Steele’s RNC Survey Collects Helpful Data About How Democrats Are Dumb
Friday, March 27th, 2009
RNC Chairman Michael Steele is VERY SERIOUS about bringing the Republican party back to its glory days of him not being allowed in it. He has sent supporters an e-mail with an objective survey of questions, knowing full well that the results will humble GOP leaders into making some tough acknowledgments. For example, the question above lists every imaginable weakness of the party, so Steele will get an honest read of what’s necessary to complement the party’s unequivocally perfect set of ideas. Another question asks, yes-or-no, if Republican party members “want the government to pass more socialism,” so it’s pretty much a toss-up.[RNC]
Republicans have made the only conclusion possible about their party following the electoral repudiation of an ancient war hero who ran on the “not a Negro” platform and chose as his running mate a proud religious nutjob ignoramus with a bubble of methane where her brain should be: they have decided their party keeps losing because they aren’t conservative enough. 
HOW SCREWED IS MICHELE BACHMANN? DETAILS AT 11: SurveyUSA will release a tasty new poll for Minnesota’s District 6 at 11pm Eastern tonight. Prediction: Bachmann is winning by 50 points, at least. [
BARACK OBAMA IS THE HOTTEST JEW SINCE ERIC BANA IN ‘MUNICH’: According to 1 percent of respondents to a Pew research poll, Barack Obama is not a fire-breathing Muslim or a wingnut Christian but in fact a nice Jewish boy, just like Sammy Davis Junior. [
Bob Barr 
Every four years, Europeans get mad at Americans because only stupid ignorant U.S. citizens get to elect their president (who is always George W. Bush). So this year our friends overseas were delighted to participate in a meaningless poll conducted by the Telegraph, which showed conclusively that your average bewhiskered European hausfrau is just as hot for Barack Obama as millions of recently graduated American college seniors. But who digs Obama the most? The answer may shock you! 
A new Harris Interactive poll confirms that America is one big Gloomy Gus convention these days, with people bellyaching about The Economy and The War and Our Incompetent Congress and what’s his face, the guy who’s always off 
According to some sad professor, America’s college freshmen are the dumbest, most vapid bunch of hapless fools in World History. They are so stupid that even the smartest of them — the top 10% of high school graduates with the high SAT scores — believe extraordinary rendition is a “version of a movie or play.”
A shocking new study proves that Republican voters are having more sex than their Democratic counterparts, but Democrats are having less sex with more people, and everybody is basically watching pornography day and night, and both the right and left would happily let themselves be sodomized by the new president, in the White House, as long as that president is “attractive” to the kind of people who vote. 
We have a poll for you, because everybody’s sick of those MSNBC/CNN online polls that Ron Paul somehow totally cheats on and wins. Let’s have a new winner, such as Tom Tancredo or Duncan Hunter!
Nearly a third of Americans don’t know Dick Cheney is vice president, according to a sad new survey by the Pew Research Center. While people can certainly be forgiven for “forgetting” Cheney is actually running the USA, other poll questions revealed that Americans are just getting dumber overall.