Wonkette

While he may not have won more delegates than Senator Hillary Clinton, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama has still won the state of California through sheer force of charm and “momentum.” It turns out that he keeps winning more delegates, even though the polls have been closed for years, but most news organizations can’t bother to update their numbers because they can’t do math. MORE »

In the city of Obama, Japan, they are wildly promoting the American candidate-warrior who shares their name. His reputation is legend, like the ancient samurai Tom Cruise! After the jump, watch various small business owners in Obama, Japan declare that “every Tuesday is Super Tuesday,” and other inane crap that they don’t understand. MORE »

Barack’s win streak is over at eight! In a sense! After a long, winding, self-indulgent speech, a New Mexico Democratic official — Brian “Listening To You Is Worse Than Having Cancer Of The” Colon — just declared Hillary Clinton the winner of the state’s caucuses, which were held on Super Tuesday. So it actually happened before Barack’s eight-state win streak, but who’s counting! Expect a huge Hillary spin rally in the near future, with lots of mariachi children gently strumming in the background. [CNN]

Everyone’s favorite Sunni, Barack Obama, has raised $7.2 million since Tuesday night, after his impressive tie with Hillary Clinton in various states and island nations. Hillary, meanwhile, is loaning money to herself, so Barry should taunt that hussy and her complete lack of money, forever. [AP/Breitbart]

Oof… this is not good for the Barack Hussein ObamaNation. The Feb. 3-5 Gallup daily tracking poll has her leading by 13 percentage points. THE RACE IS OVER! Until tomorrow, when he’ll somehow have locked up the nomination. [Gallup]

“Cultural critic” James Wolcott, on his Vanity Fair blog, outlines why he voted for Hillary:

“Perhaps it’s my atheism at work but I found myself increasingly wary of and resistant to the salvational fervor of the Obama campaign, the idealistic zeal divorced from any particular policy or cause and chariot-driven by pure euphoria. I can picture President Hillary in the White House dealing with a recalcitrant Republican faction; I can’t picture President Obama in the same role because his summons to history and call to hope seems to transcend legislative maneuvers and horse-trading; his charisma is on a more ethereal plane, and I don’t look to politics for transcendence and self-certification.”

Why do you hate Love so much, Mr. Wolcott? [James Wolcott via Andrew Sullivan]

You know that attractive lady, the Obama Girl? Well, like most attractive ladies, she is a complete liar. Obama Girl, nee “Obama Girl,” is a registered voter in New Jersey — where she most certainly didn’t vote for anything yesterday. According to Obama Girl, she was at an “election-watching party in Greenwich Village,” a famous gay community in New York City, and couldn’t get back to her Jersey hellhole in time to vote. Watch out for the pretty ones, Barry — they’ll break your heart every time. [City Room]

At a voting precinct in Chicago yesterday, a vote-scanning machine rejected 20 paper ballots that voters had used “magic” invisible ink pens to fill out. Now don’t go shouting DIEBOLD just yet — these ballots were rejected because there is no such thing as a magic invisible ink pen to be used on paper ballots. The pen was just a stylus for touch-screen voting machines, and everyone in that precinct is a retard. MORE »

Forget about Barry winning Connecticut or Hillary taking California in yesterday’s primary vote. The real Super Tuesday miracle story happened many millions of miles to the west, in a remote island kingdom called American Samoa. Here “ordinary American Samoans” who will not actually be able to vote in November participated in a Democratic caucus of epic proportions. Clinton took home the prize with an astonishing 163 votes. Stealth candidate Mike Gravel got a vote, though! [AP via KITV]

Over at our favorite place on the whole Internet, Ron Paul Forums, they are very worried: MORE »

*SO WHAT WAS THE POINT OF LAST NIGHT?:* The Obama camp projects topping Clinton last night by 13 delegates, 847 to 834; NBC News projects Obama will end up with between 840 and 849 delegates, with Clinton between 829 and 838. This means that no one won anything, just that neither “team” lost. That, or something else. [Politico]

So. Ron Paul wins nothing, ever. Fortunately — according to our dear friends at Ron Paul Forums — every delegate will exercise his or her right to vote for Ron Paul at the convention. MORE »

Mitt Romney is a savvy businessman with executive experience — that’s why he lost nearly every state primary last night to a broken old man and some guy named “Huckabee.” Today, the Mormon heartthrob will be applying his robust analytical skills to deciding whether or not he should blow another $35 million on his doomed campaign. [CNN]