Tag Archives: stupidest man on the internet

  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: We Are Illiterate Illegal Parasites In Prison. Science Fact!

Haha, 'COORS'
Since Disqus has brought us a bunch of new commenters (Hi! Welcome To The Monkeyhouse! Play nice!), we’d just like to ‘splain why we moderate comments in the first place, instead of allowing unfettered Free Speach: It’s because we are big believers in the First Amendment, which gives us the right to run our little mommyblog/recipe hub/Pony appreciation society however the hell we want to. It’s our parlor, and if we choose not to invite someone in because they’re intent on muddying up the carpet and shitting on the credenza, or even if we don’t like their Gadsden Flag t-shirt, that’s our business. Don’t like it? Do some Free Enterprise and offer the Editrix an obscene amount of money to buy the site so you can change how things work. (We hear she’ll only sell if the staff get some pretty impressive golden parachutes.) Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: We Are Illiterate Illegal Parasites In Prison. Science Fact!…
  Isolated Insolents

Fox News Can’t Remember Any Rightwing Terror Attacks. We’re Here To Help

All terrorists are leftwing. That's just a given!
Fox News’s The Five had a little memory problem Monday, accusing the Department of Homeland Security of completely imagining that rightwing extremists pose any threat to U.S. Americans, because as we all know, the only real terrorists are the Islamic ones. Most of the panel dismissed the DHS’s recent report on the threat from “Sovereign Citizens” and other far-right groups as a pathetic attempt to avoid offending Muslims by pretending that anyone else does terrorism in U.S. America. Read more on Fox News Can’t Remember Any Rightwing Terror Attacks. We’re Here To Help…
  king of pain

2014: The Year The Stupidest Man On The Internet Handed Off His Aluminum Crown

Let heavenly choirs sing songs of joy! Let earthly men tremble on their knees! For we have seen the glory of Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, handing off his crown (the one that says “Stupidest Man on the Internet,” DO try to keep up!) to the pure, righteous, fuckin’ dumb that is New Blogger on the Block Chuck C. Johnson. Let us rejoice and be glad! Read more on 2014: The Year The Stupidest Man On The Internet Handed Off His Aluminum Crown…
  Two-Fisted Tales

Darren Wilson Pretty Sure Mike Brown Had Mutant Supervillain Powers

Just to clarify: Hulk not supervillian. Hulk just misunderstood
After months of no information at all, and a grand jury process where the prosecuting attorney put on the best possible defense of Ferguson Police Officer Darren Wilson, we finally got a document dump of all the testimony presented to the grand jury and had a chance to see, for the first time, Darren Wilson’s own testimony of what happened. And what happened was that he was attacked by a mutant supervillian. Read more on Darren Wilson Pretty Sure Mike Brown Had Mutant Supervillain Powers…
  Infectious Unease Vectors

Left-Wing Nurse Knows Too Much About Ebola To Have Opinions About Ebola

How odd that a volunteer for Doctors Without Borders isn't a Republican
Since Barack Obama stubbornly insists on listening to public health experts instead of Fox News, it’s become quite clear that wingnuts’ favored non-solution, a ban on travel from West Africa, isn’t going to happen. Happily, a few governors figured out that even if they can’t ban travel, they can impose a quarantine order on people who have been in West Africa, so now it’s time to scoop up people with no Ebola symptoms and isolate them all for 21 days. Read more on Left-Wing Nurse Knows Too Much About Ebola To Have Opinions About Ebola…
  Ballot Recital

Latino Guy Delivers Absentee Ballots In Arizona. You’ll Never Guess What Happens Next.

It's almost as if he thought he wasn't breaking the law or something!
Finally, the right has incontrovertible evidence of voting fraud! Democrats say it’s rare, but here is the video that proves just how real and scary it is: “Liberal activist caught on video stuffing hundreds of ballots.” Or, from some of the more responsible rightwing sites who are pretending to hedge a little, “This Video Appears To Show A Guy Stuffing Hundreds Of Ballots Into A Ballot Box.” Read more on Latino Guy Delivers Absentee Ballots In Arizona. You’ll Never Guess What Happens Next….
  Land Of The Freaked And Home Of The Terrified

What Stupid Pointless Ebola Freakouts Are We Having Today?

Keep Calm and Freak Right The Fuck Out
Now that the first group of people to be exposed to Thomas Eric Duncan — including his fiancée and other members of his family in Dallas — have made it through their 21-day quarantine period without developing the disease themselves, you might think that maybe people might be calming down just a little bit, maybe. But then, maybe you are not a panic-mongering moron, so you may not be typical, you un-American weirdo. Maybe you’re not rushing out to buy flimsy “protective” gear or Vitamin C (or “colloidal silver” to turn your skin blue), but plenty of people are — or at the very least, scammers hope so. And it’s never a bad time to have a good old-fashioned panic over every last rumor and sneeze, like the nice people in Mississippi who pulled their children out of the local middle school when they learned that the principal had recently visited Zambia, which doesn’t even have any Ebola diagnoses, but is very definitely in Africa. Or the timid souls of Strong, Maine, who insisted on turning their town’s name into a possible Twilight Zone locale when they convinced the school board to place an elementary-school teacher on a 21-day leave because he’d been to an educational conference in Dallas. Those monsters should be coming down Maple Street any minute now. Read more on What Stupid Pointless Ebola Freakouts Are We Having Today?…
  The Big Ebolaski

Erick Erickson Blames Fat Lesbians For Lack Of An Ebola Vaccine

Srs political thought is srs bsns
As we enter Week Umpteen of the National Compulsory Ebola Freakout, complete with a second U.S. patient, we also get this interesting detail: Dr. Francis Collins, director of the National Institutes of Health, says a steady trend of fiscal austerity has slowed research on important topics, including work on a vaccine for Ebola: Read more on Erick Erickson Blames Fat Lesbians For Lack Of An Ebola Vaccine…
  White cop kills black teen again

Off-Duty St. Louis Cop Kills Armed Or Maybe Unarmed Teen For Who Knows Why

Police chief Sam Dotson has a good story for us
A black teenager is dead after a St. Louis police officer shot and killed him on Wednesday. No, this isn’t a rerun. This is a new story, one St. Louis police are eager to prove is nothing at all like the shooting of Michael Brown in August. And it’s not — because this time, the police let us know immediately that the deceased definitely started it and definitely had it coming. Read more on Off-Duty St. Louis Cop Kills Armed Or Maybe Unarmed Teen For Who Knows Why…
  Mock Stalk & Bellow

Badgering Wingnut Moron Manages To Make Us Feel Sorry For Lois Lerner

She's lucky -- In some neighborhoods you get shot for knocking on doors
We aren’t huge fans of former IRS division director Lois Lerner. She began her IRS career under George W. Bush, dropped her “bombshell” about the IRS trying to silence conservatives (no, they weren’t), and then she took the Fifth like a total asshole, so those same oppressed conservatives could cry conspiracy forever. But then there’s Jason Mattera. We know Jason Mattera, the master of such ambush interviews as the time he yelled questions about taxes to a guy he thought was Bono but wasn’t, or his hilarious stunt in which he asked Hillary Clinton to sign a book to murdered ambassador Christopher Stevens (we just don’t “get” rightwing humor, because we are wimps maybe). Read more on Badgering Wingnut Moron Manages To Make Us Feel Sorry For Lois Lerner…
  Obviously a false flag of some kind

Fox News Can’t Decide Whether Obama Is Trying To Cut Off Your Head Or Ebola You

Fox will not be fooled
It’s not as if we weren’t warned that Barack Obama was planning to let in all the terrorists to infect us with Ebola. But in case convicted “journalist” James O’Keefe is not your main source of Ebola news, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention confirmed Tuesday that a man in Dallas has been identified as the first person in America diagnosed with the disease. Read more on Fox News Can’t Decide Whether Obama Is Trying To Cut Off Your Head Or Ebola You…
  Head Games

Oklahoma Jihad Update: Please Be More Afraid. You Are Not Afraid Enough Yet

A sneakiy new tactic to blend in
On Friday, we brought you the story of a horrific murder committed in Moore, Oklahoma. Alton Nolen, a man who was fired from his job at a produce processing plant, killed one woman and injured a second, and now the wingnuttosphere is in a tizzy about jihad in Oklahoma, because Nolen was said by co-workers to have tried, unsuccessfully, to convince others to convert. Therefore, in the minds of top thinkers like Pam Geller and Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, Nolen’s rampage is the inevitable result of Islam, and anyone who thinks this was merely “workplace violence” is willfully blind to the reality of the Muslim Threat. See, for instance this bit of screaming from Hoft today: Read more on Oklahoma Jihad Update: Please Be More Afraid. You Are Not Afraid Enough Yet…
  Freakout Level: Pants-Filling

Wingnuts Sure Oklahoma Beheading Suspect Proves Jihad Is Here

Alton Nolen, from a prior arrest
The wingnuttosphere is very excited about the implications of a terrible crime today at Vaughan Foods, a warehouse and distribution facility in Moore, Oklahoma (disgusting details follow, no way around it): Read more on Wingnuts Sure Oklahoma Beheading Suspect Proves Jihad Is Here…
  Semper Tea

Traitor Barack Obama Murders America Again, With A Cup

America: the last days
America is finally dead. Completely dead. Oh sure, you thought maybe it was dead before when the Kenyan socialist Muslim Nazi indoctrinated innocent schoolchildren by urging them to study hard, or when the feckless tyrant wimp dictator made Marines hold umbrellas, but this time our once-great nation is dead, dead, dead. Barack Obama held a Styrofoam cup full of tea while he came down the steps of Marine One Tuesday and (it pains us so much to write this that we can barely make out the keyboard through our tears) kept the cup in his hand while saluting his Marine guards. The final moment of America, a once-great nation, was even sent out on Instagram by the White House, just to gloat over the unspeakable crime: Read more on Traitor Barack Obama Murders America Again, With A Cup…
  All Praise Carbon Dioxide!

Wingnuts Peeing Themselves In Hilarity Over Climate Change March, ‘Science’

That game kind of got into my head a few years back
New York City hosted a big Climate Change protest on Sunday, and that’s cool and all, because raising awareness and solidarity and all that. There were hippies and signs and moms with kids in strollers and probably big protest puppets, we bet, because we’re pretty sure those are required by Saul Alinsky. The march was held to draw attention to the United Nations Climate Summit beginning tomorrow, and in terms of concrete change, sure, it didn’t make the problem go away, and wingnuts all had a fine time calling the participants terrible hypocrites if they got to New York by any means other than a bicycle — and if they rode bicycles, then wingnuts mocked them for those silly spandex pants. Read more on Wingnuts Peeing Themselves In Hilarity Over Climate Change March, ‘Science’…
  Anything To Distract From Benghazi

DOJ Will Probe Ferguson Police Department As Soon As Extra-Thick Rubber Gloves Arrive

Mailbox to testify in DOJ investigation
In news that proves once and for all that the Obama administration hates white people, the Department of Justice is launching a civil rights investigation of the Ferguson, Missouri, Police Department. This new investigation will go beyond the existing investigation into whether Officer Darren Wilson violated Michael Brown’s civil rights, what with all the killing of him to death. The DOJ’s civil rights division will look at the broader history of Ferguson’s Keystone Stormtroopers to determine whether there’s been a pattern of abuses, which of course there has been, but they’re going to do it all legal-like, instead of just reading the interwebs like a bunch of filthy bloggers. Wonder if they’ll find anything? We’re thinking that is just possible. For instance, there’s this, from the Washington Post: Read more on DOJ Will Probe Ferguson Police Department As Soon As Extra-Thick Rubber Gloves Arrive…
  It's On The Internet So It Must Be True

Was Michael Brown A Murderer? Well, Have You Proven He Wasn’t?

Just look at him with the scary gang signs!
Yr Wonkette is always happy to bring you a fine sampling of the thought processes that propel the rightwing crazytrain, and we are pleased to share this latest analysis of why Michael Brown had to be shot. Charles C. Johnson, the wingnut doofus blogger who insists he’s an award-winning journalist, is suing St. Louis County to seek the release of Michael Brown’s juvenile court records, for a very, very important reason: Read more on Was Michael Brown A Murderer? Well, Have You Proven He Wasn’t?…
  Cue the Scary Black Men Narrative

Stupidest Man On Internet Pretty Sure Restaurant Fight Was Work Of ‘Black Lynch Mob’

Hide your kids, hide your wife
Better be a little more afraid, White People, because The Blacks are on the rampage now, driven into a frenzy of anti-white violence by race hustlers like Al Sharpton and Oprah! Stupidest Man on the Internet Jim Hoft brings us this breathless lede: Read more on Stupidest Man On Internet Pretty Sure Restaurant Fight Was Work Of ‘Black Lynch Mob’…
  Serious Investigation Is Serious

Stupidest Man On Internet Declares Victory Over Liberal Media, Who Stopped Covering Ferguson Because Of Him

Go home, everyone.
The Stupidest Man on the Internet, Jim Hoft, is a resident of St. Louis, Missouri, which is why he calls himself “The Gateway Pundit” (for the longest time, we thought it was a reference to the brand of computer he used). And as a Local Expert, Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, has been a veritable font of misinformation and speculation about the shooting of Michael Brown and the subsequent demonstrations and police overreactions. And today, Jim Hoft personally took credit for a smashing final victory over the Liberal Media with this idiotic post: Read more on Stupidest Man On Internet Declares Victory Over Liberal Media, Who Stopped Covering Ferguson Because Of Him…
  Who smells another Peabody for Mr. O'Reilly?

Bill O’Reilly Interrupts Vacation To Win Wingnut Bingo, Michael Brown Edition

You can't handle the derp
Bill O’Reilly took a break from sexphoning women with his fantasies of falafelling them in the shower, or whatever the heck he does for downtime, to let his viewers know he is “furious — furious!” about the unfair and unbalanced media coverage of the killing of Michael Brown. And because every single person reporting on the shooting is failing to report The Truth About Ferguson, O’Reilly is here to set the record straight, and also to let you know just how much he despises Al Sharpton, because wow, does he really hate that guy. Read more on Bill O’Reilly Interrupts Vacation To Win Wingnut Bingo, Michael Brown Edition…
  The Smoking Dumb

Stupidest Man On Internet Proves Michael Brown Autopsy Is Complete Fraud

Fake medical examiner Shawn Parcells surrenders to the Gateway Pundit posse
In one of the more bizarre twists in the right’s coverage of the police killing of Michael Brown, Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, is now trying to prove that the privately arranged second autopsy of Brown is a complete fraud, somehow, which proves that Officer Darren Wilson did not really kill him or maybe he is not even really dead. Read more on Stupidest Man On Internet Proves Michael Brown Autopsy Is Complete Fraud…