DATE: AUGUST 31! Update your calendars!) upcoming book release by branding her upper ass-wedge with the Chinese symbol for Lindsey Graham, who is her spirit animal. Mrs. McCain will...

Can You Guess the Identity of This Monster?

Wonkette operative "Kris" wants you to have nightmares forever and ever, until you jump out of your (first floor) window and, uh, sprain your ankle. So she flipped over our gross picture of Sarah Palin's tattooed-on lipstick, and, well...

We Told You Tattoos Aren’t Cool

The history of American Tattoos: 1) Poor greasers and sailors and bikers and gang-bangers get tattoos. 2) "Edgy" fad spreads to various musical subcultures, mostly rockabilly and punk. 3) 1990s grunge era seduces even elitist college kids into getting...

Meghan McCain Will Tattoo New Hampshire On Herself If McCain Wins It

America's most unemployed blogger, Meghan McCain, has made a pledge to the independent white northern trash of New Hampshire: if her father, the illustrious "John," wins the presidency and carries New Hampshire in the process, she will get a...

Sarah Palin Even Lies About Lipstick! (Maybe)

Oh dudes here is a SCURRILOUS RUMOR we just received, possibly from somebody in America's Meth/Tattoo Capital of Wasilla, Alaska. The email is, uh, difficult to follow. But the central claim is this: Sarah Palin doesn't even put that...

Check Out Levi Johnston’s Meth-Trash Ring Finger Tattoo

John McCain's people had about 24 hours to get Levi "Fuckin' Redneck" Johnston a haircut, a shave, a tailored Italian wool suit, and some invisible duct tape to cover his mouth so that he could NEVER SAY A WORD....