Tag Archives: susan rice

  Oh yeah? YOU'RE Pontius Pilate!

Sen. Tom Cotton Appalled How John Kerry Went To Iran To Crucify Jesus

I look like A Expert.
Wee young Sen. Tom Cotton of Arkansas, who seems to be under the impression he is president of both U.S. America and Iran, is making opinions with his mouth again. Because see, Barack Obama and John Kerry went to Iran and said, “Hey, would you like to bomb Israel and the United States, because you are Iran and you have started so many wars in the past few decades, unlike the United States and Israel, nations that are fainting flowers, too shy to start wars?” And Iran said, “Can you stop crippling our nation with sanctions and let us save a little face here, if we promise not to make nuclear bombs?” And Obama and Kerry replied, “Only if you promise to do nuclear war to everyone,” and a deal was made. At least that’s the wingnut version of it, we think, because they are very stupid, scared people. Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton Appalled How John Kerry Went To Iran To Crucify Jesus…
  everything you thought you knew is wrong

New York Times’ Detailed Investigation Ends Rancor Over Benghazi Forever

Over the weekend, the New York Times released its big investigative report on the September 11, 2012, attack on the diplomatic compound in Benghazi. The article by David Kirkpatrick suggested that several aspects of the rightwing narrative don’t hold water — particularly the claims that the “Innocence of Muslims” video had nothing to do with the attack, that the attack had been planned far in advance, and that it was an al Qaeda operation. The thorough report led critics of the Obama administration to say, “Ah, we see. Well, so much for that, then. So maybe it wasn’t Watergate plus Pearl Harbor times 9/11 after all.” Haha, we are simply “taking the urine” there! Of course the wingnut brigade took issue with the report, because everyone knows that no one in Libya had access to Egyptian TV reports about the video (or if they did, they simply shrugged off its mockery of the prophet Mohammed, because rioting over a video is just silly). And everyone knows that all radical Islamic groups are part of al Qaeda, just like all biting dogs are pit bulls — this is just science. And everyone knows that the attack was planned in advance, because we all saw Darrel Issa on Fox News saying it was. Read more on New York Times’ Detailed Investigation Ends Rancor Over Benghazi Forever…
  epic trolling

Dick Cheney Offers Opinions, Irony Meters Become Sentient Long Enough To Jump From Tall Buildings

How unfair is it that (insert name of a beloved family member/spouse/friend/celebrity/pet/serial killer/Iraqi citizen/American soldier here) is dead and Dick Cheney still roams the earth? Just the thought of that ancient visage sneering at all of us from the crypt where he hangs out in between feedings is enough to send yr Wonkette into apoplectic shock. If he couldn’t retire to a cell in the Hague, is it too much to ask that he at least stay the fuck out of the public eye for the rest of eternity? Alas, there are still some who think Dick Cheney’s opinion matters, and those people have airtime to fill on the teevee. So, taking a break from his usual daily activity of disemboweling virgins and feasting on their bloody entrails for sustenance, the former president vice-president appeared on “Fox News Sunday” to opine on America’s recent “discovery” that our government knows about every time we have ever called out for Chinese food in the last decade. Read more on Dick Cheney Offers Opinions, Irony Meters Become Sentient Long Enough To Jump From Tall Buildings…
  if at first you don't succeed whine whine again

Losers and Quitters Whine About President, Not Because They Are Sore Losers Or Anything

Just when you’ve grown tired of loser Republicans giving all kinds of advice to the GOP on how not to lose, it’s suddenly time for different loser Republicans to blargh and whine about the President some more, because that worked so well to get them elected. The reason (as if they need one): they don’t like who he is appointing to advise him. Who are the loveable voluble losers this time around? None other than 2012 loser Mittens W. Romneyvanworthington VII and 2008 vice-loser Sarah Palin! They are clearly not at all sore losers turning to the media for just one more hit of that sweet sweet media spotlight. They just want to make sure we all know that Our Guiding Star of Socialism and Great Sun of Communism Barack H. Obama is the real losingest loser, despite pesky things like votes and the Electoral College and un-American things like that. First up, the 2012 loser was asked by CNN about Pres. Obama’s appointment of Susan Rice to be his next national security advisor: I find that a disappointing appointment on the part of the president. I think what she did was to very seriously mislead the American people about what happened in Benghazi. My greatest concern about the Benghazi events was the fact there was not a rescue effort attempted and that is very troubling to me. Really, President Governor Romney? You are disappointed about Susan Rice because of Benghazi? Let’s roll out the recent history timeline, shall we?  Read more on Losers and Quitters Whine About President, Not Because They Are Sore Losers Or Anything…
  bitch moves

John Kerry, World’s Perfectest Diplomat

Hey new Secretary of State person (and we are frankly kind of peeved that it is back to the gender-neutral “person” now, as chicks have been kind of owning it since Madeleine Albright, God bless her, flirted and giggled her way across the globe) John Kerry, would you like to open your mouth about something and BE AN IDIOT? You would? Very good. Kerry said President Obama offered him the job of secretary of state a week before United Nations Ambassador Susan Rice withdrew her name from contention, an earlier timeline than has been previously reported. “He called me, actually a week before Susan got out of the thing,” Kerry said. “He called me and said, ‘You’re my choice. I want you to do this.’ He asked me to keep it quiet. I did. I sat on it.” We believe the idea was for you to continue to sit on it. Read more on John Kerry, World’s Perfectest Diplomat…
  teh stupid stands alone

NRO: Allies? We Don’t Need No Stinking Allies

Dear lord we already have Hagel fatigue. We already had to pretend that the GOP suddenly cares about gay rights and therefore Hagel = root of all evil. We have to listen to John McCain concern troll the hell out of the nomination because he will never ever not be butthurt about losing to Bamz in 2008. We have RealDoll Ted Cruz (no, really. Go look at the fucking photo at the upcoming link. He is made of wax) declaring that Hagel is unacceptable because he won’t get tough with Iran, which in turn will make us go to war with Iran. Best of all, we have the explanation that you have to oppose Hagel (and Kerry) because if you don’t, it just looks like the Republicans hated Rice because she is a brown lady person: Read more on NRO: Allies? We Don’t Need No Stinking Allies…
  this is excellent news for ... oh wait this is excellent news for john mccain

McCain Eats Rice

UN Ambassador Susan Rice has removed herself from consideration for the position of New Hillz, citing John McCain being a total dick as the reason. Read more on McCain Eats Rice…
  Do You Want Radio Raheem in the State Department?

Scary Black Lady Susan Rice Once Said That White Children Should Be Forced To Learn Of Blacks’ Existence

In an article that proves conclusively that U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice is, in fact, the scariest Black Power Radical who ever scared a white person on the internet (at least since that one terrifying door-opening man in Philadelphia on election day), the Daily Caller has a bombshell exposé that tears the lid off Rice’s involvement in writing a 1986 book that advocated a radical socialist agenda to teach black history in our nation’s schools. Even to white children!!!! Seriously, that’s in the actual headline: “Susan Rice in 1986 book: Make white students learn black history” Sure. Go ahead and shock us, Daily Caller guy Charles C. Johnson! Read more on Scary Black Lady Susan Rice Once Said That White Children Should Be Forced To Learn Of Blacks’ Existence…
  Still Not Watergate

Bitter Old Senators And Hot Young Thing Deeply Troubled By Americans’ Inexplicable Refusal To Freak Out Over Benghazi

Egad! Horrible lying liar Susan Rice and acting CIA Director Mike Morrell met with senators John McCain, Lindsey Graham, and new amiga Kelly Ayotte, and she scurrilously admitted that what she said on TV talk shows five days after the Benghazi attacks was factually incorrect because she didn’t have all the facts at the time she said that the attack was being investigated. McCain, Graham, and Ayotte immediately told reporters that the real scandal here is that when Rice went on TV, she said a thing that turned out not to be true, simply because the CIA had told her that thing, and instead of simply saying “we don’t know,” she said that they thought maybe it was one thing, but they were still looking into it. How dare she mislead the American people like that! No, really, that is the actual controversy, as near as we can figure out. Read more on Bitter Old Senators And Hot Young Thing Deeply Troubled By Americans’ Inexplicable Refusal To Freak Out Over Benghazi…
  Terror a New One

GOP Congressman Spitty With Fury Over Susan Rice’s Benghazi ‘Lies’

Congressman Dana Rohrabacher (R-The Taliban) is very, VERY concerned about all the lies that the Obama Administration has been telling about Benghazi, and so to even things up, he has some lies of his own to tell! On Fox News, Rohrabacher told Greta Van Susteren that he was convinced that U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice lied like crazy about the attacks when discussing them on Sunday talk shows five days later: “They knew within a matter of hours, if not right away, that this was an organized, armed hit job by al-Qaida, probably, but an organized, commanded effort to murder our people,” Rohrabacher charged, dismissing Rice’s assertion that “movie rage,” as the congressman put it, was the catalyst behind the attack. “That was a lie. They knew it was lie when they said it,” the California Republican said. “When they sent out Ambassador Rice to all the talk shows, they knew that was not the truth. When you tell something that’s not the truth to the American people, especially in the middle of a crisis, they shouldn’t expect to get away with it and be forgiven.” Oh, except that’s kind of not really what Rice said? That’s probably all right, though, since it’s on Fox, so getting something only half right is a step up for them? Read more on GOP Congressman Spitty With Fury Over Susan Rice’s Benghazi ‘Lies’…
  our hero

Barack Obama Will Punch Graham’s and McCain’s Lights Out Probably, He Is So Mad About Them Slagging Susan Rice

Earlier we brought you the BREAKING NEWS that Senator John McCain is a puckered old asshole, and also why he is full of poo. B. Barry Bamz responded to McCain’s typical slurring of UN Ambassador Susan Rice in his press conference today by going all HULK SMASH and practically challenging McCain and his partner in E-vil, Miss Lindsey Graham, to fisticuffs! Here is a thought problem for our Internet friends: Was it SEXISMS by Barack Obama to get all het up on Rice’s behalf? Like, we cannot imagine him being so ruffled and dandery and whatnot if it were, say, Simon Rice under attack? The answer, of course, is YES it is sexisms. But it is our Barry O, so it is okay? Read more on Barack Obama Will Punch Graham’s and McCain’s Lights Out Probably, He Is So Mad About Them Slagging Susan Rice…
  team of mavericks

Man Who Gave Nation Sarah Palin Opines On Someone Else’s Lack Of Intelligence, Qualifications

How is noted spotter of talent Senator John McCain responding to the White House’s exploratory sext of placing Susan Rice in Hillz’s sensible shoes at State? Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) said on Wednesday that U.S. Ambassador to the U.N. Susan Rice is “not qualified” to become secretary of state and he called her claim that the deadly attack on the diplomatic facility in Benghazi was a spontaneous demonstration “not very bright.” Read more on Man Who Gave Nation Sarah Palin Opines On Someone Else’s Lack Of Intelligence, Qualifications… Read more on Man Who Gave Nation Sarah Palin Opines On Someone Else’s Lack Of Intelligence, Qualifications…
  We Have Always Been at War with Eastquestria.

Ghost Breitbart: Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal Now Part Of Obama’s Propaganda Machine

Hey guys! Did you know that there’s a vast left-wing conspiracy to cover up the TRVTH about what happened in Libya? Totally factual and documented — at least, inside what Wonkette’s BFF Rachel Maddow calls the conservative “media bubble where [there are no] neutral or contrasting points of view.” And so, when Rupert Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal, a press organ (huh-huh… “organ”) that is usually thought of as a reliable part of that bubble, runs a story falling outside the accepted conservative narrative about Benghazi, the only rational response is to declare the WSJ part of a pro-Obama spin campaign. Makes sense to us! Posting at Dead Andrew Breitbart’s Big Journalism site, AWR Hawkins says that the WSJ is one of many “Obama surrogates in the mainstream media” bent on “providing a smokescreen for U.S. Ambassador Susan Rice.” Read more on Ghost Breitbart: Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal Now Part Of Obama’s Propaganda Machine…