Wingnut dimwit Clarence Thomas is the far right’s most reliable stooge on the Supreme Court, but what about his wife nobody has ever heard about? She is Virginia “Ginni” Thomas, and she also has important opinions based on the the rantings of AM talk radio windbags! And now she has launched her own Teabagger Organization to fight for Real American Values such as impeaching that African sonofabitch in the White House. MORE »

So why did that dopey “Radar Online” website claim for a half-hour today that John Roberts was quitting the Supreme Court? Some first-year law student half heard the professor say something about John Roberts retiring for “health reasons,” didn’t realize it was part of a class exercise “on the validity of informants not explaining their sources,” and emailed the HAWT GOSSIP to the first thing that came to mind, a shitty Hollywood gossip site. And you wonder why lawyers are so fucking stupid. MORE »

Look, we haven’t read “Radar Online” since it was actually Radar Online, when Alex Balk was editor and Choire Sicha was “the cat.” But whatever’s left of that site — OCTOMOM EATS OWN POOP, SUES BRAGJALINA!!! — is reporting that wingnut Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts is going to quit, for “personal reasons,” meaning he likes to wriggle around in excrement. And then Barack Obama can appoint … Tiger Woods?

AND NOW FOR THE SHOCKING “JOHN ROBERTS IS TOTALLY GAY” PHOTO. MORE »

Samuel Alito was on his absolute worst behavior last night, mouthing “not true, not true” when Obama criticized last week’s Supreme Court decision to allow corporations to download elections and politicians from iTunes. Anyway, sad thing for many South Carolinans today, when they eventually find out they cannot elect Samuel Alito. [TPMtv]

• ROBERTS SUPREME COURT CONTINUES TO LOOK OUT FOR LITTLE MAN: The Supreme Court finally released its much delayed verdict in this stupid case about some Hillary Clinton documentary airing on teevee, and, as experts expected, used it as its latest front to give corporations even greater power and influence over our Failed State: “WASHINGTON — Sweeping aside a century-old understanding and overruling two important precedents, a bitterly divided Supreme Court on Thursday ruled that the government may not ban political spending by corporations in candidate elections.” Ugh. “Corporate personhood” has made a sick fucking joke out of the First Amendment. Fix this, Scott Brown! [NYT]

Supreme Court Justice and First Amendment fetishist Anthony Kennedy would not let some high school newspaper to publish an article about his recent visit to Manhattan’s Dalton School until he approved the piece first. “‘The justice’s office received a draft of the proposed article on Monday and returned it to the newspaper the same day with ‘a couple of minor tweaks,’ [Supreme Court public information officer Kathleen] Arberg said. Quotations were ‘tidied up’ to better reflect the meaning the justice had intended to convey, she said. Ms. Arberg indicated that what had happened at Dalton was unusual. ‘Justice Kennedy does not have a general policy for making such requests,’ she said. ‘The request was most likely made by a member of his staff in an effort to be helpful.’” This numbers among the many, many “journalists vs. politics” feuds that are more compelling than Fox News vs. Robert Gibbs. [New York Times]

One of the very very important court cases the Supreme Court is tackling during its first week back is Salazar vs. Buono, about “whether a 5-foot cross on federal government land in the Mojave National Preserve violates the Constitution’s Establishment Clause.” This dumb cross is a memorial to World War I, specifically, and it is currently BOARDED UP because one religion or another got mad at the Christian religion. These people are all completely insane. But most insane is Antonin Scalia, who got all hot and bothered during Tuesday’s hearing! MORE »

Today is THE DAY, the first day of the new Supreme Court, starring Sonia Sotomayor. The first case is something about how long is too long to wait to call a lawyer after being arrested. Oh! Well! How long is too long for your Wonkette to wait to discuss the excitement that is the thing we just described? Is “forever o’clock” too long? Good! Anyway, here’s this comical other case, in which some “Choose Life Illinois, Inc.” DEMANDED that the Illinois Supreme Court force the state to sell and manufacture the conspicuously poorly designed license plates pictured right over there. MORE »

What with all the youth indoctrination and the video death panels and the actual Hitler plot to provide basic health care for working Americans, we almost forgot it was also Sonia Sotomayor’s fake first day on the nation’s highest court! No real work today, just a photo op, and here’s the touching photo! The only real question is WHAT THE HELL IS SCALIA UP TO? HE IS CREEPING US OUT. Maybe he’s just happy for real, because there’s finally another Italian on the Supreme Court? Anyway, remember all the bogus outrage about Sotomayor, a million years few weeks ago? All forgotten. Let the SCOTUS-controlled redistribution of wealth commence! [White House Flickr]

The Senate voted YES PLZ for Sonia Sotomayor today, 68 to 31, and now abortion is legal all over again! Congratulations Miss Lady, “give ‘em hell” out there, as a judge, of the Law. Meanwhile, nine Republicans voted for her, so they will be in trouble with Rush Limbaugh for some time. [NYT]

Not for the first time, we are sort of at a loss to explain how certain bewildered Wonkette visitors find themselves in the unfortunate position of reading the trash that passes for writing on this site. If you are a million-year-old subscriber to motherfucking Juno, shouldn’t you have some sort of pre-installed Internet Pornography Filter that prevents you from even accessing gutter filth like Wonkette? Shouldn’t it redirect you to the Cat Fancy discussion boards, where you can help improve the lives of real people and their Scottish Folds? MORE »

Hey B’araq, Here’s another rotten egg for your breakfast poop salad: John McCain, the elderly gentleman born and raised in Arlington, Virginia, simply will not vote for the Mexican Supreme Court lady. Everyone values John McCain’s opinions and that is why he informed America of this decision on no less a stage than the floor of the United States Senate, in a Speech. MORE »

Well, for all their tuff talk on this racist Puerto Rican separatist who wasn’t even very smart, the Republicans have just rolled over and shown the tyrannical Sonia Sotomayor their little white bellies. After spending two months complaining about nothing but the occasions when she said the two most forbidden words in the English language — “wise Latina” — they have basically admitted that they won’t filibuster her nomination. MORE »