super bowl

When you think “male fashion plate,” who comes to mind? Tim Gunn? David Beckham? Haha of course not. You think Donald Trump because shiny ties and dead-squirrel-on-your-head hair is where it is AT. Mr. Blackwell Trump puts Obama on his worst-dressed list this year for failing to rock a signature sheentastic Trump-style tie during his […]

Last night, Malcolm Smith of the Colorado Seabirds won the Super-Ball Much Vaunted Person Certificate for his outstanding achievements in hitting, catching, and running. This gave Malcolm Smith something that somebody else wanted. The something was a microphone, and the somebody else was Matthew Mills, an “independent” “journalist” from Brooklyn, NY. As real journalists gathered […]

You may be amused by the nine minutes of pure weirdness in this here exposé of the Secret Illuminati Symbolism in Bruno Mars’ Sportsball Halftime Extravaganza. Apparently, all SportsBowl halftime shows — like last year’s, with the Beyoncé — are simply shot through with Illuminati messages, because in addition to secretly running the world, the […]

Did you watch Super Sportsball Spectacular yesterday? Were you rooting for the Broncos? If so, you are probably not reading this because you committed ritual suicide after that game. Those of you who remain are still watching wingnut heads explode over the goddamn gall of Coca-Cola to have a commercial that had many different languages. […]

Let’s say you’re Bill O’Reilly. First, you have our sympathies. Second, how is it you ever rose to a position where you’re interviewing anyone more important than the Great Neck sanitation commissioner? Do you have pictures of Roger Ailes fucking barnyard geese or playing in a drum circle in Hyde Park in 1968 with Bill […]

Happy Super Sportsball Sunday! Go read the Times’s one million pages of regular sports coverage AND thinkpieces about the Super Bowl! Or don’t. Go read about Chris Christie! Or just read what we wrote about Christie already. Definitely read the Dylan Farrow letter from yesterday and then promptly go fight with everyone on the internet […]

Oh, sure, maybe you thought the real scandal about Beyoncé’s halftime show was all the gyrating and unladylike whorish dressing and near-hoo-ha hand motions, but that is because you are shallow. Yes we will say it. You are shallow to let yourself be distracted by these meaningless questions of whether Beyoncé was lip-synching or too […]

America the Beautiful, as the Sandy Hook survivors sang, with your cities swept away and never to be rebuilt, crumbling bridges, space shuttles disintegrating, 787s that can’t fucking fly without catching on fire (lithium ion batteries did not work for Dell laptops, they certainly aren’t going to work for you Boeing), your electric power as […]

Meet Todd Kincannon. This tall drink of water is the former executive director of the South Carolina Republican Party, an attorney, and the community organizer of something on Twitter called the Twitter Gulag Defense Network or #tgdn. Todd Kincannon is also a man with some very strong opinions about last night’s Super Bowl. This Super […]

The pussies (meant lovingly) (ehh) who run CNN have suspended a member of the network’s “Best Political Team on Television,” Roland Martin, the jovial ascot-wearing fellow who appears on television to play with David Gergen and Ari Fleischer on election nights. Did he kidnap Wolf Blitzer’s wife or something? No, we’ve all done that. He […]

Tucked amid the Stupor Bowl teevee commercials for naked chocolate candies, cheesy salt chips, war pornography, and the latest domestic water-beers was this one featuring old Clint Eastwood, the next Bat-Man, scouring stadium catacombs for the The Joker or maybe the Taco Bell. “It’s halftime in America and our second half’s about to begin,” he […]

For absurdity, how about those four Navy F-18s flying over the stadium – with its retractable roof closed? Everybody inside could only see the planes on the stadium’s video screens. It was strictly a two-second beauty shot. Know what it cost taxpayers? I’ll tell you: $450,000. (The Navy justifies the expense by saying it’s good […]

We finally got around to watching that Super Bowl interview Bill O’Reilly did with President Obama, and it turns out it’s not much of an interview at all. Basically it’s just an opportunity for O’Reilly to annoy the president of the United States every few seconds by interrupting him. You know, the sort of decorum […]

Sweet Jeebus, AOL has agreed to purchase popular liberal/Brangelina Internet destination “The Huffington Post” for $315 million! Why does AOL think this is a wise investment? And will Arianna Huffington’s citizen journalists continue to Win the Afternoon, with the hottest hot scoops (“D-List Celebrity Has Boobs” and “Ten Things You Didn’t Know About Celebrities Who […]

This year’s Super Bowl may not include Tim Tebow lecturing America about nearly-aborted fetuses, but it has something even better: Lord Ronald Reagan! Some soulless libtards planned the Super Bowl to be on Reagan’s 100th birthday, so to make up for this, the event will now include a pre-game circle jerk tribute to this dead […]