Hillary Clinton is pimping out her daughter on Puerto Rico today, and by golly it worked! Luisette Cabanas, a previously undecided superdelegate, has just announced her support for Hillary Clinton with Chelsea by her side. What magical powers did Chelsea employ? Did it involve a knife and a severed cat’s head? [Marc Ambinder]

Jiminy crickets, the DNC is going to have more hearings on May fucking 31 to decide the status of Michigan and Florida’s delegates. They are going to sit around in a stack of burning hobbit carcases and drink Sprite and think about whether they should seat the states’ superdelegates and half of their plebeian delegates. The delegates have declared that standing room will not suffice. [Ben Smith]

The Clintons have been in politics for so long that even their shit list has a shit list. And that exclusive Who’s Who of former friends has only grown as this soul-deadening primary season drags its festering carcass ever closer to the finish line (sometime next year, we think?). Let’s review the top seven lucky people who won’t be getting Christmas cards from Bill and Hillary this year, unless those Christmas cards are stuffed with anthrax. MORE »

Hillary Clinton could make her entire body into a pin cushion stuffed with American flag ornaments and still she would get no love from misogynist superdelegates. This is what we have learned from various influential voter-type people in the wake of Tuesday’s debate. MORE »

A newly released New York Times/CBS News poll suggests the nation’s males are no longer totally hot for Barack Obama. Their support has turtled back into a flaccid husk following revelations that the heartthrob candidate sucks at bowling and has an angry black pastor. MORE »

This is a hybrid zebra-unicorn, on which Barack Obama will fly to Denver and then storm the convention. Hey, late-deciding superdelegates, thinking of voting for Clinton are you? Well watch Barry’s steed shoot Hopeful biracial death lasers into your tummies and then maybe think it over. What should we name this, the quadrupedal monster that is the one we have been waiting for? [AP Photo]

At this weekend’s California Democratic convention, Bill Clinton met privately with some superdelegates from the state. He was charming until someone mentioned Bill Richardson, and then he started yelling at himself, or them, or someone. He was yelling at someone, yes: “The former president then went on a tirade that ran from the media’s unfair treatment of Hillary to questions about the fairness of the votes in state caucuses that voted for Obama. It ended with him asking delegates to imagine what the reaction would be if Obama was trailing by just 1 percent and people were telling him to drop out.” April Fool’s! Bill Clinton is actually dead. [SF Chronicle] MORE »

House Majoirty Leader Steny Hoyer, of Maryland, has a brilliant new way to reach a superdelegate consensus — look at Prince George’s County:

“In my early days, my younger days, I was a political leader in Prince George’s County,” Hoyer said. “We had what was called a ‘breakfast club’ — people sat around a table just like this. We rarely ever voted. We did have, however, significant discussions in which we ultimately came to consensus. That didn’t mean everybody was in unanimity but it did mean everybody agreed, ‘well, that seems to be the rational conclusion to reach.’ So you don’t necessarily have to vote to reach such a conclusion.”

The Breakfast Club was set in P.G. County, and Steny Hoyer was secretly in detention too? This is obviously a coded endorsement for Barack Obama. [Capitol Briefing]

The Canadians. People are always telling it to the Canadians. Here’s what Rep. Emmanuel Cleaver of Kansas City — a Hillary sup(porter)(erdelegate) — told Canadian Public Radio: “If I had to make a prediction right now, I’d say Barack Obama is going to be the next president… I will be stunned if he’s not the next president of the United States.” And then he says that he still supports Hillary, the famous loser. [Ben Smith]

This Nancy Pelosi character is a real piece of work. The Speaker of the House keeps offering opinions on what to do about the Democratic nomination for president, and every time it’s some version of “Oh well, things will work themselves out P.S. VOTE FOR OBAMA. OR CLINTON, IF YOU WANT.” First she says she doesn’t think Democratic superdelegates will go against the popular vote at the convention — meaning that Pelosi is just another Obama freak riding the Hope Express all the way to President McCain’s inauguration day. But then today on Good Morning America she says pretty much the opposite thing! MORE »

Typical Obama voter: young, clueless, chanting “Obama” because it’s easy to pronounce. The sad thing is this kid is probably a superdelegate. [YouTube]