supreme court
Today in Fappery: David Brooks on ‘Burkean Minimalist’ John Roberts
Centrist yuppies can barely handle themselves now, after seeing the Great Man himself, Chief Justice John Roberts, save Obamacare from judicial overreach in a statesmanlike move to protect his Court’s honor. It is stunning how much credit a Republican can get for not doing something 100% insane, just once, over the course of a lifetime. [...]
Rightwing Blogger’s Shocking Discovery: John Roberts Was Blackmailed, Arrests To Come Soon!
How is it possible that it took the #WARBLOGS over an hour to discover the real reason John Roberts made a dookie on the NRO’s face, by agreeing that the Heritage Foundation’s proposal for health care reform, and one that had been flogged by the GOP as far back as Gingrich’s tenure as Emperor of [...]
Your Supreme Court Health Care Liveblog of the Century
The Supreme Court will announce at 10 a.m. whether America is allowed to have health care ever again. Haven’t we gotten spoiled, America? We don’t need health care. What we need is more personal liberty to destroy ourselves and not pay for it. We need more of that. Let’s see what the naked Scalia monster [...]
Supreme Court Invites Our Corporate Masters To Come In And Stay A While
Good news everyone! Our benevolent corporate overlords are here to stay and it’s full steam ahead for the New American Plutocracy! USA! USA! USA! The Supreme Court on Monday turned away a plea to revisit its 2-year-old campaign finance decision in the Citizens United case and instead struck down a Montana law limiting corporate campaign [...]
Scalia: If States Can Resrict Those Freed Slaves, Then Why Not Messicans?
The Supreme Court conducted a vile smear against the noble state of Arizona today by shooting down most of SB 1070, the law that restricts illegal Mexicans from existing. Our old pal Antonin Scalia, writing the dissenting opinion, simply didn’t care for his peers’ decision. As Scalia sees it, states = sovereign, so states can [...]
Supreme Court Wusses Out On Sending Kids To Jail For Life, And More
The big decision we’ve all been waiting for is finally in: “The Supreme Court ruled Monday that it is unconstitutional for states to require juveniles convicted of murder to be sentenced to life in prison without possibility of parole.” DOWN WITH THE COURT. Then what’s the point of waking up in the morning, now? “Monday’s [...]
Richard Mourdock Thanks Court For Striking Down Obamacare, Slams Court For Upholding It, Etc.
Indiana Senate candidate Richard Mourdock, that guy who ended Dick Lugar’s liberal nuke-hating, being-polite-to-Obama political career, is now also “that guy” whose staff accidentally posted all of his response YouTubes to an important event from the future. In this case, the Supreme Court health care decision. They show us how Republicans will respond to any [...]
Antonin Scalia Was Wrong To Uphold Everything, Will Now Destroy Everything
Only a day or several days or a week until the Supreme Court saves America from the scourge of universal health care… or doesn’t? What’s for sure is that Justice Antonin Scalia is going to vote against it like a motherfucker, because he is a Tea Party Republican. You may recall how our nation’s foremost [...]
Insert Watergate Headline Here
Good Monday! In the news today, Republican battles to not be involved in Mitt Romney’s campaign at all intensify, “Tricky Dick” had a mortifying nickname for a reason, and the Supreme Court wants you to stop telling them how fat they look in their robes. All of Mitt’s potential running mates are just too cool [...]
GOP In Disarray Over Just How Much Of American Health Care System To Destroy
Only another month or so until the great Supreme Court case of our time, Wingnuts vs. Concept of Health Care, comes to its anticlimactic or completely terrifying conclusion! Now, since there is a not-insignificant possibility that Justices Scalia et al. will drop the full-overturning, “I don’t see any problems with conservative mid-18th century conceptions of [...]
How Much Pain Can Cops Inflict On You? John Roberts To Decide This, Ugh
Hey, fun exercise: imagine nine people getting together to talk about tiny little gadgets that were invented specifically to cause agonizing pain, and figure out the parameters of who is allowed to use them on you, and in what context? Sounds awesome, right? Now, what if one of these nine people were, say, Antonin Scalia, [...]
Wingnuts Debut Boot-Scootin’ English-Only Anthem For Antonin Scalia (Video!)
Looks like we missed a fiesta grande outside the Supreme Court yesterday, where everyone gathered to gaze in awe at Antonin Scalia as he called your abuelita a bandita. Most of those gathered, according to our spies on Twitter, were just huge Mexicans being a bunch of gangsters whenever they weren’t busy napping under sombreros [...]
Wonkette Bookmaker: Will Supreme Court Overturn ‘Citizens United’ With ‘Citizens United First Blood Part 2′?
HOT NEWS, HOT NEWS! The Supreme Court is hearing a Montana case with direct bearing on its infamous decision in Citizens United, which may have done more to scar the Court’s reputation than anything besides Bush v. Play-Acting Dilettante. Their biggest detractor? “Straight-Talk” John McCain, just cold threatening the Supreme Court’s lives and such, with [...]
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