Wonkette

America’s quietest Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas has boldly endured two solid years of never saying anything, ever, in oral arguments, and is now entering the third year of his quest. The last time he spoke was in a death penalty case on February 22, 2006. Since then, Cocktobers have come and gone; nations have risen and fallen. So what has this man been doing with all that time he isn’t wasting on the ol’ blah blah blah? MORE »

America is doomed. The Nebraska Supreme Court — probably “loaded” with gay Democrats — ruled today that “electrocution is cruel and unusual punishment, outlawing the electric chair in the only state that still used it as its sole means of execution.” Jesus, where’s the Soviet Union when you need it? MORE »

In one of the last vestiges of the pretty fantasy that voting precincts are like neighborhoods and everyone knows each other, there are great swaths of this nation where you don’t need to show a government-issue picture ID to vote. Maybe you show your voter reg card, or they compare your signature, or you do show ID but you don’t have to. Indiana is not one of those places. Of course, their little voter ID law, which was put into place to prevent supposedly rampant voter fraud (and not the hanging-chads kind), discriminates against people that don’t have and/or can’t afford drivers licenses or non-license state ID card. Those people are mostly poor (cough, often minorities, cough) and elderly, who, surprise! Vote Democratic more often than not. The Supreme Court heard a challenge to that voter identification law this morning.

MORE »

The Supreme Court today agreed to hear the case of Patrick Kennedy (no, not the pillhead Congressman), who is one of only 2 people in the U.S. on death row for not killing someone. He’s on death row for brutally raping his 8 year-old stepdaughter. His lawyers argue it’s cruel and unusual punishment, victims groups are arguing it could result in the murder of more victims and/or fewer reports of such crimes when they involve friends or family members. Everyone else is pretty much arguing he’s a horrible individual who the world is better off without. In 1977, the Supreme Court ruled that the death penalty was indeed cruel and unusual punishment for raping an adult (woman, most likely), but who knows what they’ll do now. Naturally, he’s black; equally obviously, he’s maintaining his innocence. [ABC News]

So the FEC investigated Arlen Specter and it turns out he broke every single campaign finance rule. When he ran for re-election in 2004, Specter took a million dollars from people who had already maxed out, failed to report hundreds of thousands of dollars from PACs, and missed a reporting deadline before the primary. In his defense though, the rules are complicated and it’s not like the five-term senator has ever run for anything before. MORE »

No, it’s not about who he might/might not be getting BJ’s from on Ron Burkle’s “Air Fuck One,” it’s about him getting appointed to the Supreme fucking Court. According to CNN’s Bill Mears, it’s been long-whispered that a Hillary Presidency could bring about a Clinton seat on the Supreme Court, and a conservative law professor is the hook for spewing the story. Are there a few holes in it? Um, yeah, but it’s Caucus Day! All’s fair in love and trying to defeat the political competition!

MORE »

You know how, like, if you put your money in a savings account and the bank fucks up the government insures that? Or how if your broker dicks around with your money and you lose a ton of it you can sue him? Well, that last part might be in question if that broker is in charge of your 401K (a.k.a., pensions for the rest of us).

MORE »

The Supreme Court announced today its intention to hear the appeal of the D.C. gun ban case — in early 2008, with a decision to be made by about June. Expect a variety of statements from Presidential candidates over the next few months touching on issues like the Second Amendment, militias, states’ rights, gun control and activist/strict constitutionalist judges. Don’t expect to hear much of anything about giving D.C. denizens equal voting rights or anything, because that’s far too controversial. [Washington Post]

David Souter’s BFF claims the Supreme Court Justice didn’t weep uncontrollably after the United States curled up and died in 2000, but Souter still loathes Washington D.C. and probably the Supreme Court, too. [Union Leader]

Did you know that even before the George Michael era, powerful Republican politicians were being arrested for Lewd Sex Crimes in public bathrooms? Did you know that America was briefly threatened by the probability of a Toilet Cruiser becoming a Supreme Court Justice? MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: Airline travel brings out the worst in all of us…”The Devil Wears Prada” comes to Washington by way of Jeri Thompson’s antics…Stephen Colbert WILL get to know your district, unless its one of the 80 he forgot…What would a tour of Minneapolis be without a trip to the now infamous airport bathroom? [Roll Call]
* Yeas and Nays: Connie Lawn wants you to say hello to friendly, gentler motorcades…Supreme Court Justice David Souter never recovered from the recount ruling…Museum takes in former Rep. Earl Hutto lime-green 1979 Oldsmobile…New Zagat guide is out…Ann Coulter is asking for it–a fatwa, that is…Presidential hopefuls find their books going for pennies on Amazon…No widowed Wiccans allowed…Distillers try their hand at George Washington’s whiskey recipe…The U.S. Embassy in Baghdad a fortress of solitude, shopping and cinema. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Hurricane or not, Mitch McConnell enjoyed his time off…Sen Tom Harkin serves it up for ‘08 candidates…A call for resignation has less to do with the severity of the sin and more to do with the party persuasion of the governor. [The Hill]
* Shenanigans: Bush leaves through the side door…We’re the reason Larry Craig had to resort to an airport bathroom…The Oprah-Obama bash is only days away!…Gossip is a lifelong addiction…Larry Craig: a self-proclaimed romantic. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: Idaho men are tough and rugged with their tight jeans and tighter faces. [WP]
* Page Six: omeone’s getting fired at CNN after losing the only copy of Anderson Cooper’s Hurricane Katrina special. [NYP]
* Rush & Molloy: John Edwards does the down-faced dog for Russell Simmons. [NYDN]
* Washington Whispers: “Anything Goes” on the college version of 60 Minutes…Karl Rove finds a new job for the same boss…John Kerry helps out his old friend Leonardo DiCaprio…Bill Richardson won’t give up his SUV, despite his own pleas…Bill Clinton still hiding tapes in his sock drawer…Bush’s cabinet finally gets some pull…House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer goes to the Holy Land, finds the Golden Arches. [USN&WR]

New York Times Supreme Court reporter Linda Greenhouse throws a fit and refuses to allow C-Span to televise a panel discussion (just like Scalia), because she got in trouble last year for basically admitting she’s a dirty baby-killing liberal (just like Ginsburg). Now everyone knows she’s a liberal and a jerk (just like, uh… Stevens?) [CJR]

How well do you understand the new student drug speech precedent set by Morse v. Frederick? The Students for Sensible Drug Policy have made a little internet game to test your knowledge of constitutional law! You are the principal, you make the call! This is almost as exciting as Food Import Folly!

Bong Hits 4 Jesus - The Game [DARE Generation]