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Posts Tagged ‘surge’

McCain Economic ‘Surge’ Would Add Thousands Of Troops To Aid War On Economy

Friday, August 8th, 2008

Failure is not an optionA leaked McCain campaign memo outlines the Republican candidate’s bold plan for the American economy. It goes something like this: WAR WAR WAR WAR TAXCUTS WAR. Applying some valuable lessons from our adventure in Iraq, the McCain economic “surge” will ferret out the last weakened remnants of the American economy and wage a bitter street-by-street countereconomic strategy until, in the end, we will be able to hand over stewardship of a penniless nation to our grateful children and grandchildren. MORE »


Barack Obama Secretly Runs Senate Banking Committee!

Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008

Here’s our pal Barack Obama, saying that the Senate Banking Committee — “which is my committee,” he says — passed some bill about something. Problem is, he’s not actually on the Senate Banking Committee at all. Maybe he meant to say he’s on the SENATE LIARS COMMITTEE where he passed a bill about MAKING SHIT UP. This is significantly more important than John McCain saying the Surge caused things that happened before the Surge. [YouTube]


Wonkette Operatives Cover Petraeus Hearing On Capitol Hill!

Tuesday, April 8th, 2008


A reader writes, “Did you check out Dana Milbank of the Washington Post’s antics two rows over Petraeus’s right shoulder during his opening statement? Squirming, standing, twisting, straining to read the Code Pink banners, paying no attention to any of Petraeus’s comments about life and death nor the situation on the ground in Iraq - just making a complete and utter nuisance and distraction of himself?”

Why yes, yes we did — we believe he was even caught on film. [Photo via NYT]


Bloodthirsty Robot Hoodlums Will Be Terrorists And Soldiers Of The Future

Wednesday, February 27th, 2008

Killer robots are coming to kill youRobot slaves may be the foot soldiers in John McCain’s thousand-year surge, if expert predictions prove true. Scientists in the field of artificial intelligence see a time in the not-so-distant future when robots will be able to kill on command without any human intervention. This intriguing development could leave the United States to wage robot wars across the planet with other countries’ robots, making war into a sort of healthy and ultimately deathless exercise, except for the robot slaves who will perish horribly in flames. Scientific proof after the jump. MORE »


‘All He Did Is Go To Iraq … He’s a Human!’

Friday, September 14th, 2007

Bush Speech Full of Victorious Lies

Friday, September 14th, 2007

americawar_228.gifOh right, so the President’s Iraq talk. We were at a party, we did not actually watch it, but we read the transcript. Or at least the Washington Post’s summary of the transcript. The first couple paragraphs, anyway. It’s all pretty confusing! MORE »


The Troop Surge, As Seen From Fashion Week

Tuesday, September 11th, 2007


Roving Wonkette videographer Liz Glover called us yesterday to say that she was in New York for some reason, crashing Fashion Week parties. And she had clips of Brandon Davis (oil heir, Paris Hilton confidante, douche) and Jenna Jameson talking about, well, Iraq. We said, ok, sure, why not? Davis is no Joe Biden, and that may be the very first time we’ve meant that sentiment in a negative way. Jameson, talking about voting, is after the jump. MORE »


Iraqi Insurgents Tragically Fail To Kill U.S. Lawmakers

Friday, August 31st, 2007

oh shit ... - WonketteIraqi insurgents nearly killed three Republican senators and a Democrat from the House, for good measure, as the Americans attempted to flee Iraq on Thursday. GOP senators Richard Shelby, James Inhofe, Mel Martinez and Alabama Representative “Robert” E. “Bud” Cramer were finishing their vacation in Baghdad when missiles and rocket-propelled grenades were fired at their C-130 cargo plane. MORE »


Iraq Forever!

Tuesday, July 24th, 2007

So we’ve been thinking Spring Break ‘08 is def. def. def. Korea, but what about ‘09? Where can we go with sand, sun, and an indefinite US military commitment? Why, Iraq, of course! Looks like Spring Break is saved, thanks to the Pentagon — again! MORE »


Via Con Dios, Jorge

Thursday, June 28th, 2007

* Republican House members love their new $4,400 raises, hate conservatives. [RedState]
* Walnuts McCain hates free speech, the Supreme Court, capitalism, and you. [Reason Hit&Run]
* African-Americans are advised to register to vote and then cast a vote on election day. [Vote Nigga]
* Fred Thompson is a fat old man with severe gas. [Bloomberg]
* Tony Blair lasted a decade as prime minister but won’t last a year as Middle East UnFuckerUpper. [Passport]
* The Surge Worked — the Surge of Iraqi authors and novelists publishing books this summer about how the U.S. destroyed their country, we mean! [Iraq Slogger]


The Surge is Done!

Friday, June 15th, 2007

We’ve successfully surged the hell out of Iraq, and now we just have to sit back and watch the freedom roll in. MORE »


Your Job’s Your Credit

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007

* Can someone please pay attention to Joe Lieberman for five minutes so he stops threatening to switch parties again? [Political Animal]
* If you watch closely, you can see George Allen’s lost destiny flash in front of him. [CBN]
* One surge, two surge, three surge, more! [MoJo]
* Send Dennis Kucinich some money so he can get a real office and stop standing in front of that “typical American workplace” backdrop. [PrezVid]
* “Most of America” is with Tom Tancredo on his “nuke Mecca” policy. [Liberal Avenger]
* Gingrich is gone ’til November. [Political Insider]
* All President Bush needs is the same “good faith” exit cover Wolfowitz got. [Colbert Nation (PDF)]


Happy American Terrorists Attacked the Military Day!

Thursday, April 19th, 2007

Why can't you buy a good time? Why are there soldiers in the street?  - WonketteOn this day 232 years ago, brave American terrorists fought the military in Taxachusetts. The battles immediately followed the military surge that was supposed to secure the insurgent strongholds of Concord and Lexington. MORE »


160 Killed In Terrible Massacre

Wednesday, April 18th, 2007

I don't like Wednesdays - WonketteNormal life came to a screeching halt today in America as news of an awful mass murder spread across the nation. Politicians canceled rallies, Congress delayed impeachment proceedings and office workers stopped their usual banal chit-chat about teevee shows or whatever for impassioned if still ill-informed discussions of gun control, violence and the dangers of creative-writing programs. MORE »