Okay thanks a lot to Wonkette Operative “Phil” for sending this with the subject line, “OBAMA DOG SEX TAPE??!” This is the official Monday Night Open Thread, go nuts!

Before the dawn of the Internet, people used to waste time the old-fashioned way: by playing solitaire on their shitty Windows 3.1 machines. Then Doom and Quake and The Sims and Spore came along, and time-wasting evolved into a very sophisticated and complicated activity that required thousands of dollars of expensive electronics to perform correctly. Thanks to the dude who threw a shoe at George W. Bush, the Internet has seen a flowering of incredibly simple and mindless games that would have been amazing and cutting-edge in 1996. MORE »

It’s hard to imagine the primitive world of, say, 2000, when we didn’t have “smart phones” with web browsers and breaking news updates from CNN about a motherfucking horse in a ditch somewhere. Besides, Fox News broke this breaking story a year and a half ago. Fuck you, CNN Mobile. (Thanks, “Zach E.,” for sharing.)

BREAKING: Kos isn’t funny. [Daily Kos]

There is a war on — a war for the hearts and minds of Americans. Newsweek is constantly protecting innocent Americans from the stories they can’t handle. Is the world melting? Did the White House betray a deal with North Korea? Did we lose that war in Afghanistan, too? That’s for Newsweek’s international readers to know and for you to not find out. Sorry, dummies! MORE »

Once again, Newsweek’s U.S. editors have chosen a stupid cover for Americans while filling all three international editions with interesting, in-depth articles about disturbing topics Americans should know.

Last time — just three weeks ago — the international editions’ cover story was “Losing Afghanistan.” The U.S. dummies got a cover story about a lesbian who takes pictures of celebrities.

It’s even worse this time around. More after the jump. Or, for U.S. readers: CLICK THESE RED WORDS! CLICK THEM WITH MOUSE, CLICK CLICK, BUY SPORTS DRINK & SNICKERS!

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