Tag Archives: tagg romney

  finally found a job creator

Mitt Romney Back In Private Equity, Everybody Hide Your Pensions

We have been so very concerned for our dear friend Willard, who has lost too many elections now to be able to keep trying not to lose them. Where would he go? What would he do? A man’s gotta eat, and when you can only scrape together $13.7 million a year by continuing to exist, you need a second stream of income. Who was in the market for an aging man who’s been unemployed since 2007 and has a history of Vulcan-gripping rappers on airplanes? His son! Read more on Mitt Romney Back In Private Equity, Everybody Hide Your Pensions…
  this is not tagg romney

Tagg Romney Now To Maybe Run For Ann Romney’s Senate Seat: Full Eyes Clear Hearts Can’t Lose

See that man? Of course you see that man, every night in your nightmares, where he lives. WELL THAT MAN IS NOT TAGG ROMNEY. It is his brother, Snurr. But since it was our runner-up Gif Of The Year (That We Stole From Buzzfeed), it will illustrate all Tagg Romney posts, because fuck it. So right, as of 2:20 Eastern time, Tagg Romney is possibly considering running for John Kerry’s senate seat, because Ann Romney probably is still not leaving her room. This could make for “fun”! Read more on Tagg Romney Now To Maybe Run For Ann Romney’s Senate Seat: Full Eyes Clear Hearts Can’t Lose…
  two-time loser says what?

Mitt Romney Didn’t Want To Be President Anyway, You Jerks

Whatever, being president is dumb. Who would want that anyway? I’m glad I didn’t get to be president. I’m going home. And give me my basketball back! These are the thoughts of one Willard Romney, per his son of equally silly name, Taggert, who told the Boston Globe that, like, whatever man, Dad didn’t even want that stupid job, and that he didn’t even really want it during the campaign, either. Believe it, folks: The man who ran for president — twice — didn’t actually want to be president. Read more on Mitt Romney Didn’t Want To Be President Anyway, You Jerks…
  open the pod bay door hal

Looks Like Tagg Romney Has Already Leaked Next Week’s ‘Election’ ‘Results’

It is time, once again, to PANIC! As you can see above, Unskewed Polls has released a new chart that at first blush doesn’t seem to have any basis in reality. So why would they post such a hilarious result? Well, you have not been keeping up with Your Wonkette. Let’s rectify that now! It is so that when they steal the election, they can point to this “polling” and say the results were in line, duh. As Doktor Zoom explainered with an assist from Harper’s, the GOPpies are ready and able to steal every precinct that doesn’t count paper ballots by hand. As Your Editrix explained a week or whatever ago, one of only six voting machine vendors is owned by former Bain employees. (The others, per Dok’s Harper’s article, are pretty much all owned by the Koch Brothers and run by actual felons, except for the ones that are owned by Tagg Romney.) And as some former NSA analyst explained (but we didn’t post on it, because “depressed”), the way they steal your votes is by siphoning them from the largest precincts. Oh yes, and as The Grio explained this week also too, they are already disappearing early votes from the totals in heavily African-American and Democratic Broward County precincts. But that one, first described as a “computer glitch,” was totally just a woman who couldn’t do numbers good and stuff. Read more on Looks Like Tagg Romney Has Already Leaked Next Week’s ‘Election’ ‘Results’…
  the enforcerer

Tagg Romney To Be Our New George W. Bush

Do you ever wish you could see into the future? Well thanks to today’s Politico story on how the Romney family has finally wrested control of Miffed’s campaign from the seriously incompetent Stuart Stevenses et alia, we now know that Tagg Romney has taken on the role of enforcer in his dad’s campaign. This makes him, obviously, the new George W. Bush, who played the thug so well for his own father’s presidential runs. (Egg Romney, duh, is the new Nancy, stone cold firing Donald Regan and shit.) Does that mean Tagg Romney for president in like 2024? HOPEFULLY! Read more on Tagg Romney To Be Our New George W. Bush…
  how dare they

Tagg Romney Simply Does Not Care For ‘Mad Men’ Trash-Talking His Dead Grandpa

Fifty-First President of the United States Tagg Romney is hopping mad at the liberal media! This is what he perceives the hit AMC period piece Mad Man to be. On last night’s episode — THIS IS NOT A PLOT SPOILER, JUST A CUTESY ASIDE — Betty’s Republican operative husband, working for then-New York Mayor John Lindsay, was overheard telling the telephone that Lindsay wouldn’t be going to Michigan because “Romney’s a clown and I don’t want [Lindsay] standing next to him.” Get it? All of the Romneys, throughout time, have been Political Clowns. Read more on Tagg Romney Simply Does Not Care For ‘Mad Men’ Trash-Talking His Dead Grandpa…