Guten Morgen, meine Wonkadamen und Wonkaherren! Feeling cheerful about your sportsball brackets so far? Or even more cheerful because you do not follow sportsball? Well, we are here to stop that good feeling, and make you so broody that you crush out your vape pen into your half-finished, tepid mochaccino, because we are srs blog. […]

Richie Rich over here just cannot stop reminding everyone that he’s a special and obscenely wealthy snowflake. Mitt won’t be watching the Daytona 500, if it ever happens, ’cause he’s not a huge racing fan but HAHAHA some of his best friends do own racing teams, he quickly jostles to add for some damn reason. […]

Good heavens, your Wonkette can barely keep up with the hijinx our moral police are getting themselves into, as they bedevil legislatures and statehouses nationwide. Seems they are hell-bent on sticking a finger into every possible pie — up to and including vagina pie! Take the Republican supermajority in the Virginia House of Delegates, for […]

Official science has finally proven that Kenyan interloper Barack Obama has an incredibly low opinion of the average State of the Union-viewing American. An outfit which has adopted the patently fictional idea of “Smart Politics” as its name fed President Obama’s speech into a sad word-eating robot, which digested and then spit out this unbearable […]

In these tough economic times, white people are really struggling to find preexisting jobs that don’t include touching dirt or doing actual work (that is for Mexicans) and because of this, “entrepreneurship” is the cool name for trying to make a buck off a mostly lousy idea. We are guessing this is the background story, […]

There are many things to be said about the GOP crazies who are trying as hard as they can to kick Barack Obama out of the It’s-Supposed-to-be-White House. Of course, “You sure know your audience” has to be included as one of those things. Was there an anti-gay poetry convention for scary people named “Rick” […]

First Lady and America’s personal trainer Michelle Obama was up to her usual tricks last week, going to a Washington Kastles game, celebrating the beginning of Malia’s angsty teen years, and probably hanging out in the vegetable garden. This vegetable garden has come up a lot during Michelle’s time as FLOTUS, because she likes to […]

Okay fine, Michele Bachmann, we will go ahead and picture you and Sarah Palin together NOT having a big sexytime mud fight, but only because YOU MADE US DO IT. “They want to see two girls come together and have a mud wrestling fight,” Bachmann said of herself and Palin, out of absolutely nowhere. We […]

Sarah Palin’s Discovery Channel show was filming in Homer, Alaska, and decided it needed a lot of security to keep the mama grizzly bear safe. But this couldn’t stop some woman who dislikes Sarah Palin from putting up a “WORST GOVERNOR EVER” sign. Palin confronted the woman, and like all conversations between politicians and angry […]

Marist University saw that the Fourth of July was coming up and decided to commission a poll to show how stupid we all are. The question: “From which country did the United States win its independence?” Marist was surely expecting only 2% of Americans to know the answer. was also prepared for the results […]