Nuh uh. You’re shitting me. The Department of Justice has opened a criminal investigation into the destruction of those CIA interrogation tapes? That means either (a) Michael Mukasey will be fired immediately for not living up to the Bush standards set by Alberto Gonzales or (b) he will conclude that the tapes were fine, a little waterboarding here and there, but that’s only torture when performed by Megan Carpentier. (Shudder). [Bloomberg]

The Los Angeles Times knows what led to the CIA’s destruction of those torture tapes! If you’re wondering why you didn’t read about this, it might be because they broke it like late-morning on Monday — the day before Christmas. Hey, smooth move, guys! I’m sure eeeverybody saw it! Next time, you may want to point your team of crack reporters toward a calendar.

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Dana Perino, you icy chamberpot of talky talky death! Only one day after your pals Blackwater shot the New York Times‘ fucking dog, and you’re releasing a statement condemning its headline this morning? For being misleading? You, the White motherfucking House is calling someone else misleading? If you weren’t so damn pretty, I’d curse you out several more times. MORE »