* Heard on the Hill: Chaos at the Capitol as a crazy woman tries to take a cop’s gun and a bunch of suspicious packages are found…. Steve Cohen is totally screwing Cybill Shepard… “Wryly acknowledging his reputation as a playboy, former Rep. Harold Ford Jr. (D-Tenn.) assured Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley (D) that he has no designs on O’Malley’s teenage daughter.” Ok, WTF everyone… Barbara Boxer: Short! She needs to stand on a box to reach the mic! [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Celebrities, DC people attend another gala… Woman who wrote book about cancer to respectfully cash in on current popularity of the disease. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Those suspicious packages showed up as a bunch of congresspeople were trying to pray or something. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Phil Hare fell asleep during a congressional hearing and C-Span filmed the whole thing… Now we’re on to the “first 100 days” of the Dem congress… The Gridiron dinner won’t have the President and it’s being held somewhere new and no one will go. [The Hill]
* Shenanigans: You excited for the Media Research Center’s annual “Media DisHonor Awards”? No? Why do you hate America? [Politico]

As their crook of choice faces the not particularly hard questioning of the Armed Forces Committee (Senator Levin has referred to the “refreshing breath of reality” from Defense Sec. Nominee Robert Gates), the White House is erupting in chaos and confusion: MORE »

This just in, from a Capitol Hill operative: MORE »

* The fellow behind the “suspicious package” incident at the White House today is a French guy. Figures. [WP] MORE »

FINAL UPDATE: All clear. BOOOOOOO–RRRRIIINNNGGG. In SF and here. Everyone go home. That robot’s on his way to Hollywood for his spin-off. It was fun while it lasted.
UPDATE5: SUSPICIOUS PACKAGE IN SAN FRANCISCO SUBWAY! THIS GUY’S GOT AN AMAZING ARM! ROBOT STILL CUTE. Some guy seems to have to like stand by the robot and help it, which defeats the purpose of a robot. Right? “NO DISSASEMBLE!” No one told Fox about the San Fran thing yet. Rather, Fox doesn’t CARE ABOUT HIPPIES.
UPDATE4: The “package” may be an “item.” Fox is showing a bunch of bike cops holding a package. Is this the package? Hard to tell. “Anything that is thrown over the fence of the White House is, by definition, suspicious.” This kid is not getting his frisbee back. White House wasn’t evacuated. They’ve sent fucking bike cops. Panic fading… robot sitting there… wait, it’s by the briefcase. The “item” is a briefcase. Robot’s moving again!
UPDATE 3: “An individual threw a package over the White House fence.” he has done this before. He is in custody. You know it’s like a fucking screenplay or something. Also, Fox called Fred Barnes for comment. Why? He’s in the bullpen? Also, Fox has just admitted that the static shot they’ve had for 20 minutes of a fence is not actually where the goddam package is. BRING BACK THE ROBOT.
UPDATE 2 (formatting thrown to the wind): THIS IS BORING AS HELL. WE HAVE EVEN TRIED SWITCHING TO FOX, BUT ALL WE SEE IS A PARKED CAR BEHIND A FENCE. THERE WAS ANOTHER BLURRY SHOT OF THE ROBOT, BUT WE CAN’T REALLY TELL HOW CUTE IT IS. SOURCES INDICATE THAT IT MAY LOOK LIKE THIS:

FOXNEWS: “As for the President’s whereabouts, that’s always a mystery” — uh, NO IT ISN’T. HE’S ON HIS WAY TO WEST VA FOR A FUCKING PLANNED SPEECH YOU BLONDE IDIOT, HE LEFT LIKE AN HOUR AGO. MORE »