Blah blah, another ghetto kid from a broken home, why not just abort it, OH WAIT JUST A GODDAMNED MINUTE YOU MEAN IT’S BARACK OBAMA? MORE »

Finally, a stimulus bill we can believe in: Cable-teevee company Comcast will pay TEN DOLLARS to each Tucson subscriber who maybe saw a few seconds of sexytime hardcore XXX pr0nography just when something important was happening in the Super Bowl game. If you saw some terrible naked man-lady fuckin’ when you expected to see good old-fashioned obese helmeted men slapping each others’ asses before actually killing each other, for America, Comcast says “sorry” and $10 will soon be in the mail, maybe. [Multichannel]

So what was your famous president doing yesterday, while layoff notices were prepared for another 30,000 or 50,000 Americans? Watching football. And he had a bipartisan guest list for his little Super Bowl party, too — because congressional Republicans have been so very helpful lately. And Pete Souza has posted another “arty” White House photograph, the end. [White House]

Oh noes certain homes in the Tucson area saw 30 seconds of pornography instead of the Super Bowl as the game reached its exciting conclusion last night! With only three minutes left in play, viewers were shocked to see not football but instead a lady unzipping some guy’s pants, and then “he did his little dance with everything hanging out,” said one stunned resident. It looks like an adult cable channel crossed with the NBC feed into certain analog TV sets. This is a strong argument against converting to digital cable. Why does Joe the Plumber want to keep hard-working Americans from viewing occasional free porn? [Arizona Daily Star]

OUR NATIONAL RELIGION: “Worse yet, Palin lied to the GOP congressional leadership, claiming she needed to stay in Alaska for whatever reason, maybe to get high and watch the Super Bowl while eating Taco Bell and bidding for some Shrek Beanie Babies on eBay.” [AOL Political Machine]

Here’s a political ad from a lobbying group which was REFUSED by the evil SUPER BOWL TV, so it’s of Great Interest to your Wonkette, which is all about politics, and hot models fucking broccoli, for freedom. [PETA]

This is a photograph of the American President giving an important address while Our National Hero Eli Manning stands behind him and picks his nose. Nothing else is happening in this picture. [AP Photo]

Every year about this time, America gathers together to watch commercials and drink beer as part of the “Super Tuesday Bowl,” which is an annual sporting contest between the Right Wing Militia Patriots and the New York Mets. Nobody knows the ultimate outcome, but people will be talking about the advertisements for several hours tomorrow! For example, did you see the one with the hot girl in underwear making a reference to the very sporting event you were watching? (See photo.) Also, Barack Obama bought some local ad time in a few places. How did this change politics forever? MORE »

From rural Mexico to our crumbling ghettos, nothing amuses folks like a vicious fight between chickens or pit bulls. That’s why Washington’s beloved World Wildlife Federation is now holding virtual animal fights! Also, it’s a really odd way to tie wildlife conservation to, uhm, the Super Bowl.

We’ve always wondered if it was an accident that the panda-loving lobbyists shared “WWF” with the World Wrestling Federation. MORE »

This country loves football so much, it’s crazy! Nothing proves that more than our beloved federal holiday to celebrate the very first Super Bowl. MORE »

Tomorrow on Slate: William Saletan on Attorney General Alberto Gonzales’ appearance before Congress — plus Iran correspondent Negar Azimi on C’mon Hasselbeck, get rid of the damn ball! MORE »