supreme court
Hey, fun exercise: imagine nine people getting together to talk about tiny little gadgets that were invented specifically to cause agonizing pain, and figure out the parameters of who is allowed to use them on you, and in what context? Sounds awesome, right? Now, what if one of these nine people were, say, Antonin Scalia, [...]
Looks like we missed a fiesta grande outside the Supreme Court yesterday, where everyone gathered to gaze in awe at Antonin Scalia as he called your abuelita a bandita. Most of those gathered, according to our spies on Twitter, were just huge Mexicans being a bunch of gangsters whenever they weren’t busy napping under sombreros [...]
HOT NEWS, HOT NEWS! The Supreme Court is hearing a Montana case with direct bearing on its infamous decision in Citizens United, which may have done more to scar the Court’s reputation than anything besides Bush v. Play-Acting Dilettante. Their biggest detractor? “Straight-Talk” John McCain, just cold threatening the Supreme Court’s lives and such, with [...]
No, Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan, DO NOT go hunting with Antonin Scalia. Do not get dressed up in your camouflage hunting gear. Do not pick up a weapon. Do not get in the van. “He’s made a huntress out of me,” Kagan told Mike Gousha, host of “On the Issues” at Marquette’s law school [...]
Hi, here is one of the most relaxing days you’ve had in at least five days, and now Michele Bachmann is here to make it even better by telling you that if you don’t have health insurance, don’t worry, because health insurance is not “uniquely different,” and why does it think it’s so great? Bachmann, [...]
Admit it, sometimes you have fantasies about going on The O’Reilly Factor and schooling Ol’ Falafel Breath. But then you realize that as soon as you started with your O’Reilly School, he would just cut your mic, so you change your mind and fantasize about a nice cup of soup instead. But this brave lady [...]
The US Supreme Court hears arguments today regarding the Constitutionality of Kenyan Socialist Communist Anti-Colonial Marxist Plot Obamacare, brought to you by Mitt Romney. What will be the final vote against it?
Meet Mary Brown, 56, of (where else?) Florida. She is the lead plaintiff in the National Federation of Independent Business’s lawsuit to overturn Obamakkkare, which is expected to be heard later this month by the Nine Hepcats and Kittens of the Supreme Court, because she ain’t want insurance, Ain’t NOoBama1 tellin’ her what to do, [...]
What have the pussy liberal Supreme Court judges gotten themselves into now? Justice Stephen Breyer, for one, was drinking parrot blood and making abortion jokes with friends in his Golden Hispaniola Caribbean Palace last Thursday when Keith Richards and Captain Blue-Beard sneaked in through the slaves’ door, machetes in hand, killing everyone and seizing the [...]
Early-onset dementia victim Rick Perry managed to flub a basic question in his only known area of expertise, “gay stuff,” after a town hall participant asked him to explain how he manages to reconcile his constant, vapid harping about limited government with his public opposition as Texas governor to the 2003 Supreme Court case that [...]
Remember how Rick Perry used to be able to list a whole two things in a sentence before his mind started collapsing in on itself like a black hole vacuuming up stray brain matter? Right, that’s still happening, but the gravitational pull of his own stupidity appears to be growing according to new observations made [...]
In finally deciding to consider the constitutional merits of Obamacare, our black-robed Supreme Court overlords have gone and turned a deaf ear to our collective entreaties to PLEASE DON’T! as though we were some kind of publicly defended death-row inmate or something. Now the Divine Nine will get to run their stubby fingers through the [...]
Notorious fringe-right “originalist” boobs Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas were so happy with the announcement that the Supreme Court will be hearing a challenge to the health care reform law that they celebrated immediately afterward by boozing it up with the legal team that will be arguing against the law. According to the Los Angeles [...]
Barack Obama’s weak-sauce health care legislation does a couple of good things but completely evaded the whole issue he campaigned on, which is health care for all Americans. But even a couple of regulations — such as health care executives no longer being allowed to perform Satanic rituals on the fresh corpses of children denied [...]
