A leaked McCain campaign memo outlines the Republican candidate’s bold plan for the American economy. It goes something like this: WAR WAR WAR WAR TAXCUTS WAR. Applying some valuable lessons from our adventure in Iraq, the McCain economic “surge” will ferret out the last weakened remnants of the American economy and wage a bitter street-by-street countereconomic strategy until, in the end, we will be able to hand over stewardship of a penniless nation to our grateful children and grandchildren. MORE »

Here’s our pal Barack Obama, saying that the Senate Banking Committee — “which is my committee,” he says — passed some bill about something. Problem is, he’s not actually on the Senate Banking Committee at all. Maybe he meant to say he’s on the SENATE LIARS COMMITTEE where he passed a bill about MAKING SHIT UP. This is significantly more important than John McCain saying the Surge caused things that happened before the Surge. [YouTube]

A reader writes, “Did you check out Dana Milbank of the Washington Post’s antics two rows over Petraeus’s right shoulder during his opening statement? Squirming, standing, twisting, straining to read the Code Pink banners, paying no attention to any of Petraeus’s comments about life and death nor the situation on the ground in Iraq - just making a complete and utter nuisance and distraction of himself?”

Why yes, yes we did — we believe he was even caught on film. [Photo via NYT]

Robot slaves may be the foot soldiers in John McCain’s thousand-year surge, if expert predictions prove true. Scientists in the field of artificial intelligence see a time in the not-so-distant future when robots will be able to kill on command without any human intervention. This intriguing development could leave the United States to wage robot wars across the planet with other countries’ robots, making war into a sort of healthy and ultimately deathless exercise, except for the robot slaves who will perish horribly in flames. Scientific proof after the jump. MORE »

Well, happy Friday! (If this seems impenetrable, you’ll want to see this. Okay, “want” is not the right word.)

Leave General Petraeus Alone [Phillip Wilburn]

Oh right, so the President’s Iraq talk. We were at a party, we did not actually watch it, but we read the transcript. Or at least the Washington Post’s summary of the transcript. The first couple paragraphs, anyway. It’s all pretty confusing! MORE »

Roving Wonkette videographer Liz Glover called us yesterday to say that she was in New York for some reason, crashing Fashion Week parties. And she had clips of Brandon Davis (oil heir, Paris Hilton confidante, douche) and Jenna Jameson talking about, well, Iraq. We said, ok, sure, why not? Davis is no Joe Biden, and that may be the very first time we’ve meant that sentiment in a negative way. Jameson, talking about voting, is after the jump. MORE »

Iraqi insurgents nearly killed three Republican senators and a Democrat from the House, for good measure, as the Americans attempted to flee Iraq on Thursday. GOP senators Richard Shelby, James Inhofe, Mel Martinez and Alabama Representative “Robert” E. “Bud” Cramer were finishing their vacation in Baghdad when missiles and rocket-propelled grenades were fired at their C-130 cargo plane. MORE »

So we’ve been thinking Spring Break ‘08 is def. def. def. Korea, but what about ‘09? Where can we go with sand, sun, and an indefinite US military commitment? Why, Iraq, of course! Looks like Spring Break is saved, thanks to the Pentagon — again! MORE »

* Republican House members love their new $4,400 raises, hate conservatives. [RedState]
* Walnuts McCain hates free speech, the Supreme Court, capitalism, and you. [Reason Hit&Run]
* African-Americans are advised to register to vote and then cast a vote on election day. [Vote Nigga]
* Fred Thompson is a fat old man with severe gas. [Bloomberg]
* Tony Blair lasted a decade as prime minister but won’t last a year as Middle East UnFuckerUpper. [Passport]
* The Surge Worked — the Surge of Iraqi authors and novelists publishing books this summer about how the U.S. destroyed their country, we mean! [Iraq Slogger]

We’ve successfully surged the hell out of Iraq, and now we just have to sit back and watch the freedom roll in. MORE »