Wonkette

IT’S A MIRACLE: Ohio Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones is alive again, after having an aneurysm and then being pronounced dead by John Kerry. She is a superdelegate, for Hillary, and superdelegates live forever. UPDATE: She died at 6:04 p.m. in Cleveland, according to a family statement. [CNN]

HILLARY CLINTON WILL BE FORMALLY NOMINATED AT DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION: “Reports of strife between negotiators for Sen. Hillary Clinton and Sen. Barack Obama are exaggerated and the two sides are nearing an agreement on how Clinton’s delegates will participate in the formal nominating process at the Democratic National Convention, according to advisers to both Democrats.” [Marc Ambinder/The Caucus]

The Mayor of Detroit has gotten into more scrapes than Harriet the Spy and Ramona Quimby combined, times a million. Nonetheless, Kwame Kilpatrick will get to throw off his electronical tether and CUT LOOSE at the Democratic National Convention in Denver later on this month. The judge who has been so mean to him lately, throwing him in jail for various things, said it would be fine for Kilpatrick to go be a superdelegate at the convention because “No one has been found guilty of anything … Let’s not trash the Constitution.” Well, that sounds oddly reasonable! We look forward to running into the Mayor at the Verizon Wireless store, where he will be buying phones to send sexy text messages to Madeleine Albright. [AP]

Cover your ears, Obamacans: Walter Mondale’s former campaign manager has constructed a bizarre and highly unlikely “nightmare scenario” for you that involves Hillary Clinton getting the vice presidential nomination without your Barry’s permission, basically by guilting all the superdelegates into backing her. MORE »

Mean old Congressman Rahm Emanuel, speaking at the elitist New Yorker Conference today, pretty much said that Obama is the nominee. Since Rahm Emanuel is a Democratic Leader, this was big news. But since he is an undecided superdelegate who — like others — could just END THIS RACE RIGHT NOW PLEASE, he refused to do this and retracted his statement through a catty little spokesperson. MORE »

THREE MORE SUPERDELEGATES, PLUS A UNION ENDORSEMENT: Hopey just got a nod from the American Federation of Government Employees and picked up another three superdelegates (including a Clinton traitor). That means Obama is now five (and a half?) superdelgates shy of Hillary’s total. [AP/Yahoo]

A WAY FOR HILLARY TO WIN? A superdelegate in California is selling his vote for $20 Million Dollar$. He will then give the money to Mexican voters. Is this the magic math Hillary needs to succeed? [CBS 13]

WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT? WHAT? WHAT?: Suck it, Drudge! Apparently Hillary is meeting with superdelegates in a magical secret meeting at the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee in our Washington D.C. right now. [Marc Ambinder]

So Hillary Clinton has announced that she will stay in the presidential race until there is a nominee. By most measures, there already is one, so she is stupid. But Elite Math still says that she has a chance of winning this thing, as the above scenario from CNN’s thrill-a-minute delegate counter shows. In this one, she will clinch the nomination (with one extra delegate!) by winning 45% of undecided superdelegates and 100% of remaining pledged delegates. Yes She Can! What other possibilities are there for Hillary to become president, according to this fun CNN game? MORE »

SHE HAS POLITICAL COOTIES: From Drudge, who is at his best when making fun of Hillary: “CONGRESSIONAL SOURCE: Hillary having trouble finding superdelegates who will meet with her… ‘No one wants to see her today’… Developing…” [Drudge Report]

The last DNC chairman under Bill Clinton says everyone must support Obama now, or else. Joe Andrew ran the Democratic National Committee from 1999 to 2001, which means he’s at least partly to blame for George W. Bush. Until today, he was a superdelegate for Hillary. [Bloomberg]

Hillary Clinton is pimping out her daughter on Puerto Rico today, and by golly it worked! Luisette Cabanas, a previously undecided superdelegate, has just announced her support for Hillary Clinton with Chelsea by her side. What magical powers did Chelsea employ? Did it involve a knife and a severed cat’s head? [Marc Ambinder]

Jiminy crickets, the DNC is going to have more hearings on May fucking 31 to decide the status of Michigan and Florida’s delegates. They are going to sit around in a stack of burning hobbit carcases and drink Sprite and think about whether they should seat the states’ superdelegates and half of their plebeian delegates. The delegates have declared that standing room will not suffice. [Ben Smith]