Wonkette

* Reliable Source: The RS column is 15 years old… Lloyd Grove is unemployed, spends all of his time drinking gin and watching Judge Judy. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: John Kerry is the illegitimate son of Cookie Monster. Also, clearly high… Dan Berger: A lobbyist who paints! [Examiner]
* Washington Whispers: Hillary Clinton voted most Reagan-esque in poll. This, bizarrely, is a positive… Bill Clinton skipping Davos World Economic Forum to write book… Susan Collins gave Joe Lieberman a chocolate gavel, “Choo-choo choose you” valentine… Tom Vilsack doesn’t have time to read, skims first sentence of each paragraph, every other page. [USN&WR]
* Page Six: Al Gore sits on the board of Apple, who hate trees and the environment and shit. [NYP]

In the Department of Stuff That Might Be True, we go to Wayne Madsen and his occasionally semi-accurate unsourced website. Madsen says the new Senate Majority Leadership will try to convert moderate Republican Susan Collins and Oregon rebel GOP’er Gordon Smith should Tim Johnson be unable to continue as senator. MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: Mark Foley is out of “rehab.” The Arizona facility he went to treats alcoholism, “eating disorders, sexual addiction/compulsivity, obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression” … Kirk Fordham, former Tom Reynolds and Foley CoS, is still hanging around the Hill, annoying fellow republicans… John Boehner demanded the Republican leadership sing him his self-penned “Birthday Song” … John Kerry downed Tequila shots with Marines at Finn MacCool’s. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Things to talk about with your family over Thanksgiving. Because you hate them. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: The Examiner will now be sued by Robert Steinbuch for revealing that his students think he’s a perv… Aide to Sen. Susan Collins sends out memo about fonts: “After reviewing a variety of typefaces to see whether they might prove more readable than the current protocol of 16-point Times Roman bold for speeches, statements and talking points, Senator Collins has decided that she would like to use Lucida Bright.” [Examiner]

“Hey Mr. Secretary, want some free sneakers? These babies have your name written all over ‘em.”

This morning we complained that Senators get the best symbolic gifts. And the trend continues: Greenpeace just gave them free sneakers! Something to do with “running away” from chemical facilities.

Yes, we’ve fallen for their p.r. campaign hook, line, and sinker. But we’re suckers for pretty pictures — and Greenpeace gave us plenty of ‘em.

Check out the photos, plus the press release (yawn), after the jump.

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Editors’ note: Don’t miss Ana Marie Cox’s Washington Post live chat, starting today at 11:30 AM. You can access it here, where you can also find a link for submitting questions to the Original Wonkette about BlackBerry disaster averted. Happy chatting!

Chatology this week slightly enlivened by the appearance of Stephen Colbert, though it was offset by Chairman of Joint Chiefs Peter Pace doing a half-Ginsburg; he has the kind of whispery monotone that made us fall asleep during filmstrips in health class. Most notable segment: Bill Kristol channeling Arianna Huffington in his disappointment in the administration, causing massive freakout on the Fox set and Chris Wallace to utter the Quote of the Week: “My whole universe has been rocked.”

Top topics: Potential (or ongoing?) civil war in Iraq; Katrina tapes; Dubai port deal.

One hit wonders: Two hits for the criminal investigation into Pat Tillman’s death (MTP and FNS); Oscar talk on “This Week”

Quotes to live by:
• Stephen Colbert on his Oscar expectation: “a lot of jokes [about] abortion… it’s a funny word, like guacamole.”
• Peter Pace moderates his view on Iraq: “I wouldn’t put a great big smiley face on it.”
• Juan Williams on DHS/FEMA infighting: “I’m going to put that off to two big boys having something in the back yard.” Well, someone saw “Brokeback Mountain.”

Full coverage continues after the jump.

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Coverage of Secretary Michael Chertoff’s Senate testimony (continued from this prior post): MORE »

Secretary Michael Chertoff is now testifying before the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee. Wonkette is on the scene, liveblogging Secretary Chertoff’s desperate attempt to save his job. (This post will probably be updated several times — so keep refreshing that browser! — until we move into a second post.) MORE »

Throughout the day, we’ve delivered celebrity sightings of Bob Novak, that human-animal hybrid; more Supreme Court justices than you can shake a stick at; and the man that everyone’s talking about, Jack Abramoff.

Now we bring you an added bonus: a sighting of a possible future POTUS, Senator John McCain!

Sitting in National, waiting to catch the shuttle flight to NYC, when McCain sits down in front of me. Multiple people keep coming up to him to talk. A woman in her mid 50’s comes up and says, “Why, Senator McCain, you are so much better
looking in person!” McCain says thank you.

As she leaves, I lean in and say, “Senator, I know how hard it is to be so devilishly good looking.” McCain starts cracking up, and I continue by saying, “I’m glad that worked — it was that or a Jack Abramoff
joke!”

The laughing stops; McCain proceeds to raise his paper over his face. I get up and walk away.

Good stuff! And the fun’s not over yet. Go the jump page — click on that pointing finger — for sightings of such boldface names as Susan Collins, Tony Williams, Mark Warner, Karl Rove, Joe Lockhart, Paul Begala, Bill Frist, and many more!

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• Kaine and Corzine win gubernatorial races in Virginia and NJ; Texas approves ban gay marriage. [WP, WP, NYT, USAT]
• Frist and Hastert seek investigation into the disclosure of CIA’s “black sites” to the Washington Post. McClellan: “The leaking of classified information is a serious matter and ought to be taken seriously.” [WP, NYT, WT]
• Alito “has signaled he would be highly reluctant to overturn long-standing precedents” such as Rove v. Wade. Sen. Susan Collins (R-Maine): “At this point, I see no basis for invoking ‘extraordinary circumstances’ and for anyone to mount a filibuster.” [WP, NYT, LAT]
• Schwarzenegger’s initiatives are rejected; his “celebrity may not be the tonic it once was.” [LAT, LAT, USAT]
• Election came at a sensitive time for both parties, especially the GOP. [NYT, WSJ, LAT, USAT]
• House to decide fate of ANWR; Senate approves drilling by vote of 51 to 48. [WP]
• Grassley (R-Iowa) proposes $70b in tax cuts. [NYT, WSJ]

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