Tag Archives: supreme court

  That we know of

The Seven Best Times Jeb Bush Embarrassed His Mother This Week

Just Jeb!
Just Jeb! Oh, that Jeb Bush! He is literally THE WORST at running for president of America. It’s like his entire life, he’s been living in the shadow of his dad and his brother, and he’s just really tired of how every single time he walks in the front door of the Kennebunkport manse, his mother Barbara drops her polite demeanor, stands up on the dining room table and starts flapping her arms yelling “LOSER! LOSER! SHOULDA BEEN AN ABORTION!” And Jeb’s all like “NOT AGAIN MOM!” but she can’t hear him because she’s cracked herself up so hard she’s looking for an inhaler. Read more on The Seven Best Times Jeb Bush Embarrassed His Mother This Week…
  What's The Matter With KY?

Gay-Hatin’ Kentucky Clerks Having Real Bad Week

Yaoi? Yowie!
Yaoi? Yowie! Pour out a 40 for the gay-hating county clerks of Kentucky, who are losing their brave battle to refuse to do their jobs in the name of Jesus. First up, we have Kim Davis, the clerk of Rowan County, who was told by a federal appeals court Wednesday that she really does have to issue marriage licenses, because that is the job of a county clerk. The U.S. Court of Appeals for the 6th Circuit was not at all impressed by Ms. Davis’s contention that she can ignore her job duties because Jesus said to. The appeals court affirmed an earlier lower court decision requiring Davis to do her job: Read more on Gay-Hatin’ Kentucky Clerks Having Real Bad Week…
  Biggest Christian Ever. Just The Best

Donald Trump Bravely Says ‘Christmas,’ Even In Alabama

Donald Trump meets an anchor baby
Donald Trump meets an anchor baby While he was in Alabama getting white people excited this weekend, Donald Trump took a few minutes to assure an Alabama radio show host that nobody — NOBODY — will be a greater President of Christmas than Donald J. Trump. Trump told host Cliff Sims Friday that he actually goes out of his way to say “Christmas,” despite the many dangers of doing so, because, as he explained, “I’m a big believer in the Bible,” a book Trump has recently made a point of saying is even better than Trump’s The Art of the Deal, by Donald Trump, which must make it a pretty terrific book, although he has yet to refer to any of its contents. Read more on Donald Trump Bravely Says ‘Christmas,’ Even In Alabama…
  nice time!

Here’s Your Badass Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Doing Gay Stuff In Vietnam

No grown-up Supreme Court juice for you!
She helped the American ambassador to Vietnam renew his gay vows to his husband, because she DOES THINGS LIKE THAT. We’ve all been wondering what Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg — AKA The Notorious R.B.G., AKA the biggest baddest Supreme Court superhero to ever don a robe — has been doing ever since she did her part to do gay marriage to the entire United States of America. The answer, of course, is more gay stuff, same as before! Ginsburg was just hanging out in Vietnam, LIKE SHE DO, and the U.S. ambassador to Vietnam, Ted Osius, was like “Hey Justice G!” and she said, “BRUNCH, NOW.” Osius was all, “Of course we will, but I am a gay and I would like to renew my gay marriage to my husband Clayton Bond!” Ginsburg said, “I will renew your gay marriage to Clayton Bond, for he is a fine fellow, and you are married to him, and then we will go to brunch.” Read more on Here’s Your Badass Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Doing Gay Stuff In Vietnam…
  New martyr same as old martyr

Another Court Tells Another Gay-Hatin’ Baker To Suck A Cake Froster

Probably what this dude's cakes look like.
Probably what this dude’s cakes look like anyway. The Colorado Court of Appeals has given another homophobe cake baker the gift of martyrdom and however many virgins fundamentalist Christian assholes get when they eat dirt and die. Oh no, the judges didn’t LITERALLY kill the baker, they just wrote a real mean ruling what says that Jack Phillips, owner of the Masterpiece Cakeshop in Lakewood, Colorado, did bad discrimination when he refused to put some of his world famous frosting on a gay cake, in a gay way, for a gay-marrying couple, and now he must REPENT! Indeed, all three judges on the panel agreed: Read more on Another Court Tells Another Gay-Hatin’ Baker To Suck A Cake Froster…
  Smacked down again :(

Mean Judge Makes Kentucky Clerk Murder Jesus By Doing Marriage Licenses For Gays

Yep, lady, that's your God, stone cold rollin' His eyes at you.
Yep, lady, that’s your God, stone cold rollin’ His eyes at you. Here is your latest update on Kim Davis, martyr to the Christian masses and county clerk for Rowan County, Kentucky, who has been crucified by Teh Buttsechs Gods (read: the Supreme Court and the Constitution and Kentucky Gov. Steve Beshear) more times than she can even count. Davis has already been ‘splained repeatedly that part of her duties as the county clerk is to do marriage licenses, and since the Supreme Court throat-crammed America with marriage equality, that includes gays. And the poor thing had been told by the wingnut “legal” outfit Liberty Counsel that it would be okay if she disobeyed, and also she should sue the governor because her religious freedom is being taken away. Heck, they’d even represent her! Read more on Mean Judge Makes Kentucky Clerk Murder Jesus By Doing Marriage Licenses For Gays…
  LISTEN UP ASSHOLES

Bristol Palin Takes Break From ISIS Battle To Slob Trump’s Knob

Bristol is here with the final word on ALL THIS BUSINESS.
Bristol is here with the final word on ALL THIS BUSINESS. Attention, everyone, for Our Lady Of However Many Immaculate Conceptions, Bristol Palin, has taken to the blogotubes to discuss how the media is doing all the liberal censorship crimes to our prince and Palin family hero Donald Trump, just because he said Megyn Kelly did a bad job moderating that debate due to profuse bleeding from her “wherever.” It’s a bad situation because, for one thing, Bristol is way too busy to be commenting on such things, but WHEN HER NATION CALLS, she answers. Today, we will be discussing “decency,” or Bristol’s concept of it at least. Take it away, Mama Morals: Read more on Bristol Palin Takes Break From ISIS Battle To Slob Trump’s Knob…
  Look it's another asshole demanding special rights

Dumb Kentucky Clerk Sues For Religious Freedom To Suck At Her Job

My name is Kim and I'm a total dick, how may be of no help to you today?
My name is Kim and I’m a total dick, how may I be of no help to you today? Over the last month or so, most holdout county clerks have at least begun to acquiesce to the idea that yes, there gays in America and yes, those gays can get married now (to each other!), and if you want to have a job as a county clerk who issues marriage licenses, you have to give them to gays, even if you worship a real stupid version of Jesus who says that’s bad. If you don’t like that, you are free to get another job you’re better qualified for, whatever that might be. Read more on Dumb Kentucky Clerk Sues For Religious Freedom To Suck At Her Job…
  Total RINO

Remember That Time John Kasich Said A Gay And Republicans Cheered?

What a RINO
  So here was a weird moment in Thursday night’s Republican debate! John Kasich, who is, science fact, a person running for the GOP nomination, was asked that typical Fox News Republican question: “If we put a gay on this stage right now, will you please beat him up?” And he wouldn’t do it! Instead, he said a big sorta nice thing about how he doesn’t PERSONALLY believe in gay-scissor-based marriage (right, like he even cares), but he would love his gay child, if he had one, AND he went to a gay wedding recently and ate all the gay cake, and it was just great. And then the Republican audience maimed him with the knives they keep in the hollow portions of their Bibles. Read more on Remember That Time John Kasich Said A Gay And Republicans Cheered?…
  jesus wept

Texas Will Make Sure Gay Man Dies Knowing How Despised He Was

They call themselves His People. Weird.
They say they follow this guy. Weird. Pick up your stressballs or your rage pillows or whatever you use when you’re mad, because it’s time to talk about how Texas is trying its damnedest to make sure this one gay man, John Allen “Jay” Stone-Hoskins, dies knowing exactly how much his home state hates him. You see, Stone-Hoskins lost his husband, James, in January of this year, after a suspected psychotic episode, which may have been related to a new doctor’s prescription, led to James taking his own life. Stone-Hoskins has terminal cancer, and at this point, is expected to live no more than two months or so. So Texas, with the help of its fucked-up, heartless attorney general Ken Paxton, who is currently under indictment for great big felonies that may send him to jail for a million years, is doing its part to make sure those last two months of his life are just fucking awful. Read more on Texas Will Make Sure Gay Man Dies Knowing How Despised He Was…
  One Cheer for Voting Rights

Appeals Court Spanks Texas Voter ID Law Right On The Bottom

Offer void where brown
How’s this for timing? Just one day before the 50th anniversary of the Voting Rights Act, a federal appeals court struck down Texas’s awful Voter ID law. The three-judge panel ruled that the law discriminates against blacks and Hispanics by making voting much harder, but — sorry, people who’d like to maybe vote — it also leaves the law in place, though unenforced, while sending it back to a lower court to reconsider. So at best, it’s a kinda-sorta victory, and it’s likely that Texas will appeal the decision, because Texas is completely over voting rights, which are such a relic of the 1960s, they may as well be wearing bell bottoms and a peace symbol. Read more on Appeals Court Spanks Texas Voter ID Law Right On The Bottom…
  Another victory for the homofascists grrrrr

Mean RNC No Fun Anymore, Won’t Even Put Gay-Bashing In Platform

Chapter 10: Pointing and laughing at sad wingnuts who lost the fight LOL Being a staunchly conservative wingnut in America sucks these days. First Barack Obama replaced all the Christians in the military with homosexuals, and then he did gay marriage to America, and now suddenly, a good Bible-believing baker can’t even bash gays in peace without some liberal saying, “If you bake cakes, you have to sell them to gays too.” Where did their country go? And here’s more evidence! The liberals at the Republican National Committee refused to approve two resolutions, one about hating gays, and the other also about hating gays, because somehow overt bigotry is bad for electablity these days, like that even matters: Read more on Mean RNC No Fun Anymore, Won’t Even Put Gay-Bashing In Platform…
  Or you Could Try 'Love It Or Leave It'

Wingnuts Want Very Own Sanctuary Cities Where Gay Abortions Can’t Hurt Them

Noooo! Even Jebus has those rainbow thingies!
In what has to be either an amazing coincidence or the result of a drunken late night conference call, two different rightwing Christianists have suddenly proposed the idea of establishing “Sanctuary Cities” where Christians can be safe from oppression, free to pass laws against abortion and gay marriage, liberated from tyrannical Supreme Court decisions they don’t like. This seems like a perfectly reasonable solution, because if there’s one thing America’s about, it’s local freedom to ignore the Constitution. Read more on Wingnuts Want Very Own Sanctuary Cities Where Gay Abortions Can’t Hurt Them…
  Remember When 'U.S. Out of My Uterus' was Just A Slogan?

Mike Huckabee Will Send Very Tiny Army Men Right Into Your Cooch

True fact: there are no women's clinics in Tiananmen Square. Do you want that for America?
Mike Huckabee, apparently still feeling the effects of that deep hit he took from the Trump Pipe last week, is saying some more insane shit. Not only is the Iran nuclear deal the Holocaust, now he’s hinting that, as president (HAH!) he’d maybe consider using the FBI and U.S. military to stop abortion once and for all. How’s that for your War on Women? It’s nice to see a candidate so willing to take a metaphor and drag it — by military force if necessary — into reality. Read more on Mike Huckabee Will Send Very Tiny Army Men Right Into Your Cooch…
  None of these are actually legal :(

Here Are 9 More Things For Steve King To Gay-Marry After He Divorces His Lawnmower

Be honest, you're looking at his piece of equipment. His LAWNMOWING equipment.
Rep. Steve King is a glorious fucking numbskull, and he’s willing to prove it on the daily, if that’s what it takes. Having failed to stop the Supreme Court from throat-cramming America with marriage of the EW GAY kind, he must continue to warn America what dark days lie ahead, now that two men or two women can become so gay for one another that they decide to file taxes jointly, ’til death do they part. And what do those dark days look like? Matt Taibbi reported that King, introducing Mike Huckabee in Iowa Thursday, explained that marriage equality means “you can marry my lawnmower.” OH REALLY? Read more on Here Are 9 More Things For Steve King To Gay-Marry After He Divorces His Lawnmower…