Tag Archives: symbolic gestures

  duck bill

Today In Dumbduckery: Alabama Legislator Introduces ‘We Heart Phil Robertson’ Resolution; Camo-Wearing Fans To Eat Chicken Sammiches

The Duck Dynasty Crisis continues apace, and so we bring you a couple of updates (we could go to an all-Duck Dynasty format if we wanted to, but we respect you too much for that). First off, in the great state of Alabama, state Sen. Jerry Fielding announced Monday that he’ll introduce a resolution calling on A&E network to end its oppression of Phil Robertson, who was simply stating what all good Christians believe: “Phil Robertson’s family values are shared by the vast majority of Alabamians, who are rightfully concerned by the vitriol aimed at his Christian stance,” Fielding said in a statement. “There’s a clear double standard in the media favoring a liberal worldview. When it’s used to silence and punish Christians for stating their beliefs, that’s when we must defend the rights of individuals to exercise their free speech without fear of politically-motivated repercussion. I join thousands across Alabama and our country by standing with Phil Robertson, and urge A&E to reverse their action against him.” It sure is nice to see a state senator who so clearly understands how the Constitution works. The resolution also calls Robertson and his stage-managed family “ambassadors of the love and grace of the Heavenly Father through their exemplary lives on and off the camera.” The heavenly Father is, as we all know, a big fan of the days when happy blacks sang as they worked in the fields and never minded Jim Crow, because they were godly and hadn’t been corrupted by food stamps. Read more on Today In Dumbduckery: Alabama Legislator Introduces ‘We Heart Phil Robertson’ Resolution; Camo-Wearing Fans To Eat Chicken Sammiches…
  deductible dynasty

Barack Obama Signs Up For Obamacare, Arrogantly No Doubt

Barack Obama signed up for a purely-for-the-symbolism health insurance policy under the Affordable Care Act, earning some tut-tutting from the Blaze:”Look Who’s Reportedly Signing up for Obamacare on the Last Day Possible.” (The Blaze later added an update that explained that he had actually signed up over the weekend, but left the story largely intact, because hey, lazy President still waited til the last minute, just like some Wonkette blogger or something. Also, too, the White House allowed one extra day for people to finish signing up, because it has no respect for the Rule Of Law. Read more on Barack Obama Signs Up For Obamacare, Arrogantly No Doubt…
  flotus files

Queen of Italy Michelle Obama Will Receive Free Olive Oil Forever

So we all know by now that our First Lady Michelle Obama hates Oprah and taunted her with pie, or whatever, who cares. Our FLOTUS really has no time for ridiculous accusations, because in case you haven’t noticed, we have an obesity crisis on our hands. Michelle Obama is hard at work trying to stop this disgusting epidemic, and this week, invited another group of children to the White House, this time to talk about America’s least favorite sport: soccer! That underwear model David Beckham was there, as well as his team, whatever it’s called. Well, the Europeans must have really liked this soccer nonsense, because today, a province in southern Italy decided to dedicate a tree to our FLOTUS. Of course, in our country we prefer to name stadiums and highways after our most treasured icons, but they don’t have those things in Europe. It’s just Vespas and cigarettes, as far as the eye can see. Read more on Queen of Italy Michelle Obama Will Receive Free Olive Oil Forever…
  flotus files

Michele Bachmann Somehow Unaware She Is Not Michelle Obama

At this point in the week, maybe you have stopped having panic dreams about Michelle Obama dougie-ing into your kitchen to kidnap your pecan pie. She has certainly moved on from our National Day of Obesity and Forgotten Genocide, and is now embracing the holidays to come with her fashion protégés/children and fancy dog. Our FLOTUS is so lovely, which is why many people wish they could live her life, with her beautiful children and fancy dog and absolute control over all the Wal Marts. “People” includes Michele Bachmann, who is actually very offended that she is not recognized as basically the same person as Michelle Obama. Read more on Michele Bachmann Somehow Unaware She Is Not Michelle Obama…
 

Gonzo to Not Care About No Confidence Vote

Now that Paul Wolfowitz has finally lost the secret game of Resignation Chicken between him and Alberto Gonzales, the Attorney General can pretty much feel free to resign whenever he likes. Al being a stubborn and fairly stupid sort, though, he will probably want to rub his victory in Paul’s face by waiting for an actual real-life “vote of no confidence.” Read more on Gonzo to Not Care About No Confidence Vote…