Sexy texter Chuck Grassley assured the Senate Judiciary Committee yesterday that “People always say I have the ability to turn people on.” He said this after a man in the audience jumped up and started shouting about how Sonia Sotomayor was a baby-killer. This sort of outburst is apparently, to at least one Iowa Republican, best interpreted as foreplay. (Thanks Lauri Apple for the very arousing Grassley art.) [The Hill]

“Ha ha ha ha, you’re telling me Lindsey Graham’s a pussy! Jesus, lady, he defines the term. Anyway, I gotta go talk to somebody about North Korea or something, you just take it easy and don’t let any of these old white motherfuckers get you down, right? Oh, and if there was ever a day to wake & bake, it’s tomorrow. Peace out, Sonia.” [White House Flickr]

Lindsey Graham’s least favorite Mexican monster, Sonia Sotomayor, learned English when she was 45 years old, from large-print comic books about Satan. And now, thanks to illegitimate president Barack Obama’s affirmative-action hiring policies, Judge Sotomayor is the star of today’s super-boring Senate confirmation hearing! Thanks to Ustream, we’ve got a live teevee video feed right here, so go ahead and make fun of everything, in the comments.

LIVEBLOGGING SOTOMAYOR? Look, we’ll do this, but only if every other form of news occurring in the world gets really boring. So … yeah, probably for a few minutes this afternoon? Because why not. In the meantime, you can SATE YOUR THIRST for dull platitudes on this hot Senate porn cam. [Senate Committee on the Judiciary]

The whole “Sonia Sotomayor is the reanimated corpse of Michael Jackson come to kill all yr babies” approach does not seem to be working so well for opponents of the Supreme Court candidate, so they’ve basically got two options: they can cite that Ricci case and talk about how she’s a racist (although not a judicial activist!), or they can talk about how much money she spends and how that makes her a bad capitalist. MORE »

Just a few months ago, the world watched with mouths agape as the assorted gentlemen of the Supreme Court tittered over a case involving a 13-year-old girl who’d been strip searched at school. The kid was accused by a fellow student (Curveball?) of handing out prescription-strength ibuprofen to her peers, and when school officials couldn’t find it in her backpack they made her demonstrate it was not in her bra or panties. Pretty fucked up, right? MORE »

The racist states of the South — including the “honorary southern states” of Texas, Arizona and Alaska — do not like letting black and brown people vote, so 43 years ago the Voting Rights Act was signed into federal law, and ever since those officially racist jurisdictions have to get federal approval for any changes in voting law, still, because god knows we’d be back to poll taxes and grandfather clauses in about 10 minutes without the grownups keeping an eye on the crackers. So, obviously, today the “black justice” on the Supreme Court, wingnut blogger Clarence Thomas, was the brave lone voice of dissent, standing athwart the law that gave basic human rights to his race, yelling “no that shit is unconstitutional.” MORE »

When scholars of the future — otherwise known as “Roombas” — look back at our chaotic and moronic first decade of the 21st Century, they will have nothing but faded printouts of vulgar old web pages for source material. “Why were there so many pictures of Truck Nutz and watermelon gardens around the Executive Mansion?”, the Roombas will ask each other, in robotic voices.

Gay-for-each-other fecal demons Joe Lieberman and Lindsey Graham are being suuuuuuchhh baaaaabieeesss now that the few decent law-abiding and moral Democrats in the House have promised not to approve any spending bill that would send the sneaky Lieberman-Graham Amendment to the White House, which of course loves it. If you haven’t been following, the “Detainee Photographic Records Protection Act of 2009″ amendment allows the president to legally ignore any court-mandated Freedom of Information Act release of “any photograph that was taken between September 11, 2001 and January 22, 2009 relating to the treatment of individuals engaged, captured, or detained after September 11, 2001, by the Armed Forces of the United States in operations outside of the United States.” NO BUT REALLY. And now Lindsey Graham and Joe Lieberman are threatening to shut the Senate down until this comically fascistic fart-nugget of an amendment saves America. MORE »

NOT EVEN AMERICAN: She can’t walk, and now we learn she can’t even talk good English! Conservatives are not impressed with Sotomayor’s over-use of commas — because wingnuts are famous for their exquisite writing and grammar skills. [Andrew Sullivan]

Seems the National Review erred in dubbing Sonia Sotomayor the one “Wise Latina” on Earth, because, as Joe Klein might say, if she’s so smart then why can’t she walk? “WASHINGTON (AP) - Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor broke her ankle Monday morning in an airport stumble on her way to Washington to meet with senators who will vote on her confirmation.” That is clearly not why she was in an airport, silly AP writer with a “September 10th” world view. [AP]

Waterboarding-lover and generally bad human Lindsey Graham met with Sonia Sotomayor today as she was making her “rounds,” in Congress. While most legislators have simply said afterward that they had a pleasant, interesting conversation with her, Lindsey Graham bragged to reporters about how he told her, “Sonia, you would not believe how much I want to vote against you. It is literally insane, the level of hatred I have towards you, personally.” MORE »

The Internet has hurt the important feelings of the important “Joe Lieberman Liberal” New Republic political pamphlet’s important legal scholar Jeffrey Rosen, whose very important 1,000+ word front-page non-blog journalistically reported “The Case Against Sotomayor”-titled news article — which quotes various important anonymous ex-clerks calling Sotomayor dumb and mean and friendless and annoying — has of course become the GOP’s principal anti-Sotomayor talking points memo. This is not what he meant. Fuck the blogs! MORE »