One of the very very important court cases the Supreme Court is tackling during its first week back is Salazar vs. Buono, about “whether a 5-foot cross on federal government land in the Mojave National Preserve violates the Constitution’s Establishment Clause.” This dumb cross is a memorial to World War I, specifically, and it is currently BOARDED UP because one religion or another got mad at the Christian religion. These people are all completely insane. But most insane is Antonin Scalia, who got all hot and bothered during Tuesday’s hearing! MORE »

Today is THE DAY, the first day of the new Supreme Court, starring Sonia Sotomayor. The first case is something about how long is too long to wait to call a lawyer after being arrested. Oh! Well! How long is too long for your Wonkette to wait to discuss the excitement that is the thing we just described? Is “forever o’clock” too long? Good! Anyway, here’s this comical other case, in which some “Choose Life Illinois, Inc.” DEMANDED that the Illinois Supreme Court force the state to sell and manufacture the conspicuously poorly designed license plates pictured right over there. MORE »

What with all the youth indoctrination and the video death panels and the actual Hitler plot to provide basic health care for working Americans, we almost forgot it was also Sonia Sotomayor’s fake first day on the nation’s highest court! No real work today, just a photo op, and here’s the touching photo! The only real question is WHAT THE HELL IS SCALIA UP TO? HE IS CREEPING US OUT. Maybe he’s just happy for real, because there’s finally another Italian on the Supreme Court? Anyway, remember all the bogus outrage about Sotomayor, a million years few weeks ago? All forgotten. Let the SCOTUS-controlled redistribution of wealth commence! [White House Flickr]

The Senate voted YES PLZ for Sonia Sotomayor today, 68 to 31, and now abortion is legal all over again! Congratulations Miss Lady, “give ‘em hell” out there, as a judge, of the Law. Meanwhile, nine Republicans voted for her, so they will be in trouble with Rush Limbaugh for some time. [NYT]

Not for the first time, we are sort of at a loss to explain how certain bewildered Wonkette visitors find themselves in the unfortunate position of reading the trash that passes for writing on this site. If you are a million-year-old subscriber to motherfucking Juno, shouldn’t you have some sort of pre-installed Internet Pornography Filter that prevents you from even accessing gutter filth like Wonkette? Shouldn’t it redirect you to the Cat Fancy discussion boards, where you can help improve the lives of real people and their Scottish Folds? MORE »

Hey B’araq, Here’s another rotten egg for your breakfast poop salad: John McCain, the elderly gentleman born and raised in Arlington, Virginia, simply will not vote for the Mexican Supreme Court lady. Everyone values John McCain’s opinions and that is why he informed America of this decision on no less a stage than the floor of the United States Senate, in a Speech. MORE »

Well, for all their tuff talk on this racist Puerto Rican separatist who wasn’t even very smart, the Republicans have just rolled over and shown the tyrannical Sonia Sotomayor their little white bellies. After spending two months complaining about nothing but the occasions when she said the two most forbidden words in the English language — “wise Latina” — they have basically admitted that they won’t filibuster her nomination. MORE »

Sexy texter Chuck Grassley assured the Senate Judiciary Committee yesterday that “People always say I have the ability to turn people on.” He said this after a man in the audience jumped up and started shouting about how Sonia Sotomayor was a baby-killer. This sort of outburst is apparently, to at least one Iowa Republican, best interpreted as foreplay. (Thanks Lauri Apple for the very arousing Grassley art.) [The Hill]

“Ha ha ha ha, you’re telling me Lindsey Graham’s a pussy! Jesus, lady, he defines the term. Anyway, I gotta go talk to somebody about North Korea or something, you just take it easy and don’t let any of these old white motherfuckers get you down, right? Oh, and if there was ever a day to wake & bake, it’s tomorrow. Peace out, Sonia.” [White House Flickr]

Lindsey Graham’s least favorite Mexican monster, Sonia Sotomayor, learned English when she was 45 years old, from large-print comic books about Satan. And now, thanks to illegitimate president Barack Obama’s affirmative-action hiring policies, Judge Sotomayor is the star of today’s super-boring Senate confirmation hearing! Thanks to Ustream, we’ve got a live teevee video feed right here, so go ahead and make fun of everything, in the comments.

LIVEBLOGGING SOTOMAYOR? Look, we’ll do this, but only if every other form of news occurring in the world gets really boring. So … yeah, probably for a few minutes this afternoon? Because why not. In the meantime, you can SATE YOUR THIRST for dull platitudes on this hot Senate porn cam. [Senate Committee on the Judiciary]