Tag Archives: syria

  He's Seen Some Things Man

Scott Walker Knows How To Beat ISIS: Slash Their Pension Benefits

ISIS is pretty much just a teacher's union with rocket propelled grenades, after all
In his speech to CPAC Thursday night, Scott Walker let America know that he’s ready to handle international relations without wasting any time on diplomacy, explaining how his experience in crushing public-employee unions makes him the perfect choice to take on international terrorism: Read more on Scott Walker Knows How To Beat ISIS: Slash Their Pension Benefits…
  He Won't Be Lured Into Taking AP History

Wingnuts Fall In Viral Love With 12-Year-Old Who Knows Obama Hates America

He seems nice
Meet fresh new viral sensation CJ Pearson, a Georgia middle-schooler who is all over the Wingnuttosphere this week because he has the courage to say that Rudy Giuliani is absolutely right: Barack Obama does not love America. Unlike the former New York mayor, CJ — if he’s not going to use periods between his initials on his YouTube page, then neither will we — doesn’t get into any of Giuliani’s arcane stuff about how Obama was “raised differently from you and me,” possibly because CJ wasn’t raised by a low-level Mob enforcer. Read more on Wingnuts Fall In Viral Love With 12-Year-Old Who Knows Obama Hates America…
  The Walking Dumb

Glenn Beck Knows Why The Walking Dead Is A Hit: It’s The End Of The World And We Know It

Glenn Beck and some of his fans
The shambling, dead-eyed masses lurched forward, drawn, some singly, some in groups, by some inexplicable impulse, to gather in herds of ravening, senseless hunger. They surged mindlessly without stopping, emitting guttural incoherent moans. Bereft of reason, they fed ravenously on the remnants of civilization, destroying everything in their path. It was August 28, 2010, and Glenn Beck’s “Restoring Honor” rally at the Lincoln Memorial was a huge success. Frankly, we like Wonkette’s descriptor for it better: “Glenn Beck’s Miraculous Slob Picnic” Read more on Glenn Beck Knows Why The Walking Dead Is A Hit: It’s The End Of The World And We Know It…
  What a quandary

GOP Rep Just Sure Obama Really Loves Those Mooslims He’s About To Bomb

See that crew cut up there? That’s Scott Perry, representative for Pennsylvania’s fourth congressional district, spanning a wide swath along the portion of the state known as Pennsyltucky, which is basically everything between Philly and Pittsburgh, a general morass of meth and dumb interspersed with the occasional Amish. Anyway, Perry was hanging out with Yr Wonkette’s second-favorite Mooslim-hater — really, you need to ask who’s number one? — the other day for something called the Defeat Jihad Summit, which must have been a hoot, can’t believe we missed it. Eventually the subject turned, as these things do, to the Authorization to Use Military Force against the Islamic State that the president requested earlier this week. Read more on GOP Rep Just Sure Obama Really Loves Those Mooslims He’s About To Bomb…
  middle east for dummies

Rand Paul Blames Hillary Clinton For Rise Of ISIS, New Coke, Cancellation Of Happy Endings

Yes you do and it's adorable!
Half-bright tree sloth Rand Paul seems to have decided the path to victory in the presidential election runs right over the doddering, soulless meatsuit d/b/a Hillary Clinton. So Paul has spent months needling the former secretary of state with all the puffed-up ferocity of a school of guppies. His most recent charge? That Hillary Clinton caused the rise of ISIS in Syria and Iraq by waging war in … Libya. Read more on Rand Paul Blames Hillary Clinton For Rise Of ISIS, New Coke, Cancellation Of Happy Endings…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Republican Congress Fiddles While Syria Burns (Video)

56 repeals of Obamacare!
Congratulations, Republicans! You’ve been running both houses of Congress for a month now, and so far, you’ve failed to pass your own bills on abortion and immigration, but at least you did pass a bill to demand building the Keystone XL pipeline — the same month as five other pipelines in the nation exploded or ruptured. And the House voted for the 56th time to repeal/restrict/delay Obamacare, so there’s that. Read more on Morning Maddow: Republican Congress Fiddles While Syria Burns (Video)…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Sees Syria By The Seashore

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker.
This is the screengrab posted by the Sarah Palin Channel for her video about the fall of Yemen’s capital. We are not making this up, and for once, we are not portraying Palin in a light less flattering than the one she has cast upon herself. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Sees Syria By The Seashore…
  Now What Is This A Distraction From Again?

House Benghazi Committee To Investigate House Benghazi Committee

We're just kidding. Nobody's sitting calmly and playing cards in this one.
In a development that absolutely no one could have predicted if they were a blind cave fish happily feeding on isopods in a subterranean lake, it appears that there are Deep Partisan Rifts on the House Select Committee on Benghazi, which is definitely going to get to the true truth about the 2012 attack, unlike the previous seven congressional investigations that found no actual wrongdoing. Democrats on the committee complain that they are being shut out of interviews with witnesses, in several cases only finding out that Republicans had interviewed those witnesses from press reports. And committee chair Trey Gowdy has so far refused even to agree to rules for how the committee will operate. Read more on House Benghazi Committee To Investigate House Benghazi Committee…
  Yup this should work

Republicans Demand Obama Declare Holy War, Invade France

Good plan
It used to be that Republicans wouldn’t have to hate President Obama so much if only he had the Dad Jeans to call terrorist attacks by their rightful name, which he has never done. But that was ages ago, and now that the president, ever the appeaser, has started using the T-word for the first time ever, there’s a whole new standard. Sure, the president said the slaughter at Parisian satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo’s office was a “terrorist attack” and that his administration would “help bring these terrorists to justice.” But that’s still sort of wishy-washy in today’s even more terroristical climate, don’t you think? How do we know he really, truly understands the seriousness of a terrorist attack if he’s only willing to call it a terrorist attack? Read more on Republicans Demand Obama Declare Holy War, Invade France…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: That One Time Richard Nixon Hated The Vietnam War

Whole lotta tapes comin' out
Monday night, Rachel Maddow brought us a segment on audio diaries kept by H.R. “Bob” Haldeman, which were recently released by the Nixon Presidential Library. At first, we were ready for another story about the Nixon administration’s penchant for backbiting and sliminess, and there’s definitely some of that — Haldeman casually mentions that Robert Byrd’s past as a KKK member actually weighed in his favor as a possible Supreme Court nominee — but then things take another turn altogether as Haldeman describes Nixon meeting the family of Col. William Nolde, the last American combat casualty in Vietnam. Read more on Morning Maddow: That One Time Richard Nixon Hated The Vietnam War…
  October Derprise

Kelly Ayotte Thinks Obama Is A Pussy

OK, so that's sort of a smoking gun
New Hampshire Sen. Kelly Ayotte, who along with John McCain and Lindsey Graham is one of the Three Amigos who are the Tuffest Republicans On Defense, explains that while Barack Obama may be dropping a lot of bombs on ISIS in Iraq and Syria, he doesn’t really mean it because his motives aren’t pure enough or something. Mostly, she’s worried that Obama is only attacking ISIS in Iraq — at that country’s request — and launching airstrikes into Syria, a sovereign country that we aren’t actually at war with, because Obama wants to help Democrats win in the fall midterm elections. On Fox News Sunday, she said: Read more on Kelly Ayotte Thinks Obama Is A Pussy…
  Some Men Just Want To Call The World Flat

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Tom Friedman Rented ‘Batman’ Edition

Holy nightmare fuel, Batman!
Most of the news today is predictably awful, so we will just skim it, thank you. Good god, you people aren’t actually relying on Yr Wonkette to be informed, are you? It looks like the government of Hong Kong is trying to avoid going all Tienanmen Square on pro-democracy protesters, so that’s a good thing. The federal government is trying to reach out to disaffected Muslim youth in America to prevent them from joining ISIS and other terrorist groups, a task which is made difficult by the fact that the government has done so much to treat American Muslims like pariahs (and American wingnuts keep calling for more). See the treatment of NPR’s Sarah Abdurrahman during a routine crossing from Canada back into the US last year for an example of actions that may be even more likely than AP History to make people hate this government. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Tom Friedman Rented ‘Batman’ Edition…
  Show Yer Warheads

Veterans Tell Nutsack Eric Bolling What He Can Do With ‘Boobs On The Ground’ Joke

On the sand, at least. Sand is ground, right?
Remember way back at the beginning of the Brand New War, last week, when Greg Gutfield and Eric Bolling had a great big larff over the fact that a lady flew a fighter jet for the United Arab Emirates? Gutfield said that after the lady fighter pilot dropped her bombs, she couldn’t park her plane (Women!), and Bolling asked, “Would that be considered boobs on the ground?” Read more on Veterans Tell Nutsack Eric Bolling What He Can Do With ‘Boobs On The Ground’ Joke…
  Here have some news n stuff

Ladies Flying Planes And Other Tales Of Terror

The Wonkette Overnight Desk has been hard at work aggregating content for your pleasure.
Yesterday on Fox’s The Five, Kimberly Guilfoyle gave a shout-out to Major Mariam Al Mansouri, the first female fighter pilot in the United Arab Emirates. Mansouri led her country’s contingent of military pilots that participated in bombing ISIS in Syria earlier this week. Yr Wonkette is not going to cheer on anyone for dropping yet more bombs on more brown people, even if they are fanatical nutbars. Still, we suppose in the context of Middle Eastern countries, where women are sometimes not allowed to so much as drive or even leave the house unless accompanied by a male, this represents a twisted step in the direction of equality. So sure, Kimberly Guilfoyle, go ahead and girl-power away, and let’s hope that none of your troglodytic male co-hosts step on the moment by saying something sexist. Read more on Ladies Flying Planes And Other Tales Of Terror…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Super Excited About Syria, the ‘iPhone 6 Of Wars’ (Video)

We must protest: Daily Show is capable of much better segment titles
Jon Stewart is just as thrilled as anyone about the brand new war/not war against ISIS in Syria, leading with a clip of CNN’s Don Lemon and Alisyn Camerota breaking the news: “We’ve been waiting for this moment for weeks and here it is tonight!” burbled Camerota, leading Stewart to exclaim, Read more on Jon Stewart Super Excited About Syria, the ‘iPhone 6 Of Wars’ (Video)…
  Hooray For Bombies

U.S. (And Coalition, Sure) Bombs ISIS In Syria, Yay!

Just to be clear: This is sarcasm. Really!
Excellent news, everybody! We’re at war again! Ha-ha, we are joking — we are always at war, but we are also never “really” at war! We are at Kinetic Counter-Terrorism Operation again, with shiny new airstrikes on ISIS and on the Khorasan Group in Syria. We are not, however, launching airstrikes on Syria. Just in Syria. See the difference? Read more on U.S. (And Coalition, Sure) Bombs ISIS In Syria, Yay!…
  Why is Obama late?

Watch Obama Explain Warring On Syria, Or Maybe Just Say ‘F-ck It, I Quit’ Like That Alaska Lady

President Obama will be addressing the nation at 10 AM Eastern (or whenever he actually shows up, that guy’s never on time, is he? IMPEACH!) to explain our attacks in Syria. Or maybe to just pull an Alaska and go spend his time trying to legalize marijuana. Read more on Watch Obama Explain Warring On Syria, Or Maybe Just Say ‘F-ck It, I Quit’ Like That Alaska Lady…
  Can Willie Be Our Weed Sensei Too?

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Maureen Dowd Gets Pot Lessons From Willie Nelson Edition

This child can't stand Maureen Dowd either
With no single national calamity to focus on this week, the Sunday New York Times brings us mélange of Big Journalism on Important Topics, the general drift of which leads us to wish we’d stayed in bed. For starters, there’s another must-read piece by Elizabeth Rosenthal, whose specialty is digging into just why the American medical system manages to be the world’s most expensive even though it doesn’t actually cover everyone. No, not even under Obamacare, imagine that. This time out, Rosenthal looks at the phenomenon of surprise extra fees in hospital bills, which can come from seemingly anywhere. As reimbursement rates from both Medicare and private insurance have been cut, hospitals have been bringing in high-priced, out-of-network specialists to help with tasks that often used to be done by residents or other hospital employees. Take, for instance, Rosenthal’s lead example of Peter Drier, a guy who had back surgery that he thought he’d planned for financially, but which resulted in bills from both the surgeon he knew would do the operation (and who readily accepted Drier’s insurance reimbursement, about $6,200), and an “assistant surgeon” who charged just under $117,000 and would not negotiate on the cost: Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Maureen Dowd Gets Pot Lessons From Willie Nelson Edition…
  We do not accept also too

Sarah Palin Apologizes To America, Finally

Kiss it.
Sarah Palin made an appearance on Sean Hannity’s TV Funhouse for Aggrieved White Men last night to do something she should have done a long time ago. She was brought on the show to discuss the finer points of American foreign policy as it relates to the Islamic State, which is right up there with winking and field dressing a moose on the List Of Things Sarah Palin Is Qualified To Do. And then…oh our dear G_d, she actually apologized. Raw Story and HuffPo bring us this story, which will make your liberal grinch hearts grow three sizes this day. Read more on Sarah Palin Apologizes To America, Finally…
  This is EXCELLENT news for you know who

Here’s Why John McCain Is On Your TV Every Day

Fuck this guy
John McCain is on cable news and Sunday morning talk shows more than anyone in the history of being on television, and sure, we’ve guessed it’s because bookers at every single news channel cannot be bothered to ask Google for the name and number of anyone else in America. But now, per the Washington Post’s interview with CNN Washington Bureau Chief Sam Feist, we have the answer: Read more on Here’s Why John McCain Is On Your TV Every Day…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Returns From Long Weekend, Finds Out We’re Going To War Again (Video)

Jon Stewart: Wartime anchor mode
Jon Stewart got back from the Toronto film Festival and found out from cable TV that America’s ready to go to war again. So he immediately transitioned to “network anchor war footing” by putting on the largest Old Glory lapel pin possible. He’s ready! This time, the bad guys are ISIS, and darn it, they’re just the worst: Read more on Jon Stewart Returns From Long Weekend, Finds Out We’re Going To War Again (Video)…