Tag Archives: t-shirts

  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Gay Marriage, Confederate Flags, And Bristol Palin’s Immaculate Conception! Your Weekly Top Ten.

She is such an impressive baby!
Hello, Wonkers, what a week we had! The Confederate flag died a timely death, Obamacare was saved AGAIN, and we now have the mandatory gay marriage the country has been craving for so long. Have you found your gay husband or wife yet? If not, you should find one in the comments, which are not allowed! Also, important update on Wonkette babby! As you can see above, she is now teaching math at the local university, isn’t that exciting? Read more on Gay Marriage, Confederate Flags, And Bristol Palin’s Immaculate Conception! Your Weekly Top Ten….
  all the swag that's fit to Bag

A Children’s Treasury Of Free Stuff For Douches At CPAC

CPAC offers conservative organizations a three-day window in which to reach the most receptive possible audience. How to make an impression when there are so many competing messages? Be armed with compelling information and persuasive arguments? Sure, that might work! Just to be safe, many also came with boxes full of premium conservative tchotchkes. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Free Stuff For Douches At CPAC…
  decent church-going women with their mean pinched bitter evil faces

Nice Utah Lady Thinks Of The Children

A nice lady in Orem, Utah, was very upset about some t-shirts in the window of a PacSun store in a mall, because just look at those mostly naked women there! Judy Cox and her 18-year-old son (who you just know has to be delighted at being part of this story) weren’t actually shopping at PacSun, but they could see those horribly provocative black and white photos in plain sight. So Ms. Cox went into PacSun and told a manager that those dirty dirty t-shirts with ladies’ dirty dirty pillows hanging out had no place in the window, but the manager said the display couldn’t come down, not without the OK from the main corporate office. This did not deter our hero of decency one whit: Judy Cox bought all 19 of the shirts in stock, at a cost of $567. But the joke is on the store! Because, you see, she’s going to return the shirts for a refund as close to the end of the 60-day limit as she can. Guess she showed them! It’s like that parable where Jesus says “If thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, but save the receipt.” Read more on Nice Utah Lady Thinks Of The Children…
  o little town of rancho santa margarita

Today’s War On Christmas Casualties: Lights In Orange County, T-Shirts What Are All Sold

Rally the troops and calibrate your reindeer-seeking missiles — War On Christmas 2013 is well under way. First up, we have this panicked report from Todd “The Feds will outlaw the Bible as Hate Speech” Starnes, who wants us to know that a neighborhood in Orange County, California, has been ordered to take down every single one of their Christmas lights* and they have to bow down to a graven image of Obama, too. Starnes quotes one homeowner’s plaintive summary of the human rights atrocity unfolding on American soil: “It’s horrible what they are doing to us and these poor kids,” one homeowner told television station KTLA. The children! Won’t someone please think of the children? Prominent in the KTLA report but barely mentioned in Starnes’ blog: The code violation is that the neighbors have strung lights from one house to another, and across the street, which, yes, would be a code violation. Because if one of the houses in the neighborhood catches fire or a toddler chokes on figgy pudding, it would be nice if emergency vehicles didn’t have to contend with low-hanging strings of electric lights, right? Stupid nanny state, thinking of the children that way. Thanks a lot, Obamacare. Read more on Today’s War On Christmas Casualties: Lights In Orange County, T-Shirts What Are All Sold…
  give us all your moneys

All Your Christmas Shopping In One Place, Unless You Have To Buy Stuff For Your Stupid Kids

You will have to go elsewhere for your creepy Elmo dolls (in fact, you probably want to just click that Amazon box in the righthand sidebar so that when Amazon forces your local mom and pop store out of business, at least your local mom and pop website gets a cut). We we do not have a single item for your stupid kids. What do we have? Hats, coffee cups, gift wrap, some other stuff, some more other stuff, and scary underwear. Read more on All Your Christmas Shopping In One Place, Unless You Have To Buy Stuff For Your Stupid Kids…
  Opportunities (Let's Make Lots of Money)

An Open Letter To Donald Trump Re: Buy Everything Day At WonketteBazaar.com

Dear Muskrat-Headed Ego-Beast From Hell Mr. Trump, We see that Barry Bamz has not taken you up on your generous offer, and that despite your seditious patriotic efforts to spark a pro-liberty uprising, every indication is that That One is still on track to be inaugurated for a second term in January. So here you are, with $5 million that you know won’t be going to Barry, and that you didn’t even bother to give to victims of SuperStormaGanza Sandy. And here we are, ready to unleash upon U.S. America a veritable maelstrom of merchandise, which, when combined with the frenzied capitalistic excesses of Buy Everything Day, threatens to blanket every city, town, hamlet, and ophelia in the nation with Progressive-oriented tees, coffee mugs, hats, and tote bags. Yes, tote bags, Donald, the sort of bags that people might very well use to tote things. Things that they will want the government to give them, free, because they are Takers. And these amazingly well-crafted and aesthetically-pleasing items all promote things you hate, Donald, spreading the word that the people wearing, drinking out of, or toting things in them are denginerates, and SHEEP flouride drinking FLITH who are bent on pushing their liberal ideas down everyone’s throat and waving correctly-spelled protest signs, too. But you can stop all that, Donald. Your money has a way to shut that whole thing down. Read more on An Open Letter To Donald Trump Re: Buy Everything Day At WonketteBazaar.com…
  unnecessary

Who Will Be President Of T-Shirts? (Hint: It Is Ron Paul)

Quick, let’s brainstorm about the dumbest, most irrelevant data point with which we could attempt to analyze this presidential election! And while you’re shouting answers at your computer machines, know that nothing you suggest could be as colossally moronic as this: “At CafePress…we have been tracking 2012 election presidential candidate support via The Meter graph.” By tracking the race, they mean the T-shirt sales from the AOL of online print-on-demand outfits. So who is going to be our next president as foretold by shitty T-shirts? Ron Paul, of course. Unless it’s that NOBAMA fellow, who is now in a dead heat (for CafePress t-shirts sales) with Paul. The next president either will be the current president or a 70-something backbench Congressman from rural Texas who couldn’t muster a single primary or caucus win in his two consecutive presidential campaigns. Someone go stuff that Nate Silver fellow in a sack with a rabid wolverine and then toss him off a bridge. We no longer need his elitist (gay math) “regression analysis” to understand politics. Read more on Who Will Be President Of T-Shirts? (Hint: It Is Ron Paul)…
  they're both black men!

Delightful New Herman Cain T-Shirt Proves He Has What It Takes To Be President

A frightened Wonkette operative sends this picture. Wha-a-a-a-t is this supposed to mean, exactly? We are just going to post it and go away and never think about it again — not the shirt, not the person wearing it, not anything. We are just going to go smoke some marijuana, actually. It’s the only thing that seems sane right now. Read more on Delightful New Herman Cain T-Shirt Proves He Has What It Takes To Be President…
  caught on camera

Americans Don’t Even Want to Make Newt Gingrich’s T-Shirts

It is almost sad, that’s how easy it is to make a joke out of doughy marshmallow Newt Gingrich these days. But Newt Gingrich is determined to make the unintentional comedy scale tip in his favor, for Victory 2012! These are hard times, after all. Maybe all America really wants to do is laugh! What America does not want to do is earn two dollars an hour sweating to death in a t-shirt factory, a fact that was recently brought to the attention of Newt Gingrich by some snob with a video camera. Read more on Americans Don’t Even Want to Make Newt Gingrich’s T-Shirts…
  the end

WonketteMart’s Very Last Shirts Now Just $5.93 Each!

THANK YOU, Wonkette friends and operatives, for your kind support of the WonketteMart T-Shirt Emporium. Not only did you sexy peoples buy out our entire first run of Wonkette shirts, but you’ve nearly run off with the last of our second run. Honestly, if we didn’t have to edit and write and manage this daily political absurdity, we would probably be very happy making a new batch of T-shirts and coffee mugs or whatever, a few times a year, and spending the rest of our hours in leisure and meditation and a scholarly haze of Pinot Noir. Read more on WonketteMart’s Very Last Shirts Now Just $5.93 Each!…
  in time for that rally thing!

Hey People, All the Wonkette Shirts Are Back In Stock

Sorry we ran out! You guys bought them all, is what happened. But we’ve got fresh new stacks of ALL FOUR (4) DESIGNS for Ladies & Gentlemens: Don’t Teabag On Me, Palin Apocalypse, Tea Party Time and Walnuts Forever! The good people at the Factory in Austin are cranking out more as we type these words, and if you order now (and choose UPS Ground to be safe) you will have your new shirts in time for that Comedy Central rally on the National Mall on October 30, if that is what you desire. [WonketteMart] Read more on Hey People, All the Wonkette Shirts Are Back In Stock…
  give me my no fear shirt or give me death

Teabaggers Not Allowed To Wear Ratty Teabagger T-Shirts In Obama’s USA

“Back in May, Diane Wickberg, a grandmother from Flagstaff, Ariz., slipped into the same outfit she wears every Tuesday — a white T-shirt bearing photos of the American flag and the U.S. Constitution, along with the words: ‘Flagstaff Tea Party — Reclaiming Our Constitution.'” You mean she put on her patriot uniform, lamestream media. Sure, this idyllic scene plays out every single day in foreclosed homes across the land as the Jesus-Sun rises over Ronald Reagan’s America. But not on May 18 in Arizona. That was the day this Teabagger was asked to cover up her t-shirt at the polls. SOCIALISSSSSSSM! Read more on Teabaggers Not Allowed To Wear Ratty Teabagger T-Shirts In Obama’s USA…
  bush told us to go shopping

SEND US SEXY PICTURES OF *YOU* IN YOUR WONKETTE T-SHIRTS: We learned from the Comics Curmudgeon (who is also your morning editor Josh Fruhlinger) that readers love to see fellow readers wearing funny shirts from the site they’re all reading. Why? Probably something about psychology or pornography. Read more on …
  the banality of crazy

Deval Patrick Shouts At Opponent To Take Down Photo of Nice Lady With Obama-Hitler T-Shirt

It turns out that you people still eat photos of things that compare Obama to Hitler up, so Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick, in an epic quest for his own pageviewz, has noted that his opponent Charles D. Baker had one of these photos on his Flickr. “HITLER gave good speeches and had his own symbol too,” the dumb t-shirt on this lady says, unoriginally. The photo was one of 1,200 on this guy’s Flickr account, and everyone knows Flickr accounts are the most important test of a candidate’s fitness for office, so Baker took the photo down. Read more on Deval Patrick Shouts At Opponent To Take Down Photo of Nice Lady With Obama-Hitler T-Shirt…
  earthly possessions

ALVIN GREENE REVEALS THE TRUE NATURE OF THE T-SHIRT DAO: The following tale is what Alvin Greene news has been reduced to these days, as the wise man has withdrawn before he’s elected in November. A South Carolinian named Owen Clary printed up 500 t-shirts that say “We don’t make these things up!” over an outline of the state. And he sent one of them to Alvin Greene as a joke. The Way’s response: “Clary says he got a package in return a week later. Inside was a green T-shirt that reads ‘Greene Senate.'” Tolerant, he seemed to be part of the world; towering alone, he could be checked by nothing; withdrawn, he seemed to prefer to cut himself off; bemused, he forgot what he was going to say. Therefore his liking was one and his not liking was one. His being one was one and his not being one was one. [AP] Read more on …