Two recent incidents show that our nation’s proud elected officials all turn into COCKS OF RAGE at the sight of airport personnel. First David Vitter tries to hijack a plane to New Orleans, and then this Representative Pete DeFazio character, a common Democrat from Oregon, gets all shirty when a TSA screener in Portland wants to give him an Advanced Security Inspection with rubber gloves. MORE »

Hooker-using diaper fetishist Senator David Vitter freaked out at Dulles airport after he missed his flight back to New Orleans. He arrived at his gate to discover that doors had closed and he could not board his flight. A normal person would say, “Oh well, can you try to get me on the next flight then?” but Senator Vitter yelled about how he was a senator and therefore endowed with special powers of douchebaggery. Then he opened the security door, which set off an alarm, and the airline employee he’d been chewing out was all Hey man that is really not cool, and David Vitter ran off like a pussy while the employee looked for a security guard. What an awful human. [Raw Story]

While millions of FOX News viewers were busily fantasizing about the inevitable race riots that would leave Oakland, Philly, Detroit, and Chicago in smoking ruins following Barack Obama’s crushing defeat Tuesday night, nobody thought to wonder what would become of the bitter Klingons who might be sad if Barack Obama actually won. Well, here’s your answer: they get drunk and bite people’s noses and then just sort of … fall over. MORE »

We got the following totally-unverified tip yesterday from a Wonkette operative:

Overheard at Tortilla Coast:
Male with really bad curly hair kinda like that 70s guy from American Idol: “I met this intern from McCain’s office, she takes sleeping pills every night”

Ditzy Girl: “Really? Wow….”

Bad hair guy: “Yeah I mean she’s a red head so she’s pale anyways but this is worse!”

At first we didn’t think much of it, because even though we like the idea of the MAVERICK senator’s interns not being able to sleep at night, our tipster kinda lost us with the punchline. But then we read Newsmax’s most recent attack piece tribute to McCain, with its hilariously self-answering headline, and we wondered if maybe everybody within a five-mile radius of the gentleman from Arizona mightn’t need to hit the ol’ Ambien. The vulgar parts, including a surprising incident in which McCain inspects a colleague’s ass, are after the jump.

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