Tag Archives: surveys

  a plague o' the moon in both thy seventh houses

Science Expert Steve Stockman Laughs At Democrats’ Junk Science And Lightbulb Tyranny

Well here is a fine how do you do: Rep. Steve Stockman, fresh off losing his big Senate primary to John Cornyn, became a Hero of Science Monday by pointing out that both astrology and climate change are nonsense. In advance of the Democrats’ all-night climate change slumber party, Stockman bravely tweeted: The party that is most likely to believe astrology is real will hold an all-night event claiming your light bulbs are heating up the planet. Oh, wow, liberals, YA BURNT! As the nine fulltime staffers of Twitchy explain, the tweet refers to a survey that found that a larger percentage of Democrats than Republicans think astrology is scientifically valid. Haha, good one — guess that means we can pretty much close the book on this “climate change” junk science! Read more on Science Expert Steve Stockman Laughs At Democrats’ Junk Science And Lightbulb Tyranny…
  name rings a bell

Let’s Make Fun Of Rep. Daniel Webster, For Being Bad At Congress

Last week we wrote about the latest program that House Republicans drew from their box of Valuable Programs That Benefit Any Number Of People And Aren’t That Expensive But Should Be Destroyed Solely Because A Democrat Likes Them, the American Community Survey — a form of several dozens questions sent to random households each month, the results of which are used by most policy researchers and help determine how some $400 billion in discretionary funds should be allocated. The Republicans are led by freshman Rep. Daniel Webster, who’s trying to snag his one crappy piece of legislation that he can wave around to trick his constituents into thinking he does work and deserves reelection. Webster and others heard that the survey, which is mandatory, sometimes includes a question asking if one’s home has a flush toilet, and so they’re essentially saying that ACS should be destroyed to stop Democrats from watching you poop. No, that’s not fair of us. Because the actual words that come out of Daniel Webster’s mouth whenever he has the misfortune of opening it are so much worse. Read more on Let’s Make Fun Of Rep. Daniel Webster, For Being Bad At Congress…
  new study proves it

70% of America ‘Dreading’ 2012 Presidential Campaign

Ha ha, here is a fun new study that proves everybody would basically like to trade the 2012 presidential election for, say, a massive asteroid strike: Gallup asked voters how jazzed they were for the Obama-Not Romney campaign year, and people basically started weeping and vomiting, simultaneously, into their phones. “Given a choice, 70% of Americans say they can’t wait for the campaign to be over,” the pollsters said. And what about the rest of the people, are they all on Newt Gingrich’s payroll or something? According to Gallup, “26% can’t wait for it to begin.” Who are these people? Because if the 26% of Americans looking forward to the election could be, perhaps, relocated to Mexico or Ghana or someplace quiet, maybe we could just cancel the election. Read more on 70% of America ‘Dreading’ 2012 Presidential Campaign…
  new study proves it

62% of Americans Morally Unfit For Amoral U.S. Politics

America’s elected officials range from rat-eyed sheriff bullies who mercilessly persecute the various racial minorities to the president, who constantly murders people all over the world and shovels billions of dollars to Wall Street. And yet, a new survey proves that 62% of Americans “say their past would preclude them from running for public office.” Is the entire country made up of necrophiliac pedophiles? No, just 62%. But how do they feel about mail delivery, book readin’, William Henry Harrison, free wi-fi at the coffee shop and the preponderance of Neanderthal genes in modern humans? Thanks to the monthly inane treasure known as the Vanity Fair/CBS News survey of people dumb enough to answer the phone at dinnertime, we now have the answers to these important societal questions. Read more on 62% of Americans Morally Unfit For Amoral U.S. Politics…
  democracy is coming to the usa

Most Americans Hate Government, Democracy Itself

Important cable teevee station CNN has commissioned two (2) polls of the Americans, and the results are bad for the Tea Baggers’ beloved “U.S. Constitution” and “Democracy,” so it’s a good thing those people don’t actually like either of those things, when it leads to a common slave becoming the so-called “People’s President” who puts his feet on the desk. And yet … does anyone really love “democracy” anymore? Read more on Most Americans Hate Government, Democracy Itself…
  uhh ...

The Best Phone Survey In Massachusetts Right Now

Where do the Teabaggers in Texas who are phone-banking Massachusetts households come up with this shit? “I just got a polling call about Martha Coakley. I also had to answer questions about gay marriage, Israel, and malaria, including this one: ‘In World War II, 6 million Jews were killed by the Nazis. Now 6 million Israelis live under constant threat of attack from Islamic extremists. Meanwhile, 1 million women and children in sub-Saharan Africa die each year from malaria. The United Nations could use its billions of dollars to protect the people of Israel or to prevent the spread of malaria. In your opinion, is the threat to security in Israel a more pressing concern that should immediately be addressed by the United Nations than the epidemic of malaria in Africa?'” Umm… green balloons? [Balloon Juice] Read more on The Best Phone Survey In Massachusetts Right Now…
  acting like adults

RNC Health Care Survey, WOW

Intrepid Washington Independent blog reporter Dave Weigel has earned himself another steak ‘n’ baked dinner tonight by obtaining this, the RNC’s “2009 Future of American Health Survey.” YES. THAT IS LITERALLY QUESTION FOUR. Republicans, man! C’mon! Some of us just want to have a functioning polity here, okay? [Washington Independent] Read more on RNC Health Care Survey, WOW…
  road to recovery baby

Steele’s RNC Survey Collects Helpful Data About How Democrats Are Dumb

RNC Chairman Michael Steele is VERY SERIOUS about bringing the Republican party back to its glory days of him not being allowed in it. He has sent supporters an e-mail with an objective survey of questions, knowing full well that the results will humble GOP leaders into making some tough acknowledgments. For example, the question above lists every imaginable weakness of the party, so Steele will get an honest read of what’s necessary to complement the party’s unequivocally perfect set of ideas. Another question asks, yes-or-no, if Republican party members “want the government to pass more socialism,” so it’s pretty much a toss-up.[RNC] Read more on Steele’s RNC Survey Collects Helpful Data About How Democrats Are Dumb…
  the permanent minority

Republicans Firmly Committed To Losing More Elections

Republicans have made the only conclusion possible about their party following the electoral repudiation of an ancient war hero who ran on the “not a Negro” platform and chose as his running mate a proud religious nutjob ignoramus with a bubble of methane where her brain should be: they have decided their party keeps losing because they aren’t conservative enough. Read more on Republicans Firmly Committed To Losing More Elections…
  the lady or the elf?

HOW SCREWED IS MICHELE BACHMANN? DETAILS AT 11: SurveyUSA will release a tasty new poll for Minnesota’s District 6 at 11pm Eastern tonight. Prediction: Bachmann is winning by 50 points, at least. [SurveyUSA] Read more on …
  the chosen one

BARACK OBAMA IS THE HOTTEST JEW SINCE ERIC BANA IN ‘MUNICH': According to 1 percent of respondents to a Pew research poll, Barack Obama is not a fire-breathing Muslim or a wingnut Christian but in fact a nice Jewish boy, just like Sammy Davis Junior. [Pew Research Center via The Plank] Read more on …
  electoral maths

Bob Barr On Target To Ruin John McCain’s Life

Bob Barr looks like Reverend Jeremiah Wright and will probably cost John McCain the election, and for these two reasons alone Barack Obama makes love to Bob Barr’s voodoo doll in his hyperbaric Hope chamber every night. You see, 6% of Zogby poll respondents said they would vote for the Libertarian candidate for president, and this is the exact size of the margin Obama leads by. Score one for Liberty! Read more on Bob Barr On Target To Ruin John McCain’s Life…
 

Barack Obama Is American President Of Europe!

Every four years, Europeans get mad at Americans because only stupid ignorant U.S. citizens get to elect their president (who is always George W. Bush). So this year our friends overseas were delighted to participate in a meaningless poll conducted by the Telegraph, which showed conclusively that your average bewhiskered European hausfrau is just as hot for Barack Obama as millions of recently graduated American college seniors. But who digs Obama the most? The answer may shock you! Read more on Barack Obama Is American President Of Europe!…
 

Is Your ‘National Mood’ As Crappy As 75% Of America’s?

A new Harris Interactive poll confirms that America is one big Gloomy Gus convention these days, with people bellyaching about The Economy and The War and Our Incompetent Congress and what’s his face, the guy who’s always off humping bunnies. Look outside the window, America! Do you not see the beautiful sun shining? Oh, you don’t have a window because the bank took it away? Well, look at the sun shining outside your spacious cardboard box! Read more on Is Your ‘National Mood’ As Crappy As 75% Of America’s?…
 

Are You As Dumb As America’s Smartest College Kids?

According to some sad professor, America’s college freshmen are the dumbest, most vapid bunch of hapless fools in World History. They are so stupid that even the smartest of them — the top 10% of high school graduates with the high SAT scores — believe extraordinary rendition is a “version of a movie or play.” If you’re thinking, “Ha ha, I can’t possibly be that stupid,” then take our fun quiz based on this cranky professor’s cranky essay. Read more on Are You As Dumb As America’s Smartest College Kids?…
 

GOP Voters Having More Sex … But Sex With What?

A shocking new study proves that Republican voters are having more sex than their Democratic counterparts, but Democrats are having less sex with more people, and everybody is basically watching pornography day and night, and both the right and left would happily let themselves be sodomized by the new president, in the White House, as long as that president is “attractive” to the kind of people who vote. Read more on GOP Voters Having More Sex … But Sex With What?…
 

Who Won the Debate? YOU DECIDE 2007 DO IT NOW!

We have a poll for you, because everybody’s sick of those MSNBC/CNN online polls that Ron Paul somehow totally cheats on and wins. Let’s have a new winner, such as Tom Tancredo or Duncan Hunter! Maybe both! It’s a dream ticket. Pick your new Hitler, after the jump. Read more on Who Won the Debate? YOU DECIDE 2007 DO IT NOW!…
 

31% of Americans Have No Idea Who’s Running the Country

Nearly a third of Americans don’t know Dick Cheney is vice president, according to a sad new survey by the Pew Research Center. While people can certainly be forgiven for “forgetting” Cheney is actually running the USA, other poll questions revealed that Americans are just getting dumber overall. For example, 74% could name the governor of their own state in 1989; only 64% hold such precious knowledge today. After the jump, feel good about yourself for reading Wonkette! Read more on 31% of Americans Have No Idea Who’s Running the Country…
 

Wonkette Sponsors Want You to Take a Survey and Win a Contest

Hey, do you like surveys? Sure, we all do! So take ours, jerk-off! And hey — if you submit an email address (totes optional), you’ll be entered in a contest to win an iPod shuffle (you choose the color)!!!! (Our usual contest rules are here) Read more on Wonkette Sponsors Want You to Take a Survey and Win a Contest…
 

Daily Briefing: An Abundance of Ambiguity

Delayed discovery of three detainee suicides at Guantanamo Bay raises questions concerning whether regulations for supervision of prisoners were followed. Army general compares the suicides to the 9/11 attacks. [NYT; WP] Read more on Daily Briefing: An Abundance of Ambiguity…
 

Polls and Surveys Can Be So Informative

Most Americans are pretty ignorant about world affairs: According to this survey, 6 out of 10 Americans could not locate Iraq on a map of the Middle East. But they’re not completely without a clue: Read more on Polls and Surveys Can Be So Informative…