Haha, we almost put “Officially Quits Race” in the headline, but how can a civil rights leader and symbol of hope/change such as David Paterson quit his own race? Anyway, so much for the dream, the dream of America’s first blind black governor. Just 11 months ago, America gathered around its communal browser and held hands and cried, just a little, as it seemed the nation’s old wounds had finally healed in the form of this wonderful man and his magical, appointed-by-somebody rise to the highest office in … Albany. But now it’s over, collapsed in a pile of cocaine and whores and thuggish sidekicks, as so many New York political/entertainment careers have collapsed. MORE »

THEY’LL HAVE TO GIVE THE MAGAZINE COVER BACK TO JAY LENO: “In Touch Weekly’s gamble on Sarah Palin didn’t pay off. The magazine paid $100,000 for a cover story on the former Alaska governor and her daughter, Bristol, for the current issue. But, despite Palin’s huge book sales and TV ratings, sources said In Touch sold about 500,000 copies on newsstands, about half the number it sold a few weeks ago with the late Brittany Murphy on the cover.” Got it, Sarah? You’ll have to DIE if you want to keep that price quote so high. [NY Post]

Admit it: You see your president on the teevee, and you want to hit something — him, actually. You would like to hit him with a frying pan, perhaps, or a comical ACME anvil. Now, imagine having to share a house with George.

According to journalistic newspaper sources, George’s long-suffering wife Laura is basically beating the hell out of him all the time, and his face just a big scratched-up bruise. No wonder he ran off to Israel or Kuwait or wherever!

First Lady Laura’s Bloody Fight With Boozing Bush [GLOBE/Eschaton]

No, this is not a metaphorical reference to Sen. George Allen: MORE »

The L.A. Times reports that American Media Inc., the National Enquirer’s parent company may have purchased the silence of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s bubbly named alleged extramarital paramour Gigi Goyette. The Times reports that AMI paid Goyette a $20,000 as an advance for an alleged bodybuilding memoir that never saw the light of day. Yet the most chilling detail in the Times’s blockbuster report is this, courtesy of Lawrence Leamer’s recently published Schwarzenegger bio: MORE »