Tag Archives: super tuesday

  dreamcatching

Palin Might Run For President Because Of Raging Non-Limbaugh Misogynists

Sarah Palin went on — or should we say, was transmitted through someone’s phone-toy in the direction of — CNN during Tuesday’s Super Snoozeday parade, and proclaimed that who knows whether she’ll run for president today, tomorrow, or after the Mayan apocalypse, but anything is possible because Americans can do anything they put their minds to, emphasis on “minds” and excluding jobs. Later on, while Romney was disappointing America, CNN spent a good portion of the long process of cell degeneration we call life talking about Palin some more, with what little comprehensible English was made available by her mouth yesterday. Conclusion: Sarah Palin is an alive person. Plus, hates misogynists as long as they are liberal. Read more on Palin Might Run For President Because Of Raging Non-Limbaugh Misogynists…
  dust bowl blues

Extremely Sane Person Randall Terry Beats Obama In Oklahoma Primaries

See below for Wonkette Sadness Update — and beloved commenters, please do try to be civil. Operation Rescue founder Randall “I hate my dead live dead gay son” Terry beat President Barack Obama in the Democratic primaries in 15 Oklahoma counties. That’s all well and good — NOobaAma, and etc. — but what does Randall Terry think of his gay son? Did you answer “disgusted” and “ashamed”? DING DING DING winner winner step right up! Read more on Extremely Sane Person Randall Terry Beats Obama In Oklahoma Primaries…
  all dead in ohio

Super Tuesday Murdered By Meh Wednesday

What’s up, Cleveland Plain-Dealer? Pretty exciting night, there, yes, with your still hanging chads or somesuch but “advantage Romney,” certainly what ho? So many exciting Politics in O-hi-o, with Elf Queen Consort Dennis Kucinich losing his fabled place in the hearts of Hippie-Americans as Keebler cookie-maker-in-chief to nice lady and new Elvish Queen Marcy Kaptur. Heryn ohtar lalaith! Kaptur will go on to fight Sam “Joe” “The Plumber” Wurzelbacher to the death, in the Capitol, for the glory of the coalminers in District 13. Then also too Mean Jean Schmidt lost the House seat she had defended with Rottweilers, a miniature Pinscher, and “liberal” smearings of American veterans and armed forces, like so: Read more on Super Tuesday Murdered By Meh Wednesday…
  the founders are watching porn

Super Tuesday Liveblog Part V: Mitt Visits Yoda, Cloud City, & Ohio

Will Mittens lose Ohio to Weird Rick? We don’t know, is the thing! The two losers are still neck and neck as 65% 85% or so of precincts have been counted. The cable news channels are beginning to talk about important vote mini-clusters in small counties. This usually means we’ll be here until 5 a.m. waiting for some 90-year-old poll volunteer to come out of a cabin in the woods and turn in the 15 decisive votes that had been missing all night. Let’s type about it! (See liveblogs one, two, three, and four, for further trenchant Super Tuesday political commentary.) Read more on Super Tuesday Liveblog Part V: Mitt Visits Yoda, Cloud City, & Ohio…
  suffer with us

Sooper Toosday Liveblog Cuatro: Get It Together Already, Ohio Results

We have been watching Wolf Blitzer check in with all of CNN’s weird “cock-us cams” molesting exit polls workers around the country for a few hours now, and now we are watching Rick Santorum give an incoherent lecture to a group of cheerleaders trying to ignore him as they finish Tuesday night practice in a high school gym in “Stupidville, Ohio.” Isn’t this fun, kids? Boy 2008 was just a warm-up round for this kind of excitement. Rick Santorum reports that freedom has pretty much died in America, which is such old news that we are inclined to rule this statement proof that Rick Santorum is even more stupid than Wolf Blitzer. Let us continue our liveblog of torture and tears! Read more on Sooper Toosday Liveblog Cuatro: Get It Together Already, Ohio Results…
  what is anything

Super Tuesday Liveblog The Third: Spit It Out, Ohio! And Other Vague Shrugs Of Assent

Hello. What are you doing? It’s time to figure out what some quadrilateral land masses think about three organic masses and one gas, which were each forced to apply for Obama’s job because their tyrannical wives and gas-wife made them. We would say, We are watching this very closely, but that would be plagiarism, so we will just say, We have televisions that seem to work. What’s happened so far is that Romney has won Virginia and hilariously won a large portion of Massachusetts, Gingrich has won Georgia but has yet to figure out what his sleep number is, and Ron Paul has gone to Outer Snow Space to speak to a frozen tundra of anemia sufferers. Santorum has won Tennessee. Romney has also won Vermont, which is a real shame, and we’re still waiting to find out about Ohio, and what percentage of any of this matters. Read more on Super Tuesday Liveblog The Third: Spit It Out, Ohio! And Other Vague Shrugs Of Assent…
  warblogging

Liveblogging The Superest Tuesday: Probably The End For Newt Gingrich, Right?

Hey why has Your Wonkette done so many Newt Gingrich posts all day forever? Because we doubt we’ll have Ol’ Newt to kick around anymore, and we miss the mean old bastard already. He’s been in a funk for weeks (years?) now, and without those recharging trips to Greece, he has just been a sour bag of mush (and not the kind of sour mush that riles his easily rileable moron base). Goodbye, Newt! Goodbye forever, we’re sure! Read more on Liveblogging The Superest Tuesday: Probably The End For Newt Gingrich, Right?…
  super tuesday polling pix

Throw Your Vote In The Trash Right Here

Wonkette back-alley trash operative “Jim S.” sends us this Super Tuesday Polling Pic of democracy in action in Huntington, Virginia, where some rascally teenagers or volunteer poll workers put a comical “Vote Here” sign over the fetid waste depositories. What does this mean? Read more on Throw Your Vote In The Trash Right Here…
  super tuesday polling pix

Send Us Your Ludicrous Super Tuesday Pix/Stories, For America

Super Tuesday: It is like Christmas, but it’s about politics! And we must treasure it before it dies off for another four years. And so your Wonkette is in the memory collection business today, again, and demands that you voters in 10 states send us your naughtiest Super Tuesday campaign pix and stories and videos and other items from this holiest day of participatory shadow-democracy. You know, “funny signs” and shit. Read more on Send Us Your Ludicrous Super Tuesday Pix/Stories, For America…
 

Obama Secretly Wins California Primary!

While he may not have won more delegates than Senator Hillary Clinton, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama has still won the state of California through sheer force of charm and “momentum.” It turns out that he keeps winning more delegates, even though the polls have been closed for years, but most news organizations can’t bother to update their numbers because they can’t do math. Read more on Obama Secretly Wins California Primary!…
 

Obama, Japan Loves Its Barry For Obvious Superficial Reason

In the city of Obama, Japan, they are wildly promoting the American candidate-warrior who shares their name. His reputation is legend, like the ancient samurai Tom Cruise! After the jump, watch various small business owners in Obama, Japan declare that “every Tuesday is Super Tuesday,” and other inane crap that they don’t understand. Read more on Obama, Japan Loves Its Barry For Obvious Superficial Reason…
 

Hillary Is President of New Mexico!

Barack’s win streak is over at eight! In a sense! After a long, winding, self-indulgent speech, a New Mexico Democratic official — Brian “Listening To You Is Worse Than Having Cancer Of The” Colon — just declared Hillary Clinton the winner of the state’s caucuses, which were held on Super Tuesday. So it actually happened before Barack’s eight-state win streak, but who’s counting! Expect a huge Hillary spin rally in the near future, with lots of mariachi children gently strumming in the background. [CNN] Read more on Hillary Is President of New Mexico!…
 

‘Moneybags’ Barack Obama Raises $7 Million In Bags of Post-Tuesday Money!

Everyone’s favorite Sunni, Barack Obama, has raised $7.2 million since Tuesday night, after his impressive tie with Hillary Clinton in various states and island nations. Hillary, meanwhile, is loaning money to herself, so Barry should taunt that hussy and her complete lack of money, forever. [AP/Breitbart] Read more on ‘Moneybags’ Barack Obama Raises $7 Million In Bags of Post-Tuesday Money!…
 

That Prissy Hillary Clinton Widens Lead?

Oof… this is not good for the Barack Hussein ObamaNation. The Feb. 3-5 Gallup daily tracking poll has her leading by 13 percentage points. THE RACE IS OVER! Until tomorrow, when he’ll somehow have locked up the nomination. [Gallup] Read more on That Prissy Hillary Clinton Widens Lead?…
 

LIBERAL ELITIST WRITER VOTES FOR CLINTON

“Cultural critic” James Wolcott, on his Vanity Fair blog, outlines why he voted for Hillary: “Perhaps it’s my atheism at work but I found myself increasingly wary of and resistant to the salvational fervor of the Obama campaign, the idealistic zeal divorced from any particular policy or cause and chariot-driven by pure euphoria. I can picture President Hillary in the White House dealing with a recalcitrant Republican faction; I can’t picture President Obama in the same role because his summons to history and call to hope seems to transcend legislative maneuvers and horse-trading; his charisma is on a more ethereal plane, and I don’t look to politics for transcendence and self-certification.” Why do you hate Love so much, Mr. Wolcott? [James Wolcott via Andrew Sullivan] Read more on LIBERAL ELITIST WRITER VOTES FOR CLINTON…