Tag Archives: tampa

  programming

Your Wonkette Tuesday Liveblogging & Tampa Party Details

Two Things: Your Wonkette communist overlord Rebecca Schoenkopf will be hosting a Wonkette Party tonight in Tampa, at “six or seven,” which is basically right now. Go to this place: MacDinton’s, 405 South Howard Avenue Tampa, Florida 33606 (813)251-8999 Read more on Your Wonkette Tuesday Liveblogging & Tampa Party Details…
  Civility Update II

Donald Trump Yells At Rich Lady Arianna Huffington And Tells GOP To Get Mean

Pus-filled gluteal boil Donald Trump took to the Twittertubes today to comment on the comeliness of sweatshop-celebriporn-blog overseer Arianna Huffington. We thought he liked women with accents? After the whole entire Internet said, “Eew, Donald, SO RUDE!” Trump followed up with a promise of more drama to come: “Don’t think my statement on @ariannahuff was harsh, if you knew her and the phony Huffington Post you would understand— more to follow.” Yes, Donald. If only we saw the world through your eyes we would understand. At least until someone mercifully went all Earl of Gloucester on us. Read more on Donald Trump Yells At Rich Lady Arianna Huffington And Tells GOP To Get Mean…
  navel gazing

One Third of Registered Voters Do Not Know How Horrible Mitt Romney Is

Well look who is the luckiest bastard on earth: apparently one third of Americans do not have an opinion of Mitt Romney for some reason, which CBS has characterized as a “challenge.” Your Wonkette, on the other hand, feels that this might be more aptly described as a “gift” seeing that he is a horrible person who evades avoids taxes, has a son named Tagg, and has STRAPPED A DOG TO THE ROOF OF HIS CAR. Also, what if a hurricane comes and kills a bunch of people and now we don’t get to know who Mitt Romney is? Yes, this is an actual concern articulated by the good people at CBS. Read more on One Third of Registered Voters Do Not Know How Horrible Mitt Romney Is…
  Civility Update

Neal Boortz: Public Schools Led To Obama, So Kill Public Schools

Superannuated radio screamy-man Neal Boortz has some amusing observations about how to improve America’s political discourse! Speaking to the Isaac-dampened attendees at Tampa’s Wingnutpalooza “Unity Rally 2012,” Mr. Boortz urged Amercia-loving conservatives to adopt subtle Luntzian adjustments that will reframe important issues. First off, they should always say “Democrat Party,” because “it makes them SO MAD when you say that.” Witty! Read more on Neal Boortz: Public Schools Led To Obama, So Kill Public Schools…
  aww

Big Gubmint’s So-Called ‘Probation’ Keeps James O’Keefe Out of Tampa

What has the mean old federal government done to rising indie filmmaker James O’Keefe now? They won’t even let him go to Tampa for a speaking gig. Today he was scheduled to speak and take questions at a luncheon hosted by the James Madison Institute, some winger think tank or another. Now he’s doing that by Skype, because there’s a little thing called “probation” on his record from that time he and his idiot friends tried to break into the telephone system of a federal building in Louisiana, to record a Senator. Why are government laws suppressing James O’Keefe like this? Read more on Big Gubmint’s So-Called ‘Probation’ Keeps James O’Keefe Out of Tampa…
  it's the great pumpkin charlie brown

Let’s Play ‘Mystery Date’ With The Republicans!

Political Wire asks, we answer! Republican convention planners appear to have a surprise planned for those tuning in Thursday night, the Wall Street Journal reports. “Buried deep in the convention schedule released Monday is a vague reference to a mystery speaker scheduled for the event’s final evening. ‘To Be Announced’ has a prime speaking slot late in the Thursday program.” Read more on Let’s Play ‘Mystery Date’ With The Republicans!…
  gone hollywood

Janine Turner Built That: Wingnut Northern Exposure Actress’s Blast From The Past

Everyone knows Republicans hate Hollywood, until they find a Hollywood Actor who doesn’t find them to be terrifying pieces of shit. And they have found one such, and she is going to be speaking at them during “We Built It Day,” sometime today! It is Janine Turner, and she is amazing, and we are going to re-run a post from April of this year so you too can learn how terrific and cogent and right-thinking and not at all scrambled-egg-brained she is! Famous 1990s actress Janine Turner (“Northern Exposure,” “The Night of the White Pants”) has joined the other most famous lady GOPer, Victoria Jackson, in going full wingnut, as you could probably tell by this terrifying picture of her going as Nancy Reagan for Halloween except that that is always how she looks now aiyeeeee! Anyway, Ol’ Janine over there is a “writer” now for Pajamas Media, and this is very exciting, and her first column is a holy shit of a tl;dr wherein she takes apart the word “girlfriends” with each letter forming a different way to convert your idiot liberal Hollywood bitch “girlfriends” to reasonableness by explaining that they are stupid traitors. What fun! Let’s take apart some of it (it is literally a list of 63 bullet points) until we are bored! OK, it starts with an introduction where Turner explains that it is hard being a conservative Lady at a table full of blah commie Whoopie Goldbergs, and old feminist battleaxe Baba Wawas, and the talky one, you know, the Jewish one, because conservative women are too sweet and nice to stand up to them. But Turner will show you how! G: Get Reasonable. Want to teach your children that laws don’t matter? Be a Democrat. Knowledge is power and reason is a civic responsibility. Our United States Constitution is the law of the land. Democrat think the Constitution is irrelevant because it restricts them. Read more on Janine Turner Built That: Wingnut Northern Exposure Actress’s Blast From The Past…
  run husband.exe

Mitt Romney Actually Going To Be A Good Husband This Time

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Mitt Romney’s wife, Egg, had a dancey horse that was so good at prancing and mincing, it was going to prance and mince in the Olympics even! And because Mitt Romney does not know how to be a human husband, he was all, “That is Egg’s thing, I will not be watching.” And all of America slapped themselves in their faces with a tire iron, because dude, you not watching your wife’s horse dance in the Olympics is not going to distance you from the fact that you have a horse dancing in the Olympics, so why not say something only mildly assholish, like, “Ha, ha, ha, ha, yeah, what a dumb fucking sport, and one which many blue-collar white humans, whose votes I must attain, find eminently lame and which they mock. I sure will be watching it and cheering on my loving helpmeet.” Well, now Egg Romney is talking to all of America, from Tampa, tonight! And Mitt Romney will even be in town for it, to lend his support, instead of slapping his wife in the face with a tire iron! (This is BIG NEWS in these parts you guys, that Mitt Romney is coming to Tampa early, so: you know. Excitement?!) Mitt Romney, vote for him, as he is a human-style man! Read more on Mitt Romney Actually Going To Be A Good Husband This Time…
  secret weather plots

A Children’s Treasury of Contrarian Republican Commentary on Hurricane Isaac

What is Hurricane Isaac to certain more outspoken member of the Republican party? A disaster, perhaps, that could destroy the northern Gulf Coast yet again? Maybe it’s an Obama Commerce Department conspiracy. Or a welcome opening of the skies that keeps Joe Biden away. Or maybe it’s nothing, and no one should give a shit, as long as Republicans win the election. Let’s share some Republican “takes” on Hurricane Isaac, the official storm of RNC2K12. Read more on A Children’s Treasury of Contrarian Republican Commentary on Hurricane Isaac…
  not at our best

Tampa Republican Convention Day One: Fox & Friends’ Brian Kilmeade Is Going To Be Our (Forced) Lover

TAMPA — Three glasses of a lovely New Zealand sauvignon blanc, one stone-cold $12 club sandwich, one missed opportunity for a picture with none other than walking date-rape wanted-poster Brian Kilmeade, who walking-wanted-postered in past us while we were out smoking, and our phone was plugged in back at the bar. There is nothing to report from Tampa. Not one fucking thing. Not a thing at all. Drunk-face emoticon! Read more on Tampa Republican Convention Day One: Fox & Friends’ Brian Kilmeade Is Going To Be Our (Forced) Lover…
  the furry report

Early Furry & Sex Magazine Sightings in Tampa

Your Wonkette editor Rebecca is currently en route to Tampa, or dragged out to sea in the worst hurricane ever, who knows, but we’ve been getting crucial news reports from Tampa all weekend anyway. “I’ve seen two furries already and I haven’t event left the airport,” Former Wonkette and current Reason Paultard correspondent Garrett Quinn wrote on Saturday, sending along these photos. This is a some sort of Tampa bird, perhaps the devil ray. Read more on Early Furry & Sex Magazine Sightings in Tampa…
  no really

25 Things To Watch For At The Republican National Convention

25. Paul Ryan will poop his pants while giving a speech, it will be hella embarrassing. 24. A Florida alligator will eat Marco Rubio and then go “we all saw this coming.” 23. Chris Christie will pour local seawater all over his tits. 22. An elephant will fly in from outer space and crash into the Tampa arena and have babies everywhere. 21. Editor Rebecca will save Rep. Virginia Foxx from the hurricane and then they’ll do a bunch of cocaine. Read more on 25 Things To Watch For At The Republican National Convention…
  fight for your right to party!

Your Wonkette Drinky Thing Party Planner (And Prizes!)

Remember when we made our own fake Kickstarter, because the real Kickstarter did not think that going around the country throwing parties was “performance art”? (WHATEVER.) Well, we promised you many gifties, which we have yet to deliver, so let us tell you News about them, and announce who won the chance to decide where the bonus Drinky Thing would be! Read more on Your Wonkette Drinky Thing Party Planner (And Prizes!)…
  can we talk about the national weather service?

Ol’ Rush Limbaugh Pretty Sure Obama Behind Tampa’s Republican Convention Hurricane

Yargle bargle floop, word word word. LIMBAUGH: So we got a hurricane coming. The National Hurricane Center, which is a government agency, is very hopeful that the hurricane gets near Tampa. The National Hurricane Center is Obama. It’s the National Weather Service, part of the commerce department. It’s Obama. Read more on Ol’ Rush Limbaugh Pretty Sure Obama Behind Tampa’s Republican Convention Hurricane…
  censorship

Mom-Hating Major Networks To Show Repeats of Dumb Shows Rather Than Ann Romney’s Speech

The Mitt Romney for President 2012 campaign had a smashing idea for night one of next week’s convention: Get Ann Romney to speak! She’s a nice gal who “humanizes Mitt Romney,” don’t you know. Have you heard? Once the world meets Ann Romney, nothing but Endless Victory will follow. And yet problems have arisen: (1) Ann Romney’s opening act will be a hurricane that levels the city of Tampa and (2) CBS, ABC and NBC won’t even be showing the speech. Instead they’re airing repeats of what, one thing about a detective, another one about fairy tales. A Hawaii thing. (They are all about detectives.) Read more on Mom-Hating Major Networks To Show Repeats of Dumb Shows Rather Than Ann Romney’s Speech…
  god damn america

Tampa Totally Going To Cancel Republican Convention Just Because Of Tiny Little Act Of God

Hi what’s this, that maybe-hurricane from yesterday is now probably an absolutely hurricane, which will hit Tampa Monday morning, and the city, which is run by total pussy Dems (see above), may cancel the Republican Convention! Stop laughing at the Republicans getting hit with two conventiocanes in a row, and start worrying about your Editrix, who is supposed to fly into Tampa at just exactly the same time Tropical Storm Isaac is expected to transform into a Category 1 hurricane and bomb the convention center to smithereens! Your Editrix is from California. SHE DOES NOT LIKE HURRICANES, she only likes fires and earthquakes! Oh, just treat it like a water earthquake, some brain surgeon who shall remain nameless assures us. That does not sound right! Read more on Tampa Totally Going To Cancel Republican Convention Just Because Of Tiny Little Act Of God…
  vengeance is mine sayeth the lord

God Due To ‘Stand His Ground’ Against Tampa’s Republican Convention, With Hurricane Maybe

Everybody panic! Some dude at Examiner.com looked at a bunch of funny gifs of a maybe-hurricane and decided it might hit Tampa (and your Editrix!) just in time for the RNC! Where will we shelter from the possible storm? Probably a titty bar. But far more important than whether or not we (by which we mean “I”) are murdered by the vengeful weather is what could have angered the deity to call down this Old Testament (it is even named Isaac, we think?) smiting: Read more on God Due To ‘Stand His Ground’ Against Tampa’s Republican Convention, With Hurricane Maybe…
  beach blanket bingo also too

We Might Let Some Republicans Into Our Tampa Wonkette Drinky Thing, But Only If They Are Shirtless

HELLO FLORIDA. You have been so patient, waiting for the deets on our Republican National Convention Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup in Tampa! Will there be beer, and fried things, and ladies in skimpy tops? Yes, yes, and it could happen! Will there be Republicans, and media ‘lites, and you, the brave and loyal Wonker? Most certainly, but only if the Republicans are hot. Read more on We Might Let Some Republicans Into Our Tampa Wonkette Drinky Thing, But Only If They Are Shirtless…
 

George W. Bush Selflessly Chooses To Let Others Enjoy All of Tampa’s Strippers

George W. Bush was president for eight years, and it was awesome and he was famous he was powerful, but now he lives in a big mansion in… Dallas… eww… and has lots of money and never wants to see or talk about politics again. For the second consecutive time, he will not be attending the Republican National Convention. Since he is America’s most popular president, perhaps even the Second Jesus, it must be a simple matter of scheduling issues. Sucks for him! He’s going to miss some fun (/unfun and predictable) themed strippers in Tampa, the nation’s worst city behind Charlotte, North Carolina. Read more on George W. Bush Selflessly Chooses To Let Others Enjoy All of Tampa’s Strippers…
  tampa is just 'armageddon' spelled in wingnuttish

Rick Santorum Vows Epic GOP Convention War on Usurping Paultards

As foretold in Revelation, Lord of Lunatics Rick Santorum has warned that he is fortifying his followers for some kind of world-ending battle to fend off the interloping Paultard hordes at the Republican National Convention in Florida, in August. It will be sweaty. “I’m concerned that Ron Paul and some of his supporters out there are looking for a platform fight,” said Santorum, a statement that can surprisingly be described as “one hundred percent true” and also “a thing said by Rick Santorum.” Ron Paul’s supporters have indeed been wandering the countryside pillaging state GOP conventions and hauling off delegates who will be ransomed at the RNC for a larger fiefdom in the seating charts and a place of honor next to the Emperor Mittens during his coronation. Rick Santorum is not having any of this. WAR. Read more on Rick Santorum Vows Epic GOP Convention War on Usurping Paultards…