December 5, 2013
Some days we think we might just change the name of all our posts to “So! What’d you do now, Florida, HENGGGGH?” Because it seems like every single day, we get another Florida failure for the file. Or not seems like. Just every. single. day. And you know, sucking up every way to be the [...]
Well this is much better! Tampa nonsense queen Jill Kelley and her evil twin visited the White House three times this year, an administration official told AP. Obviously, this means President Barack Obama has been boning both of them, in the SitRoom, while eating popcorn and laughing while watching Christopher Stevens die. He did this [...]
By all appearances, Frederick W. Humphries II, 47, has asked his remaining friends in the Federal Bureau of Investigation to reach out to The New York Times and speak as glowingly of his character as certain other people have spoken of certain other people’s maternal love. Wait, what? Oh, don’t worry about it. You guys, [...]
It’s completely not fair that we in the media have now turned our considerable interest on the Kelley sistren. All they did was either get some shitty emails from a presumed nutzoid Internet stalker, or be related to someone who got some shitty emails from a presumed nutzoid Internet stalker, and now here we are [...]
Hai East Coast, what’s new? Sorry about your DEATH CRANE! We are just chilling here in sunny Californy watching old videos of Mitt Romney accepting his nomination. We were there! It was so great! We went from really really intensely disliking the man to a full-on hatred by the time he was done smirking, lying, [...]
Oh dear, Miff Romney, you are just a horrible presidential candidate, and for once it is not just Your Wonkette that thinks so! No, according to “polls,” your speech was received worse than any since Bob Dole stood on stage and just repeated his own name for 142 minutes of Old Man smell. But let [...]
Greeteries, subjects. It is I, thy lord Mme. HRH Miss Peggington Noonington, queene word-smither of thine Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet, and good heavens, the thingingtons that I Hath Seen in Tampa, polis of knaves and Deville Rays. Myne dispatchery hath been postington’d on the vulgarian electrico-blogge, vulgarly titled “Peggy Noonan’s Opinion Blog,” that mine [...]
Oh, nothin’ much. You? Bonus Clint Eastwoods after the jump!
The Republican National Convention was interrupted for 15 minutes last night after an 82-year-old man wandered onstage and began muttering to a chair he believed to be the president of the United States. He was interrupted several times by large men with mustaches, but only because they were clapping. It is unclear who forgot to [...]
WHOA WHOA WHOA you guys, we stole someone’s credential and sneaked our ass in to this … place, with all the … people … and here is Jeb Bush all up in our grill talking about the greatness that is George W. Bush. So that is happening. Guess we will be starting this fucker … [...]
After a convention in which literally every minority in the Republican Party gets to take the stage and chant about the things that “they” (read: the white people watching them) built, it’s time to reflect on how awesome it’s going to be when America is majority-minority and the GOP is ascendant. After all, Chuck Todd [...]
We knew that wagging finger in Bamz’s face was just Arizona Governor Jan Brewer’s sexxxy way of showing him she could be his naughty schoolmarm. We knew it the whole time, you guys! [Youtube, via Wonket operative "Vivek N."]
In the hours since his acceptance speech last night, the lies of lying liar Paul Ryan have been well-documented — but what the hell, let’s recap them anyway!