Tag Archives: stupidity

  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: There Goes Sarah Knowin’ Stuff About Russia Again

After a content-heavy end to the year, the Sarah Palin Channel has regressed to the mean. She’s posted three videos in the last seven days, one of which was designed as a complement to her Faceplace screed on DogGate. And if we’re being perfectly honest with ourselves, Palin’s video about Jill Hadassah (yes, that is the dog’s actual name) is really cute and does exactly what it’s intended to do. Beware, Wonketeers, for Sarah Palin is improving in her ability to grift across multiple media channels, and she’s doing it with a widdle puppy with a cute widdle puppy face. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: There Goes Sarah Knowin’ Stuff About Russia Again…
  Tweet O'The Day

Bill Kristol Finally Admits He’s Stupid

Who you callin' stupid?
Folks, we really honestly genuinely and truly did not think we would live to see this day. Sure, we have called Bill Kristol stupid many times. Many many times. All the times. We’re aiming for the world record on that, really. Read more on Bill Kristol Finally Admits He’s Stupid…
  Your Morning Maddow

Rachel Maddow Interviews America’s First Ebola Political Prisoner (Video)

Get ready to be angry, kids. Monday night, Rachel Maddow interviewed Ryan Boyko, a Yale PhD student in Public Health, who is one of about eight people put on quarantine by order of Connecticut Gov. Dannel P. Malloy. Not because Boyko has Ebola, and not because he has Ebola symptoms, and not even because he had contact with any Ebola patients. Read more on Rachel Maddow Interviews America’s First Ebola Political Prisoner (Video)…
  what about the children?

Zero-Tolerance Suspensions For Pre-K Are Racially — WHAT? THEY SUSPEND PRE-K KIDS??!!11!

Guten Morgen, meine Wonkadamen und Wonkaherren! Feeling cheerful about your sportsball brackets so far? Or even more cheerful because you do not follow sportsball? Well, we are here to stop that good feeling, and make you so broody that you crush out your vape pen into your half-finished, tepid mochaccino, because we are srs blog. Today’s wrist-slitting Big Story from the Associated Press tells us that our nation’s educators are starting the school-to-prison pipeline even earlier than we thought, as SIX PERCENT of pre-schools report suspending at least one pre-school child. Naturally, as the Education Department’s civil rights division will report today, black children are disproportionately suspended. African-American children make up 18 percent of preschool students, but about half of the suspensions. Wait, did we say “naturally?” No, not naturally, you stupid pre-school administrators, THAT IS NOT NATURAL AT ALL, STOP IT! Read more on Zero-Tolerance Suspensions For Pre-K Are Racially — WHAT? THEY SUSPEND PRE-K KIDS??!!11!…
  uncomfortable truths

Mitt Romney: I’m Not A NASCAR Buff, Just Friends With ‘Team Owners’

Richie Rich over here just cannot stop reminding everyone that he’s a special and obscenely wealthy snowflake. Mitt won’t be watching the Daytona 500, if it ever happens, ’cause he’s not a huge racing fan but HAHAHA some of his best friends do own racing teams, he quickly jostles to add for some damn reason. Could these team owners maybe get M.I.T.T. a new pit crew, to do a little much needed maintenance, oh, and maybe also to ‘accidentally’ disable the vocal apparatus? That would be really friendly of them! Read more on Mitt Romney: I’m Not A NASCAR Buff, Just Friends With ‘Team Owners’…
  say hello to virginia's little friend

Virginia Mandates ‘Unwanted Vaginal Penetration’ For The Abortion-Curious

Good heavens, your Wonkette can barely keep up with the hijinx our moral police are getting themselves into, as they bedevil legislatures and statehouses nationwide. Seems they are hell-bent on sticking a finger into every possible pie — up to and including vagina pie! Take the Republican supermajority in the Virginia House of Delegates, for example, which just passed a bill requiring any lady wanting an abortion to first have a doctor determine the gestational age of her fetus and listen to its heartbeat. Okay, whatever, a little jelly on the belly, and then, wheeeeeeee, off to the Abortionplex? Um, NOT QUITE! Read more on Virginia Mandates ‘Unwanted Vaginal Penetration’ For The Abortion-Curious…
  we had a good-ish run

SOTU Proves Obama Thinks Americans Are Simple (In The Bad Way)

Official science has finally proven that Kenyan interloper Barack Obama has an incredibly low opinion of the average State of the Union-viewing American. An outfit which has adopted the patently fictional idea of “Smart Politics” as its name fed President Obama’s speech into a sad word-eating robot, which digested and then spit out this unbearable analysis: Barack Obama and/or his speechwriters crafted his speech at about an 8th-grade reading level, lower than any speech from the last 12 presidents including George W. Bush, even. And as a blood-curdling new survey shows, he would be correct in his assumption that 113% of Americans are stupid. Read more on SOTU Proves Obama Thinks Americans Are Simple (In The Bad Way)…
  youtube generation

Michele Bachmann-Inspired Band Gets Undeserved Press, Not Unlike Michele Bachmann Herself

In these tough economic times, white people are really struggling to find preexisting jobs that don’t include touching dirt or doing actual work (that is for Mexicans) and because of this, “entrepreneurship” is the cool name for trying to make a buck off a mostly lousy idea. We are guessing this is the background story, in its entirety, for the newest thing to hit desperate wannabes “rocking out” in DC’s worst intern bars. Read more on Michele Bachmann-Inspired Band Gets Undeserved Press, Not Unlike Michele Bachmann Herself…
  literary news

Another Lesson on Gays and Booze, Courtesy of Rick Perry

There are many things to be said about the GOP crazies who are trying as hard as they can to kick Barack Obama out of the It’s-Supposed-to-be-White House. Of course, “You sure know your audience” has to be included as one of those things. Was there an anti-gay poetry convention for scary people named “Rick” recently? Probably, because Rick Perry and Rick Santorum both learned important metaphors about gay people and alcohol that are really helpful for people who have a hard time understanding what the big deal is, about gay people. It is probably especially helpful to the many GOP fans who honor alcohol (abuse) as an important cultural practice. Read more on Another Lesson on Gays and Booze, Courtesy of Rick Perry…
  flotus files

FLOTUS-Inspired Garden Will Send This Lady to Jail

First Lady and America’s personal trainer Michelle Obama was up to her usual tricks last week, going to a Washington Kastles game, celebrating the beginning of Malia’s angsty teen years, and probably hanging out in the vegetable garden. This vegetable garden has come up a lot during Michelle’s time as FLOTUS, because she likes to take children there and force them to listen to her crazy theories about how eating a carrot, from the Earth, will probably give a person less diabetes than eating chunks of fat, dipped in poison. The problem with these theories is that poison-dipped fat often comes with even more varieties of fat, for under a dollar, whereas carrots and things of the vegetable variety are slightly more expensive. But some Americans are listening to our FLOTUS’ message, and will do whatever it takes to be healthy. Even if it means they will be arrested. Read more on FLOTUS-Inspired Garden Will Send This Lady to Jail…
  she said it first

Michele Bachmann Reminds Everyone She Won’t Mud Wrestle Sarah Palin

Okay fine, Michele Bachmann, we will go ahead and picture you and Sarah Palin together NOT having a big sexytime mud fight, but only because YOU MADE US DO IT. “They want to see two girls come together and have a mud wrestling fight,” Bachmann said of herself and Palin, out of absolutely nowhere. We are not sure why Michele Bachmann is being sexist against herself? Maybe that is just how two professional, adult women resolve disputes in the Bachmann house? We do not (want to) know. But she has now publicly put that nauseating and tragically satisfying image into the world for every commentator to exploit free of recrimination, forever, since PRECEDENT. Read more on Michele Bachmann Reminds Everyone She Won’t Mud Wrestle Sarah Palin…
  america is not more of a still camera girl

‘Worst Governor Ever’ Sign Ruins Sarah Palin’s Teevee Show, Results In Weird YouTube Coversation

Sarah Palin’s Discovery Channel show was filming in Homer, Alaska, and decided it needed a lot of security to keep the mama grizzly bear safe. But this couldn’t stop some woman who dislikes Sarah Palin from putting up a “WORST GOVERNOR EVER” sign. Palin confronted the woman, and like all conversations between politicians and angry members of the public, it was rather awkward. But also Sarah Palin is dumb. Read more on ‘Worst Governor Ever’ Sign Ruins Sarah Palin’s Teevee Show, Results In Weird YouTube Coversation…
  suck it england

Celebrate, America! 74% of You Know What Country We Declared Our Independence From!

Marist University saw that the Fourth of July was coming up and decided to commission a poll to show how stupid we all are. The question: “From which country did the United States win its independence?” Marist was surely expecting only 2% of Americans to know the answer. CNN.com was also prepared for the results with a “more than 1 in TK Americans don’t know which country America declared its independence from, the dumb freaks” story. Yet America surprised them all! SEVENTY-FOUR PERCENT OF US know the answer to the question! USA! USA! USA! Read more on Celebrate, America! 74% of You Know What Country We Declared Our Independence From!…
 

Southern Baptists Want You To Be Safe, Baptist

The Apologetics and the North American Mission Board, an agency of the Southern Baptist Convention, really, really want you to be safe from destructive cults. You know, like the People’s Temple folks who committed mass suicide in Guyana or the Branch Davidians in Texas who died in rain of fire? They don’t want that to happen to you! So, they have some tips on avoiding cults to help you parse wacky religions that want you to kill yourself, including a helpful guide to the most popular cults in North America! Read more on Southern Baptists Want You To Be Safe, Baptist…
 

First Thing Harriet Miers Recommended, Let’s Fire All the Lawyers

Ok, so the White House fired eight US Attorneys for sketchy political reasons. Everyone caught up? It seems, in hindsight, like a remarkably stupid decision, especially now that the congressional Dems are firing up the subpoenas and calling for Alberto Gonzales’ head. (Justifying torture? We’ll let that slide. Fire a lawyer, though, and you’re in deep shit, Mister.) Read more on First Thing Harriet Miers Recommended, Let’s Fire All the Lawyers…