Tag Archives: suspended campaigns

  quitters

BREAKING! Rick Santorum Takes His Balls And Goes Home

Do you hear that? That is the sound of weeping — really, that phlegmy, breathless, hacking snot-snarfling SOBBING — throughout the land as political humorists realize the little spitty, sneery, smegmatic Torquemadita has bowed to something called “reality.” And now he is not quitting, per se (because that way you can no longer spend your campaign funds maybe?) but is “suspending” his campaign. Is Rick Perry’s campaign still suspended? Is Herman Cain’s? Did those dudes ever actually quit? Anybody wanna check on that? Read more on BREAKING! Rick Santorum Takes His Balls And Goes Home…
  oh noes!

Barack Obama’s Grandmother In Very Bad Shape!

To answer your question re: the headline: the white one. She’s so sick right now! According to spokesman Robert Gibbs, “In the last few weeks her health has deteriorated to the point where her situation is very serious.” Rumor has it that she’s still suffering injuries from an incident this past Spring in which a grandson threw her under the bus. Okay, okay. But she’s looking really bad, and Barack Obama is SUSPENDING HIS CAMPAIGN for a couple of days to visit her in Hawaii, during which time he will also save the bailout bill and the economy. Maybe he’ll also sneak in some beach time and we’ll get more shirtless pixxxx!!! [Politico] Read more on Barack Obama’s Grandmother In Very Bad Shape!…