tampa
Ladies And Gentlemen, We Present To You: ‘The Shirtless F.B.I. Guy’
By all appearances, Frederick W. Humphries II, 47, has asked his remaining friends in the Federal Bureau of Investigation to reach out to The New York Times and speak as glowingly of his character as certain other people have spoken of certain other people’s maternal love. Wait, what? Oh, don’t worry about it. You guys, [...]
A Shady Charity, Millions In Debt, And ‘Diplomatic Inviolability’: Tampa’s Good-Time Kelley Sisters Are Perfect Republicans
It’s completely not fair that we in the media have now turned our considerable interest on the Kelley sistren. All they did was either get some shitty emails from a presumed nutzoid Internet stalker, or be related to someone who got some shitty emails from a presumed nutzoid Internet stalker, and now here we are [...]
A Reminder To You On The East Coast That Mitt Romney Finds Your Travails Hilarious
Hai East Coast, what’s new? Sorry about your DEATH CRANE! We are just chilling here in sunny Californy watching old videos of Mitt Romney accepting his nomination. We were there! It was so great! We went from really really intensely disliking the man to a full-on hatred by the time he was done smirking, lying, [...]
Science: Mitt Romney’s RNC Speech Most Terrible In History
Oh dear, Miff Romney, you are just a horrible presidential candidate, and for once it is not just Your Wonkette that thinks so! No, according to “polls,” your speech was received worse than any since Bob Dole stood on stage and just repeated his own name for 142 minutes of Old Man smell. But let [...]
Peggy Noonan Saw a (New) Mexican (Governor)
Greeteries, subjects. It is I, thy lord Mme. HRH Miss Peggington Noonington, queene word-smither of thine Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet, and good heavens, the thingingtons that I Hath Seen in Tampa, polis of knaves and Deville Rays. Myne dispatchery hath been postington’d on the vulgarian electrico-blogge, vulgarly titled “Peggy Noonan’s Opinion Blog,” that mine [...]
Here Is A Picture Of Your Wonket With Clint Eastwood, Right After His Terrific RNC Speech
Oh, nothin’ much. You? Bonus Clint Eastwoods after the jump!
Clint Eastwood Cries All The Time, Berates Chairs
The Republican National Convention was interrupted for 15 minutes last night after an 82-year-old man wandered onstage and began muttering to a chair he believed to be the president of the United States. He was interrupted several times by large men with mustaches, but only because they were clapping. It is unclear who forgot to [...]
And Now We Shall Live-Bloog The Ultimate Of Everything, Tampa-Styley
WHOA WHOA WHOA you guys, we stole someone’s credential and sneaked our ass in to this … place, with all the … people … and here is Jeb Bush all up in our grill talking about the greatness that is George W. Bush. So that is happening. Guess we will be starting this fucker … [...]
Lindsey Graham Would Like To Feed On White Male Anger
After a convention in which literally every minority in the Republican Party gets to take the stage and chant about the things that “they” (read: the white people watching them) built, it’s time to reflect on how awesome it’s going to be when America is majority-minority and the GOP is ascendant. After all, Chuck Todd [...]
The Lying Lies of Paul Ryan, Who Lies
In the hours since his acceptance speech last night, the lies of lying liar Paul Ryan have been well-documented — but what the hell, let’s recap them anyway!
It Is Not Very Hard To Get Kicked Out Of A Politico Party Apparently
Tampa, Day Something – We had just gotten a small glass of Bulleit (the greatest bourbon) from the very sweet twenty-nothing barkeep, when a lady, who just moments before had gotten what looked to be a lovely pinot grigio, walked over and told us the bar was closed. Oh, okay, certainly! we said as we [...]
Liveblogging Tampa Wednesday: Rand Paul Ryan Rubio Olympians?
I would like to welcome you all to my first ever Wonkette liveblog of anything ever except for those three years that I was secretly running the entire site but pretending I was white people! ARE YOU READY TO HEAR PEOPLE REFERENCE BUILDING THAT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN??? I’m sure you are. Tonight, [...]
Your Wednesday Tampa Liveblogging Details!
Jesse Taylor will liveblog speeches sometime around 9:00 tonight! See you then!
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