December 4, 2013
Rally the troops and calibrate your reindeer-seeking missiles — War On Christmas 2013 is well under way. First up, we have this panicked report from Todd “The Feds will outlaw the Bible as Hate Speech” Starnes, who wants us to know that a neighborhood in Orange County, California, has been ordered to take down every [...]
You will have to go elsewhere for your creepy Elmo dolls (in fact, you probably want to just click that Amazon box in the righthand sidebar so that when Amazon forces your local mom and pop store out of business, at least your local mom and pop website gets a cut). We we do not [...]
Dear Muskrat-Headed Ego-Beast From Hell Mr. Trump, We see that Barry Bamz has not taken you up on your generous offer, and that despite your seditious patriotic efforts to spark a pro-liberty uprising, every indication is that That One is still on track to be inaugurated for a second term in January. So here you [...]
Quick, let’s brainstorm about the dumbest, most irrelevant data point with which we could attempt to analyze this presidential election! And while you’re shouting answers at your computer machines, know that nothing you suggest could be as colossally moronic as this: “At CafePress…we have been tracking 2012 election presidential candidate support via The Meter graph.” [...]
A frightened Wonkette operative sends this picture. Wha-a-a-a-t is this supposed to mean, exactly? We are just going to post it and go away and never think about it again — not the shirt, not the person wearing it, not anything. We are just going to go smoke some marijuana, actually. It’s the only thing [...]
It is almost sad, that’s how easy it is to make a joke out of doughy marshmallow Newt Gingrich these days. But Newt Gingrich is determined to make the unintentional comedy scale tip in his favor, for Victory 2012! These are hard times, after all. Maybe all America really wants to do is laugh! What [...]
THANK YOU, Wonkette friends and operatives, for your kind support of the WonketteMart T-Shirt Emporium. Not only did you sexy peoples buy out our entire first run of Wonkette shirts, but you’ve nearly run off with the last of our second run. Honestly, if we didn’t have to edit and write and manage this daily [...]
We are closing the WonketteMart store, and closing out all the wonderful T-Shirts. WHY PAY $18.99 when you can pay only EIGHT-ninety-nine? Everything must go! Order now! WonketteMart is shutting down! Blame Obama! Blame the Snow! (We will be back with a new store later this year, with new things, maybe! But these famous Wonkette [...]
Sorry we ran out! You guys bought them all, is what happened. But we’ve got fresh new stacks of ALL FOUR (4) DESIGNS for Ladies & Gentlemens: Don’t Teabag On Me, Palin Apocalypse, Tea Party Time and Walnuts Forever! The good people at the Factory in Austin are cranking out more as we type these [...]
“Back in May, Diane Wickberg, a grandmother from Flagstaff, Ariz., slipped into the same outfit she wears every Tuesday — a white T-shirt bearing photos of the American flag and the U.S. Constitution, along with the words: ‘Flagstaff Tea Party — Reclaiming Our Constitution.’” You mean she put on her patriot uniform, lamestream media. Sure, [...]
SEND US SEXY PICTURES OF *YOU* IN YOUR WONKETTE T-SHIRTS: We learned from the Comics Curmudgeon (who is also your morning editor Josh Fruhlinger) that readers love to see fellow readers wearing funny shirts from the site they’re all reading. Why? Probably something about psychology or pornography.
It turns out that you people still eat photos of things that compare Obama to Hitler up, so Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick, in an epic quest for his own pageviewz, has noted that his opponent Charles D. Baker had one of these photos on his Flickr. “HITLER gave good speeches and had his own symbol [...]
ALVIN GREENE REVEALS THE TRUE NATURE OF THE T-SHIRT DAO: The following tale is what Alvin Greene news has been reduced to these days, as the wise man has withdrawn before he’s elected in November. A South Carolinian named Owen Clary printed up 500 t-shirts that say “We don’t make these things up!” over an [...]
The wait is over … and did you even realize you were waiting, all this time, for this? WonketteMart has opened for business, with our first batch of custom-designed beautiful, shocking Wonkette Fake Campaign Shirts. Go, look, and pre-order today to save money$$$. What is happening?
If there is one group of people your Wonkette cannot tolerate, it is vulgarians, with their toilet humor and Satanic acronyms about fucking. These are the only people employed at Organizing for America, a.k.a. “BarackObama.com.” Look at Joe Biden’s “big fucking deal” right there, on the tee shirt, in the Obama Font. Filthy. If only [...]