Wonkette

Hillary Clinton could make her entire body into a pin cushion stuffed with American flag ornaments and still she would get no love from misogynist superdelegates. This is what we have learned from various influential voter-type people in the wake of Tuesday’s debate. MORE »

A newly released New York Times/CBS News poll suggests the nation’s males are no longer totally hot for Barack Obama. Their support has turtled back into a flaccid husk following revelations that the heartthrob candidate sucks at bowling and has an angry black pastor. MORE »

This is a hybrid zebra-unicorn, on which Barack Obama will fly to Denver and then storm the convention. Hey, late-deciding superdelegates, thinking of voting for Clinton are you? Well watch Barry’s steed shoot Hopeful biracial death lasers into your tummies and then maybe think it over. What should we name this, the quadrupedal monster that is the one we have been waiting for? [AP Photo]

At this weekend’s California Democratic convention, Bill Clinton met privately with some superdelegates from the state. He was charming until someone mentioned Bill Richardson, and then he started yelling at himself, or them, or someone. He was yelling at someone, yes: “The former president then went on a tirade that ran from the media’s unfair treatment of Hillary to questions about the fairness of the votes in state caucuses that voted for Obama. It ended with him asking delegates to imagine what the reaction would be if Obama was trailing by just 1 percent and people were telling him to drop out.” April Fool’s! Bill Clinton is actually dead. [SF Chronicle] MORE »

House Majoirty Leader Steny Hoyer, of Maryland, has a brilliant new way to reach a superdelegate consensus — look at Prince George’s County:

“In my early days, my younger days, I was a political leader in Prince George’s County,” Hoyer said. “We had what was called a ‘breakfast club’ — people sat around a table just like this. We rarely ever voted. We did have, however, significant discussions in which we ultimately came to consensus. That didn’t mean everybody was in unanimity but it did mean everybody agreed, ‘well, that seems to be the rational conclusion to reach.’ So you don’t necessarily have to vote to reach such a conclusion.”

The Breakfast Club was set in P.G. County, and Steny Hoyer was secretly in detention too? This is obviously a coded endorsement for Barack Obama. [Capitol Briefing]

The Canadians. People are always telling it to the Canadians. Here’s what Rep. Emmanuel Cleaver of Kansas City — a Hillary sup(porter)(erdelegate) — told Canadian Public Radio: “If I had to make a prediction right now, I’d say Barack Obama is going to be the next president… I will be stunned if he’s not the next president of the United States.” And then he says that he still supports Hillary, the famous loser. [Ben Smith]

This Nancy Pelosi character is a real piece of work. The Speaker of the House keeps offering opinions on what to do about the Democratic nomination for president, and every time it’s some version of “Oh well, things will work themselves out P.S. VOTE FOR OBAMA. OR CLINTON, IF YOU WANT.” First she says she doesn’t think Democratic superdelegates will go against the popular vote at the convention — meaning that Pelosi is just another Obama freak riding the Hope Express all the way to President McCain’s inauguration day. But then today on Good Morning America she says pretty much the opposite thing! MORE »

Typical Obama voter: young, clueless, chanting “Obama” because it’s easy to pronounce. The sad thing is this kid is probably a superdelegate. [YouTube]

Now that Mark Penn has been stuffed in a spider hole with a box of Ho-Hos and a well-thumbed issue of Juggs, Hillary Clinton won’t have to worry about him ruining anything else for her until September. In the meantime, she can worry about Harold Ickes — the campaign adviser and borderline exhibitionist who’s waging a harassment campaign on uncommitted superdelegates. MORE »

Besides the wives and children, who are the true victims of high-placed leaders’ tawdry sex affairs? Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, of course! Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer and indicted Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick are (or were) both Democratic superdelegates. Spitzer was in the tank for Clinton, while Kilpatrick reportedly favors Obama, even though the Obama campaign halfheartedly denies it. So what happens when reckless oversexed Democrats let their personal addictions interfere with their public lives? They make the increasingly weird superdelegate count even less predictable. Of course, none of this matters if Clinton and Obama superdelegates keep cancelling each other out by getting caught in embarrassing situations in equal numbers. [Political Punch, NPR]

The Florida Democratic party has issued a draft memo for a possible mail-in do-over primary vote that will likely never happen, because it costs money. It would also require effort, and everyone in Florida is a retired police officer. Who wants to piece that half-baked bastardization of Democracy together? The various alligators? No, no one wants this… this… “mail-in” faux primary. Fortunately the Democratic party “elders” may be cooking up something that requires no effort and everyone would accept, but maybe not Barack Obama. MORE »

Far weirder than furries or watersports enthusiasts are the kinksters who get off on political talk. Whether it’s a craving for superdelegates, Obama suppporters, or Barack Obama himself, Craigslist sex lunatics will tell you precisely what they want — and what documentation you’ll need in order to get into their pants. Horrifying, slutty details, after the jump. MORE »

DC’s two “shadow” senators, Michael Brown and Paul Strauss, have given their very worthless, non-voting, figurehead endorsements to Barack Obama, the corrupt Chicago hustler currently running for president. Actually, that’s a lie — these two are each superdelegates, so they can vote at the convention and not just pretend to vote from the peanut gallery. What kind of democracy is that, when we are now letting fake senators pick the president? Why doesn’t Barack Obama denounce or reject this? [DCist]

Chelsea Clinton recently went on a much-publicized breakfast date with Jason Rae, the 21-year-old Democratic superdelegate college student, in an attempt to sway him towards Camp Hillary. Something went wrong — too much teeth, perhaps? — and he’s decided to endorse Barack Obama. According to Rae, “It is a difficult choice for anyone, but in the end, the choice for me has become clear. I am proudly supporting Senator Barack Obama.” Aww poor Chels! Practice on a banana, sweetheart, and forget Jason Rae ever existed. [CNN]