Tag: tampa

Surprise! Farm-To-Table (At Least In One City) Is A Complete Lie

You guys remember farm-to-table, right? That hip new (well, for a given value of new) trend where restaurants source local food to serve to local customers in an extremely local fashion? Yeah, turns out that in at least one...

Lady Beaters, Fetus Shooters And Bar Fights: Your Florida Roundup (Is Extra Violent This Week)

Good morning/afternoon/whenever the Wonkette overlords click PUBLISH! This week’s Roundup is brought to you from our couch, because it is way too fuckin’ hot to go outside. (Bring on the Little Ice Age already.) We are going to spend some...
The South Gon’ Rise Again (in a not-racist way this time, honest)

Flatworms, Flesh-Eating Bacteria And Rick Scott (But We Repeat Ourselves): Your Florida Roundup

Greeting, Wonketteers. Are you ready to take a well-deserved break from your buttsechs gay marriage orgies and sojourn with me down to Your Very Favorite Land of Snakes and Swamps, a dystopian hellscape that not even Wes Anderson could...

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Cornucopia Of Creeps & Crazies

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we take a good stiff metaphorical cleaning tool to our browser tabs, collect the stories that are too stupid to ignore altogether but not enough to deserve a...

Florida Pastor Terry Jones Arrested For Improperly Storing And Transporting Kerosene In 2998 Korans

Some days we think we might just change the name of all our posts to "So! What'd you do now, Florida, HENGGGGH?" Because it seems like every single day, we get another Florida failure for the file. Or not...

Did Tampa Port Chief And Slumlord Get Public Funds For His Filthy Hovels? Would You Believe ‘Yes’?

You may recall the saga of William "Hoe" Brown, the chair of the Tampa Port Authority and big-dollar GOP fundraiser who also ran a filthy mobile-home slum on a commercial property that wasn't zoned for rentals -- at least...

Tampa Port Chief & GOP Fundraiser Has Fun ‘Slumlord’ Sideline

Tampa Port Authority chairman William A. "Hoe" Brown (we swear we are not making that nickname up) is a man who Gets Thing Done. In his unpaid position as chair, he oversees a board that runs the city's port, which generates billions...

Barack Obama Was Probably Banging Jill Kelley Obviously, Except For How He Is Gay

Well this is much better! Tampa nonsense queen Jill Kelley and her evil twin visited the White House three times this year, an administration official told AP. Obviously, this means President Barack Obama has been boning both of them,...

Ladies And Gentlemen, We Present To You: ‘The Shirtless F.B.I. Guy’

By all appearances, Frederick W. Humphries II, 47, has asked his remaining friends in the Federal Bureau of Investigation to reach out to The New York Times and speak as glowingly of his character as certain other people have...

A Shady Charity, Millions In Debt, And ‘Diplomatic Inviolability’: Tampa’s Good-Time Kelley Sisters Are Perfect Republicans

It's completely not fair that we in the media have now turned our considerable interest on the Kelley sistren. All they did was either get some shitty emails from a presumed nutzoid Internet stalker, or be related to someone...

A Reminder To You On The East Coast That Mitt Romney Finds Your Travails Hilarious

Hai East Coast, what's new? Sorry about your DEATH CRANE! We are just chilling here in sunny Californy watching old videos of Mitt Romney accepting his nomination. We were there! It was so great! We went from really really...

Science: Mitt Romney’s RNC Speech Most Terrible In History

Oh dear, Miff Romney, you are just a horrible presidential candidate, and for once it is not just Your Wonkette that thinks so! No, according to "polls," your speech was received worse than any since Bob Dole stood on...

Peggy Noonan Saw a (New) Mexican (Governor)

Greeteries, subjects. It is I, thy lord Mme. HRH Miss Peggington Noonington, queene word-smither of thine Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet, and good heavens, the thingingtons that I Hath Seen in Tampa, polis of knaves and Deville Rays. Myne...

Here Is A Picture Of Your Wonket With Clint Eastwood, Right After His Terrific RNC Speech

Oh, nothin' much. You? Bonus Clint Eastwoods after the jump!

Clint Eastwood Cries All The Time, Berates Chairs

The Republican National Convention was interrupted for 15 minutes last night after an 82-year-old man wandered onstage and began muttering to a chair he believed to be the president of the United States. He was interrupted several times by...

And Now We Shall Live-Bloog The Ultimate Of Everything, Tampa-Styley

WHOA WHOA WHOA you guys, we stole someone's credential and sneaked our ass in to this ... place, with all the ... people ... and here is Jeb Bush all up in our grill talking about the greatness that...